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Xmas Joke

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By *lirty14u OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

A young man from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long but she lived quite a distance away in up in Scotland. He consulted with his sister and decided after careful consideration that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic of course and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrod's and they selected a dainty pair

of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself in Harrod's at the same time.

Harrod's had a free gift wrap offer on at the time but, the assistant accidentally mixed up the two presents. His sister mistakenly got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers.

Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter:

Dear Maggie,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove).

These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact, she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love.

P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down

with a little bit of fur showing.

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By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks

just downloaded the FIFA 2018 game for the PC but it won't play ... the computer is saying its corrupted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Christmas is like any other day for me! Sat at a table with a fat bird who doesnt gobble anymore!!!

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By *lirty14u OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

I was walking down the road and some one threw a lump of cheese at me...

I thought, "That’s not very mature."

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By *lirty14u OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

"Hello."

"Mrs. Sanders, please.""Speaking."

"Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well... We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.Sanders.

"Normally we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive tests once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The MEDICARE Helpdesk recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

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By *lirty14u OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

I asked my first girl friend for a hand job.

She says,"I've never done that before, what do I do?"

I said,"Remember when you were a kid and you would shake a bottle and spray someone with it, well, that's sort of what you do!"

She nods, and pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it wildly.

15 minutes later I have tears running down my face, snot flowing from my nose, wax flying out from my ears, and my eyes have rolled back in my head.

She says,"What's wrong?"

I cried, "Take your thumb off the end, for Christsakes!"

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By *uckscouple2007Couple
over a year ago

Bucks

receiving a blow job from an ugly person is like rock climbing ...

dont look down

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