FabSwingers.com forum: Cheer everyone up?

By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

Let me share a gag with you folks, see if I can put a smile on a few faces?

How about we all contribute and have a giggle through the heavy rain and strong winds ( for those who have them ).

Ok here goes...

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

"I've currently got my head trapped in a vase after I tried to pick out a jelly baby off the bottom using just my teeth.

I told my son to call the fire brigade but, apparently, he doesn't know the number...

Honestly, I don't know where that fucking idiot gets his brains from sometimes!!!"

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

"A few months ago, my girlfriend decided we can't have sex until the lounge has been decorated.

I really hate decorating, so I've taken the drastic step of hiring a professional.

The lounge still isn't done, and that prostitute did gave me an incredible blow job!"

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

" I had a first date with a new girlfriend yesterday. It was going fine until I asked her, " Do you spit or swallow?".

She slapped me around the face, kicked me in the nuts and just stormed off!

That's the last time I'll take a bird to a wine tasting lesson!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My fave joke

My girlfriend was mis-diagnosed with tourettes syndrome.

Apparently I am a cunt and she does want me to fuck off

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

" I suggested to the wife that we try a little role play. ( to brighten things up!)

She came home a few days later with a nurses uniform. She went into the bedroom and asked me to wait outside.

I hadn't realised how realistic she would play this.

I've now been sitting out here for nearly seven hours!"

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

" If I'm with a load of blokes and a pretty woman picks me out, it's usually because I'm in a police line up! "

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

" Got a date tonight with a gorgeous woman who say's it's the little things in life that she really appreciates...

She's gonna love my cock then... "

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

" The misses kicked up because I swapped her tampons for party poppers...

That bitch has no sense of humour!"

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

" I was showing the doctor a nasty rash on my cock the other day.

He looked really uncomfortable and certainly didn't want to touch it.

"Make an appointment at the surgery on Monday", he said. He then walked off with his kids and carried on shopping."

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

"My fave joke

My girlfriend was mis-diagnosed with tourettes syndrome.

Apparently I am a cunt and she does want me to fuck off

Fantastic!

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

"My misses walked in on my son and I having a blazing row. He got up and left the room just as she asked what the problem was.

She was glaring at me and I said, " I should have worn a condom"...

" How can you say that about your own son?".

"I'm not talking about him...", I said, " I just got his girlfriend pregnant."

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

"My wife asked me to go shopping earlier.

" Get a pint of milk and, if they have tomatoes, get six."

A short while later I came back with six pints of milk.

" Why did you get six pints of milk? "

" They had tomatoes ", I replied.

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

" Dear Dr. Phil,

I was watching my neighbour's wife sunbathing naked from my bedroom window.

As I was cracking one off I turned to noticethat my wife was stood behind me...watching me.

Is she a pervert?"

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

" I have had another argument with the misses about her weight.

Apparently, it wasn't her that was blocking my mobile phone signal, I had ran out of credit "

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

" My wife brought home a waxing kit the other day. She asked me if she should just do the sides or leave a strip down the middle.

I told her I'd rather she didn't have a moustache at all. "

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

" I've got the right hump!

Some dirty bastard has nicked a pair of the wife's knickers from the washer line.

It's not the knickers I'm worried about, it's the 22 fucking pegs!"

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By *icky999Man
over a year ago

warrington

""My wife asked me to go shopping earlier.

" Get a pint of milk and, if they have tomatoes, get six."

A short while later I came back with six pints of milk.

" Why did you get six pints of milk? "

" They had tomatoes ", I replied.

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

"You know you've still got it when your walking along the beach with the wife and a couple of gorgeous birds are in the sea waving at you when she ain't looking!

There was no way I was swimming out that far to talk to them though! "

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By *ighting17th OP Man
over a year ago

Bodmin

" I'm a bit concerned that every time I look at your son, he's playing with himself ", my son's teacher said to me.

"Come on, we all enjoy a bit of a wank every now and then?", I replied.

"No, I meant that the other kids all hate him!"

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