FabSwingers.com forum: Happily married

By *ichardBarrow OP Man
over a year ago

grantham

Controversial but here goes.

Ive seen this a few times, people saying they are happily married but want NSA fun.

I was the same for many years, we are now divorced and it was clear we was not happily married, we just thought we were.

We wanted different things but were 'comfortable' and in a routine.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a fair point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone is different. For some it works for others it doesn't.

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

Its worked for us we got married very young both had little experience with other,s me nil Paul not a lot. Started with reading girly magazines in bed the stories letters turned us both on. I just wanted to see what another cock felt like Told Paul not to push me i would when it felt right. Swinging as made our marriage happy and strong.Think people who want to swing there is something wrong with there marriage they want something new it can make or break your marriage its worked very well for us.

If you start thinking about having sex with others and not swinging with your partner your marriage is over antway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Controversial but here goes.

Ive seen this a few times, people saying they are happily married but want NSA fun.

I was the same for many years, we are now divorced and it was clear we was not happily married, we just thought we were.

We wanted different things but were 'comfortable' and in a routine.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?"

Thoughts? Yes: just again shows that there is no single rule, no one thing which is right and everyone is in their own unique situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its worked for us we got married very young both had little experience with other,s me nil Paul not a lot. Started with reading girly magazines in bed the stories letters turned us both on. I just wanted to see what another cock felt like Told Paul not to push me i would when it felt right. Swinging as made our marriage happy and strong.Think people who want to swing there is something wrong with there marriage they want something new it can make or break your marriage its worked very well for us.

If you start thinking about having sex with others and not swinging with your partner your marriage is over antway"

Well put.

It's added another facet to our marriage and, we think,made it stronger as we stray together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you start thinking about having sex with others and not swinging with your partner your marriage is over antway"

No. This is you. Your experience. Your belief. You don't speak for everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you start thinking about having sex with others and not swinging with your partner your marriage is over antway"

I'm not married but this I agree with. If it's something you hide from your partner, you're not happily married. If it's something you discuss with your partner, it can make your relationship stronger, or break it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone is different and the people all involved have different boundaries. I (the m) got called a chicken for not going out to pull a girl on a recent business trip after we talked about it. The expectation is that we tell each other about what happened. If we meet aground here we'd want to meet together though. Each to their own basically.

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By *s53Man
over a year ago

leeds

"Controversial but here goes.

Ive seen this a few times, people saying they are happily married but want NSA fun.

I was the same for many years, we are now divorced and it was clear we was not happily married, we just thought we were.

We wanted different things but were 'comfortable' and in a routine.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?"

agree with you

my ex changed and left too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very happily married but my wife doesn't have a nice warm penis and I only have one.

Swinging is the solution to this problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That applied to you, it may not apply to others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you start thinking about having sex with others and not swinging with your partner your marriage is over antway

No. This is you. Your experience. Your belief. You don't speak for everyone. "

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By *ichardBarrow OP Man
over a year ago

grantham

"Im not married but this I agree with. If it's something you hide from your partner, you're not happily married. If it's something you discuss with your partner, it can make your relationship stronger, or break it. "

I mean more of those that their partners do not know. My ex and me never did this, Lara opened my eyes to it.

But I thought I was happy until I saw what was on the other side.

Ironically she had an affair but was so closed down sexually in our relationship. I wanted more and she didn't. I think that's more my point, if your looking elsewhere behind your partners back your not happily married

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. You thought you were happily married. You weren't. Your situation, not the same for everyone.

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By *ady4ladyWoman
over a year ago

liverpool

If a husband or wife has sex with another without their partners consent and deliberately hides it because the other person would not be happy with it, then the relationship is in trouble.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a husband or wife has sex with another without their partners consent and deliberately hides it because the other person would not be happy with it, then the relationship is in trouble.

this. If you are 'swinging' but your other half doesn't know, you are not SWINGING

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its like couples top trumps here..

All relationships are different.

Don't judge.

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By *ertiVogtsMan
over a year ago

Exeter

If you start thinking about having sex with others and not swinging with your partner your marriage is over antway

Well put.

It's added another facet to our marriage and, we think,made it stronger as we stray together.

"Stray together." I do like that !

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I've never been married so I'm not really qualified to answer this. Obviously I'm gonna throw my tuppence worth in just the same though!

I think the dynamics of every relationship are different. I've never cheated on anyone but I have been the other woman. That doesn't mean I have no morals, you don't know the circumstances.

I don't think any situation is simple but I do think that if you're looking for someone else on a sexual level then there is something within your relationship that's not quite right. It could be broken for any number of reasons but it's not simple to know the ins and outs of it when you're not in the situation.

To cheat without your partner's knowledge is something you need to live with but if I were in those shoes then I couldn't do it. I'd rather be alone and have a clear conscience than with someone and unhappy.

There are all sorts of reasons people stay in a relationship that's less than perfect but that's probably a whole new topic.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Controversial but here goes.

Ive seen this a few times, people saying they are happily married but want NSA fun.

I was the same for many years, we are now divorced and it was clear we was not happily married, we just thought we were.

We wanted different things but were 'comfortable' and in a routine.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?"

In a recent thread asking about things on profiles you found off putting I mentioned "happily married" as for me it's something you don't need to say unless you're trying to convince yourself.

So when I see "happily married" I do think "if you say so!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've never been married so I'm not really qualified to answer this. Obviously I'm gonna throw my tuppence worth in just the same though!

I think the dynamics of every relationship are different. I've never cheated on anyone but I have been the other woman. That doesn't mean I have no morals, you don't know the circumstances.

There are all sorts of reasons people stay in a relationship that's less than perfect but that's probably a whole new topic. "

THIS! I've also been the other woman (unwittingly I may add). I do think there's a huge difference between playing with partners permission and going behind their back. One can enhance and I think the other is likely to destroy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are all sorts of reasons people stay in a relationship that's less than perfect but that's probably a whole new topic. "

I genuinely don't believe it's possible for any relationship to be absolutely perfect. There are degrees of compromise in every situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with a lot of what Dirty Girl just said.

I have been married. I did cheat. I have also been the other woman.

People who are open about the fact they are playing away from home on here get haulled through the coals.

No one knows the circumstances of anyone's personal situation. We all just portray only what we want others to see.

I understand people have strong views on people who cheat. I also know there are others who have strong views about couples who swing. Or indeed singles being here.

I'm sad that the other woman or man is always branded some heartless home wrecker. Believe me when I say nothing could be further from the truth at times.

People manage their relationships the way that works best for them. It's no one's right to criticise them for it..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Controversial but here goes.

Ive seen this a few times, people saying they are happily married but want NSA fun.

I was the same for many years, we are now divorced and it was clear we was not happily married, we just thought we were.

We wanted different things but were 'comfortable' and in a routine.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

In a recent thread asking about things on profiles you found off putting I mentioned "happily married" as for me it's something you don't need to say unless you're trying to convince yourself.

So when I see "happily married" I do think "if you say so!""

It amuses me. Trying so hard to appear a certain way. Bless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you start thinking about having sex with others and not swinging with your partner your marriage is over antway

Well put.

It's added another facet to our marriage and, we think,made it stronger as we stray together.

"Stray together." I do like that !

Heh,but it's true.

We can see each other having fun, which is a turn on on itself, and chat about what we did later.

We've seen many marriages go boom because one has cheated, if they had explored their fantasies together maybe they would probably still be together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 20/09/15 10:33:33]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Call a spade a spade.......if you are having sex with others, without partners knowledge or consent, knowing that said sexual relations would not be aceeptable to them, you are cheating not swinging. This does not constitute a 'happy marriage', whether they are aware or not!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*acceptable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are all sorts of reasons people stay in a relationship that's less than perfect but that's probably a whole new topic.

I genuinely don't believe it's possible for any relationship to be absolutely perfect. There are degrees of compromise in every situation. "

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

There are all sorts of reasons people stay in a relationship that's less than perfect but that's probably a whole new topic.

I genuinely don't believe it's possible for any relationship to be absolutely perfect. There are degrees of compromise in every situation. "

Yeah I'd agree with that, sorry it was badly worded. Maybe I should have said broken beyond repair? We all need to compromise in any relationship and yours should be perfect for you rather than perfect if that makes sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are all sorts of reasons people stay in a relationship that's less than perfect but that's probably a whole new topic.

I genuinely don't believe it's possible for any relationship to be absolutely perfect. There are degrees of compromise in every situation.

It does make sense....I still much prefer not quite perfect for me, say 95% perfect, than nothing at all and being completely alone though, but that's just a decision we all make.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...

I think that's more my point, if your looking elsewhere behind your partners back your not happily married"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like how the word "swinging" makes some people think that fucking people other than your spouse morally acceptable. Whereas to most people it would just be that both partners are cheating - which arguably makes the relationship twice as fucked-up as a relationship where only one partner is cheating.

Any feeling of moral superiority is very misplaced.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like how the word "swinging" makes some people think that fucking people other than your spouse morally acceptable. Whereas to most people it would just be that both partners are cheating - which arguably makes the relationship twice as fucked-up as a relationship where only one partner is cheating.

Any feeling of moral superiority is very misplaced. "

That's true. ...but it's still perfectly possible to be happily married and have sex with others. My relationship with my husband is far from perfect, but we have been a lot less happier together than we are right now. Does swinging pay a part in that? I don't know, but I think that the communication that you have to have when entering into this lifestyle has helped for sure. No moral superiority, i just think that a relationship where two people are able to talk about issues and are honest about what they want stands a better chance of being a happy one than one where one or both partners aren't able to fully be themselves. Someone mentioned something about balance. We all find a level that is acceptable to us at the end of the day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Controversial but here goes.

Ive seen this a few times, people saying they are happily married but want NSA fun.

I was the same for many years, we are now divorced and it was clear we was not happily married, we just thought we were.

We wanted different things but were 'comfortable' and in a routine.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?"
it more controversial to say it here on a swing site where some people can be happy together and swing both consenting. But this place and those of that life style...are not the norm. Not a right or wrong in that...but most people seek a bond which is exclusive of others. Couples that swing are quite a small number I would think...and even within that the risks of break up living that life style is probably quite high...as is with marriage ..long term relationship s anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put badly...exclusive. ..I mean...a bond excluding all others...!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any feeling of moral superiority is very misplaced. "

There's a difference between choosing non monogamy as a couple and just cheating behind someone's back, though. The latter is deceitful.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

There are all sorts of reasons people stay in a relationship that's less than perfect but that's probably a whole new topic.

I genuinely don't believe it's possible for any relationship to be absolutely perfect. There are degrees of compromise in every situation.

It does make sense....I still much prefer not quite perfect for me, say 95% perfect, than nothing at all and being completely alone though, but that's just a decision we all make. "

Yup... perfect is probably the wrong word altogether, it makes me think of being on some pedestal and we all know the only way off that is down. Right for you I guess is better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any feeling of moral superiority is very misplaced.

There's a difference between choosing non monogamy as a couple and just cheating behind someone's back, though. The latter is deceitful. "

I agree. And I'm not claiming moral superiority, but the words "mutual consent" are at the core of our swinging experience.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any feeling of moral superiority is very misplaced.

There's a difference between choosing non monogamy as a couple and just cheating behind someone's back, though. The latter is deceitful. "

I agree. And deceit is awful. Just think what must be happening to make deceit the preferred option.

It could easily be argued that a relationship with two cannabis smokers is worse than one smoker doing so in secret. Both people doing something that most of society sees as wrong, or one person doing it and hiding it.

I see all of the arguments and never try to defend my situation (although I will explain it). My point is the moral superiority is very misplaced.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any feeling of moral superiority is very misplaced.

There's a difference between choosing non monogamy as a couple and just cheating behind someone's back, though. The latter is deceitful.

I agree. And deceit is awful. Just think what must be happening to make deceit the preferred option.

I see all of the arguments and never try to defend my situation (although I will explain it). My point is the moral superiority is very misplaced. "

The OP was about people claiming to be happily married.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any feeling of moral superiority is very misplaced.

There's a difference between choosing non monogamy as a couple and just cheating behind someone's back, though. The latter is deceitful.

I agree. And deceit is awful. Just think what must be happening to make deceit the preferred option.

I see all of the arguments and never try to defend my situation (although I will explain it). My point is the moral superiority is very misplaced. "

I don't think that analogy works, and I don't understand why deceit is the only option. Ending the relationship or being honest about fucking others would be preferable.

In this case, it's the difference between two people choosing to include others in their sex life and one constantly running around lying, hiding stuff, fucking others behind the other's back.

The latter is removing the choice from the partner which is definitely worse, plus it's inconsiderate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any feeling of moral superiority is very misplaced.

There's a difference between choosing non monogamy as a couple and just cheating behind someone's back, though. The latter is deceitful.

I agree. And deceit is awful. Just think what must be happening to make deceit the preferred option.

I see all of the arguments and never try to defend my situation (although I will explain it). My point is the moral superiority is very misplaced.

I don't think that analogy works, and I don't understand why deceit is the only option. Ending the relationship or being honest about fucking others would be preferable.

In this case, it's the difference between two people choosing to include others in their sex life and one constantly running around lying, hiding stuff, fucking others behind the other's back.

The latter is removing the choice from the partner which is definitely worse, plus it's inconsiderate. "

There's one part of your comment above that's the most relevant: "I don't understand"

Exactly. You don't understand my situation, or his, and I don't understand yours. Because I'm not in it, and you're not in mine. If I was bitter about having been cheated on, I might view my situation differently, but I'd still be wrong.

No one will ever understand the choices other people choose to make in their relationships.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any feeling of moral superiority is very misplaced.

There's a difference between choosing non monogamy as a couple and just cheating behind someone's back, though. The latter is deceitful.

I agree. And deceit is awful. Just think what must be happening to make deceit the preferred option.

I see all of the arguments and never try to defend my situation (although I will explain it). My point is the moral superiority is very misplaced.

I don't think that analogy works, and I don't understand why deceit is the only option. Ending the relationship or being honest about fucking others would be preferable.

In this case, it's the difference between two people choosing to include others in their sex life and one constantly running around lying, hiding stuff, fucking others behind the other's back.

The latter is removing the choice from the partner which is definitely worse, plus it's inconsiderate.

There's one part of your comment above that's the most relevant: "I don't understand"

No one will ever understand the choices other people choose to make in their relationships. "

There's no situation that can make cheating okay.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's no situation that can make cheating okay. "

For you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's no situation that can make cheating okay.

For you."

Nah, it's universal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's one part of your comment above that's the most relevant: "I don't understand"

Exactly. You don't understand my situation, or his, and I don't understand yours. Because I'm not in it, and you're not in mine.

No one will ever understand the choices other people choose to make in their relationships. "

This needs to be posted in pretty much every argumentative thread on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's no situation that can make cheating okay.

For you.

Nah, it's universal. "

For you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's one part of your comment above that's the most relevant: "I don't understand"

Exactly. You don't understand my situation, or his, and I don't understand yours. Because I'm not in it, and you're not in mine.

No one will ever understand the choices other people choose to make in their relationships.

This needs to be posted in pretty much every argumentative thread on here.

Where's the fun in that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If my options were: to be cheated on, (with someone unconnected to my life whatsoever, not an affair with a friend or colleague, not falling in love with someone else), or to be dumped and divorced and have an entire loving relationship binned off, I would choose to be cheated on every single time. I'm sure there are plenty who'd argue that shows a lack of respect for myself or similar, but I would rather have 95% of someone I am, and will always be, in love with, than to have none of them at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If my options were: to be cheated on, (with someone unconnected to my life whatsoever, not an affair with a friend or colleague, not falling in love with someone else), or to be dumped and divorced and have an entire loving relationship binned off, I would choose to be cheated on every single time. I'm sure there are plenty who'd argue that shows a lack of respect for myself or similar, but I would rather have 95% of someone I am, and will always be, in love with, than to have none of them at all. "

So you're deciding for your partner that he'll prefer to be cheated on?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you're deciding for your partner that he'll prefer to be cheated on?"

No. Which is why I used the first person pronoun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you're deciding for your partner that he'll prefer to be cheated on?

No. Which is why I used the first person pronoun.

Ohhh, so you're honest with him?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you're deciding for your partner that he'll prefer to be cheated on?

No. Which is why I used the first person pronoun.

Ruby, I'm not trying to be rude, and no, I don't know your situation. But can I just ask, in all seriousness, if these really are the options of the other person, the person being cheated on (NOT the person doing the cheating), then why not present them with those options and let them make the choice? That's the part I can't figure out. If someone who was cheating, told their partner this was their choice, it wouldn't be cheating because the deceit would be gone. So why not offer the person being cheated on the options and let them choose?

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you're deciding for your partner that he'll prefer to be cheated on?

No. Which is why I used the first person pronoun.

-Courtney"

Exactly. Now I'm done, this is absurdity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you're deciding for your partner that he'll prefer to be cheated on?

No. Which is why I used the first person pronoun.

-Courtney"

Because maybe I'm too scared to do that. We're not all as brave as you and my little friend on this thread. Shoot me now, eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Controversial but here goes.

Ive seen this a few times, people saying they are happily married but want NSA fun.

I was the same for many years, we are now divorced and it was clear we was not happily married, we just thought we were.

We wanted different things but were 'comfortable' and in a routine.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?"
We are happily married and tied at the hip,we do everything together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Harsh. But narrow minds will remain always narrow minds and closed to other peoples situations. I was going to say the phrase "Don't judge..." but realise there's no point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you're deciding for your partner that he'll prefer to be cheated on?

No. Which is why I used the first person pronoun.

-Courtney

Because maybe I'm too scared to do that. We're not all as brave as you and my little friend on this thread. Shoot me now, eh? "

I'm not trying to shoot you. And I don't have a little friend. Really. I haven't said anything to you that I find offensive. I'm really just trying to understand.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because maybe I'm too scared to do that. We're not all as brave as you and my little friend on this thread. Shoot me now, eh?

I'm not trying to shoot you. And I don't have a little friend. Really. I haven't said anything to you that I find offensive. I'm really just trying to understand.

-Courtney"

I know, and I didn't find it offensive. I said "my" little friend. And the answer I gave should give the explanation you need, but I don't think you'll understand anyway. That's not a slur on you.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

So you're deciding for your partner that he'll prefer to be cheated on?

No. Which is why I used the first person pronoun.

-Courtney

Because maybe I'm too scared to do that. We're not all as brave as you and my little friend on this thread. Shoot me now, eh? "
you know, I really couldn't care if someone is married or not, what i don't like to see is people constantly going on about it, trying to justify there actions(and yes you do by repeatedly saying you don't understand my situation) why don't you just have it on your profile and be done with instead of drawing attention to it all the while.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" you know, I really couldn't care if someone is married or not, what i don't like to see is people constantly going on about it, trying to justify there actions(and yes you do by repeatedly saying you don't understand my situation) why don't you just have it on your profile and be done with instead of drawing attention to it all the while. "

To be fair, the thread wasn't started by the people defending cheating, and it is just human nature to want to defend our actions when they are being questioned and criticized on an open forum. I haven't seen any of the people defending cheating on here start threads about their cheating....just saying.

-Courtney

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Harsh. But narrow minds will remain always narrow minds and closed to other peoples situations. I was going to say the phrase "Don't judge..." but realise there's no point.

Your correct sir. No point whatsoever. Everyone has an opinion and everyone thinks theirs is right. No one can understand others thought process or argument. Its a common trait on many shall we say common threads.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

-Courtney"
its not just this thread, anyone with a bit of sense knows how any mention of cheating will go, some just put it on their profile and suck it up and some (I'm not just talking about ruby) draw attention to it at every opportunity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you know, I really couldn't care if someone is married or not, what i don't like to see is people constantly going on about it, trying to justify there actions(and yes you do by repeatedly saying you don't understand my situation) why don't you just have it on your profile and be done with instead of drawing attention to it all the while. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FYI - you responded to me, my post was to someone else.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Because I feel there's space for more than one viewpoint on forums. When I see a thread where the majority viewpoint is against mine, that tends to be where I choose to post (perhaps because I'm argumentative). More recent posts on this thread have addressed me directly, so I chose to respond to them. "
they will be directed to you, you've chosen to post on the thread, if it had been someone else who had posted they would of had the same.

A woman started a thread the other week and it came to light she was married, she was called all sorts of names and then she left, its the nature of the beast, the more attention you draw to something the more its going to get commented on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FYI - you responded to me, my post was to someone else. "

FYI - "More recent posts".

My first response falls under the wanting to share another viewpoint/being argumentative category. You chose to personalise it and refer to other events.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because I feel there's space for more than one viewpoint on forums. When I see a thread where the majority viewpoint is against mine, that tends to be where I choose to post (perhaps because I'm argumentative). More recent posts on this thread have addressed me directly, so I chose to respond to them. they will be directed to you, you've chosen to post on the thread, if it had been someone else who had posted they would of had the same.

You're completely right, and yes I know how these threads always go. But wouldn't they be boring if every post said "yeah, cheating, god it's awful".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FYI - you responded to me, my post was to someone else.

FYI - "More recent posts".

My first response falls under the wanting to share another viewpoint/being argumentative category. You chose to personalise it and refer to other events. "

Cos it's relevant. Anyway, ThingTwo publicly announced why you left in previous posts. It's hardly a secret

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Relationships exist to meet our needs; emotional, physical, social etc. If those needs are not being met by the relationship and one or both parties have to look elsewhere, then that's not a happy relationship in my book.

When I hear that from people the inference is 'I'm perfectly happy and content with lying and deceiving my partner' which makes me very uncomfortable with them as a person. It goes on for a variety of reasons, but at least have the decency to have a sense of shame about it.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

FYI - you responded to me, my post was to someone else.

FYI - "More recent posts".

My first response falls under the wanting to share another viewpoint/being argumentative category. You chose to personalise it and refer to other events.

Cos it's relevant. Anyway, ThingTwo publicly announced why you left in previous posts. It's hardly a secret

"
that's the bit I couldn't understand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's no situation that can make cheating okay.

For you.

Nah, it's universal. "

I disagree. In some instances it's the only option

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FYI - you responded to me, my post was to someone else.

FYI - "More recent posts".

My first response falls under the wanting to share another viewpoint/being argumentative category. You chose to personalise it and refer to other events.

Cos it's relevant. Anyway, ThingTwo publicly announced why you left in previous posts. It's hardly a secret

that's the bit I couldn't understand"

I'm sure she'll explain it all for you. I don't think it's relevant or appropriate so I won't.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

FYI - you responded to me, my post was to someone else.

FYI - "More recent posts".

My first response falls under the wanting to share another viewpoint/being argumentative category. You chose to personalise it and refer to other events.

Cos it's relevant. Anyway, ThingTwo publicly announced why you left in previous posts. It's hardly a secret

that's the bit I couldn't understand

I'm sure she'll explain it all for you. I don't think it's relevant or appropriate so I won't."
to be honest I'm not the slightest bit interested nor I'm sure are many people, but when your happy to have your personal life banded around the forums people will comment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not happy about it - which is why I reported those posts, but unfortunately they're still there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

FYI - you responded to me, my post was to someone else.

FYI - "More recent posts".

My first response falls under the wanting to share another viewpoint/being argumentative category. You chose to personalise it and refer to other events.

Cos it's relevant. Anyway, ThingTwo publicly announced why you left in previous posts. It's hardly a secret

that's the bit I couldn't understand

I'm sure she'll explain it all for you. I don't think it's relevant or appropriate so I won't."

Cos you're asking other people to respect your relationship and your choices, when you do something that compromises it yourself. It's silly.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I'm not happy about it - which is why I reported those posts, but unfortunately they're still there. "
maybe chose your friends more wisely when you want to be descrete

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you start thinking about having sex with others and not swinging with your partner your marriage is over antway"

Exactly this

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

"Controversial but here goes.

Ive seen this a few times, people saying they are happily married but want NSA fun.

I was the same for many years, we are now divorced and it was clear we was not happily married, we just thought we were.

We wanted different things but were 'comfortable' and in a routine.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

In a recent thread asking about things on profiles you found off putting I mentioned "happily married" as for me it's something you don't need to say unless you're trying to convince yourself.

So when I see "happily married" I do think "if you say so!""

We are happily married.

Is it all "hearts and flowers"?

Honestly... no, we disagree about some things, but we sort things out.

We got into swinging about 8 years ago, we got into it because it was something we both wanted, our relationship was strong, we had a good set of rules, and from the off we have enjoyed it.

I would say that, even though we had a great relationship when we started, if anything, swinging has improved it.

We now feel closer as a couple, definitely more loved-up and we can talk about anything, no subject is too intimate to broach, we don't feel awkward about having differing opinions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can we go back to the op please? It was more interesting

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I'm not happy about it - which is why I reported those posts, but unfortunately they're still there.

I've requested they be removed too, but I think it's dumb as ThingTwo told everyone anyway."
oh that's what I was referring to not this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you're deciding for your partner that he'll prefer to be cheated on?

No. Which is why I used the first person pronoun.

-Courtney

Because maybe I'm too scared to do that. We're not all as brave as you and my little friend on this thread. Shoot me now, eh? you know, I really couldn't care if someone is married or not, what i don't like to see is people constantly going on about it, trying to justify there actions(and yes you do by repeatedly saying you don't understand my situation) why don't you just have it on your profile and be done with instead of drawing attention to it all the while. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cos it's relevant. Anyway, ThingTwo publicly announced why you left in previous posts. It's hardly a secret

That is firstly am exaggeration. There were rumours which I stopped.

Secondly, you know exactly what happened and to bring this back up again shows the sort of person you are.

Thirdly, I still have screen prints of all the messages and threads and what you said at the time I have never brought up publicly because I'm not malicious, vindictive or spiteful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id like to say something constructive but man im fed up of this subject.

Not everyones the same, not every relationship is the same. Love isnt some magic potion that turns people into barbie and ken. No one is perfect.

Judge all you want but dont tell me whether im happy or not or whether my marriage is over. Ive been in it 11 years i think i know better than you...

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Id like to say something constructive but man im fed up of this subject.

Not everyones the same, not every relationship is the same. Love isnt some magic potion that turns people into barbie and ken. No one is perfect.

Judge all you want but dont tell me whether im happy or not or whether my marriage is over. Ive been in it 11 years i think i know better than you..."
it I've never seen you harp on about it or try and justify yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've never been married so I'm not really qualified to answer this. Obviously I'm gonna throw my tuppence worth in just the same though!

I think the dynamics of every relationship are different. I've never cheated on anyone but I have been the other woman. That doesn't mean I have no morals, you don't know the circumstances.

There are all sorts of reasons people stay in a relationship that's less than perfect but that's probably a whole new topic.

I agree with this...id never play with a married person without her partners permission..just wrong...and OP i do think theres a lot more in your position than people think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's no situation that can make cheating okay.

For you.

Nah, it's universal.

I disagree. In some instances it's the only option "

Other than pure greedy bastards, I don't think anyone who cheats does so because it's 'ok'. More like it's an option that takes care of a need. I wouldn't for a minute think that any do it with a clear conscience. If everything else is working in a marriage or indeed any relationship it can be seen as a better option than breaking up. The rights and wrongs can be debated ad infinitum but it's that simple. Telling the partner is the preferred option yes. Its a bit naive not to see why most would not in my opinion.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"If it's something you hide from your partner, you're not happily married. If it's something you discuss with your partner, it can make your relationship stronger, or break it. "

I agree totally

I think this can apply to anything in a relationship. Communicating your needs and having totally honesty is the key to a good relationship in my opinion.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

"If it's something you hide from your partner, you're not happily married. If it's something you discuss with your partner, it can make your relationship stronger, or break it."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Id like to say something constructive but man im fed up of this subject.

Not everyones the same, not every relationship is the same. Love isnt some magic potion that turns people into barbie and ken. No one is perfect.

Judge all you want but dont tell me whether im happy or not or whether my marriage is over. Ive been in it 11 years i think i know better than you..."

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By *riskygazMan
over a year ago

birmingham

Mmm their will be differing views on this one, but I would say if you truly loved someone the thought of them having sex with someone else would be upsetting, I remember a program a few years ago, that looked at married couple who had open relationships, who said they loved each other, a few years latter they contacted these people again, and I wasn't surprised to find out a lot of them are no longer together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's no situation that can make cheating okay. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's no situation that can make cheating okay.

For you.

Nah, it's universal.

I disagree. In some instances it's the only option

I think you're answering the OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mmm their will be differing views on this one, but I would say if you truly loved someone the thought of them having sex with someone else would be upsetting, I remember a program a few years ago, that looked at married couple who had open relationships, who said they loved each other, a few years latter they contacted these people again, and I wasn't surprised to find out a lot of them are no longer together."

I don't really agree with this. I've met several couples who are truly in love, it's just not the kind of relationship I'd have.

Swinging definitely works for people. Cheating doesn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's no situation that can make cheating okay.

For you.

Nah, it's universal.

I disagree. In some instances it's the only option

I think you're answering the OP.

Answering all I hoped

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Id like to say something constructive but man im fed up of this subject.

Not everyones the same, not every relationship is the same. Love isnt some magic potion that turns people into barbie and ken. No one is perfect.

Judge all you want but dont tell me whether im happy or not or whether my marriage is over. Ive been in it 11 years i think i know better than you... it I've never seen you harp on about it or try and justify yourself"

Thats because i know im wrong to be honest. At the same time though the partner being cheated on is always portrayed as perfect. I can make the effort with my husband 365 days a year and it will only be reciprocated once or twice.

Doesnt mean i dont love him i do and i would never want anyone else. A lack of sex and the closeness affects me as much as him knowing all the details would affect him.

Some people are greedy im not. Im not gonna try and convince people to be ok with what i do but i appreciate quiet dissaproval lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In some cases perhaps but not all. It's brilliant fun watching your partner fuck someone else. In my experience.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Id like to say something constructive but man im fed up of this subject.

Not everyones the same, not every relationship is the same. Love isnt some magic potion that turns people into barbie and ken. No one is perfect.

Judge all you want but dont tell me whether im happy or not or whether my marriage is over. Ive been in it 11 years i think i know better than you..."

I know nowt about anything personal that's going on in this thread but I will say that I think it's pretty poor to get personal on other people's situation when you don't know it from both sides. We're adults, we make our own choices. I'd rather those who are here without their partners consent were honest about it then I can make my own choice. Informed consent is what works for me. I'm responsible for my choices, not for anyone else's and I'm not party to anything in the outside lives of people here, I've not walked in their shoes so it's not for me to judge.

We're all entitled to our opinion on things but stop throwing stones. You all live in houses with glass. It's just that our circumstances are wide and varied.

Adults. Respect. Try at least.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It may be upsetting for you. Not for others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've met couples but would never play with just one of them, personally I can't get my head around them meeting separately. That's my personal choice as much as it's their personal choice - who am I to say they are wrong?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Id like to say something constructive but man im fed up of this subject.

Not everyones the same, not every relationship is the same. Love isnt some magic potion that turns people into barbie and ken. No one is perfect.

Judge all you want but dont tell me whether im happy or not or whether my marriage is over. Ive been in it 11 years i think i know better than you..."

16 years for me.

And what I do is try and show that one size does not fit all. If this is construed as harping on, then that's how it will be viewed.

But what I won't do it publicly attack or abuse anyone for their own choices because I don't know their situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really don't like the assumption that if you're cheating then your partner instantly becomes a poor wee innocent victim. Sometimes I'm sure that's the case, but not always. Other people's relationships aren't your business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Id like to say something constructive but man im fed up of this subject.

Not everyones the same, not every relationship is the same. Love isnt some magic potion that turns people into barbie and ken. No one is perfect.

Judge all you want but dont tell me whether im happy or not or whether my marriage is over. Ive been in it 11 years i think i know better than you...

We're all entitled to our opinion on things but stop throwing stones. You all live in houses with glass. It's just that our circumstances are wide and varied.

Adults. Respect. Try at least. "

Couldnt agree more, and thats why im always up front and its those i meets choice to meet me or not. Its ony profile for that reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I really don't like the assumption that if you're cheating then your partner instantly becomes a poor wee innocent victim. Sometimes I'm sure that's the case, but not always. Other people's relationships aren't your business. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Relationships and people are complex. I don't think that swinging should be explored to enhance a marriage or relationship and I don't think it can save a marriage where one has cheated previously. Allowing someone to explore desires with others because you believe it will stop them cheating behind your back will never work. They'll probably continue to cheat or message women on here behind their partners backs. The thrill can be the deceit and the taboo rather than the sex.

I have always treated swinging as a hobby, it has never been solely about the sex for me. This is why we prefer parties and clubs because it's about adventure. The thrill of swinging for us is the decadence, the taboo nature, the knowledge that us two old boring buggers can look as if butter wouldn't melt but have a dark and perverse hobby. My partners employees never swear or talk about sex in front of him. They think he's an old git that wouldn't understand and would be terribly shocked. It's this secret life of ours that is the driving force for us.

It can be lots of fun for couples but it can also destroy a relationship, it depends on the real reasons behind the choice of swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To us it's simple, sex is sex, love is love.

Simple fact is you can't explore some 'sex acts' with just the two of you and, anyhow, what's wrong with the one you love having a bit of extra fun?

Just our two penneth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

My first response falls under the wanting to share another viewpoint/being argumentative category. "

What a load of tosh!

That wasn't being argumentative, THIS is being argumentative

OP: I am sorry your first marriage didn't work out, perhaps you will have better luck with your second (though statistics are against you), however there is no need to judge every other relationship though your own cynicism. Many marriages are happy, those of swingers happier than most, but probably all marriages have trials and tribulations that couples either work through, or give up on.

When I see that phrase on a profile it sometimes saddens me, because I see a couple feeling they have to justify their presence on here to the many non-swingers who regularly post that couples who swing must be unhappy with each other. But generally I just assume that they are what they say they are. Who am I to judge otherwise?

As for 'cheats', my own opinion is that often these threads show a far more unattractive trait from others - bitterness.

Anyway, I'm now off to add to our profile

"Happily married, apart from in the bedroom department, where one of us is shit in bed". If there are any unicorns who want to 'take one for the team' to discover which of us it is, you know where to find us.

Everyone happy?

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My first response falls under the wanting to share another viewpoint/being argumentative category.

What a load of tosh!

That wasn't being argumentative, THIS is being argumentative

As for 'cheats', my own opinion is that often these threads show a far more unattractive trait from others - bitterness.

Anyway, I'm now off to add to our profile

Everyone happy?

Mr ddc"

Have you been inundated with offers?

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

My first response falls under the wanting to share another viewpoint/being argumentative category.

What a load of tosh!

That wasn't being argumentative, THIS is being argumentative

As for 'cheats', my own opinion is that often these threads show a far more unattractive trait from others - bitterness.

Anyway, I'm now off to add to our profile

Everyone happy?

Mr ddc

Have you been inundated with offers?

I love their pics!!! Not sure how they got away with some of them!!

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Anyway, I'm now off to add to our profile

Everyone happy?

Mr ddc

Have you been inundated with offers?

Sadly I suspect they've already guessed the answer...

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"I love their pics!!! Not sure how they got away with some of them!!

Easy.

Everyone's so busy saying "Blimey, is that Quasimodo over there with a camera" that they fail to notice Mrs ddc!

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

"I love their pics!!! Not sure how they got away with some of them!!

Easy.

Everyone's so busy saying "Blimey, is that Quasimodo over there with a camera" that they fail to notice Mrs ddc!

I'm sure that's not true!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My first response falls under the wanting to share another viewpoint/being argumentative category.

What a load of tosh!

That wasn't being argumentative, THIS is being argumentative

As for 'cheats', my own opinion is that often these threads show a far more unattractive trait from others - bitterness.

Anyway, I'm now off to add to our profile

Everyone happy?

Mr ddc

Have you been inundated with offers?

I love their pics!!! Not sure how they got away with some of them!!

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

You're probably right.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I love their pics!!! Not sure how they got away with some of them!!

Easy.

Everyone's so busy saying "Blimey, is that Quasimodo over there with a camera" that they fail to notice Mrs ddc!

That woman is a saint going about with you trailing after her, limp (make up your own jokes), misshapen shoulder, warts and all

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

On the subject of if we're happily married or not I don't give a damn what any one thinks as long as we know the truth.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"That woman is a saint going about with you trailing after her, limp (make up your own jokes), misshapen shoulder, warts and all

Fortunately I make a mean lemon meringue roulade

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"That woman is a saint going about with you trailing after her, limp (make up your own jokes), misshapen shoulder, warts and all

Fortunately I make a mean lemon meringue roulade

Now it becomes clear...........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On the subject of if we're happily married or not I don't give a damn what any one thinks as long as we know the truth.

Well that's no fun is it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just have to say DerbyDalesCpl that we have just looked at your pictures and, yep, they must be the best on the site.

Double thumbs up.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"On the subject of if we're happily married or not I don't give a damn what any one thinks as long as we know the truth.

Well that's no fun is it.

Oh ok.

We live in a very large house in order to avoid each other unless strictly necessary. I only stay with him because we all know single women can't get meets, those wrists won't cuff themselves and in all honesty nobody else would have me. He only stays with me because he can't change the quilt cover on his own, I will exchange a blow job for a darn good spanking and he can't take the hem of his jeans up.

We swing because it prevents us mentally torturing each other in a bad way.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Well this went well...

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

i made some deep post on this but decided not to comment...it would only cause controversy and no one likes this on here..right?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"i made some deep post on this but decided not to comment...it would only cause controversy and no one likes this on here..right?

Write what you want as long as its within the rules

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On the subject of if we're happily married or not I don't give a damn what any one thinks as long as we know the truth.

Well that's no fun is it.

Oh ok.

We swing because it prevents us mentally torturing each other in a bad way.

You forgot to admit you're a ginger.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"On the subject of if we're happily married or not I don't give a damn what any one thinks as long as we know the truth.

Well that's no fun is it.

Oh ok.

We swing because it prevents us mentally torturing each other in a bad way.

You forgot to admit you're a ginger.

That's the biggest obstacle to marital harmony along with my pensioner status. I mean.....would you?

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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"i made some deep post on this but decided not to comment...it would only cause controversy and no one likes this on here..right?

Write what you want as long as its within the rules "

oh its within the rules, just different perspective on the whole topic...

ok thank you...i shall....

just my ramblings...im a bit deep today...

marriage is a socially constructed concept, that some buy into, for whatever reason..

morality is a socially constructed concept, that some buy into.it is a choice,to make themselves feel better, about how they are living their lives. that's the only reason for rules, so you can become acceptable to your class, gender, environmental grouping that you wish to be accepted by.

love is subjective, it is not definable, as it is totally individualistic, based on social imprints on your psyche.

therefore, you cannot actually say sex and love are different, they are only different, because you choose to keep them separate, because of other social constructs you choose to agree with..this is a choice, again not for everyone.

'love' is based on your own needs being met by another..a social arrangement for your own benefit

to own which agreements you are buying into, when you declare it...is actually quite liberating, it stops you judging others for what they 'want'..a totally humbling experience if you do it with honesty..

plenty of people on here break boundaries. some people care and some people dont..however...

people make agreements, they also change them all the time, on every level..to remain static forever, is impossible..

lying to yourself, is worse imo, than lying to someone else.. buying into any fixed agreement, is false security, a constructed peer verified , unwritten law, that supposedly gives you the right, to choose to pass blame and judgement, and identify with a moralistically superior 'victim consciousness', if it changes.. within society..

its a complete illusion.. life is theatre, you are the actor, you chose the role and the script and in any play there is the deviant, the villian, the heyoka trickster whom everyone loves to hate.. but its a play..what you chose to buy tickets to see is your choice, not everyone wants to be part of societies drama and protocols, to some, it doesnt make sense..its all a load of nonsense...

from my perspective,people are sovereign beings, with every right to live the life, they choose.

no one owns anyone else's thoughts, feelings or actions, whether they have a marriage certificate, or not.

some people run away from things, and other run towards things, in order to experience and embrace them.

sexual libetry and the way you conduct yourself through physical expression has been socially suppressed for ever...

the marriage certificate can sometimes add to this false scenario, and it can be used it as a cover up, for what is, in reality,natural behaviour and tendencies..

everything in nature has its cycles and we are not separate, from that,

people feel the need to justify things, again for social acceptance.

my rheotric question is, would you be any different , act any different now, if you were, or were not married, as a person , as a being, in your own right?

because if you would, you are lying to yourself anyway, and all the assertion that you are right, is voided..

you may be choosing to compromise,or enhance your experiences of life, however, that's not based on anything, but your own responsibility, for choosing one agreement over another.

im not willing to compromise, i am free and i treat others the same way. i am impeccable, not socially moralistic.. im really not interested in contractual agreements that other people have made, they are none of my business.

i meet people equally in any space. those who see me as a lesser being, because i am single, or the way i treat people as equals, dont have to meet me..it makes it easy.

categorizing people is a game that people play..can be fun sometimes

however i can find better things with people if i just drop the 'bullshit layers' and accept them for another human being walking the planet..that gives me inner peace, and for those that join me there.even for a moment,. i love and respect you all, i am thankful you exist. i am a very blessed woman x

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"That woman is a saint going about with you trailing after her, limp (make up your own jokes), misshapen shoulder, warts and all

Fortunately I make a mean lemon meringue roulade

is that a cake..?

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"On the subject of if we're happily married or not I don't give a damn what any one thinks as long as we know the truth.

pretty much this..