FabSwingers.com forum: What's a fk buddy?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've been seeing a guy I met on here for two months or so and he started calling me his fuck buddy. We chat, we meet up and have a good time but we also have misunderstandings and arguments. He gets 'mildly jealous' when I see other guys, is concerned that I'll get too attached and at the moment is making me feel lousy about myself. He's now closed his FAB account and says he's only seeing me. He has a gf who doesn't know about this part of his life. Is this a normal FB relationship? Jx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry but if he's making you feel bad get rid

This is supposed to be fun, sex with no strings and all that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As far as im concerned a fb is someone to want nsa fun with. Thre are no stipulations saying you cant see other people. If this guy doesnt want you seeing anyone else he should chuck his gf and just be with you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also can't help but wonder what your husband feels about a guy who gets jealous when you meet, is concerned you'll get attached to others and makes you feel lousey?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As far as im concerned a fb is someone to want nsa fun with. Thre are no stipulations saying you cant see other people. If this guy doesnt want you seeing anyone else he should chuck his gf and just be with you."

She's married

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not uncommon, because people easily get clingy and/or unwanted/inappropriate feelings develop. Unfortunately looks like you'd best move in quickly before it escalates. Sorry

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not uncommon, because people easily get clingy and/or unwanted/inappropriate feelings develop. Unfortunately looks like you'd best move in quickly before it escalates. Sorry

That should have been "move on" not "move in"...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

I had that very same situation ... it only gets worse.. get rid

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He sees you as his mistress and he's trying to control you. In swinging its the woman who's in control, this isn't a normal fb relationship

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I've been seeing a guy 9 years and I don't even call him my fb.

This is about fun, meeting up, having a laugh, being friends.

It certainly doesnt involve drama, jealousy or making you feel bad about yourself and the fact he's got a bloody girlfriend, what right has he got to tell you what to do. If it was me he'd be gone

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

I don't fully get the fact that your profile says your married either, nor that he says he's only seeing you, but he has a girlfriend.

But regardless of all that, if you don't like it, then I'd hazard there's your answer.

It certainly doesn't sound NSA to me, which is what I thought was the whole attraction of FBs.

Mr ddc

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/09/15 00:31:39]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He wants his cake and eat it without consudering your feeling or respecting u.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh what a tangled web being weaved

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 21/09/15 00:31:39]"

I was more meaning its not the fuck buddies choice who she meets surely that's between her and her husband

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now you've deleted your post and I look like I'm talking to myself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hubby is OK with me seeing him - we're solid in our relationship. I guess I know this isn't what a FB should be doing. The sex is amazing, he's very passionate and we get on well together most of the time. If we just met a couple of times a month, had sex and chatted occasionally in between meets I'd be happy. Why are things so complicated!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hubby is OK with me seeing him - we're solid in our relationship. I guess I know this isn't what a FB should be doing. The sex is amazing, he's very passionate and we get on well together most of the time. If we just met a couple of times a month, had sex and chatted occasionally in between meets I'd be happy. Why are things so complicated!"

My husband wouldn't be happy with me seeing someone like that....neither would I!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"He wants his cake and eat it without consudering your feeling or respecting u."

That's what it feels like

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because your letting them be

If you only want to meet a couple of times a month do that

If he don't like it he has to realise your married and he don't call the shots, its a mutual things that fits round you both

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *MaleMan
over a year ago

Sounds a tedious situation with someone attempting to control/coerce someone into being their exclusive one & only. Look I've deleted my profile, I only meet you so you should only meet me

It all depends on what someone is comfy with, happy with and if that's mutual and the same as the other person in the fun friendship.

Saying that if something aint fun and your here for fun then it kind've speaks for itself.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

They aren't complicated. He's behaving like he wants more from you, you now choose put up or get rid.....simple. Or are you enjoying it?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm also struggling with the bit in your profile that says you no longer play alone

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now you've deleted your post and I look like I'm talking to myself

Nutter.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm also struggling with the bit in your profile that says you no longer play alone

Good point! That's there because Hubby's fed up of us having a great meet with a couple only for the male to want to play alone with me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *MaleMan
over a year ago

Sounds two people are swimming in two to tango complications

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A fuck buddy should be someone who provides no-strings sex, without any emotional complications.

Often, a good friend, with whom you share a similar mind-set and similar sexual agenda.

It can sometimes be hard to separate the physical from the emotional. This guy presumably has developed feelings for the OP, which are not reciprocated.

Once jealousy begins, it can cause problems. (I once had a friend who ended up in a very similar situation - she was married but playing with a guy. The guy started making demands beyond what was originally agreed. She dumped him and I became her next fuck buddy... good friends, who sometimes had casual sex).

As a single guy on Fab, I regard myself as an interactive toy (possibly one of many), in a toybox - to be selected and employed at the whim of a lady or couple. I have no illusions about attachments or emotions either way.

Contacts can select alternate playmates from their available list but I wouldn't contemplate feeling bad, when I'm not the one selected.

I choose to put myself out there as a resource, to provide pleasure when called upon - nothing more.

If I found myself developing an attachment to someone who was emotionally unavailable, I think the best course would be to withdraw from the game.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm also struggling with the bit in your profile that says you no longer play alone

Good point! That's there because Hubby's fed up of us having a great meet with a couple only for the male to want to play alone with me

I see.

What have you decided to do?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

...He's a hypocritical cunt...

Ditch him. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Also, the whole point of a fuck buddy is NSA sex without the drama or emotional attachments.

He is using emotional blackmail and the veil of "concern" to try and control you for his own gain/benefit.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Also, the whole point of a fuck buddy is NSA sex without the drama or emotional attachments.

He is using emotional blackmail and the veil of "concern" to try and control you for his own gain/benefit."

That can only happen if you allow it, I would suggest that the emotional attachment is a two way thing, if not why haven't marching orders been issued?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustusboth2013Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I've been seeing a guy I met on here for two months or so and he started calling me his fuck buddy. We chat, we meet up and have a good time but we also have misunderstandings and arguments. He gets 'mildly jealous' when I see other guys, is concerned that I'll get too attached and at the moment is making me feel lousy about myself. He's now closed his FAB account and says he's only seeing me. He has a gf who doesn't know about this part of his life. Is this a normal FB relationship? Jx"

For us, our definition of swinging is about the lifestyle. The enjoyment is purely physical, mental & sexual. Emotion is stripped out and that's for us only.

I think you need to work out exactly where your swinging journey is and that decision has to be a joint one with your emotional partner (ie your husband).

If you agree that your swinging is to be with another for safety reasons or whatever, that is fine. And if this is what you are happy with then that's cool. However, you then need to have a joint agreement with your fuckbuddy in how it's going to work out. And the exclusivity has to be mutual, otherwise you both need to go separate ways.

The impression I am getting here is that you both want different things and that's why you are feeling as you are.

I could be wrong, but I would also question how emotionally involved you are with your fb to allow a person outside of your "real" relationship any dictation on your life.

And for me personally, I think this is unfair to your very understanding hubby. And probably just as bad as someone trying to control you for this particular situation.

So that's my thoughts without understanding everything about the situation.

There's then more questions about your FB's personal situation about why he does this behind his partner's back, which is another story. And then if he does have any slightly valid reasons to justify his actions, we then have his partners side of the story (though we'd obviously not hear this).

So I hope this post gives you some food for thought around your situation.

And to answer your question. No it doesn't seem your "generalised" normal FB situation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An Fb should be someone who comes to yours, or you theirs, have some crazy sex, then as you're lighting your post-sex cig, they're letting themselves out the door

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arry247Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

For us, our definition of swinging is about the lifestyle. The enjoyment is purely physical, mental & sexual. Emotion is stripped out and that's for us only."

Enjoyment is an emotion and a very powerful one.

Sex without emotion is purely mechanical even wanking which is one of the most mechanical types of sex there is is boosted by the emotions of the imagination.

In a swinging lifestyle the emotions are confined to the minute and not extended past the meet.

They are as it were left at the bedroom dor on exit.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *-ManMan
over a year ago

Kark

For me a FB=sex only, neither should have a say in anything the other does (within reason, not swapping needles without telling the other etc)

Anything more than that, well you're no longer FB's, it's grown into something more

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All I would add is that if a relationship (of any kind) makes you feel lousy, then it is time to change it or end it. Sometimes the former isn't posSible so that only leaves the latter.

Good luck.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustusboth2013Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

For us, our definition of swinging is about the lifestyle. The enjoyment is purely physical, mental & sexual. Emotion is stripped out and that's for us only.

Enjoyment is an emotion and a very powerful one.

Sex without emotion is purely mechanical even wanking which is one of the most mechanical types of sex there is is boosted by the emotions of the imagination.

In a swinging lifestyle the emotions are confined to the minute and not extended past the meet.

They are as it were left at the bedroom dor on exit."

Indeed enjoyment is an emotion and is intrinsic to sex. Hence why the association was with swinging and not sex. "Swinging lifestyle" being the operative word in this case.

And this is why i was associating the enjoyment with the physical, mental and sexual aspects.

Emotion is far more complex and this really isn't the right thread to discuss the complexities in great detail. I'm sure the OP will understand the point of what I am saying in the sense of her emotions, as the state of her emotion is to do with the swinging lifestyle and not the associated sex, which she suggests is very good and enjoyable in the emotional sense.

In addition, our swinging lifestyle is not confined to the bedroom. We're more diverse and dynamic in our lifestyle and there's a different type of culture in today's swinging.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

"Also, the whole point of a fuck buddy is NSA sex without the drama or emotional attachments.

He is using emotional blackmail and the veil of "concern" to try and control you for his own gain/benefit.

That can only happen if you allow it, I would suggest that the emotional attachment is a two way thing, if not why haven't marching orders been issued?"

I agree.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck buddy good enough to fuck , but not good enough to be seen in public with

If he makes you feel bad dump him

Life's too short to put up with crap from people that are supposed to make you happy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A fuck buddie is not a relationship. U can fuck who u want. He seems to be the jelous type type tho lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ditch him now. Why would you want a no strings relationship that causes you distress. Tell him why he's being cut loose and don't waver.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've messaged him this morning on WhatsApp and although he's online he hasn't replied. I think it's a game to him, I do feel like he's trying to control me.

I've read all your comments and I've chatted with a friend who had been telling me for the last couple of weeks to get rid of him. I know I must have some emotional attachment to him, maybe that is linked to him being the first man I've slept with other than my husband. But I know for definite that I don't want any more than sex from him. I'm going to finish things once and for all. It's not healthy and it's not what we want from swinging. Jx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"I've messaged him this morning on WhatsApp and although he's online he hasn't replied. I think it's a game to him, I do feel like he's trying to control me.

Thanks for the update, personally I think you're right (for what it's worth)

Best of luck for the future.

Mr ddc

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now you've deleted your post and I look like I'm talking to myself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread