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Feeling a tad blue...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Rrrr.

So it's my birthday in two days - not a subtle reminder! Well, a bit - and every time around my birthday I start thinking about my biological father and if he actually remembers it and it makes me feel kind of down. I've not seen him for twenty four years and I don't particularly want to know him as he was a really vile person, but still...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he was vile I wouldn't bother wasting my time thinking what he thinks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it would be good to try and leave the past the past and concentrate on the now and the future. Happy birthday for in two days time!! Xx

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Happy birthday for two days time and believe me, he'll be thinking about what he's missed. Just make sure his memory doesn't spoil your day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The person that I class as a sperm donor only ( he doesn't warrant being called a father ) hasn't remembered since the day my mum throw him out.

That was 35 years.

I no longer give him a second thought

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"If he was vile I wouldn't bother wasting my time thinking what he thinks."

this, move on even though it may be hard your probably far better off without him in your life..

have a happy day on your birth day..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't seen my dad in nearly 30 years totally understand what your saying. Think about all the things you have achieved despite his lack of presence. Think of all the good memory's you've had this year that he has missed and rejoice in his misfortune x

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

If it happens every year, then don't allow yourself to do the same thing.

you control your thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I grew up without my Dad never knew him. At the age of 24 I found him a few weeks later he died day after my birthday. Its my birthday this week and its a big one but because of that I always find it a sad occasion. Chin up Hun have a great birthday xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big hugs. It can take a long time to accept that not all of us get the parents ALL children deserve. It's a grieving process.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course one understands the move on...forget him he's not worth it sentiments. Clearly you have had to. But that's not easy because it is not what it should be or what you would of wanted in life. Parents are important. ..both of them. So it is a loss for sure. You show your true worth by thinking as you do....rather than dismiss the thought. For that...you are better person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs to all of you and wishing you a good birthday regardless

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't give people a seconds thought that have shown that they don't want to be part of my life. You'll be much happier if you follow suit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Of course one understands the move on...forget him he's not worth it sentiments. Clearly you have had to. But that's not easy because it is not what it should be or what you would of wanted in life. Parents are important. ..both of them. So it is a loss for sure. You show your true worth by thinking as you do....rather than dismiss the thought. For that...you are better person."

But dwelling on stuff is neither useful nor healthy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its never good to dwell on stuff , gorgeous . the past is a country best forgotten , the future to far off , just live in the present.

sending you the biggest hug pooch and I can give and I will pop a smile on his profile later just for you xxx

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By *oward1978Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

Try and concentrate on the good things and the good people in your life. As humans we always seem to hold onto too much negativity, things that aren't deserving of our precious time.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 18/10/15 16:39:43]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you lovelies xxx

And I'll be looking forward to Pooch's new snapshot

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Hugs and an ear if you need one

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"Of course one understands the move on...forget him he's not worth it sentiments. Clearly you have had to. But that's not easy because it is not what it should be or what you would of wanted in life. Parents are important. ..both of them. So it is a loss for sure. You show your true worth by thinking as you do....rather than dismiss the thought. For that...you are better person."

she needs to work this through or she will have a birthday for the rest of her life that is impacted by a vile man she has had no contact with. Now I am being straight forward as the OP herself often is to others and I think appreciates it. You identify things/events that bring you down and you decide upon coping strategies that will change it....

good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Even the worst parent in the world would remember their child's birthday. I'm sure he does.

He's obviously not in a place where he feels able to be a father, which is a terrible loss he will inevitably regret when it's too late.

There will always be people who should be around and aren't, on your birthday. Mine's tomorrow. I'm going to try not to dwell on sad things for once!

Cleo.

xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are there other positive male role models in your life from when you were growing up? Are there people you can spend time with who fulfilled those kind of roles? Perhaps something like that could help reduce the sense that something has been missing, it's just that that aspect of your life was provided by other people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You wont move on if you live in the past if he's vile and you don't want to see him then why give him a second thought. And why let him spoil your birthday if your thinking this way.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Of course one understands the move on...forget him he's not worth it sentiments. Clearly you have had to. But that's not easy because it is not what it should be or what you would of wanted in life. Parents are important. ..both of them. So it is a loss for sure. You show your true worth by thinking as you do....rather than dismiss the thought. For that...you are better person.

she needs to work this through or she will have a birthday for the rest of her life that is impacted by a vile man she has had no contact with. Now I am being straight forward as the OP herself often is to others and I think appreciates it. You identify things/events that bring you down and you decide upon coping strategies that will change it....

good luck"

Yes I do appreciate it, thank you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Are there other positive male role models in your life from when you were growing up? Are there people you can spend time with who fulfilled those kind of roles? Perhaps something like that could help reduce the sense that something has been missing, it's just that that aspect of your life was provided by other people."

Yeah, my grandpa & one of my uncles. Sadly my grandpa's not here anymore and my above mentioned uncle lives in Sheffield, but at least I can reflect on the happy memories I have of them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know how bad your father was as a person but I do know there's plenty of other people that care about you by just looking at the thread so I can only imagine how many care for you in person. And happy birthday sweetie.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"Of course one understands the move on...forget him he's not worth it sentiments. Clearly you have had to. But that's not easy because it is not what it should be or what you would of wanted in life. Parents are important. ..both of them. So it is a loss for sure. You show your true worth by thinking as you do....rather than dismiss the thought. For that...you are better person.

she needs to work this through or she will have a birthday for the rest of her life that is impacted by a vile man she has had no contact with. Now I am being straight forward as the OP herself often is to others and I think appreciates it. You identify things/events that bring you down and you decide upon coping strategies that will change it....

good luck

Yes I do appreciate it, thank you "

smiles already

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Rrrr.

So it's my birthday in two days - not a subtle reminder! Well, a bit - and every time around my birthday I start thinking about my biological father and if he actually remembers it and it makes me feel kind of down. I've not seen him for twenty four years and I don't particularly want to know him as he was a really vile person, but still... "
awwww sweety hey hope you have a lovely birthday ,I found out when my parents split up I have two older twin brothers

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Happy birthday .. At least it looks like your father did one thing right .. Created you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people are extremely selfish, for no other reason than they are selfish and even sadistic.

It's not your fault they are selfish, it's not your fault they don't care, it's something wrong with them. They're usually manipulative to get what they want and i've a feeling you'd be in for a lot of heartache if he did think about you and bother with you.

Let him go, he let you go years ago. You'll do just fine without him. You can have a happy birthday without him too, the people who care will be there for you.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire


"The person that I class as a sperm donor only ( he doesn't warrant being called a father ) hasn't remembered since the day my mum throw him out.

That was 35 years.

I no longer give him a second thought "

Big birthday hug, and remember:

The past is behind you, learn from it.

The future is ahead of you, prepare for it.

The present is here, LIVE IT

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Rrrr.

So it's my birthday in two days - not a subtle reminder! Well, a bit - and every time around my birthday I start thinking about my biological father and if he actually remembers it and it makes me feel kind of down. I've not seen him for twenty four years and I don't particularly want to know him as he was a really vile person, but still... "

Can you remember him from when you were only 1?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Rrrr.

So it's my birthday in two days - not a subtle reminder! Well, a bit - and every time around my birthday I start thinking about my biological father and if he actually remembers it and it makes me feel kind of down. I've not seen him for twenty four years and I don't particularly want to know him as he was a really vile person, but still...

Can you remember him from when you were only 1?"

I was eighteen months when my mum left him. And no, but my family have told me what he was like and they'd have no reason to lie.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter


"Rrrr.

So it's my birthday in two days - not a subtle reminder! Well, a bit - and every time around my birthday I start thinking about my biological father and if he actually remembers it and it makes me feel kind of down. I've not seen him for twenty four years and I don't particularly want to know him as he was a really vile person, but still... "

I never received a birthday card or any gifts from my Father. He actually turned up at my wedding and stood outside the gate when a family member let him know I was getting married. No card or gift then either.

I was his only child but after the divorce(i was 4) he just acted like I didnt exist .

I understand that you wonder about them but hey I know I got over it.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I love my Dad very much. I know how lucky I am. I wish everyone was as lucky as me and it makes me very sad to hear this. I hope you can square this off in your head one day lovely and it doesn't bother you forever. I have no idea how you feel at all but I can send you a big virtual hug and hope the people who love you make your birthday very special. x

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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago

in the eye of the storm


"Rrrr.

So it's my birthday in two days - not a subtle reminder! Well, a bit - and every time around my birthday I start thinking about my biological father and if he actually remembers it and it makes me feel kind of down. I've not seen him for twenty four years and I don't particularly want to know him as he was a really vile person, but still... "

Been there it never gets any easier I'm 46 years old and still have hang ups over my old man who died when I was 16 didn't know him really past a man who used to turn up from time to time when I was very young long story my mother raised me .

I wish I could say this feeling would leave you one day but in my own experience is anything to go by it won't .

So chin up girl we can't change our birth circumstances but what we can try to do is not let it effect us to much or for to long because if your dad was anything like mine he does deserve the feelings he invokes nor does mine .

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