FabSwingers.com forum: Good manners on fab

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Cost nothing , so if your intrested be polite say yes if not say no thank you it's not hard but most of you delete message or ignore

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By *otplaythingWoman
over a year ago

South West

I try to reply to all my messages unless they're downright crude then I just delete them.

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By *ighting17thMan
over a year ago

Bodmin

This seems to be the most common themed message on the forum mate.

The general answer ( certainly from the ladies and the couples ) is that they get hundreds of messages per day and simply wouldn't have time to say, " Thank you but No Thank you" to every message.

I know it stings, but you need to just bite the bullet and have faith in your messages and the confidence in your profile...

They simply don't have the time so please don't think less of them?

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By *ighting17thMan
over a year ago

Bodmin

"I try to reply to all my messages unless they're downright crude then I just delete them."

That's a lesson right there!!! ( for anyone wondering why they DON'T get a response )

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By *aucy tiggerWoman
over a year ago

Back where I belong

It's true, we can't answer every single message xx

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By *moothies.Couple
over a year ago

Woodthorpe

We need a 'Don't be a cock' campaign

No cock pics in first message

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By *ohnkezCouple
over a year ago

shefiield

I always try to reply

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By *ighting17thMan
over a year ago

Bodmin

"It's true, we can't answer every single message xx"

Hearing ( or should I say, ' reading' this all the time ).

So I hit the nail on the head with my 'answer'???

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By *ighting17thMan
over a year ago

Bodmin

"We need a 'Don't be a cock' campaign

No cock pics in first message

Good idea! I've had a couple of pics like that from couples, believe it or not!!!

I don't even have a pic of mine, lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I first joined and started to send messages I used to delete them from my sent box so I never knew if they'd been read or not. That way if anyone did reply it was a nice suprise and I had no expectations and didn't get bothered if I saw it hadn't been read.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll always reply to any message I get, but then I'm not inundated like some ladies / couples so it's easy and manageable for me to do so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We try to respond to all our emails unless the people are rude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You canny reply to every single message you get ..If I'm not interested I don't reply I even say that in my profile not that many read profiles or we wouldn't get half the messages we get if they did read them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's a message and where do I find my inbox?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will reply if the guy has actually read my profile even if its no thanks, its manners to read a profile which many people dont so why should i waste my time if they havent bothered??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This analogy hasn't been used in a while.

OP when you get leaflets through for Piza or gardening services etc. do you sit down and write a thanks but no thanks message back to each one?

Your messages on here are the same, unrequested advertising of a product i.e. you, make your leaflet interesting and back that up with a good profile, and someone may want to buy your Piza, but don't expect to hear from those that don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good manners of Fab is often putting "lol" or a smiley after being rude or abusive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This analogy hasn't been used in a while.

OP when you get leaflets through for Piza or gardening services etc. do you sit down and write a thanks but no thanks message back to each one?

That analogy doesn't work. People on here have profiles saying I LOVE TAKEAWAYS! And photo's of their gaping letterboxes. And their front door is left wide open.

Then they whine when they get takeaway leaflets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Good manners of Fab is often putting "lol" or a smiley after being rude or abusive.

Bollocks

lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cost nothing , so if your intrested be polite say yes if not say no thank you it's not hard but most of you delete message or ignore "

Thing is OP, if you do a search of previous threads on here, you'll see ladies who get abuse when they reply with a no thanks.

Also, as for costing nothing, what about the time to reply if you have 400+ messages? (and that's not an exaggeration or an unusual event, especially for new members, ladies who cam in the chat room, or ladies who upload good pics).

Why would an identikit cut'n'paste no thanks response (which is all you'd get, no a considered and personal handcrafted response) be more polite than a completely unambiguous delete.

And this is especially the case when the ladies who get your messages probably don't know who you are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cost nothing , so if your intrested be polite say yes if not say no thank you it's not hard but most of you delete message or ignore

Thing is OP, if you do a search of previous threads on here, you'll see ladies who get abuse when they reply with a no thanks.

Why would an identikit cut'n'paste no thanks response (which is all you'd get, no a considered and personal handcrafted response) be more polite than a completely unambiguous delete.

And this is especially the case when the ladies who get your messages probably don't know who you are. "

If women get that many messages they are doing it for the ego trip.

I have very rarely had abuse for saying no thanks. Rudeness attracts rudeness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I for one am not doing it for an ego trip! As I am happy to meet men, women and couples i obviously am messaged by all. It can be very hit and miss when it comes to replying to messages as often only the top few get answered whilst I'm on line. I don't wish to appear rude but I simply can not reply to every message received and often bulk delete.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I for one am not doing it for an ego trip! As I am happy to meet men, women and couples i obviously am messaged by all. It can be very hit and miss when it comes to replying to messages as often only the top few get answered whilst I'm on line. I don't wish to appear rude but I simply can not reply to every message received and often bulk delete. "
she's lovely too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to answer every message but some of the ones I said no thank you too start with abuse.....I said no the other day and got called a fat old sweaty slag.....before that I was a goddess sometimes its better not to answer them all

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

For all those women that get hundreds of emails a day it would be good if there was some sort of colour coding on their inbox. One colour message if it was a reply to an existing conversation. Another colour if it was from someone on their friends list. And another colour for someone they have never responded to. Or some other system that would help to sort the wheat from the chaff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For all those women that get hundreds of emails a day it would be good if there was some sort of colour coding on their inbox. One colour message if it was a reply to an existing conversation. Another colour if it was from someone on their friends list. And another colour for someone they have never responded to. Or some other system that would help to sort the wheat from the chaff. "

Well said that man

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

Consensus is mostly on here that it is not rude that they don't reply.

but wait until they don't get a reply or something, the hissy pissy fits you get to read on here or in statuses make any non reply worthwhile....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cost nothing , so if your intrested be polite say yes if not say no thank you it's not hard but most of you delete message or ignore

Thing is OP, if you do a search of previous threads on here, you'll see ladies who get abuse when they reply with a no thanks.

Why would an identikit cut'n'paste no thanks response (which is all you'd get, no a considered and personal handcrafted response) be more polite than a completely unambiguous delete.

And this is especially the case when the ladies who get your messages probably don't know who you are.

If women get that many messages they are doing it for the ego trip.

I have very rarely had abuse for saying no thanks. Rudeness attracts rudeness. "

I don't get many rude replies either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cost nothing , so if your intrested be polite say yes if not say no thank you it's not hard but most of you delete message or ignore "

I have a couples profile as well mate and we get huge amounts of mail when we post a meet, you would soon get fed up of sending 200 no thanks messages, if all the single guys read profiles and sent face pics they wouldnt get deleted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its always nice to be polite , I think us chaps have to realise how many messages most ladies get through and it can be an impossible task for them to answer them all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If women get that many messages they are doing it for the ego trip. "

So, erm, how do you stop getting messages if you aren't wanting an ego trip?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get upto 100 messages a day sometimes but I dread to think how many really fit women get, I don't have the time to reply to half of them, and out of that 100 only about 10 actually write a good message, so the other 90 are either left unread, deleted or blocked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If women get that many messages they are doing it for the ego trip.

So, erm, how do you stop getting messages if you aren't wanting an ego trip? "

Seriously?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If women get that many messages they are doing it for the ego trip.

So, erm, how do you stop getting messages if you aren't wanting an ego trip? "

Filters I presume.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cost nothing , so if your intrested be polite say yes if not say no thank you it's not hard but most of you delete message or ignore

Thing is OP, if you do a search of previous threads on here, you'll see ladies who get abuse when they reply with a no thanks.

Why would an identikit cut'n'paste no thanks response (which is all you'd get, no a considered and personal handcrafted response) be more polite than a completely unambiguous delete.

And this is especially the case when the ladies who get your messages probably don't know who you are.

If women get that many messages they are doing it for the ego trip.

I have very rarely had abuse for saying no thanks. Rudeness attracts rudeness.

I don't get many rude replies either."
do you want one now x

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

For me, The biggest mistake I find guys make are usually one of three things;

the first (as previously been mentioned) being too crude,

the second boring one liners,

the third not reading the profile and it is obvious when they haven't.

So I just think if they can't be arsed to make the effort why should I bother with them.

Guys who read the profile and make a nice introduction, always get a reply from me even if it's a no thanks type message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cost nothing , so if your intrested be polite say yes if not say no thank you it's not hard but most of you delete message or ignore

Thing is OP, if you do a search of previous threads on here, you'll see ladies who get abuse when they reply with a no thanks.

Why would an identikit cut'n'paste no thanks response (which is all you'd get, no a considered and personal handcrafted response) be more polite than a completely unambiguous delete.

And this is especially the case when the ladies who get your messages probably don't know who you are.

If women get that many messages they are doing it for the ego trip.

I have very rarely had abuse for saying no thanks. Rudeness attracts rudeness.

I don't get many rude replies either. do you want one now x

Go on then, give it your best shot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my friend was getting over 200 messages a day when she joined , and repeat messages from the same blokes. we worked it out that she would have to spend all day every day just replying to each one and then if they replied again even longer .

so guys be patient and just relax enjoy the site and you never know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For me, The biggest mistake I find guys make are usually one of three things;

the first (as previously been mentioned) being too crude,

the second boring one liners,

the third not reading the profile and it is obvious when they haven't.

So I just think if they can't be arsed to make the effort why should I bother with them.

Guys who read the profile and make a nice introduction, always get a reply from me even if it's a no thanks type message "

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"I get upto 100 messages a day sometimes but I dread to think how many really fit women get, I don't have the time to reply to half of them, and out of that 100 only about 10 actually write a good message, so the other 90 are either left unread, deleted or blocked."

If it's left unread, how can you tell if it went on to be a good message or not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This analogy hasn't been used in a while.

OP when you get leaflets through for Piza or gardening services etc. do you sit down and write a thanks but no thanks message back to each one?

That analogy doesn't work. People on here have profiles saying I LOVE TAKEAWAYS! And photo's of their gaping letterboxes. And their front door is left wide open.

Then they whine when they get takeaway leaflets. "

Yeah but this week they fancy Thai food

and those messages about the gardening services did't read the bit in the profile about only having a window box

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here we go again another guy who feels frustrated as people wont confirm in writing he's not for them, the question is why do you need to have rejection in writing, are you not intelligent enough to understand if your message is not replied to or deleted people are not interested in you?

What about couples like us who receive copious amounts of mails from guys who are rude and have not red our profile and ask us for things we are not interested in, are the guys themselves not rude for doing this?

We have no rules we reply to some mails we delete many ohers its the life of fabs, get used to it or leave if you cant its as easy as that

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By *arkestDesires666Couple
over a year ago

linconshire

we have alot of messages mostly from single males which we aint interested in as of yet.. but doesn't mean im going to be stuck up my own ass and ignore or just delete them... thats rude and damn right ignorant... i politely say we aint interested at the moment but thank you for your message no need to be like that.... so many stuck up people on here.... tut tut..

Miss c xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We need a 'Don't be a cock' campaign

No cock pics in first message

All the messages with no pics just fill up the inbox on my couples profile, we should be able to block them on message filters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its not a case of being stuck up own ass, its being treated as I want to be treated, if i sent the briefest of message like fancy a fuck, or im in hotel now come and fuck me I would expect to have nil replies and wouldnt cry about the fact either. And I wouldnt send a mail to anyone whos profile clearly state that my interests are not theirs,

Politeness works both ways, dont mail people who clearly are not interested in things you are that way you will avoid rejection

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We try to reply to most but some r just fucking nuts...haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"we have alot of messages mostly from single males which we aint interested in as of yet.. but doesn't mean im going to be stuck up my own ass and ignore or just delete them... thats rude and damn right ignorant... i politely say we aint interested at the moment but thank you for your message no need to be like that.... so many stuck up people on here.... tut tut..

Miss c xx"

Nice you have the time I do 12 hours a day at work all week and come on here to have fun which doesnt include messaging back all the idiots and dreamers who dont read our couples profile. Personally I find it far ruder for a single man to send a 1 line message with no pic and think we would be in anyway interested. They deserve to get deleted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fab automatically deletes unread messages too x I'm not up my own srse but no way can I read / answer all messages and from that perspective many of the 'good ones' may slip through the net.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try and reply to all, even if it's a polite no but if they are crude or lack any kind of effort such as 'hi babe' then I sometimes don't.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I don't mind answering messages, but I do resent the chain of correspondence that can follow after you've said no.

Me: Thanks, but not thanks

Them: Why not?

Me: You live that far away, I've actually had holidays closer to me.

Them: But I'm worth it.

Me: I'm sure you are, however, the distance is tricky.

Them: Stay over, spend a weekend.

Me: Sorry, but I've never met you and wouldn't care to inflict myself on anyone I don't know that well.

Them: Fucking time waster!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't mind answering messages, but I do resent the chain of correspondence that can follow after you've said no.

Me: Thanks, but not thanks

Them: Why not?

Me: You live that far away, I've actually had holidays closer to me.

Them: But I'm worth it.

Me: I'm sure you are, however, the distance is tricky.

Them: Stay over, spend a weekend.

Me: Sorry, but I've never met you and wouldn't care to inflict myself on anyone I don't know that well.

Them: Fucking time waster!"

But according to some on here your being rude not replying to the fucking timewaster comment, how strange some peoples _iews are !!

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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West

"Cost nothing , so if your intrested be polite say yes if not say no thank you it's not hard but most of you delete message or ignore "

Always from single males....

No reply, means no. Simple.

I got a bit fed up of replying to all the junk mail we get in the post from the local fast food outlets so I just bin the junk now and guess what.... More often than not, I don't even read it cos I know what it is going t say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's left unread, how can you tell if it went on to be a good message or not? "

Generally speaking if I can see the first line and it contains 'want a fuck'....they are the ones left unread...

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By *arkestDesires666Couple
over a year ago

linconshire

everyone has there own opinion i guess...i see what some of you are saying when you put in that perspective... but ive messaged couples before... and the responses are just ignorant or they dont respond at all... not a great feeling to be honest....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *estmidscoupleCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands

just tough when you get a lot of messages and some are just of the "how are you" or "nice tits" variety so sometimes just easier to delete and move on in terms of available time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Miss c xx"

And that's great that you do that. But seriously, you must waste so much of you life replying to messages that hold no interest - what's the point?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If women get that many messages they are doing it for the ego trip.

So, erm, how do you stop getting messages if you aren't wanting an ego trip?

Filters I presume."

Yes and as many forum posts from single women on these forums have demonstrated it's easy to massively reduce the volume of messages.

But some women are just as needy as men, they just channel it in different ways

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"everyone has there own opinion i guess...i see what some of you are saying when you put in that perspective... but ive messaged couples before... and the responses are just ignorant or they dont respond at all... not a great feeling to be honest.... "

And yet they cry when people do the same to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people feel better when they get a message saying no thanks. But look at Tina's example above, showing why a "no thanks" can lead to an uncomfortable and unwanted conversation.

If I get a message from a local bloke (when my filters are off) asking if I want to meet, of just saying hi, what am I supposed to say?

Why should I reply?

... And why is this any different to ladies deleting irrelevant and unwanted messages?

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By *km45Man
over a year ago

UTTOXETER

Yes it is fustrating. Spent ten minutes typing a message to a hot lady last night only to see it deleted a few minutes later. You just have to see as part of being on Fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I have my filters open because I want to meet people, I get hundreds of messages. Not because I'm doing it for an "ego trip", but because I update my status, post photos and want to be open in searches so people can find me. I don't go whinging about the number of messages I have and I don't tend to get abusive messages from men, but I'm still not going to use my time on here replying to them all.

I currently don't want to meet so have my filters on. I'm sure there'll be another thread along shortly to complain about people being on site who aren't meeting, women who post photos being attention seeking fakes or similar. Can't win really.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If women get that many messages they are doing it for the ego trip.

So, erm, how do you stop getting messages if you aren't wanting an ego trip?

Filters I presume.

Yes and as many forum posts from single women on these forums have demonstrated it's easy to massively reduce the volume of messages.

But some women are just as needy as men, they just channel it in different ways"

Yes the number of messages CAN be reduced, but having a lot of messages doesn't automatically equal ego tripping attention seeking neediness. If I want to meet people and want to be found in searches and want people to message me, as well as I them, then I will block new and unverified or people with no photos and outside my age range. But if I post a photo then I'll still get a load of messages. If I block everyone, then I don't get to hear from the ones I want to hear from.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of supposition and butthurt. To save this why not read the site FAQ's and simply find someone who will meet you rather than worry about the ones that don't.

This site has the tools to allow you to have a great time why sweat the small things?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"If women get that many messages they are doing it for the ego trip.

So, erm, how do you stop getting messages if you aren't wanting an ego trip?

Filters I presume.

Yes and as many forum posts from single women on these forums have demonstrated it's easy to massively reduce the volume of messages.

But some women are just as needy as men, they just channel it in different ways"

yup

they could block and do the proactive messaging. Woe betide they don't get a reply

but I would suggest, MOST could not cope with any rejection.

In fairness, they don't have to as they know they will be messaged regardless, they prefer to moan about it.

never going to please everyone

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"Cost nothing , so if your intrested be polite say yes if not say no thank you it's not hard but most of you delete message or ignore "

Op, it's a complex issue due to abuse and message workload for many.

Fab instructions is no reply = no interest, so have to accept this as our social rules. Blocking happens to prevent repeated occurrences of the same.

Aim for multiple targeted partners and use other means to meet people. This takes your focus away from a small number of people and is less pressure for you.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

If you accept some people reply and some don't, your time on the site will be more enjoyable.

( shut on the instructions of Admin )

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