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"Always be kind. There's no need to be mean. That bloke is a twat. " Hahaha almost word for word | |||
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"Recently a female friend of mine went on a date with some guy she met off tinder. Now she reports that all was well and she had a nice time, the guy seemed a little put out when she got a taxi home alone!. The next day he txt her saying he didn't want to see her again as "he didn't find her attractive" understandably this hit her pretty hard and I've said he just wanted his leg over and has said that to hurt her. Personally I'd have said "your a nice lass but I can't see us going anywhere". So am I right or just soft and should be brutal on the let down ha?? " I would of said something similar to what you said, But you can't knock him for being honest, it's just that some people say it how they see it | |||
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"Always be kind. There's no need to be mean. That bloke is a twat. " Totally agree, there are nice ways of letting someone down | |||
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"She's dodged a billet there! He's the kind of guy that would have shagged her and then dumped her. If you're genuinely not attracted to someone, kindest thing to do is to text them and say you didn't feel there was a spark/chemistry between you. No need to be nasty about it!" My thoughts exactly | |||
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"Funny how he didn't find her attractive yet was put out when she got a taxi home alone! " Exactly like I said to her, was after a leg over that's it x | |||
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"The problem with society today is people are scared to be honest ...would you/she have preferred he said something nice and give her the wrong idea wasting months probably years of her life?" No mate not at all but there's a right way to do things. If he said "I had a nice time but don't see a long term relationship out of it" that would have sufficed rather than "I think your a dog". I always speak my mind but I'm not cruel just for the sake of it | |||
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"All he said was he didn't find her attractive. . I actually don't think that's too bad. That is being honest, no? " | |||
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"Telling someone "he didn't find her attractive" isn't even harsh, it's his opinion and he's entitled to it. If she feels unattractive because of it then that's her problem. Not like he said she is unattractive to everyone, some people will fancy you and some won't...how's that harsh?" Of course he is entitled to his own opinion & there's no point seeing someone again if you don't fancy them. I just think telling someone they're not attractive the next day was a put down when he could have said thanks for a nice night but you're not my type. | |||
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"I've had some horrific put downs. I think for some men its their ego boost, especially if you don't put out on the first date/meet. One of the worst said I was too quiet, a freak and a right skinny runt and my pictures were obviously me before I was really ill... Tell her she has had a lucky escape, and that he is a twat! " Gorgeous photos. The guy was an idiot. | |||
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"Always be kind. There's no need to be mean. That bloke is a twat. " | |||
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"You're right. Honesty can be delivered in a kind and tactful way." this.. no need to be cruel.. | |||
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"Recently a female friend of mine went on a date with some guy she met off tinder. Now she reports that all was well and she had a nice time, the guy seemed a little put out when she got a taxi home alone!. The next day he txt her saying he didn't want to see her again as "he didn't find her attractive" understandably this hit her pretty hard and I've said he just wanted his leg over and has said that to hurt her. Personally I'd have said "your a nice lass but I can't see us going anywhere". So am I right or just soft and should be brutal on the let down ha?? " If you was a real friend youd get her on here | |||
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"The problem with society today is people are scared to be honest ...would you/she have preferred he said something nice and give her the wrong idea wasting months probably years of her life? No mate not at all but there's a right way to do things. If he said "I had a nice time but don't see a long term relationship out of it" that would have sufficed rather than "I think your a dog". I always speak my mind but I'm not cruel just for the sake of it " hang on did he say she was a dog? You said he'd said he wasnt attracted to her earlier. I have no problem someone not finding me attractive to them its just as saying your not my type, people say it all the while I don't find it ride at all | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. " But calling them a dog is , and if the op is saying he said that , well that's a different story . | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. But calling them a dog is , and if the op is saying he said that , well that's a different story ." no, in his first post the guy said he didn't find her attractive, further down he is assuming that's what the guy ment otherwise he would ofmsaid the guy called her a dog in the first post | |||
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"so who referred to her as a dog? the man being slated on one side of the story, actually 2 sides, hers & the op's.... or the OP as HIS interpretation of what the guy meant" Exactly, this whole thread is his interpretation of what went on. The only fact stated so far is the text message "I don't find you attractive". And absolutely nothing wrong with it. Moral crusaders be crusading though. | |||
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"so who referred to her as a dog? the man being slated on one side of the story, actually 2 sides, hers & the op's.... or the OP as HIS interpretation of what the guy meant" Exactly , it's the whole he said , she said and who knows who said what ? | |||
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"so who referred to her as a dog? the man being slated on one side of the story, actually 2 sides, hers & the op's.... or the OP as HIS interpretation of what the guy meant Exactly , it's the whole he said , she said and who knows who said what ? " I know I am guessing by the 175th post, he will have called her an 'unattractive ugly bitch who deserved no love ever, no man would ever go near her' and she should hide in the house and only ever leave it during the hours of darkness and only then with her ringing a bell. | |||
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"so who referred to her as a dog? the man being slated on one side of the story, actually 2 sides, hers & the op's.... or the OP as HIS interpretation of what the guy meant Exactly , it's the whole he said , she said and who knows who said what ? I know I am guessing by the 175th post, he will have called her an 'unattractive ugly bitch who deserved no love ever, no man would ever go near her' and she should hide in the house and only ever leave it during the hours of darkness and only then with her ringing a bell. " | |||
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"You're right. Honesty can be delivered in a kind and tactful way." Well said, I agree. Sounds like he had the horn and is being mean! | |||
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"Funny how he didn't find her attractive yet was put out when she got a taxi home alone! " My thoughts exactly. ..wonder if this was a true case.... she would have sensed it earlier on the date too as obviously he hadn't ability to show tact so he would have shown that in the date. Females are usually more intuitive than males. | |||
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"I kinda took from the first post that the bloke was a twat cause he was put out she got a taxi home alone and then the next day said she wasn't attractive. If he was put out she got a taxi home alone, he obviously thought she was attractive enough on the date... " Well that's how I saw it too. | |||
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"..... I just say ...NEXT!!!!!!!! " Not all have your self conference so feel for her. Hope she finds a guy who will give affirmation next time. You look great btw x | |||
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"You're right. Honesty can be delivered in a kind and tactful way. Well said, I agree. Sounds like he had the horn and is being mean!" Agree..which means she was attractive....yeah | |||
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"I've had some horrific put downs. I think for some men its their ego boost, especially if you don't put out on the first date/meet. One of the worst said I was too quiet, a freak and a right skinny runt and my pictures were obviously me before I was really ill. " Someone actually said that, wow!! Pretty despicable are my immediate thoughts. Him | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. " It's unnecessary which in my opinion is rude - all he had to say was that he wasn't interested in pursuing it or something similar and not say something so specific which could offend. Meh... different folks different strokes. | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. It's unnecessary which in my opinion is rude - all he had to say was that he wasn't interested in pursuing it or something similar and not say something so specific which could offend. Meh... different folks different strokes." It depends how it was worded. We don't actually know what he said. | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. It's unnecessary which in my opinion is rude - all he had to say was that he wasn't interested in pursuing it or something similar and not say something so specific which could offend. Meh... different folks different strokes." So people should start lieing then? | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. It's unnecessary which in my opinion is rude - all he had to say was that he wasn't interested in pursuing it or something similar and not say something so specific which could offend. Meh... different folks different strokes. So people should start lieing then?" Where did I say or even insinuate that? I was just saying that you don't have to be so specific about the reasons, especially if it could perhaps cause offense. I'm not sure what is so difficult to understand about that. | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. It's unnecessary which in my opinion is rude - all he had to say was that he wasn't interested in pursuing it or something similar and not say something so specific which could offend. Meh... different folks different strokes. It depends how it was worded. We don't actually know what he said. " Indeed - I guess people are mostly talking about the situation in general though rather than this particular case now. | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. It's unnecessary which in my opinion is rude - all he had to say was that he wasn't interested in pursuing it or something similar and not say something so specific which could offend. Meh... different folks different strokes. It depends how it was worded. We don't actually know what he said. Indeed - I guess people are mostly talking about the situation in general though rather than this particular case now." I get messages from men who I'm not attracted to. I say "Sorry, I'm not interested." Some ask why so I say I'm not attracted to them. It's not rude, it's the truth. | |||
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"I kinda took from the first post that the bloke was a twat cause he was put out she got a taxi home alone and then the next day said she wasn't attractive. If he was put out she got a taxi home alone, he obviously thought she was attractive enough on the date... Well that's how I saw it too. " Me three! | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. It's unnecessary which in my opinion is rude - all he had to say was that he wasn't interested in pursuing it or something similar and not say something so specific which could offend. Meh... different folks different strokes. It depends how it was worded. We don't actually know what he said. Indeed - I guess people are mostly talking about the situation in general though rather than this particular case now. I get messages from men who I'm not attracted to. I say "Sorry, I'm not interested." Some ask why so I say I'm not attracted to them. It's not rude, it's the truth." If they asked why you turned them down it's slightly different I guess from just saying it to turn people down off the bat, but I'm still not sure I'd actually say so - there are so many people with issues about themselves I wouldn't want to make anyone feel shitty. | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. It's unnecessary which in my opinion is rude - all he had to say was that he wasn't interested in pursuing it or something similar and not say something so specific which could offend. Meh... different folks different strokes. So people should start lieing then? Where did I say or even insinuate that? I was just saying that you don't have to be so specific about the reasons, especially if it could perhaps cause offense. I'm not sure what is so difficult to understand about that." In my mind if you don't find someone attractive it's perfectly acceptable to say so rather than making some fluffy pc excuse which would be a lie. Maybe it's a problem with me that I appreciate straight talking. Whatever, I don't really care. | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. It's unnecessary which in my opinion is rude - all he had to say was that he wasn't interested in pursuing it or something similar and not say something so specific which could offend. Meh... different folks different strokes. So people should start lieing then? Where did I say or even insinuate that? I was just saying that you don't have to be so specific about the reasons, especially if it could perhaps cause offense. I'm not sure what is so difficult to understand about that. In my mind if you don't find someone attractive it's perfectly acceptable to say so rather than making some fluffy pc excuse which would be a lie. Maybe it's a problem with me that I appreciate straight talking. Whatever, I don't really care." I don't think trying to be mindful of other peoples feelings is much of a hardship. | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. It's unnecessary which in my opinion is rude - all he had to say was that he wasn't interested in pursuing it or something similar and not say something so specific which could offend. Meh... different folks different strokes. So people should start lieing then? Where did I say or even insinuate that? I was just saying that you don't have to be so specific about the reasons, especially if it could perhaps cause offense. I'm not sure what is so difficult to understand about that. In my mind if you don't find someone attractive it's perfectly acceptable to say so rather than making some fluffy pc excuse which would be a lie. Maybe it's a problem with me that I appreciate straight talking. Whatever, I don't really care. I don't think trying to be mindful of other peoples feelings is much of a hardship. " But what's so bad about telling someone you don't find them attractive? Providing its worded like that and not yelled at them in aggressive manner it's hardly considered offensive. | |||
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"But what's so bad about telling someone you don't find them attractive? Providing its worded like that and not yelled at them in aggressive manner it's hardly considered offensive." Absolutely nothing. I also think it's also unnecessary when you don't have to focus on one thing you don't like about them - the thing that they may be self conscious about. Tact. Like I said, different folks different strokes. | |||
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"But what's so bad about telling someone you don't find them attractive? Providing its worded like that and not yelled at them in aggressive manner it's hardly considered offensive. Absolutely nothing. I also think it's also unnecessary when you don't have to focus on one thing you don't like about them - the thing that they may be self conscious about. Tact. Like I said, different folks different strokes." Tact is overrated it confuses people and gives false hope. This probably explains why I'm single... | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. It's unnecessary which in my opinion is rude - all he had to say was that he wasn't interested in pursuing it or something similar and not say something so specific which could offend. Meh... different folks different strokes. It depends how it was worded. We don't actually know what he said. Indeed - I guess people are mostly talking about the situation in general though rather than this particular case now. I get messages from men who I'm not attracted to. I say "Sorry, I'm not interested." Some ask why so I say I'm not attracted to them. It's not rude, it's the truth. If they asked why you turned them down it's slightly different I guess from just saying it to turn people down off the bat, but I'm still not sure I'd actually say so - there are so many people with issues about themselves I wouldn't want to make anyone feel shitty." No different from blocking people you've never messaged in my eyes. | |||
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"I agree, saying you don't find someone attractive isn't being rude. It's unnecessary which in my opinion is rude - all he had to say was that he wasn't interested in pursuing it or something similar and not say something so specific which could offend. Meh... different folks different strokes. So people should start lieing then? Where did I say or even insinuate that? I was just saying that you don't have to be so specific about the reasons, especially if it could perhaps cause offense. I'm not sure what is so difficult to understand about that. In my mind if you don't find someone attractive it's perfectly acceptable to say so rather than making some fluffy pc excuse which would be a lie. Maybe it's a problem with me that I appreciate straight talking. Whatever, I don't really care. I don't think trying to be mindful of other peoples feelings is much of a hardship. But what's so bad about telling someone you don't find them attractive? Providing its worded like that and not yelled at them in aggressive manner it's hardly considered offensive." There's a difference in saying 'I don't find you attractive' to 'you're not attractive' though. It's just about having some tact. I'm a great believer in honesty but I don't believe you need to be unkind to be honest. | |||
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"so who referred to her as a dog? the man being slated on one side of the story, actually 2 sides, hers & the op's.... or the OP as HIS interpretation of what the guy meant Exactly , it's the whole he said , she said and who knows who said what ? I know I am guessing by the 175th post, he will have called her an 'unattractive ugly bitch who deserved no love ever, no man would ever go near her' and she should hide in the house and only ever leave it during the hours of darkness and only then with her ringing a bell. " no, by the 175th post the OP would have painted a perfect picture of his friend with the princess syndrome . OP im sure your friend has dusted it off her shoulders by now , or did she come crying to you ? Rejection is a good thing especially if you dont take it personal and reflect on it . The trick is to aim higher next time. what the guy said was his honest opinion and theres nothing wrong with it. | |||
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"I've had some horrific put downs. I think for some men its their ego boost, especially if you don't put out on the first date/meet. One of the worst said I was too quiet, a freak and a right skinny runt and my pictures were obviously me before I was really ill. Someone actually said that, wow!! Pretty despicable are my immediate thoughts. Him" Yeah, and worse. Its one of the reasons I took a step back from meeting from fab for a while. Thank you Artemesia for your kind comments too | |||
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"But what's so bad about telling someone you don't find them attractive? Providing its worded like that and not yelled at them in aggressive manner it's hardly considered offensive. Absolutely nothing. I also think it's also unnecessary when you don't have to focus on one thing you don't like about them - the thing that they may be self conscious about. Tact. Like I said, different folks different strokes. Tact is overrated it confuses people and gives false hope. This probably explains why I'm single... " Probably explains why a lot of people are like they are...... For what its worth Lib is spot on. | |||
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"But what's so bad about telling someone you don't find them attractive? Providing its worded like that and not yelled at them in aggressive manner it's hardly considered offensive. Absolutely nothing. I also think it's also unnecessary when you don't have to focus on one thing you don't like about them - the thing that they may be self conscious about. Tact. Like I said, different folks different strokes. Tact is overrated it confuses people and gives false hope. This probably explains why I'm single... Probably explains why a lot of people are like they are...... For what its worth Lib is spot on." No he's not. | |||
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"But what's so bad about telling someone you don't find them attractive? Providing its worded like that and not yelled at them in aggressive manner it's hardly considered offensive. Absolutely nothing. I also think it's also unnecessary when you don't have to focus on one thing you don't like about them - the thing that they may be self conscious about. Tact. Like I said, different folks different strokes. Tact is overrated it confuses people and gives false hope. This probably explains why I'm single... Probably explains why a lot of people are like they are...... For what its worth Lib is spot on. No he's not. " Ah well my lovely vive le difference. I would always maintain my own level of tact when faced with these type of scenarios and the men I would choose to do so with reciprocate that. | |||
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