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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Bonobo Monkey
Sex is used as a greeting, as a method of conflict resolution and to celebrate when food has been found.
They are the only species that's been observed having sex face to face besides humans, as well as enjoying a little bit of French kissing and oral sex. They also engage in the occasional same-sex wank job and lesbian adventure--even incest. If sex can't fix it, these monkeys don't want to hear about it.
Banana slug
The record holder for banana slugs had a penis five times the length of its own body.
Brown Antichinus
will spend up to 12 hours at a time banging one female.
So at least he's leaving them satisfied--maybe not conscious, but satisfied.
Earwigs
earwigs have two dicks.
Though some species only have one and are mocked horribly at earwig urinals, the ones with two tend to have a preference in use, meaning they're either right weinered or left weinered.
Hyenas
The hyena is like that "woman" at the bar with an Adam's Apple, who asks you to call her Steve and does things to you in the bathroom that you'll never speak of to anyone ever again.
An alpha female in the hyena world passes on a super dose of hormones to its young that makes them extra aggressive, which increases their chances of survival. The downside is that all these extra hormones make mom awfully manish and since hyenas can't have man hands, they get the next best thing: a giant clitoris. A giant, 7-inch clitoris that just sticks out making people on safari feel shamed and emasculated.
Weird as that is, the further downside for the hyena here is that the birth canal is inside that giant clitoris, so in effect, the female has to give birth through a penis. This also means the male has to make sweet, awkward, hit-and-miss love to one, which can apparently take months of practice until he can line everything up right. Once the magical moment happens, she pushes him off and puts a cigarette out on his thigh.
Cichlid Fish
These have to be the frat boy heroes of the animal kingdom, with a mating ritual seemingly designed purely to get high fives from its bros.
After laying her eggs, the female cichlid picks them up and carries them around in her mouth. Some males thus have spots on their lower body that resemble the eggs. They swim by the females, who see the fake eggs and, thinking they have dropped some, try to suck them in.
The male then blows his load in her face and open mouth, presumably while his friends film the whole thing and post it on the internet.
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