FabSwingers.com forum: Ask Ruby

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Any problems my darlings, please post here and I shall pass on my words of wisdom.

Will you do that for me luvvies? will you?

(laughs at her won claire rayner impression)

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

Dear Ruby ...

i have been smited and it is hurting ...what shall i do

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Won!!!! ffs..own

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby ...

i have been smited and it is hurting ...what shall i do

PD"

you need to grind the shells of 3 monkey nuts with some extra virgin olive oil and apply to affected area.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"Won!!!! ffs..own"

thank you for your advice ..no matter how obscure

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"Dear Ruby ...

i have been smited and it is hurting ...what shall i do

you need to grind the shells of 3 monkey nuts with some extra virgin olive oil and apply to affected area."

allergic to nuts and monkeys ruby ..any other advice my local reverend says i should turn the other cheek ...i dont know what he means its very painful already ...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Won!!!! ffs..own

thank you for your advice ..no matter how obscure

if it was a mighty smighter, you may need 4 shells

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"Won!!!! ffs..own

thank you for your advice ..no matter how obscure

if it was a mighty smighter, you may need 4 shells"

these obscure references to monkeys and nuts appear to be out of step ruby ...how can i get back in step as you know this is a double act and the entendres do not work unless your instep

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby ...

i have been smited and it is hurting ...what shall i do

you need to grind the shells of 3 monkey nuts with some extra virgin olive oil and apply to affected area.

allergic to nuts and monkeys ruby ..any other advice my local reverend says i should turn the other cheek ...i dont know what he means its very painful already ..."

Never follow religious advice... it enevitable leads to a pain in the arse.

ahhh a common allergy...the following should sooth..2 drops of sea cow milk and pack the area with tofu.

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"Dear Ruby ...

i have been smited and it is hurting ...what shall i do

you need to grind the shells of 3 monkey nuts with some extra virgin olive oil and apply to affected area.

allergic to nuts and monkeys ruby ..any other advice my local reverend says i should turn the other cheek ...i dont know what he means its very painful already ...

Never follow religious advice... it enevitable leads to a pain in the arse.

ahhh a common allergy...the following should sooth..2 drops of sea cow milk and pack the area with tofu.

i will try but is it the salted sea cows or fresh water ...?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby ...

i have been smited and it is hurting ...what shall i do

you need to grind the shells of 3 monkey nuts with some extra virgin olive oil and apply to affected area.

allergic to nuts and monkeys ruby ..any other advice my local reverend says i should turn the other cheek ...i dont know what he means its very painful already ...

Never follow religious advice... it enevitable leads to a pain in the arse.

ahhh a common allergy...the following should sooth..2 drops of sea cow milk and pack the area with tofu.

i will try but is it the salted sea cows or fresh water ...?

always fresh darling...salt smarts

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

[Removed by poster at 19/06/09 13:14:39]

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"Dear Ruby ...

i have been smited and it is hurting ...what shall i do

you need to grind the shells of 3 monkey nuts with some extra virgin olive oil and apply to affected area.

allergic to nuts and monkeys ruby ..any other advice my local reverend says i should turn the other cheek ...i dont know what he means its very painful already ...

Never follow religious advice... it enevitable leads to a pain in the arse.

ahhh a common allergy...the following should sooth..2 drops of sea cow milk and pack the area with tofu.

i will try but is it the salted sea cows or fresh water ...?

always fresh darling...salt smarts"

i will try that as i want to be smart ..thanyou rubies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Any problems my darlings, please post here and I shall pass on my words of wisdom.

Will you do that for me luvvies? will you?

(laughs at her won claire rayner impression)"
dear ruby icant seem to get a smooth shave down stairs can you help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby ...

i have been smited and it is hurting ...what shall i do

you need to grind the shells of 3 monkey nuts with some extra virgin olive oil and apply to affected area.

allergic to nuts and monkeys ruby ..any other advice my local reverend says i should turn the other cheek ...i dont know what he means its very painful already ..."

What has the Greeks got to do with anything? And why does he need turning? Is he a poof?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Any problems my darlings, please post here and I shall pass on my words of wisdom.

Will you do that for me luvvies? will you?

(laughs at her won claire rayner impression)dear ruby icant seem to get a smooth shave down stairs can you help

Ahh, this is a common problem..so firstly donot feel ashamed of it.

The best way is not to shave but to epilate dear. Tear those little buggers out by the root.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Any problems my darlings, please post here and I shall pass on my words of wisdom.

Will you do that for me luvvies? will you?

(laughs at her won claire rayner impression)dear ruby icant seem to get a smooth shave down stairs can you help

Ahh, this is a common problem..so firstly donot feel ashamed of it.

The best way is not to shave but to epilate dear. Tear those little buggers out by the root.

"
thank you ruby iam off to ..pull..could i burn the buggers off?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/06/09 13:41:10]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Any problems my darlings, please post here and I shall pass on my words of wisdom.

Will you do that for me luvvies? will you?

(laughs at her won claire rayner impression)"
dear ruby its me again why do i need to feel electricty passing through my Genitals ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey! Your stupid new nick has buggered up the look and feel of the forum front page... change it to sommat shorter like.... A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatthefuckhaveyoudonetoyournamelolfemmemayhavebeenboringbutatleastitwasshort

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rubyrubyrubyruby

How do I stroke 4 pussies at once?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bear Ruby

I am concerned about an online friend, they don't know they are my online friend, but I know they are.

She has a really long name now and it's a bit too much, how can I tell her without offending her?

Your

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Any problems my darlings, please post here and I shall pass on my words of wisdom.

Will you do that for me luvvies? will you?

(laughs at her won claire rayner impression) dear ruby its me again why do i need to feel electricty passing through my Genitals ???

well it cant be to make your hair curly as you have dealt with that issue.

Have you talked to powergen about this?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Rubyrubyrubyruby

How do I stroke 4 pussies at once?

tie them together dear

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bear Ruby

I am concerned about an online friend, they don't know they are my online friend, but I know they are.

She has a really long name now and it's a bit too much, how can I tell her without offending her?

Your "

Honesty is always the best policy. If she is a reasonable sort and a friend she will understand.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

What if shes a complete psychopath though?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What if shes a complete psychopath though?

Ahhh, now this requires a different approach. Speak in soothing tones and ultimately, try and convince her to change her name, whilst making her think it was her idea all along.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"What if shes a complete psychopath though?

Ahhh, now this requires a different approach. Speak in soothing tones and ultimately, try and convince her to change her name, whilst making her think it was her idea all along."

Id rather not take the chance......I want to live a little longer,I hav'nt quite made Robs life nearly miserable enough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Any problems my darlings, please post here and I shall pass on my words of wisdom.

Will you do that for me luvvies? will you?

(laughs at her won claire rayner impression) dear ruby its me again why do i need to feel electricty passing through my Genitals ???

well it cant be to make your hair curly as you have dealt with that issue.

Have you talked to powergen about this?"
yes but they say i need a separate account and can i pay quarterly?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Any problems my darlings, please post here and I shall pass on my words of wisdom.

Will you do that for me luvvies? will you?

(laughs at her won claire rayner impression) dear ruby its me again why do i need to feel electricty passing through my Genitals ???

well it cant be to make your hair curly as you have dealt with that issue.

Have you talked to powergen about this?yes but they say i need a separate account and can i pay quarterly?"

switch users!

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By *1dKingColeMan
over a year ago

east london

Dear Ruby

For a while I have been looking for normal and found it impossible, I'm now looking for the impossible as normal!

To be more specific, I'm now looking for a Martian with an abstract brain and novelty enhancements. Colours optional, but must not be male, can be female or other.

What should I do? Will we be happy together?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby

For a while I have been looking for normal and found it impossible, I'm now looking for the impossible as normal!

To be more specific, I'm now looking for a Martian with an abstract brain and novelty enhancements. Colours optional, but must not be male, can be female or other.

What should I do? Will we be happy together?

I will pm you the profiles ( including pictures) of those who fit your requirements.

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By *1dKingColeMan
over a year ago

east london

"Dear Ruby

For a while I have been looking for normal and found it impossible, I'm now looking for the impossible as normal!

To be more specific, I'm now looking for a Martian with an abstract brain and novelty enhancements. Colours optional, but must not be male, can be female or other.

What should I do? Will we be happy together?

I will pm you the profiles ( including pictures) of those who fit your requirements.

Dear Ruby

Thank you for your reply.

Please send pictures quickly as I have mistakenly been making approaches to what I subsequently found to be a three legged stool, and now have splinters!

Yours

Confused of Dorking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do apologise, but i cannot condone the ground monkey nuts treatment.

I tried it once, but never again.

I filled my pants when the hairy little eunuch came back for revenge!

I escaped with my life, but thats another story.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why are you calling me a hairy little eunuch? Those were mine and you had no right to use them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Now see the mere mention of primates and the males became all alpha.

massage right earlobe and repeat...wooosaaaa wooosaaaa

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

Dear ruby ...

how can i stop women i see from thrashing around the bed and smacking there head up the wall when we have sex,They all look as if they have st vitus dance ...it also appears to bring on bad cases of tourettes as the language is often terrible ...

i often worry about their safety and need to know they are not going to be injured ..

help

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear ruby ...

i often worry about their safety and need to know they are not going to be injured ..

help

tie them to the bed...for their own safety of course and buy a headboard you cheap bugger.

if you find the language offensive, get some earplugs!

hope this helps...Ruby

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"Dear ruby ...

i often worry about their safety and need to know they are not going to be injured ..

help

tie them to the bed...for their own safety of course and buy a headboard you cheap bugger.

if you find the language offensive, get some earplugs!

hope this helps...Ruby"

i did try tieing em down but this just seemed to stimulate them further.

I do have a headboard ...however it bangs loudly and one poor lady managed to put her head through it ...i dont know why they call them head boards they are not safe either ...i thought it was something to do with felatio

should i ask nhs direct ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ruby - have you noticed that since you changed your name to a somewhat longer one, your posts have had some writing chopped off the end of the lines?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear ruby ...

i often worry about their safety and need to know they are not going to be injured ..

help

tie them to the bed...for their own safety of course and buy a headboard you cheap bugger.

if you find the language offensive, get some earplugs!

hope this helps...Ruby

i did try tieing em down but this just seemed to stimulate them further.

should i ask nhs direct ??"

you can try NHS Direct, however I feel the only solution to your problem is to abstain.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ruby - have you noticed that since you changed your name to a somewhat longer one, your posts have had some writing chopped off the end of the lines?

nope...how very dare they...subtle editing do you think?

Am I being watched?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ruby - have you noticed that since you changed your name to a somewhat longer one, your posts have had some writing chopped off the end of the lines?

thats cos you still see the ads

if i type lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala it really fooks it up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ruby - have you noticed that since you changed your name to a somewhat longer one, your posts have had some writing chopped off the end of the lines?

nope...how very dare they...subtle editing do you think?

Am I being watched?

"
Cue Big Brother theme tune....

Day 15 and Ruby is looking round furtively to make sure she is alone.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ruby - have you noticed that since you changed your name to a somewhat longer one, your posts have had some writing chopped off the end of the lines?

nope...how very dare they...subtle editing do you think?

Am I being watched?

Cue Big Brother theme tune....

Day 15 and Ruby is looking round furtively to make sure she is alone....."

a rustling and quick glimpse of bear buttocks behind her bush immediately raises her suspition.

who owns the mysterious buttocks/

what kind of bush is that?

Is it suitable for topiary?

wanders off to the bedroom...oh i mean diary room.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Ruby

I have a new Peugeot 207 and it has an 'econmy mode' which saves the battery from running flat if you leave anything turned on after you leave the car.

Problem is - the radio turns itself off ater 30 minutes as well and the only way to get it back on is to start the engine and switch off again, but this only allows the radio to play for another 5 minutes

This is shit if you are waiting in a car park for someone to come out of the shops. You either have to switch the engine on every 5 minutes or go for a drive or forget about listening to the radio.

Now Ruby, I know this is long winded, but I'm certain that the solution is there right under my nose, please help me, what can I do ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby

I have a new Peugeot 207 and it has an 'econmy mode' which saves the battery from running flat if you leave anything turned on after you leave the car.

This is shit if you are waiting in a car park for someone to come out of the shops. You either have to switch the engine on every 5 minutes or go for a drive or forget about listening to the radio.

Now Ruby, I know this is long winded, but I'm certain that the solution is there right under my nose, please help me, what can I do ?"

invest in an ipod.x

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By *orkieMan
over a year ago

Who knows

"Any problems my darlings, please post here and I shall pass on my words of wisdom.

Will you do that for me luvvies? will you?

(laughs at her won claire rayner impression)"

What does an occasional table do the rest of the time ???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Any problems my darlings, please post here and I shall pass on my words of wisdom.

Will you do that for me luvvies? will you?

(laughs at her won claire rayner impression)

What does an occasional table do the rest of the time ???"

Does a great impression of a table!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Ruby

why do the hairy arse male species on this site feel that they are superior to us. When are the Doris's just going to accept that we women are superior species. When those apron strings get untied it must raise their hormone level that they feel the need to flex their muscles.

answers on the back of a post card Ruby

from

Jan aka Alli aka pleasure pussey aka gash aka chanel tunnel

79 bus route going on route to all doris's house to kick some butt into shape

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Usually the types that act like they are 'superior' in some way are the most insecure people on the planet...cue the dorises

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Usually the types that act like they are 'superior' in some way are the most insecure people on the planet...cue the dorises"
dear ruby iam being stalked by a possee member called gash do i give in which is the weak possee style, or do i meet her tie her up, ball gag her have my way with her and then post her back to her dark castle from which she came.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Usually the types that act like they are 'superior' in some way are the most insecure people on the planet...cue the dorisesdear ruby iam being stalked by a possee member called gash do i give in which is the weak possee style, or do i meet her tie her up, ball gag her have my way with her and then post her back to her dark castle from which she came.......

chuffing hell cant think of any castles in liverpool....part from some pubs called it....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lolol ok pub that better rock throwing gash girl a..a..a..a..a..cum head

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"lolol ok pub that better rock throwing gash girl a..a..a..a..a..cum head

your talking to a scouser now, so calm down calm down or i will cum round and rob ya wheel trims rob

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol weve moved as i know your on your way down ere to sort me and we live in wales now yacky da!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"lol weve moved as i know your on your way down ere to sort me and we live in wales now yacky da!!!!!!

chuffing hell i can picture it now...those sheep trembling at the very thought of you buffing them with your can of Mr Sheen.....baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mr sheen and i have fell out iam now dating mr muscle...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Ruby,

Please can you help me as i cant get a woman and now starting to wonder if its cos my cock is small and women just know this by looking at me or is there something else that is wrong?? .......pmsl cant wait for reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby,

please please can i answer this one

yes yes and yes.....now chuff off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thats what i was expecting but not very informative was it but then what would u expect from a scouser....lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well I am at a loss!

I would of thought you would of attracted many by the size of the one on your forehead!

strange really.

regards

Ruby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby,

please please can i answer this one

yes yes and yes.....now chuff off"
dear ruby i have been asleep all day and my husband has been running amok on forums ....do you think if i put my rabbit up his ass he will behave?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby,

he will if he wants it again! lol

ruby

please please can i answer this one

yes yes and yes.....now chuff offdear ruby i have been asleep all day and my husband has been running amok on forums ....do you think if i put my rabbit up his ass he will behave? "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

answer in the middle!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh well thanks for that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"answer in the middle!"
dear ruby thank you for that very informative reply ...off to catch a bunny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Ruby...

Its Saturday night, were home we have no ties as such but were feeling kinda knackered from the week.. trouble is were also feeling really kinda horny, wanting some generous sexy so and so's to come and sort us out but can't be arsed to put a 'meet me now'....

What would Ruby suggest we do???

Were thinking were going to be really weird, kinky and and to some perverted and ... yes, shag each other...

Before we get so depraved.. what do you suggest...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Oh now they say a change is as good as a rest.

why dont you blindfold each other, then shag. Although you would be shagging each other ( perverts) you could pretend it was someone else!

ruby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Noo... won't work hun, its what we do when we shag a minger or two lol.. Might bring on flash backs!!

better suggestions please lol....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/06/09 18:54:44]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Bear Ruby

I am concerned about an online friend, they don't know they are my online friend, but I know they are.

She has a really long name now and it's a bit too much, how can I tell her without offending her?

Yours

Honesty is always the best policy. If she is a reasonable sort and a friend she will understand.

Dear Ruby, your name is too long, it messes up the forum list and your taking the piss with it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Noo... won't work hun, its what we do when we shag a minger or two lol.. Might bring on flash backs!!

better suggestions please lol...."

fuck it, just go for depraved and hump the life out of each other. depravity and perversion is good you once in a while.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Bear Ruby

I am concerned about an online friend, they don't know they are my online friend, but I know they are.

She has a really long name now and it's a bit too much, how can I tell her without offending her?

Yours

Honesty is always the best policy. If she is a reasonable sort and a friend she will understand.

Dear Ruby, your name is too long, it messes up the forum list and your taking the piss with it

How very dare you!

it is a distinguished name that has been in the family for years.

It enables me to see with ease where i have posted

and i never take the piss, I am as serious as they come!

ruby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"thats what i was expecting but not very informative was it but then what would u expect from a scouser....lol"

now i think am being victimised now for being a scouser....thats it....not visiting you at all no matter how big your hands are. am really wounded and upset. did you not know that am really coy shy bashful and actually in real life a sunday school teacher. you so hurt my feelings. never ever feel that i will be able to rant on forums again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is that it........ Thats the best advice you can offer??

No... heres my little black book or try begging even.. nothing lol.

Right.. thats it then.. As soon as the adverts come on she's gonna get it big time pmsl.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is that it........ Thats the best advice you can offer??

No... heres my little black book or try begging even.. nothing lol.

Right.. thats it then.. As soon as the adverts come on she's gonna get it big time pmsl."

well If that hadnt worked I was going to say...sod it I will get my car keys, but as you have sorted it out...you go tiger lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby,

please please can i answer this one

yes yes and yes.....now chuff offdear ruby i have been asleep all day and my husband has been running amok on forums ....do you think if i put my rabbit up his ass he will behave? "

either that or use the strapon on him....perhaps he needs putting in his place. you know doris's he most prob put a sleeping draft in your cocoa so he could run amok....reckon he felt brave while you where asleep hun....its bout time we had some more females on to help me with this lot today

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

havent you a suitcase to pack ill come over and pack it for you with you in it ..hold your breath its a long flight...rob ere ..heheheh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"havent you a suitcase to pack ill come over and pack it for you with you in it ..hold your breath its a long flight...rob ere ..heheheh

yeah still no case packed....needed to check the rabbit was in working order before i pack anything.

u just so no u are gona miss me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i am ....like a trip to the dentist..if you cant find your rabbit you know were to look look look look opps theres an echo .hehehehe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Ruby,

Where do I buy a packet of what you're on and is it legal?

Confused of Wigan

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby,

Where do I buy a packet of what you're on and is it legal?

Confused of Wigan

Lambert and Butler??? yep totally legal and available from most newsagents and large supermarkets.

Ruby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"havent you a suitcase to pack ill come over and pack it for you with you in it ..hold your breath its a long flight...rob ere ..heheheh

yeah still no case packed....needed to check the rabbit was in working order before i pack anything.

u just so no u are gona miss me"
Where are you going - anywhere nice?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dear ruby

am off on holiday on monday and meant to be packing my case. but all day i have had some doris victimisiing me and trying to stalk me. it has distracted from the main job in hand. i am in desperate need of pussy posse power so that i can get on with my case. have you any suggestions as to how to keep the doris's in place until i have packed.

yours sincerly

jan

alli

princess gash

pleasure pussy

channel tunnel

and now

easy but fussy scouser lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"dear ruby

yours sincerly

jan

alli

princess gash

pleasure pussy

channel tunnel

and now

easy but fussy scouser lol"

Have faith in the sisters....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do apologise- i wasnt wearing my specs that day!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I do apologise- i wasnt wearing my specs that day!!"

very nice specs they are too, but forgiven lol

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By *1dKingColeMan
over a year ago

east london

Where's my alien pictures?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Where's my alien pictures?

you cant see them?

Maybe they are not compatible with your system...hey ho

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By *1dKingColeMan
over a year ago

east london

Dear Ruby

A recent liaison with a green woman claiming to be an alien, has caused permeant droop! I am concerned I may have copper sulfate poisoning. What should I do?

Yours,

Greeny-blue of Dorking

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

you have to get it sucked out...its the only cure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you have to get it sucked out...its the only cure."

suck and spit....abit like a snake bite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Ruby ,

I think I've been traumatised by a night of alcoholism , debauchery and bad behaviour . Since that night I can only think of rubber , pain , whips and handcuffs . What should I do ??

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby ,

I think I've been traumatised by a night of alcoholism , debauchery and bad behaviour . Since that night I can only think of rubber , pain , whips and handcuffs . What should I do ??"

Well firstly I think you should tell me where this debauchery took place...just so i can tell people not to go there!

As for your obsession with pain whips and handcuffs...simple.

Do something dispicable and get arrested....cute fella like you would certainly experience all those things on a regular basis whilst serving your time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby ,

I think I've been traumatised by a night of alcoholism , debauchery and bad behaviour . Since that night I can only think of rubber , pain , whips and handcuffs . What should I do ??"

did you video it and if so please send me a copy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby ,

I think I've been traumatised by a night of alcoholism , debauchery and bad behaviour . Since that night I can only think of rubber , pain , whips and handcuffs . What should I do ??

did you video it and if so please send me a copy"

And so say all of us!!!

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

I have a personal problem i need help with but i will post when no one is looking cos im shy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have a personal problem i need help with but i will post when no one is looking cos im shy"

send it to my box for a personal service

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a personal problem i need help with but i will post when no one is looking cos im shy

send it to my box for a personal service

Sounds like maybe it's not one you want in your box in case you catch something! lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have a personal problem i need help with but i will post when no one is looking cos im shy

send it to my box for a personal service

Sounds like maybe it's not one you want in your box in case you catch something! lol"

everyones box should have adequate protection lol

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

"I have a personal problem i need help with but i will post when no one is looking cos im shy

send it to my box for a personal service

Sounds like maybe it's not one you want in your box in case you catch something! lol

everyones box should have adequate protection lol"

If i was an MP could i claim for this ere box?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have a personal problem i need help with but i will post when no one is looking cos im shy

send it to my box for a personal service

Sounds like maybe it's not one you want in your box in case you catch something! lol

everyones box should have adequate protection lol

If i was an MP could i claim for this ere box?"

why not they claim for everything else!

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

"I have a personal problem i need help with but i will post when no one is looking cos im shy

send it to my box for a personal service

Sounds like maybe it's not one you want in your box in case you catch something! lol

everyones box should have adequate protection lol

If i was an MP could i claim for this ere box?

why not they claim for everything else!"

i wonder if any have claimed for any ....errr club visits?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have a personal problem i need help with but i will post when no one is looking cos im shy

send it to my box for a personal service

Sounds like maybe it's not one you want in your box in case you catch something! lol

everyones box should have adequate protection lol

If i was an MP could i claim for this ere box?

why not they claim for everything else!

i wonder if any have claimed for any ....errr club visits?"

no club visits to my box, and it isnt big enough to get a mortgage on either!

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

Dear ruby ,

my mate has shaved his chest and stomach and twiddly bits, but cant reach his back and is now too embarrased to meet anyone as he is half and half,hairy and clear ...he has tried everything and cant reach ,,,in fact he has dislocated both arms trying to reach and does not have anyone to help him

what can he do ?

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

Dear miss ruby

How often am i allowed to post a new topic. I have half a dozen here but dont know the protocol.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

as often as you like.

be free, filleth thy forums with random shite, tis the only way forward.

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

Naaa not random stuff its specific about where it find an inlet for a carburettor for a 1978 cortina and what sort of gas bottle to take camping in france also who has fungal nail probs here.

But if thats no good i will ponder other things i need an answer to. Although i kind of dont get the answers i need i have to say.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

well then keep trying.

nobody likes a quitter.

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

"Dear ruby ,

what can he do ?"

Sorry to but in with a reply!!

I know an experienced back shaver lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi,

can you help ?

I've got somebody up north who's carpets don't reach his walls.

Please advise.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear ruby ,

what can he do ?"

join the queue during sheep shaving season

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi,

can you help ?

I've got somebody up north who's carpets don't reach his walls.

Please advise."

he needs to see a guy called Freddie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Ruby

I've been told there's a mad , psychotic women on the loose ! Have you any ideas where she's hiding ?

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

Not doing carpets to the south. They dont treat there rugs well!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/06/09 20:50:37]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby

I've been told there's a mad , psychotic women on the loose ! Have you any ideas where she's hiding ?

I could tell you, but i would have to kill you...or she would kill me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear Ruby

I've been told there's a mad , psychotic women on the loose ! Have you any ideas where she's hiding ?

I could tell you, but i would have to kill you...or she would kill me."

I was going to tell her she'd won a prize .

But this sounds dangerous , so i'll keep it myself !

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

Is that dragon down ya bum crack?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

yes, you should see what it does after a hot curry

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

I dread to think!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I dread to think!!"

best not to think about it hun.x

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

No what the curry dragon does! your Tat is ok you minx lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

lol ta.

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

Dear ruby.

Will you add me as a mate so i can see that the dragon pic. I feel a need to se where the flames went.

(bet its a no lol)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

of course, a curious mind should always be rewarded.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

What dragon pic?? I want to see it too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

that one and it isnt a dragon and its not my ass lol

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"that one and it isnt a dragon and its not my ass lol"

Its lovely..its on your back is'nt it? lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

was the last time i looked lol

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"was the last time i looked lol"

Fook me your bendy

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

lmao...no comment lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Ruby

I have been away from England for 5 days and my friend Rob is starting to have delusions of grandeur. I know he is secretly missing me. But he also thinks he can rule the forums and get away with stuff with out anyone kicking his ass. I was wondering what I could do. Should I get a flight home early....leave this sunshine wine and relaxation and just give him what for....Please could you advise.

Princess Gash

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No..stay where you are, spend lots of his money and use the time in pleasant surroundings to think up ways to make him truely suffer upon your return.

Ruby.x

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place

"No..stay where you are, spend lots of his money and use the time in pleasant surroundings to think up ways to make him truely suffer upon your return.

Ruby.x"

Ruby ...i have always wondered ...why is your name ruby ?

do you really take your love to town ,if so ill go get my gun back .....HEY Joe

little in joke for the musos there ...

so cough baby ....spill the mazooola ,you an international art thief in disguise or what ????

Inspector Touchup - arts fraud unit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No..stay where you are, spend lots of his money and use the time in pleasant surroundings to think up ways to make him truely suffer upon your return.

Ruby.x

Ruby ...i have always wondered ...why is your name ruby ?

do you really take your love to town ,if so ill go get my gun back .....HEY Joe

little in joke for the musos there ...

so cough baby ....spill the mazooola ,you an international art thief in disguise or what ????

Inspector Touchup - arts fraud unit "

chuffing hell Inspector Touchup with the rowntree pastille cock....pleased to meet ya hun

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am sorry to say, Ruby has passed away.

Tragic circumstances..weeps

Thread closed.

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