FabSwingers.com forum: Responding nicely, or not...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hiya Everyone,

I was reading a few threads today, and it really got me thinking about the types of responses people tend to receive. I know that it is much discussed on the forums that men are generally treated rather badly, whereas women and couples are treated pretty well. It is also mentioned that newer forum users are not as well received as the usual crowd.

This all makes sense given the type of site this is. Yes. But then I was thinking....I am a woman (in a couple) who is interested primarily in men, not women, and while I try to be nice generally, sometimes I read a thread that rubs me the wrong way, and I react. But it doesn't have to do with the person being male nor does it have to do with them being new (as I have had these reactions to women and to people who frequent the forums).

So, that is really a long-winded way of asking what people think about this idea that men and new posters tend to get treated badly? Is it valid, or misplaced? Or perhaps somewhere in between...

As usual, lets keep it nice please. I am genuinely interested in people's thoughts on this, but I'm not interested in arguments

-Courtney

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

depends if the pack have eaten, what words are used, the first 3/4 answers and the followers, do they have nice pics, have they been here before and other factors

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I think that males and new posters do get a hard time, I think it does depend on who the OP is which determines the way the thread will turn out....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As far as I'm concerned, if I think a person's a douche then I shall treat them as such. Regardless of their gender.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think new male posters get a rough ride at times. Its common for them to ask for advice which is something that has been posted a lot.Not that they would know this.

I think its a shame a lot only come to the forums the first time for negative reasons. Seeing it as a sort FAQ thing. If they stuck around they might like it...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Alot of it is attitude though they word something well and join in and it can turn in their favour x

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By *oward1978Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

I think new posters do find it hard. We were all newbies once and it can be quite intimidating. I think the advice I would give to any newbie is to just lurk about for a bit first to see how the forums work. They tend to jump straight in and post something a bit daft. Sometimes going against forum etiquette and often find themselves torn to pieces before they've even started. It is often single guys doing this.

We are like a little family and it can be hard for newcomers to just come along and feel part of the gang. We could be welcoming at times though that's for sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bad/nasty replies are always misplaced.

Yeah the topic might have been done to death, or the poster is provoking people, or they just have different morals to others but none of that is validation for a nasty reply. The person replying has a motive for doing so, they'll either genuinely care, genuinely want to help, or genuinely be antagonistic.

Everyone's an arsehole to some degree though so they will get those nasty replies. I'm a consistent arsehole and will treat men, women and newbies equally.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"depends if the pack have eaten, what words are used, the first 3/4 answers and the followers, do they have nice pics, have they been here before and other factors"

I think it is interesting what you say about the first few people who comment having an effect on the rest. I think I would generally agree with this. It does tend to set a mood. Interesting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can be quite daunting for first time posters. Though there are some who come.with overly high expectations of what fab is about.

We are on the whole quite a pacient lot. It can depend on what they post.

You chaps are all pretty swell at my long rambling posts lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Newish, male.

Don't think so, I've only written to a few people, they've all been polite, some times more polite than I deserve. ....

Nah. If I think about it , I'd like to think I can pick the nice ones out of a crowed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think it can be hard to join in sometimes as some people just spoil for a fight and are always negative no matter what the subject. I've noticed a few are very aggressive in their posting and not welcoming at all.

Stickney it though and there's enough friendly people to make it all worth while and a fun experience

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"depends if the pack have eaten, what words are used, the first 3/4 answers and the followers, do they have nice pics, have they been here before and other factors

I think it is interesting what you say about the first few people who comment having an effect on the rest. I think I would generally agree with this. It does tend to set a mood. Interesting. "

I was quite quick to post on another thread as I misread the OP, other posters have followed and it has become clearer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's a guy with a 6-pack avatar he'll do fine.

If he has a cock pic the hounds will rip him apart and then pat themselves on the back on another thread saying how nice they are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have, in the past, raised subjects that because they were directed at couples were ignored or glossed over rather than being taken on as genuine matters on the scene.

I wasn't derided or heckled and neither were my comments, rather they were brushed aside as if unimportant.

It has affected the types of threads I post in and, to a degree, what I post and how in depth my posts are.

I have no wish to bring these subjects to the fore again, but I do feel that men (in particular, though not solely) are held accountable for a good deal of the ills within modern swinging.

I feel, as a community, we are all equally accountable, not only for own actions but for how we interpret the actions of those we see as a negative influence on the rest.

Whilst recognising that some don't help themselves, the forums provide a perfect example of this deflection of accountability and responsibility.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It can be quite daunting for first time posters. Though there are some who come.with overly high expectations of what fab is about.

We are on the whole quite a pacient lot. It can depend on what they post.

You chaps are all pretty swell at my long rambling posts lol.

I just stuff my fingers in my ears and hum when I've noticed that you've started a thread Mr Taff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It can be quite daunting for first time posters. Though there are some who come.with overly high expectations of what fab is about.

We are on the whole quite a pacient lot. It can depend on what they post.

You chaps are all pretty swell at my long rambling posts lol.

I just stuff my fingers in my ears and hum when I've noticed that you've started a thread Mr Taff

Giggle you cheeky sausage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It can be quite daunting for first time posters. Though there are some who come.with overly high expectations of what fab is about.

We are on the whole quite a pacient lot. It can depend on what they post.

You chaps are all pretty swell at my long rambling posts lol.

I just stuff my fingers in my ears and hum when I've noticed that you've started a thread Mr Taff

Giggle you cheeky sausage

You know I love you & ze Pooch really!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It can be quite daunting for first time posters. Though there are some who come.with overly high expectations of what fab is about.

We are on the whole quite a pacient lot. It can depend on what they post.

You chaps are all pretty swell at my long rambling posts lol.

I just stuff my fingers in my ears and hum when I've noticed that you've started a thread Mr Taff

Giggle you cheeky sausage

You know I love you & ze Pooch really!"

We know and we are two happy taffies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't see any particular bias against that group of people. Apart from the odd silly post, I think people react to the post itself. A stupid or selfish post will cause a backlash.

Posts from pretty ladies do attract "white knight" responses/fawning which may contribute to the impression that single men get rough treatment on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It can be quite daunting for first time posters. Though there are some who come.with overly high expectations of what fab is about.

We are on the whole quite a pacient lot. It can depend on what they post.

You chaps are all pretty swell at my long rambling posts lol.

I just stuff my fingers in my ears and hum when I've noticed that you've started a thread Mr Taff

Giggle you cheeky sausage

You know I love you & ze Pooch really!

We know and we are two happy taffies

Good

give Pooch a hug from me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would class myself as quite a new forum member, but then I post a lot at the moment, I've always felt welcome here x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It can be quite daunting for first time posters. Though there are some who come.with overly high expectations of what fab is about.

We are on the whole quite a pacient lot. It can depend on what they post.

You chaps are all pretty swell at my long rambling posts lol.

I just stuff my fingers in my ears and hum when I've noticed that you've started a thread Mr Taff

Giggle you cheeky sausage

You know I love you & ze Pooch really!

We know and we are two happy taffies

Good

give Pooch a hug from me!"

I just have he was a smilie pooch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would class myself as quite a new forum member, but then I post a lot at the moment, I've always felt unwelcome here x"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't see any particular bias against that group of people. Apart from the odd silly post, I think people react to the post itself. A stupid or selfish post will cause a backlash.

Posts from pretty ladies do attract "white knight" responses/fawning which may contribute to the impression that single men get rough treatment on here."

Yeah, I guess this is mostly what I was thinking when I wrote the OP. I react to the post, but it often happens that people will throw in a comment about how men get it rough on here and I think that the comment may be a bit overused. But then I think that as a woman in a couple, I wouldn't really know how men feel about this...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It can be quite daunting for first time posters. Though there are some who come.with overly high expectations of what fab is about.

We are on the whole quite a pacient lot. It can depend on what they post.

You chaps are all pretty swell at my long rambling posts lol.

I just stuff my fingers in my ears and hum when I've noticed that you've started a thread Mr Taff

Giggle you cheeky sausage

You know I love you & ze Pooch really!

We know and we are two happy taffies

Good

give Pooch a hug from me!

I just have he was a smilie pooch "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people don't hang around long enough to realise no one here's that special.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some people don't hang around long enough to realise no one here's that special.

Pffft. I'm special. And sexy.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

The people that get a hard time, in my _iew, are those that make themselves easy targets.

We were all new once, but somehow survived. My vague recollection would be that I read more than I wrote at first, then gradually dipped in.

No "having no luck" thread, no "am I too fat/short/sarcastic/old". I didn't need spoon feeding as I was capable of reading around and finding out for myself.

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