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Chatting on here vs meeting in public

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By *inger Tyrion OP   Man
over a year ago

London

This is a fab site so the following is not a criticism...... Just a general question about people's attitudes!

Why is that people immediately make a judgement about someone from a description on here and rule them out? Whereas if they actually meet them in person they then see them for the real human being that they are!

Ok let's be frank I'm short in stature, ginger, balding on top ...! If I try and sell myself on here or any dating site then it all backfires BUT if I go to clubs, festivals, parties, meet ups linked to this scene then people see me for real..... They see the outgoing, buzzing, cheeky, fun loving, flirtatious, respectable and non expecting me! They see behind the short ginger balding bloke and bingo we all end up having fun of all sorts!! I remember when I went to my first naturist / swingers club I was nervous but I took to it like a duck to water in all respects and wow it boosted my confidence massively. I'd always been an extrovert but not when it came to exposing my body etc!!

I unknowingly played the non expecting / and respecting card whenever I went there. I went to enjoy the facilities, and feel liberated and to engage in lots of conversation with couples, and women primarily and also single guys. Because of my non - expecting / respecting attitude in time this paid off with invitations galore to join couples and women for play and fun. Lots of the single guys were puzzled how I had so much fun..... strangely enough they didn't notice how I behaved before any such fun occurred.!!!!

In conclusion I still find it so much easier to engage with people up front face to face. I go by one of my mottos 'Laugh and they laugh with you'! Just a shame that people have to be so judgemental or have a certain mindset when people message them on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is a fab site so the following is not a criticism...... Just a general question about people's attitudes!

Why is that people immediately make a judgement about someone from a description on here and rule them out? Whereas if they actually meet them in person they then see them for the real human being that they are!

Ok let's be frank I'm short in stature, ginger, balding on top ...! If I try and sell myself on here or any dating site then it all backfires BUT if I go to clubs, festivals, parties, meet ups linked to this scene then people see me for real..... They see the outgoing, buzzing, cheeky, fun loving, flirtatious, respectable and non expecting me! They see behind the short ginger balding bloke and bingo we all end up having fun of all sorts!! I remember when I went to my first naturist / swingers club I was nervous but I took to it like a duck to water in all respects and wow it boosted my confidence massively. I'd always been an extrovert but not when it came to exposing my body etc!!

I unknowingly played the non expecting / and respecting card whenever I went there. I went to enjoy the facilities, and feel liberated and to engage in lots of conversation with couples, and women primarily and also single guys. Because of my non - expecting / respecting attitude in time this paid off with invitations galore to join couples and women for play and fun. Lots of the single guys were puzzled how I had so much fun..... strangely enough they didn't notice how I behaved before any such fun occurred.!!!!

In conclusion I still find it so much easier to engage with people up front face to face. I go by one of my mottos 'Laugh and they laugh with you'! Just a shame that people have to be so judgemental or have a certain mindset when people message them on here! "

that works for you, this works for me. all happy.

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By *sianmale89Man
over a year ago

Stockport

it all comes down to luck _inger tyrion and how you conduct yourself and act with others etc and how they feel towards you then whatever happens happens really...

p.s. love the name, bring on GoT season 6

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I think some people try to find the 'golden fleece of swinging' as that will guarantee meets as quickly and easy as possible. There is no holy grail, it takes a million different approaches and finding the one that suits you and the people that you are attracted to is key.

Just do your thing in the way that best maximises the opportunities for you: clubs, socials, messaging, chat room, forums or a mix of them all, or none.

good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hang on. this is a swingers site. I can hardly walk up to random couples and ask if they want to swap. can I?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Why are we here? To find someone we are compatable with to have sex.

We have absolutley nothing to go on but the profile, that is how it works.

Your either attracted to a profile to start conversation or your not.

What are people expected to do message every profile to see which your compatable with.

When at a club, there are a million other factors that can be taken into consideration that you are never going to get from a profile.

Do what works for you, that is the key and it seems like you've found it

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By *inger Tyrion OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"hang on. this is a swingers site. I can hardly walk up to random couples and ask if they want to swap. can I? "

I didn't mean random couples out of the swinging scene!!!!! I just meant I find it better to meet couples n women at SWINGING clubs / festivals / private parties than to start chatting on line! They see and hear infront of them the actual person and what they are really about rather than having to make a judgement about them from a profile description!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course people make judgements. They want to meet someone they fancy. If they don't get that from a profile then why would they meet them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"hang on. this is a swingers site. I can hardly walk up to random couples and ask if they want to swap. can I?

I didn't mean random couples out of the swinging scene!!!!! I just meant I find it better to meet couples n women at SWINGING clubs / festivals / private parties than to start chatting on line! They see and hear infront of them the actual person and what they are really about rather than having to make a judgement about them from a profile description!! "

yeah but your articulate enough to have success on here too. more strings for your bow. fire enough arrows...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are we here? To find someone we are compatable with to have sex.

We have absolutley nothing to go on but the profile, that is how it works.

Your either attracted to a profile to start conversation or your not.

What are people expected to do message every profile to see which your compatable with.

When at a club, there are a million other factors that can be taken into consideration that you are never going to get from a profile.

Do what works for you, that is the key and it seems like you've found it"

Spot on diamond. I'd expand on this as well. Reading someone's prifile gives you an image of the person. Speaking to them just in pms can often show a whole different side to them. Getting that first message to spark an interest can be almost impossible. Speaking to someone after the ice is broken is so much easier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I don't fancy someone, I don't fancy someone. They could be the most charismatic person in the world but that's not to say that I would fuck them.

Also, why are you bothered? That works for you, this works for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why are we here? To find someone we are compatable with to have sex.

We have absolutley nothing to go on but the profile, that is how it works.

Your either attracted to a profile to start conversation or your not.

What are people expected to do message every profile to see which your compatable with.

When at a club, there are a million other factors that can be taken into consideration that you are never going to get from a profile.

Do what works for you, that is the key and it seems like you've found it

Spot on diamond. I'd expand on this as well. Reading someone's prifile gives you an image of the person. Speaking to them just in pms can often show a whole different side to them. Getting that first message to spark an interest can be almost impossible. Speaking to someone after the ice is broken is so much easier.

"

The internet way of meeting doesn't work for everybody. OP you sound to be having great fun meeting in person. Why not stick to what works for you?

(Sorry if that sounds like I'm saying you should leave the site! Not what I mean x)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is a fab site so the following is not a criticism...... Just a general question about people's attitudes!

Why is that people immediately make a judgement about someone from a description on here and rule them out? Whereas if they actually meet them in person they then see them for the real human being that they are!

Ok let's be frank I'm short in stature, ginger, balding on top ...! If I try and sell myself on here or any dating site then it all backfires BUT if I go to clubs, festivals, parties, meet ups linked to this scene then people see me for real..... They see the outgoing, buzzing, cheeky, fun loving, flirtatious, respectable and non expecting me! They see behind the short ginger balding bloke and bingo we all end up having fun of all sorts!! I remember when I went to my first naturist / swingers club I was nervous but I took to it like a duck to water in all respects and wow it boosted my confidence massively. I'd always been an extrovert but not when it came to exposing my body etc!!

I unknowingly played the non expecting / and respecting card whenever I went there. I went to enjoy the facilities, and feel liberated and to engage in lots of conversation with couples, and women primarily and also single guys. Because of my non - expecting / respecting attitude in time this paid off with invitations galore to join couples and women for play and fun. Lots of the single guys were puzzled how I had so much fun..... strangely enough they didn't notice how I behaved before any such fun occurred.!!!!

In conclusion I still find it so much easier to engage with people up front face to face. I go by one of my mottos 'Laugh and they laugh with you'! Just a shame that people have to be so judgemental or have a certain mindset when people message them on here! "

Hands up, I can be judgemental on here with profiles and pictures etc, I openly admit that and don't like myself for doing it. I prefer to meet people face to face and this is what I am aing to do from now on

I'm glad you have found what works for you, well done!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The short answer (no pun intended)

Go to clubs and events where the real you comes across then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shallow we are.

Even if the funniest guy in the world wasn't attractive looking to me then i wouldn't fuck him.

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By *ighting17thMan
over a year ago

Bodmin

I agree with the sentiment of the OP.

It's very difficult to put to words exactly who you are and what you're really like, without either thinking you're giving too much detail and people are bored by that OR not enough, so they don't know enough.

I pride myself on being amongst the nicest persons anyone could possibly hope to meet, whether professionally or personally- however it is extremely difficult to prove that in a profile, sadly, so I always feel I sell myself short

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I want to fancy a person before I played with them, even if it was at a club or party. There could be the nicest/ funniest man in there but if I didn't fancy him I still wouldn't do him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I want to fancy a person before I played with them, even if it was at a club or party. There could be the nicest/ funniest man in there but if I didn't fancy him I still wouldn't do him."

Some people are so picky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just do what works for you - if you get playtime at clubs go to clubs - we have met people at clubs that we wouldnt have considered just by reading the profile - but if you cant get to a club or going to clubs doesnt grab you thats no good so only have profile to go off - this is why people have social meets that some people slag others off for - we take no notice of others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My time is limited. There are people I'm not attracted to on paper who maybe I would be if I met them in person. But I don't have time to meet everyone, so I go for the ones who I am attracted to on paper and in person too.

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By *oward1978Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

I agree with a lot of what the OP says. It is far easier engaging with someone face to face than in a message or through someone just reading your profile and looking at your pics. That of course is where a lot of single guys frustrations on here essentially come from. You see yourself as a good guy who in real life can easily engage with women. Then on here...nothing but tumble blowing through! It's an age old Fab problem.

I've come to the conclusion that it really helps as a guy on here if you are really good looking and/or have a fit body. Anything else and it'll be tough going. Whereas in real life us average guys have a chance because you can let your personality come through. Sure there still has to be an attraction but at least you feel you have a fighting chance if you're face to face. Plus a woman stood in front of you can't simply block you just because you say 'Hi' or 'How are you?' as an opening remark, which helps!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like chatting on here/WhatsApp as it means I can do it in work etc meeting in person can be a pain just to get to know someone

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"My time is limited. There are people I'm not attracted to on paper who maybe I would be if I met them in person. But I don't have time to meet everyone, so I go for the ones who I am attracted to on paper and in person too. "

Yeah, that's the problem, I just cannot meet everyone I like the look/sound of, I have to discriminate somehow.

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