FabSwingers.com forum: Sexless marriage

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If the other person said up front at the start that there would be no sex between the two of you as a couple. However you would be free to have sex with whoever you wanted to away from the home you shared. You would have all the emotional and friendship type aspects there, just no sex.

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP : all you had to do was ask

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there done that and thank fuck for fab! I got a sexless marriage and none of the above. For 5 years!!

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

My knee jerk is no. If I settled with someone I want it to be an equal partnership on every level.

I have all of that covered on my own already, I don't need a partner.

I'm going to think about this some more though.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If the other person said up front at the start that there would be no sex between the two of you as a couple. However you would be free to have sex with whoever you wanted to away from the home you shared. You would have all the emotional and friendship type aspects there, just no sex.

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

Excellent thread!

I wouldn't want that type of relationship so nothing would induce me to enter into one. For me a marriage is the whole kit and caboodle otherwise it's a contract between friends which is a different thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't want a relationship that didn't give me everything I wanted. It would always feel like something was missing and I wouldn't be happy.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

A house share would be easier, with renewable lease

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By *aramelMINXWoman
over a year ago

West Yorkshire

I was told this once I was 21 he was 46 I tried it n didn't like it... I'd want everything g with my bf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No . Got a flat mate ta. I'm not sure I could initiate a relation ship that entailed confident, with out the closeness that is developed through sex , I don't want a partner who's first thought isn't me.

In the same way my first consideration in any situation would be her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

If a relationship develops into that then it's easier to accept as you have built up a bond with each other. Entering into a fresh relationship with it in place is another matter entirely.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Does sex always bring people together? Seems to tear people apart quite often.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"A house share would be easier, with renewable lease"

Nooooo!!

My knee jerk was right. I've lived alone too long. I couldn't bear the mess someone else would create in my space. When I'm in love I can forgive a multitude of space invading acts but living with someone I wasn't intimate with would be beyond my ability to cope.

I'm too anal, have too much CDO going on and I'd likely drive them nuts. You'd have to love me to live with me.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Yes I would be happy with that in a relationship (although I've no plans to live with anyone)

For a start they've been open and honest so you have the chancd to walk away if its not to your liking.

How many people are in sexless marriages for whatever reason not knowing they where going to be sexless, then either put up with it or have to go behind their partners back.

I'm assuming there would still be affection as you just mentioned sex.

For me there is far more to a relationship than sex.

Of cause I would want and prefer sex in my relationship.

But if I knew up front and loved the person enough to be with them then it would be fine.

Finding sex with others is easy to find, finding someone I love enough to be with isn't.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I have read about couples who deliberately enter into celibate marriages (surely a contradiction in terms) and it always seems to me that one of them, usually the man was less keen than the other.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I have all the emotional and friendship type aspects I need already, without having to share my house.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I think I may be in love with my cat!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes I would be happy with that in a relationship (although I've no plans to live with anyone)

For a start they've been open and honest so you have the chancd to walk away if its not to your liking.

How many people are in sexless marriages for whatever reason not knowing they where going to be sexless, then either put up with it or have to go behind their partners back.

I'm assuming there would still be affection as you just mentioned sex.

For me there is far more to a relationship than sex.

Of cause I would want and prefer sex in my relationship.

But if I knew up front and loved the person enough to be with them then it would be fine.

Finding sex with others is easy to find, finding someone I love enough to be with isn't.

Totally agree.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

I'd say yes.

I'm taking it that this person and I get on like a house on fire and that there is trust, mutual respect, laughs and love...... why miss all that for a shag ?

I might even just love them so much I couldn't be arsed having a sex with someone else.

I'm assuming that this person and i cuddle n touch skin n stuff...

That is the relationship. Not the sex.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My knee jerk is no. If I settled with someone I want it to be an equal partnership on every level.

I have all of that covered on my own already, I don't need a partner.

I'm going to think about this some more though. "

You would both have sex just not with each other. A lot of people have said on 'single' threads that they get lonely and miss cuddles and closeness.

In my example you could kiss and cuddle and be close that way, just no actual sex acts.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've just realised that you didn't use the word marriages

. My answer is still the same, I want the whole package in a romantic relationship otherwise its a good friendship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A house share would be easier, with renewable lease

Nooooo!!

I'm too anal, have too much CDO going on and I'd likely drive them nuts. You'd have to love me to live with me.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

P.S. I don't want to live with anyone.

AND....... no they can't have sex with other people if they are not having sex with me....

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I've just realised that you didn't use the word marriages

. My answer is still the same, I want the whole package in a romantic relationship otherwise its a good friendship."

Well what is ANY other relationship ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"My knee jerk is no. If I settled with someone I want it to be an equal partnership on every level.

I have all of that covered on my own already, I don't need a partner.

I'm going to think about this some more though.

You would both have sex just not with each other. A lot of people have said on 'single' threads that they get lonely and miss cuddles and closeness.

In my example you could kiss and cuddle and be close that way, just no actual sex acts.

Yes then ...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes I would be happy with that in a relationship (although I've no plans to live with anyone)

For a start they've been open and honest so you have the chancd to walk away if its not to your liking.

How many people are in sexless marriages for whatever reason not knowing they where going to be sexless, then either put up with it or have to go behind their partners back.

I'm assuming there would still be affection as you just mentioned sex.

For me there is far more to a relationship than sex.

Of cause I would want and prefer sex in my relationship.

But if I knew up front and loved the person enough to be with them then it would be fine.

Finding sex with others is easy to find, finding someone I love enough to be with isn't.

I really like your relationship. Perhaps my 'OP sexless marriage' would be in separate houses.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Started with sexy marriage .. Ended up sexless .. Then cheated .. Then divorced ... Now I'm happy and sexed up ..she ...well that's totally up to her whether she tries again or not ... And I'm not interested in what she does... As far as I know the moral high ground is a celebate area

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Yes I would be happy with that in a relationship (although I've no plans to live with anyone)

For a start they've been open and honest so you have the chancd to walk away if its not to your liking.

How many people are in sexless marriages for whatever reason not knowing they where going to be sexless, then either put up with it or have to go behind their partners back.

I'm assuming there would still be affection as you just mentioned sex.

For me there is far more to a relationship than sex.

Of cause I would want and prefer sex in my relationship.

But if I knew up front and loved the person enough to be with them then it would be fine.

Finding sex with others is easy to find, finding someone I love enough to be with isn't.

I really like your relationship. Perhaps my 'OP sexless marriage' would be in separate houses.

"
my relationship wouldn't be for everyone but its bloody perfect for us, and I am pretty smug that I've found someone with the same ideas as me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

"
oh I lived in a sexless marriage wouldn't want it again so it wouldn't be something I would willingly enter into again

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

I'd say yes.

I'm taking it that this person and I get on like a house on fire and that there is trust, mutual respect, laughs and love...... why miss all that for a shag ?

I might even just love them so much I couldn't be arsed having a sex with someone else.

I'm assuming that this person and i cuddle n touch skin n stuff...

That is the relationship. Not the sex. "

Yes exactly as you describe.

Thumbs up to your last sentence.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I've just realised that you didn't use the word marriages

. My answer is still the same, I want the whole package in a romantic relationship otherwise its a good friendship.

Well what is ANY other relationship ?"

My relationship with my doctor, next door neighbour etc isn't a good friendship.

This thread is making me think hard about the nature of relationships and what I expect from them. Possibly I'm a product of the society I grew up in but I like things the way I have them, I'm not against anyone else doing things differently though.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Oh and for the record there's nothing wrong with the sex in my relationship, but if where just talking about the sex then I would be fine without it

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"My knee jerk is no. If I settled with someone I want it to be an equal partnership on every level.

I have all of that covered on my own already, I don't need a partner.

I'm going to think about this some more though.

You would both have sex just not with each other. A lot of people have said on 'single' threads that they get lonely and miss cuddles and closeness.

In my example you could kiss and cuddle and be close that way, just no actual sex acts.

It's still no. I have never been lonely. I don't miss cuddles, I have lots of friends I hug and they hug me back. I come from a family of huggers. When I go to bed I'm a sleep on my own side sort. I'm happy to do that closeness thing that sex gives me... I'm happy to kiss goodnight and on casual sleepovers I'm happy to go to sleep entwined but on a day to day basis... get over to your own side and stop making me too hot.

I'm hugely content in my own company. I'm perhaps a little antisocial whilst also being quite gregarious. I have lots of friends, I spend lots of time with other people but I love being alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want the sex. I've had a sexless relationship,I paid most of the bills,we went on holiday together,I did all the shopping,housework,gardening,he did some cooking. No kisses,no cuddles. It's shit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Offered with thanks to the script writers on 'The mirror has two faces'

"The 17th century had ''courtly love'', which had nothing to do with sex.

The relationship between a knight and a married lady of the court ...

And so they could never consummate their love.

They rose above ''going to the toilet in front of each other'' love and went after something more divine.

They took sex out of the equation, leaving them with a union of souls.

Think of this. Sex was always the fatal love potion.

Look at the literature of the time.

All consummation could lead to was madness, despair or death.

Experts, scholars and my Aunt Esther are united in one belief:

True love has spiritual dimensions, while romantic love is a lie.

A myth. A soulless manipulation. And speaking of manipulation ...

lt's like going to the movies and seeing the lovers kiss ...

The music swells, and we buy it, right?

So when my date kisses me, and l don't hear strings, l dump him.

The question is, why do we buy it?

Because, myth or manipulation, we all want to fall in love.

That experience makes us feel completely alive.

Our everyday reality is shattered, and we are flung into the heavens.

lt may only last a moment, an hour, but that doesn't diminish its value.

We're left with memories we treasure for the rest of our lives.

l read, ''When we fall in love, we hear Puccini in our heads.''

l love that. His music expresses our need for passion and romantic love.

We listen to La Bóheme or Turandot, or read Wuthering Heights, - or watch Casablanca, and a little of that love lives in us too.

So the final question is: Why do people want to fall in love when it can have such a short run and be so painful?

Propagation of the species? - We need to connect with somebody.

Are we culturally preconditioned? - Good, but too intellectual for me.

l think it's because, as some of you may already know ...

While it does last, it feels fucking great !"

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

I'd say yes.

I'm taking it that this person and I get on like a house on fire and that there is trust, mutual respect, laughs and love...... why miss all that for a shag ?

I might even just love them so much I couldn't be arsed having a sex with someone else.

I'm assuming that this person and i cuddle n touch skin n stuff...

That is the relationship. Not the sex.

Yes exactly as you describe.

Thumbs up to your last sentence. "

I agree that a relationship is about much more than sex and I understand this attitude but for me I enjoy the sexual aspect of a relationship that builds up over time and I don't think I could sustain more than one very close romantic emotional relationship (as opposed to family). So still no from me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Given that we both have incredibly high sex drives , that's to say at least once a day and much more when time and circumstance arises , it would be a no from us .

Simply because we would be out every night shagging and wouldn't see our partner at all . So it would be a pointless relationship .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A house share would be easier, with renewable lease

Nooooo!!

my ability to cope.

I'm too anal, have too much CDO going on and I'd likely drive them nuts. You'd have to love me to live with me.

^^This except I wouldn't want to live with a partner, sexless or otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

I'd say yes.

I'm taking it that this person and I get on like a house on fire and that there is trust, mutual respect, laughs and love...... why miss all that for a shag ?

I might even just love them so much I couldn't be arsed having a sex with someone else.

I'm assuming that this person and i cuddle n touch skin n stuff...

That is the relationship. Not the sex.

Yes exactly as you describe.

Thumbs up to your last sentence.

I'm not asking you to get a divorce.

Just throwing a question out there. X

My thoughts... your partner would be your romantic emotional relationship. Sex with others would just scratch the sex itch. No emotional relationship as such.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

For some people, that sort of scenario can develop from an otherwise perfect relationship.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I've been in a sexless relationship already.

We were the best of friends in all aspects except that, I thought it would be enough for me but unfortunately it wasn't.

I am not the most highly sexed person I know, far from it to be honest but it wasn't a situation I could live with when I was only 30, now I'm 41 I'm still single (I haven't looked for anything more or anyone)But I do want sex now and again, just a shame I don't find it that often.

But I do say never say never as you just do not know what is waiting round the corner.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

I had a sexless 5 years with my ex and I'd not want that again.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Just a question, for those that couldn't live in a relationship without sex, what would happen if you had been married an awful long while and something happened to your partner and they couldn't have sex anymore, would it be an instant divorce?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been in a sexless relationship already.

We were the best of friends in all aspects except that, I thought it would be enough for me but unfortunately it wasn't.

But I do say never say never as you just do not know what is waiting round the corner."

If you'd both been free to have sex elsewhere would you have considered staying together? Assuming all other aspects were perfect.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

I'd say yes.

I'm taking it that this person and I get on like a house on fire and that there is trust, mutual respect, laughs and love...... why miss all that for a shag ?

I might even just love them so much I couldn't be arsed having a sex with someone else.

I'm assuming that this person and i cuddle n touch skin n stuff...

That is the relationship. Not the sex.

Yes exactly as you describe.

Thumbs up to your last sentence.

I'm not asking you to get a divorce.

Just throwing a question out there. X

My thoughts... your partner would be your romantic emotional relationship. Sex with others would just scratch the sex itch. No emotional relationship as such. "

Good because I can't afford it.

Personally I need and enjoy sex with my romantic, emotional partner, scratch the itch sex alone would leave me unfulfilled.

As I said I understand that it's not the same for everyone

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

Gay marriage never sounded better.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"I've been in a sexless relationship already.

We were the best of friends in all aspects except that, I thought it would be enough for me but unfortunately it wasn't.

But I do say never say never as you just do not know what is waiting round the corner.

If you'd both been free to have sex elsewhere would you have considered staying together? Assuming all other aspects were perfect."

Quite possibly to be honest though I do know it would have been something he could never have lived with or done.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Just a question, for those that couldn't live in a relationship without sex, what would happen if you had been married an awful long while and something happened to your partner and they couldn't have sex anymore, would it be an instant divorce?

The original question was would you enter into the relationship on the full understanding that it would be sexless? My answers are based on that. If an otherwise great relationship became sexless I wouldn't leave it but try and find strategies to deal with it.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

No. It wouldn't be an instant divorce. It would very much depend on the reasons why sex was not part of the relationship. I'm loyal and if I love someone it's unconditional. If my partner had an accident or was unable to have sex for medical reasons then I would work through that with him, not leave him. Sex is not everything and when you love someone there is so much more.

If he wasn't in love with me and that's why he couldn't have sex with me then I'd leave. I don't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me.

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

I dont understand why you would want that, when you could have all that and sex.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

If he wasn't in love with me and that's why he couldn't have sex with me then I'd leave. I don't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me. "

I completely agree with this! My situation was I loved the guy but I wasn't in love with him, I think that was my problem. I went from a complete arsehole to a totally nice 100% decent guy where we were more like friends than anything else from the word go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

Yes, I'm in one. We share everything fifty fifty. We have an understanding with sex, it works very very well.

All of my previous relationships have been ruined by sex. I spent a long time working this out. Removing it was the best choice.

It works really well for us, but it's not for everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I wouldn't, best he find someone that feels the same as him and there are people out there who marry with an agreement of no sex simply because they don't want it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I want the sex. I've had a sexless relationship,I paid most of the bills,we went on holiday together,I did all the shopping,housework,gardening,he did some cooking. No kisses,no cuddles. It's shit. "

You've just described the last 10 years of my 21 yr marriage minus the holiday - we hardly went on any of those and when we did, it was just a change in geography not behaviour

. I'm so glad I made the decision to end it 4+ years ago - best thing I ever did and wished I'd done it sooner!! Sex has always been important to me and I don't think will change any time soon!

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

If he wasn't in love with me and that's why he couldn't have sex with me then I'd leave. I don't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me.

What does loved the guy but not in love with him mean?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

Yes, I'm in one. We share everything fifty fifty. We have an understanding with sex, it works very very well.

All of my previous relationships have been ruined by sex. I spent a long time working this out. Removing it was the best choice.

It works really well for us, but it's not for everyone."

Did it start that way or evolve into it?

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

What does loved the guy but not in love with him mean?"

You can love someone but not be in love with him. I love my best friend. I'm not in love with him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A house share would be easier, with renewable lease

Nooooo!!

I'm too anal, have too much CDO going on and I'd likely drive them nuts. You'd have to love me to live with me.

I like this. I'm as much a solitary animal as a needy useless man lol. I'd probably want a separate place of my own so we can have separate time

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

What does loved the guy but not in love with him mean?

You can love someone but not be in love with him. I love my best friend. I'm not in love with him. "

Thanks. See what you mean now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If he wasn't in love with me and that's why he couldn't have sex with me then I'd leave. I don't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me. "

This is my thoughts behind the OP. If you loved each other like you describe, maybe even deep romantic love. A proper loving relationship with equally shared household tasks (ironing, mowing the lawn etc). Kisses and cuddles. The absolute only thing you didn't do was have sex.

That could work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

No I wouldn't enter into that relationship.

The intamacy etc is needed for me.

I'd end up resenting them or feeling pushed away and too guilty to go and cheat even with permission so it would be doomed

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

What does loved the guy but not in love with him mean?

You can love someone but not be in love with him. I love my best friend. I'm not in love with him.

Thanks. See what you mean now.

This is what I meant so thanks Dirty x

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

If he wasn't in love with me and that's why he couldn't have sex with me then I'd leave. I don't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me.

That could work."

Absolutely. I just couldn't start from that position.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he wasn't in love with me and that's why he couldn't have sex with me then I'd leave. I don't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me.

That could work."

Ut you said upfront at the start of the relationship.

So how could you already be in a loving relationship if this is from the start?

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

That would be completely different.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If he wasn't in love with me and that's why he couldn't have sex with me then I'd leave. I don't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me.

That could work.

Ut you said upfront at the start of the relationship.

So how could you already be in a loving relationship if this is from the start?"

So for you to love someone you would need/ have to have sex with them?

People used to have courtships and no sex before marriage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jeez. You pretty much described my last relationship there!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I think I may be in love with my cat!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If he wasn't in love with me and that's why he couldn't have sex with me then I'd leave. I don't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me.

That could work."

Where would the physical boundary be drawn? That would need to be negotiated i guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he wasn't in love with me and that's why he couldn't have sex with me then I'd leave. I don't want to be with someone who didn't want to be with me.

That could work.

Ut you said upfront at the start of the relationship.

So how could you already be in a loving relationship if this is from the start?

So for you to love someone you would need/ have to have sex with them?

People used to have courtships and no sex before marriage. "

And people in those times got married at 14 so it was somewhat less of an issue.

But tbh of they said it on the first date my stance would be I have no feelings for this person yet I don't know them but this seems like a big pile of baggage and hassle I'll not bother seeing how this goes.

Now if we'd been together for gears and there was some accident that made it impossible then fine that's different the love is already there.

But I just wouldn't enter into a relationship like this so I wouldn't love them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didnt want it but thats what I've ended up with !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah I'm already in that position!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah I'm already in that position! "

Doesn't the last line of your profile say she's dumping you?

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By *ogistical NightmaresCouple
over a year ago

Manchester Area

"OP : all you had to do was ask

You said that to me too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP : all you had to do was ask

You said that to me too"

I like to hedge my bets

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By *rben112Man
over a year ago

worcester

I'm in one now

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

Its different if its been a loving relaionship and things have gone wrong. I know this is not relating to things from the outset as th OP raised but i have experienced and known a lot of couples where one withdraws sex to spite the other. I am much less tolerant now. My stance would be simply fuck or fuck off.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP : all you had to do was ask

You said that to me too

I like to hedge my bets

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"I'm in one now

"
I think a sexless marriage isn't uncommon on here judging by the profiles I've read.

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By *inky-MinxWoman
over a year ago

Grantham

"where one withdraws sex to spite the other"

Me too, won't stand for that from anyone now, next!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm in one now

I think a sexless marriage isn't uncommon on here judging by the profiles I've read. "

They aren't uncommon off here either. Of my friends I know of three who define their marriage as sexless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It wouldn't be kind to them and it wouldn't be kind to me. The only person who would offer such a thing would be someone who was really desperate and had low self esteem... and the only person who would agree to it would be the same... but it would be a devils pact.

Everyone deserves love... and everyone should search for it... even if it takes them all their life. In the end, its the only thing that makes sense of the whole crazy merry go round

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"It wouldn't be kind to them and it wouldn't be kind to me. The only person who would offer such a thing would be someone who was really desperate and had low self esteem... and the only person who would agree to it would be the same... but it would be a devils pact.

Everyone deserves love... and everyone should search for it... even if it takes them all their life. In the end, its the only thing that makes sense of the whole crazy merry go round

"
so you only equate love with the act of sex? And why would younne desperate and have low self esteem because you would enter a relationship without sex?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone deserves love... and everyone should search for it... even if it takes them all their life. In the end, its the only thing that makes sense of the whole crazy merry go round

so you only equate love with the act of sex? And why would younne desperate and have low self esteem because you would enter a relationship without sex?"

I was just responding to the OP. If someone wants to form a relationship with me because we can share washing the dishes etc... but there is to be no intimacy... it just sounds loveless for both parties... she should be hoping for more... and so should I. That's just the way I read it. Its a compromise on both sides. Nothing more than that.

If there was another reason, say she's disabled or something, that's a different question... but just for the reasons cited in the OP... nah... we shouldn't give up looking for the dream and the dream is intimacy and love imo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is me in my marriage. We've had sex a handful of times in 2 years. It's a horrible place to be and a very difficult place to be as he's my best friend. We are crap as a couple but good as a family.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Everyone deserves love... and everyone should search for it... even if it takes them all their life. In the end, its the only thing that makes sense of the whole crazy merry go round

so you only equate love with the act of sex? And why would younne desperate and have low self esteem because you would enter a relationship without sex?

"
but that's your dream, the relationship the op mentioned might be someone else's dream, in don't get where you can only love someone if you have sex with them

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"I'm in one now

I think a sexless marriage isn't uncommon on here judging by the profiles I've read.

They aren't uncommon off here either. Of my friends I know of three who define their marriage as sexless."

But i doubt many people intentionally start that way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/09/15 22:54:31]

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

It would be fucking hellish.

I have been in a sexless marriage, and it was exactly as the OP described, although without the option to go looking for sex elsewhere.

Its a jigsaw with a missing piece and ultimately hollow.

I can cuddle someone I don't love, just like I can have sex with someone I don't love.

I'd rather be on my own than have that, it is ultimately unfulfilling - love, as far as I am concerned is not only about the "higher notion" of a "union of souls" or whatever the hell that means...it is dirty, messy, and complex. "Movie love" is the stuff of fiction.

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By *riskygazMan
over a year ago

birmingham

an old fuck buddy of mine has been in a sexless relationship for about 5 years now, due to bad health on the guys part, but he is not giving permission for her to get sex from another guy, she is one frustrated girl, but been faithful so far, which is amazing, as she is probably the thorniest girl I have ever met, we were at it like rabbits every time we got together, you name it that girl was up for it

god how I miss her lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't want to enter that type of relationship as I'd want all the perks you listed plus the sex with that one person.

I do however feel that some relationships can become sexless and maybe that approach would be benecifial to all concerned.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm in one now

I think a sexless marriage isn't uncommon on here judging by the profiles I've read.

They aren't uncommon off here either. Of my friends I know of three who define their marriage as sexless.

But i doubt many people intentionally start that way. "

I doubt it too.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I'm in one now

I think a sexless marriage isn't uncommon on here judging by the profiles I've read.

They aren't uncommon off here either. Of my friends I know of three who define their marriage as sexless.

But i doubt many people intentionally start that way.

I doubt it too. "
I doubt it too, I'd never really thought about it till this thread but its been interesting seeing peoples _iews

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I'm in one now

I think a sexless marriage isn't uncommon on here judging by the profiles I've read.

They aren't uncommon off here either. Of my friends I know of three who define their marriage as sexless.

But i doubt many people intentionally start that way.

I doubt it too. I doubt it too, I'd never really thought about it till this thread but its been interesting seeing peoples _iews"

It was a well written question. Wording it the way she did, Scarlet certainly made me think about the different angles.

*doffs hat*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone deserves love... and everyone should search for it... even if it takes them all their life. In the end, its the only thing that makes sense of the whole crazy merry go round

so you only equate love with the act of sex? And why would younne desperate and have low self esteem because you would enter a relationship without sex?

but that's your dream, the relationship the op mentioned might be someone else's dream, in don't get where you can only love someone if you have sex with them"

Maybe I'm spoilt because I'm relatively handsome, slim, characterful, talented, kind, generous and affectionate. It just doesn't seem like it'd be an option I'd need to settle for. If I was none of those things then I guess I'd see it all differently... but I'm not and thus I can't really go there in my mind. Just being honest. I'm a firm believer that love is just round the corner for everyone... we shouldn't give up and make do with less... we just need to walk round a few more corners

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Modest too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Modest too!

lol yeah I was gonna make that jibe but figured someone else would be more than obliging

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm in one now

I think a sexless marriage isn't uncommon on here judging by the profiles I've read.

They aren't uncommon off here either. Of my friends I know of three who define their marriage as sexless.

But i doubt many people intentionally start that way.

I doubt it too. I doubt it too, I'd never really thought about it till this thread but its been interesting seeing peoples _iews

It was a well written question. Wording it the way she did, Scarlet certainly made me think about the different angles.

*doffs hat*"

Yes I agree. I've really thought about it this evening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone deserves love... and everyone should search for it... even if it takes them all their life. In the end, its the only thing that makes sense of the whole crazy merry go round

ot everyone deserves love.

Not everyone is lucky in love

Not me.

So I give up.

But I couldn't be in relationship without sex.

And I had that. So..I decided for divorce. I think I have respect for myself, for not lying,don't cheating..

Having relationship only for house, for kids, for bills..Where is the sense then ?

I couldn't have sex outside of relationship, after got back to home and look at my husband /partner face after.

I know, the cheat, because sexless in relationship, can hurt and destroy the lifeof that second person, cause more problems etc.

But it's only my point of _iew.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Everyone deserves love... and everyone should search for it... even if it takes them all their life. In the end, its the only thing that makes sense of the whole crazy merry go round

so you only equate love with the act of sex? And why would younne desperate and have low self esteem because you would enter a relationship without sex?

but that's your dream, the relationship the op mentioned might be someone else's dream, in don't get where you can only love someone if you have sex with them

"
you didn't answer my question, do you think you can only love someone because you have sex with them and do you really think someone is desperate and has low self esteem because they choice to enter a relationship that you wouldn't?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't imagine knowingly going into that situation up front without already having formed an attachment to them. But I think it's perfectly possible to be very happy in the situation described.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, I'm in one. We share everything fifty fifty. We have an understanding with sex, it works very very well.

All of my previous relationships have been ruined by sex. I spent a long time working this out. Removing it was the best choice.

It works really well for us, but it's not for everyone.

Did it start that way or evolve into it?"

It started that way.

Sex and love are not co-dependent in my world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you didn't answer my question, do you think you can only love someone because you have sex with them?"

Of course we can love multiple people... family members, friends, etc. And it could be that I might share a house with a female friend and we might become, over time, dear old friends who love each other in the way dear old friends love each other. But if I'm looking for a relationship with someone I'd want the sex too because the sex is a vital part of maintaining intimacy and communication between lovers. Most relationships that go wrong start going wrong when the sex stops and that's for a good reason... its bloomin important. Beyond this... its a hypothetical that I have no experience of. So I'm not really judging anybody else... just saying what I would do.

"and do you really think someone is desperate and has low self esteem because they choice to enter a relationship that you wouldn't?"

My answer to your question as you've worded is of course not. People who have different relationships from ours don't automatically have low self esteem. But that wasn't what the OP wrote about. She described a specific type of relationship which lacked intimacy, and thus presumably any sort of attraction, from the offset. My response to that scenario is that both people would need to have low self esteem imo in order to settle for a relationship with someone they're unattracted to to such an extent that they have ruled out ever having sex with them. I would see such a heightened level of unattraction as a strong indicator that they aren't really in love. And I wouldn't want to trap them in that situation... if only for their sakes and not mine. I know the OP has said they can still run off and find sex elsewhere... so some might _iew that as not being trapped... but you would still, presumably, be barring them from seeking out and finding romantic love... which is what makes the world go round imo

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"you didn't answer my question, do you think you can only love someone because you have sex with them?

and do you really think someone is desperate and has low self esteem because they choice to enter a relationship that you wouldn't?

"
that's interesting that you think the only reason they wouldn't want sex is because there not physically attracted to them.

It's interesting as you've read the thread in a completly different way to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"that's interesting that you think the only reason they wouldn't want sex is because there not physically attracted to them.

It's interesting as you've read the thread in a completly different way to me."

I get the sneaking suspicion that I'm maybe not quite getting it.. some people seem to think its a really complex question but for me its like asking me what colour my pants are... hmm ... just a minute... yep purple

How do you read it? Maybe it'll help put a new perspective on it for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone deserves love... and everyone should search for it... even if it takes them all their life. In the end, its the only thing that makes sense of the whole crazy merry go round

so you only equate love with the act of sex? And why would younne desperate and have low self esteem because you would enter a relationship without sex?

but that's your dream, the relationship the op mentioned might be someone else's dream, in don't get where you can only love someone if you have sex with them

You wouldn't see things differently if you weren't all those things and you can't possibly say that as you don't know

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"that's interesting that you think the only reason they wouldn't want sex is because there not physically attracted to them.

It's interesting as you've read the thread in a completly different way to me.

How do you read it? Maybe it'll help put a new perspective on it for me

"
OK, how im reading it is you have everything you have in a perfect relationship just minus the act of sex.

So I'm looking at it through the eyes of my relationship and would I be happy if the only thing missing was the sex, there's still affection and I can still have sex elsewhere so my answer was yes.

But I don't equate having sex with love.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you didn't answer my question, do you think you can only love someone because you have sex with them?

and do you really think someone is desperate and has low self esteem because they choice to enter a relationship that you wouldn't?

that's interesting that you think the only reason they wouldn't want sex is because there not physically attracted to them.

It's interesting as you've read the thread in a completly different way to me.

Same here and what's worse, suggests only those good looking etc etc would choose a relationship with love and sex, guess us plain janes have to put up with whatever the world throws at us and if we don't have a great life, who gives a shit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You wouldn't see things differently if you weren't all those things and you can't possibly say that as you don't know"

I think my head just exploded

But yes I think I get your point and I think I agree

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By *ittle Pocket PerveWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I don't think I've ever pondered so much over a thread... And I still don't think I can answer honestly, I simply don't know what I'd do if I was asked to consider this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex isn't an itch that needs scratching for me; if it was I would have cheated on my husband when he refused me sex for years. Sex is the physical plus the emotional connection together. Knowing he wants to be as close to me and as intimate as two people can be is something that just kissing and cuddling with a friendship can't match. It's the ultimate showing of love for me. Sex without love I can have,love without sex I can't.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

asexual people would find the type of relationship described in the op appealing I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A house share would be easier, with renewable lease

Nooooo!!

I'm too anal, have too much CDO going on and I'd likely drive them nuts. You'd have to love me to live with me.

I live with my ex... went from relationship. . To friends to housemate. . With benefits and now back to housemates. .. I always thought that we had a good thing going.... but now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"that's interesting that you think the only reason they wouldn't want sex is because there not physically attracted to them.

It's interesting as you've read the thread in a completly different way to me.

How do you read it? Maybe it'll help put a new perspective on it for me

OK, how im reading it is you have everything you have in a perfect relationship just minus the act of sex.

So I'm looking at it through the eyes of my relationship and would I be happy if the only thing missing was the sex, there's still affection and I can still have sex elsewhere so my answer was yes.

But I don't equate having sex with love."

Whilst its fun to noodle your brain with such thoughts... to me its a bit like trying to imagine what a sphere would be like if it wasn't round. The reason why I love my wife as much as I do is because we fell in love, fucked like rabbits, generated that intimacy, had lots of adventures and it all came together in one big gloopy bundle of sex/love/friendship. If I try to imagine no sex... well there goes our first date for a start lol

I think... if I took the sex out of our relationship then we would never have got to know each other as deeply as we have, we probably wouldn't have fallen in love, and so on.

The first kiss confirms mutual attraction. Then holding hands, holding each other, lets you into each other's bubble. It all gets consumated in the act of spiritual sexual union. It's like a crescendo of flirtation, attraction, physical intimacy, and profound trust and union through intercourse. The OP painted a picture of a relationship where sex was off the cards. I can only assume this is because there is no attraction. Thus, no real sexy kissing either I assume and no intimate sexual cuddling. It just sounds like a dry husk of a relationship imo.

As I said before... if there was a better reason... perhaps they were disabled etc... then that would be a much more complex question for me as I can imagine there being attraction in that scenario and thus intimacy... but without the capability of having sex

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Of I wanted to share a home with sexless friends I'd join a convent. It doesn't appeal.

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

"Of I wanted to share a home with sexless friends I'd join a convent. It doesn't appeal. "

Reverend Mother would soon have you bent over for a birching

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By *otgymfitanymoreCouple
over a year ago

pontefract

"Does sex always bring people together? Seems to tear people apart quite often. "

Sexual Intamacy for us as a married couple is very important to us, for us the main things for lasting marriage are trust/ sex/mutual understanding/love, each take their top spot at different times in our lives, I would say for us after 22 years, sex/talking and understanding/love works for us, I know people live in sexless and untrustworthy marriages but for us this is a key part.... Saying that, all I have listed is a key part of our marriage but while ever I look at him and " God I love you & God id fuck you all over this house!!! Then for me that is forever!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its different I was in a relationship for 17 yrs, we made love not sex, when I eventually meet someone, people on here. There will be a mutual respect in the understanding its a bit of fun my partner wow the first time we had made love we had LCD,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its different I was in a relationship for 17 yrs, we made love not sex, when I eventually meet someone, people on here. There will be a mutual respect in the understanding its a bit of fun my partner wow the first time we had made love we had LCD,

Lsd

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

I've been in LTRs with women where the sex fizzled out, quite common in lesbian relationships. Still loved each other and had an intimate relationship.

Being a Domme, I kinda like the idea of a pure cuckold. A best friend and companion where I was free to have fun with who I pleased.

Not sure if it's possible in reality but certainly open to it

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By *otgymfitanymoreCouple
over a year ago

pontefract

"I've been in LTRs with women where the sex fizzled out, quite common in lesbian relationships. Still loved each other and had an intimate relationship.

Being a Domme, I kinda like the idea of a pure cuckold. A best friend and companion where I was free to have fun with who I pleased.

Not sure if it's possible in reality but certainly open to it"

In reality if both parties are open and honest from the start hopefully this would be achievable, wish you well x

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By *imshardMan
over a year ago

kirkcaldy

i have been married for 24 years.i would do anything for my wife even die but our sex life is next to nothing.yes the old joke xmas or my birthday whether i want it or not.im sick of wanking.anyone help how do i tell her

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By *otgymfitanymoreCouple
over a year ago

pontefract

Having read the 1st post again and it was stated up front then I think the answer would be no, although at different points in our relationship we have differed who wants sex more than the other , I firmly believe that love and sex along with trust makes a relationship. I feel fairly confident that if 20 years ago my husband made it clear he didn't want me sexually then I would have said no it's not for me. I'm near on certain he would say the same, the fact that after this many years we still fancy and want to fuck/make love or just be close says we wouldn't have made it on live alone!

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By *otgymfitanymoreCouple
over a year ago

pontefract

"i have been married for 24 years.i would do anything for my wife even die but our sex life is next to nothing.yes the old joke xmas or my birthday whether i want it or not.im sick of wanking.anyone help how do i tell her"

In all honesty you need to have a good talk about what gets her going?? Maybe tell her about swinging??? If I'm honest maybe if she doesn't wanf sex then find out why....maybe she doesn't get off on you fucking her??

I don't mean to sound rude but maybe your just not " doing it for her" gentley broach fantasiese she may have......but you must be man enough to accept ang she may have! Gentley gentley is the approach ID say, make her feel comfortable in telling you her deepest desires without reproach or need to act on them.

I really don't meant to offend I'm just speaking about some female friend talks??

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By *imshardMan
over a year ago

kirkcaldy

she was never a big sex person poss once a week when we met. l know you aren't offending its ok thats why i ask.

think i have ate her pussy bout 20 times since we met and i love eating pussy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thread of the year!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

"
that's the relationship I had I loved my ex and her me and she would be my pick everytime to start a relationship have kids and feel content in the knowledge that she wouldn't cheat or lie and that the love was unconditional but people evolve some people have interests and pastimes ,some women dedicate themselves solely to their children and have no interests outside of that ,I agree with that to a certain extent your children get their values from you and need to be nurtured by both parents but when you become mum and dad and not boyfriend and girlfriend and the physical love is only kisses and cuddles its not enough for many ,I evolved beyond that i was totally faithful but I had to leave

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm in one now

I think a sexless marriage isn't uncommon on here judging by the profiles I've read.

They aren't uncommon off here either. Of my friends I know of three who define their marriage as sexless.

But i doubt many people intentionally start that way.

I doubt it too. I doubt it too, I'd never really thought about it till this thread but its been interesting seeing peoples _iews

It was a well written question. Wording it the way she did, Scarlet certainly made me think about the different angles.

*doffs hat*"

Thank you. It's been interesting reading.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Define sexless, if you mean no intimacy at all then I'd say no as that to me defines a relationship over simply being friends.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been in LTRs with women where the sex fizzled out, quite common in lesbian relationships. Still loved each other and had an intimate relationship.

Being a Domme, I kinda like the idea of a pure cuckold. A best friend and companion where I was free to have fun with who I pleased.

Not sure if it's possible in reality but certainly open to it"

Cuckolding is an example where I wonder if it is a relationship as I describe in the OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes I would be happy with that in a relationship (although I've no plans to live with anyone)

For a start they've been open and honest so you have the chancd to walk away if its not to your liking.

How many people are in sexless marriages for whatever reason not knowing they where going to be sexless, then either put up with it or have to go behind their partners back.

I'm assuming there would still be affection as you just mentioned sex.

For me there is far more to a relationship than sex.

Of cause I would want and prefer sex in my relationship.

But if I knew up front and loved the person enough to be with them then it would be fine.

Finding sex with others is easy to find, finding someone I love enough to be with isn't.

"
fine and crutial point..finding love...real love.. trust...loyalty....soul mate love. ...thats extremely hard...finding sex is not....!

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

No. I would feel like there was a barrier and it would probably affect my self-esteem in the long run - Why is it they will have sex with others but not with you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been in LTRs with women where the sex fizzled out, quite common in lesbian relationships. Still loved each other and had an intimate relationship.

Being a Domme, I kinda like the idea of a pure cuckold. A best friend and companion where I was free to have fun with who I pleased.

Not sure if it's possible in reality but certainly open to it

Cuckolding is an example where I wonder if it is a relationship as I describe in the OP.

"
a loving relationship where everything is shared and where trust and loyalty are paramount is between two people sex included anything outside that abuses that trust and loyalty

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Tell her you need to talk if she refuses or becomes aggressive you need to have it clear in your own mind how far you're prepared to push it. If you have been suffering in silence it might come as a surprise to her so you need to be prepared to talk this through over many weeks.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been in LTRs with women where the sex fizzled out, quite common in lesbian relationships. Still loved each other and had an intimate relationship.

Being a Domme, I kinda like the idea of a pure cuckold. A best friend and companion where I was free to have fun with who I pleased.

Not sure if it's possible in reality but certainly open to it

Cuckolding is an example where I wonder if it is a relationship as I describe in the OP.

a loving relationship where everything is shared and where trust and loyalty are paramount is between two people sex included anything outside that abuses that trust and loyalty

Not if they both agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/09/15 10:10:18]

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I've been in LTRs with women where the sex fizzled out, quite common in lesbian relationships. Still loved each other and had an intimate relationship.

Being a Domme, I kinda like the idea of a pure cuckold. A best friend and companion where I was free to have fun with who I pleased.

Not sure if it's possible in reality but certainly open to it

Cuckolding is an example where I wonder if it is a relationship as I describe in the OP.

a loving relationship where everything is shared and where trust and loyalty are paramount is between two people sex included anything outside that abuses that trust and loyalty

I dont agree. I imagine that cuckolding requires a very high degree of love, trust and loyalty similar to any successful relationship between two people, the same goes for swinging. Love and sex are not the same thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been in LTRs with women where the sex fizzled out, quite common in lesbian relationships. Still loved each other and had an intimate relationship.

Being a Domme, I kinda like the idea of a pure cuckold. A best friend and companion where I was free to have fun with who I pleased.

Not sure if it's possible in reality but certainly open to it

Cuckolding is an example where I wonder if it is a relationship as I describe in the OP.

a loving relationship where everything is shared and where trust and loyalty are paramount is between two people sex included anything outside that abuses that trust and loyalty

Not if they both agree. "
I think you are naive if you believe that agreement will keep you close ,something will affect in the end

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if that person is the one person who is your perfect fit in every way, you complete each other. There can still be intimacy - intimacy far above and beyond the mere sexual act. A meeting of souls.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I've been in LTRs with women where the sex fizzled out, quite common in lesbian relationships. Still loved each other and had an intimate relationship.

Being a Domme, I kinda like the idea of a pure cuckold. A best friend and companion where I was free to have fun with who I pleased.

Not sure if it's possible in reality but certainly open to it

Cuckolding is an example where I wonder if it is a relationship as I describe in the OP.

a loving relationship where everything is shared and where trust and loyalty are paramount is between two people sex included anything outside that abuses that trust and loyalty

Not if they both agree. I think you are naive if you believe that agreement will keep you close ,something will affect in the end

With respect I think that because something wouldn't work for you, you are naive to think that it won't work for others.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"What if that person is the one person who is your perfect fit in every way, you complete each other. There can still be intimacy - intimacy far above and beyond the mere sexual act. A meeting of souls."

I have thought about that but if we couldn't commence the relationship on a sexual basis we wouldn't be an ideal fit. You refer to "the mere sexual act" as if it were unimportant to people and the impression I get from your post is that a sexless relationship with a true meeting of minds is on a higher spiritual level than any other kind, if that were so I think a lot more people would be living that way and a lot less would be complaining that they lead sexless lives.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The distinction for me was that the OP wasn't about a sexless life, but a sexless relationship with that one partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cuckolding doesn't have to be sexless as such, we are exploring this type of relationship but do so with one regular man involved. We discussed recently the idea of hub abstaining from intercourse mainly due to having a preference for bigger men, this doesn't mean we don't have intimacy, we just share this in different ways. Outercourse is one such way and we both find it brings us off more than intercourse did and means when I do finally have intercourse with my other man the feeling is more electric.

I'm not sure if things would work if we went to the hardcore extremes of cuckolding where hub gets nothing but I guess time will tell where we end up, it's all one big journey.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The distinction for me was that the OP wasn't about a sexless life, but a sexless relationship with that one partner. "

Yes it was also about agreeing to commence the relationship on a sexless basis and I simply don't see how you can know that a relationship is going to be so spiritually deep at the outset to enable two people to agree to such terms.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm in this position now I married 5 years ago at first the sex was good then I had to be circumcised for medical reasons and then the sex stopped completely.I tried talking to her about it but she does not want to talk about it I'm just expected to be quiet go to work come home pay all the bills and be happy,its like I'm a lodger and its horrible people say walk away its not that easy to walk away from my son my head is all over the place how can I talk to someone who does not want to talk about it all I can do is find sex elsewhere in kind of hoping to meet someone where every aspect is great and maybe that will encourage me to move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I married hubby because I knew he'd make a fantastic husband and father to any children we had. He's also my absolute best friend and I wouldn't want life without him. We do have regular sex but the attraction isn't particularly there for me. I'm allowed to see guys on my own which satisfies that part of me but what I have with hubby is so much more valuable to me. So yes, I'd say as long as all parties concerned know the situation then it could work x

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I believe that it's entirely possible, I just don't think it's something I could or would do. Surely there has to be some sort of sexual attraction? What's the reasoning behind never taking that further right from the off?

I'm actually intrigued as you said it's what you have but I don't want to pry if you don't want to elaborate - that's a lie, I totally do want to pry -

as to how you both found yourself in the situation. I understand how it can happen after the fact, sex fizzles out or an accident or some other reason but to go into a partnership knowing that's never going to happen is hard to comprehend without the back story.

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By *oughandCurvyCouple
over a year ago

galway

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

That's a tough one, I think it would be a bit of a mind fuck to be honest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The relationship wouldn't get far enough for it to become that

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The distinction for me was that the OP wasn't about a sexless life, but a sexless relationship with that one partner. "

Exactly.

I know it may seem dumb of me to ask such a question as my OP on a swinging site. But my question in my head was that there would be sex. Just not with the partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Welcome to my world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm in this position now I married 5 years ago at first the sex was good then I had to be circumcised for medical reasons and then the sex stopped completely.I tried talking to her about it but she does not want to talk about it I'm just expected to be quiet go to work come home pay all the bills and be happy,its like I'm a lodger and its horrible people say walk away its not that easy to walk away from my son my head is all over the place how can I talk to someone who does not want to talk about it all I can do is find sex elsewhere in kind of hoping to meet someone where every aspect is great and maybe that will encourage me to move on."

A friend of mine is in a similar situation though his wife stopped sex after they had a child as she made it clear that now she has what she wants, she doesn't want sex

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There's no right or wrong answer to this. I'm just interested in people's thoughts on if it would work for them. And why it would or wouldn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The relationship wouldn't get far enough for it to become that "

Same here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't believe we have souls. I'm assuming that the partner has no interest in sex,would they have no intimate feelings at all? When a man I like kisses and cuddles me I become aroused,I would want to have sex with the man who arouses me,not a substitute.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been in LTRs with women where the sex fizzled out, quite common in lesbian relationships. Still loved each other and had an intimate relationship.

Being a Domme, I kinda like the idea of a pure cuckold. A best friend and companion where I was free to have fun with who I pleased.

Not sure if it's possible in reality but certainly open to it

Cuckolding is an example where I wonder if it is a relationship as I describe in the OP.

a loving relationship where everything is shared and where trust and loyalty are paramount is between two people sex included anything outside that abuses that trust and loyalty

Not if they both agree. I think you are naive if you believe that agreement will keep you close ,something will affect in the end

With respect I think that because something wouldn't work for you, you are naive to think that it won't work for others. "
have you ever heard of the expression all good things come to an end that expression exists for a reason ,I am quite aware everyone is different and that it possibly could work for a very small minority but no one thing is the be all and end all of a relationship, it's a group of things that bind you together and give you love and a satisfying partnership sex is a bodily function for true " swingers" no emotion or commitment involved but for many it's part of a loving relationship its the closeness the feel that binds you together ,the op obviously posted this for a reason and hopefully we helped

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm still in two minds about this.

Whilst I wouldn't want to finish a sexless relationship if every other aspect was still there ( even though in my experience the intimacy was never the same when the sex faded away ) I wouldn't want to start a relationship with a person knowing it would be sexless.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The distinction for me was that the OP wasn't about a sexless life, but a sexless relationship with that one partner.

Exactly.

I know it may seem dumb of me to ask such a question as my OP on a swinging site. But my question in my head was that there would be sex. Just not with the partner. "

I do understand that and my wording is misleading I know but I struggle to articulate my point

Relationships don't start on day one on a deep, intimate, meeting of the minds basis so I struggle to understand how you can negotiate the type of relationship you describe from the start. I can absolutely understand how you might meet a person and a platonic relationship would develop over time into a deep and spiritual love which a sexual relationship wasn't part of though.

I have enjoyed this post a lot it's really made me think

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"...,

the op obviously posted this for a reason and hopefully we helped

I wanted to know people's thoughts and opinions. Someone up the thread inferred it's possibly because I'm a minger with low self esteem and think this is the only way I could get a relationship. I'm happy if people think that. Or anything really.

I've found it really interesting. Lots of different opinions. Not just "no way!" responses.

Also something similar works for lots of people. I've noted at least 5 great examples. And great reasoned arguments on the against side too.

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By *usterMan
over a year ago

worthing

The old definition of marriage included sexual union...without it the marriage could be annulled, ie said to have never existed. However

-What 'perks' (e.g. shared household tasks, shared bills, your partner would be your friend and confidante etc) would make it worthwhile for you?

-If you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, why?

Shared meals...

She can do the gardening

...

I'd do the washing

I assume OP means penetrative sex, so...

What about a serious injury/disability making one or both incapable of penetrative sex? There are people who fall hook, line and sinker. They might even employ a sex worker to assist. Better that fab has a subsection for them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The distinction for me was that the OP wasn't about a sexless life, but a sexless relationship with that one partner.

No I don't think I could begin a relationship on that basis either, but it's still not the same as a sexless life.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The distinction for me was that the OP wasn't about a sexless life, but a sexless relationship with that one partner.

No I don't think I could begin a relationship on that basis either, but it's still not the same as a sexless life. "

I know. I only referred to people complaining about sexless lives in the context of the rest of my post which I agree is poorly worded and doesn't properly get my point across.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...,

the op obviously posted this for a reason and hopefully we helped

I never directed my comments at anyone as I assumed the OP was hypothetical. As I said in my responses... if there is a good reason for a lack of sex i.e. a disability or some other condition that wasn't cited in the OP then it would warrant a different reply from me. Taking the OP on face value, however, I would say it was an act of desperation to seek to trap someone in a relationship that had no intimacy and to also wish to settle for second best yourself. If people want to take my comments in response to a simplistic abstract hypothesis as applying to them personally then they've failed to grasp that I'm merely going on the facts given in the OP. Of course life can be more complex... and a more complex insight into the precise issues behind such a decision might cause me to give a very different response... just as we all jump on people for cheating before recognising that some of them actually have some pretty good reasons to. That's all

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"...,

the op obviously posted this for a reason and hopefully we helped

I thought it was funny. I'm a bit disappointed you didn't mean it that way.

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By *rben112Man
over a year ago

worcester

A friend of mine is in a similar situation though his wife stopped sex after they had a child as she made it clear that now she has what she wants, she doesn't want sex"

I'm in the same boat. Sex is rare and when it does happen, it's robotic and the same. I have tried to discuss this but she feels it's dirty and I'm odd in wanting it so often! I still love her but my life without any sex or intermarry is killing me. Other than have an affair, what are my options? I see swinging as sex without any of the emotional or complicated entanglements. I get to vent some of my pent up energy. I have tried to bring up allowing me to do this with permission without success, hence the secrets which I do feel bad about but we would both me emotionally worse of without each other, which is the other option.

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

A friend of mine is in a similar situation though his wife stopped sex after they had a child as she made it clear that now she has what she wants, she doesn't want sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a horrible situation to be in for me you have to be compatible on both a mental scale and the sexual attraction side too for a marriage or partnership to work,yes you can be Soulmates but there will always be something missing if sexual attraction is not there.How can you talk to someone who does not want to talk about it ? I'm supposed to sit there like a good little boy and just accept it which I cant I'm human I have urges like anyone else id rather cheat and keep my family together than walk out on my son who is my life who knows life is not simple hard choices have to be made some people will agree others wont

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend of mine is in a similar situation though his wife stopped sex after they had a child as she made it clear that now she has what she wants, she doesn't want sex

My ex and the father of my children had an affair and left because of it. I would have been happier if he had used something like fab to meet until we worked through it. Its a long time ago and I don't have an issue with it now, but having an affair is likely to cause much ore damaging consequences than meeting on fab. This is my personal opinion, of course, based on what happened to me. I think a lot also depends on whether you can talk about other things too and both want to stay together for other reasons because you satisfy each other and meet each others needs in other ways and genuinely enjoy each others company."
I am not having a go just giving my opinion with regard to your husband having an affair which caused your marriage to break down my question is how would him coming on fab to have sex with another woman have changed that ,marriages or successful partnerships exist for a few basic fundamental principles ,morals,loyalty,trust,flexibility and love,I personally don't see how anyone who is actively involved with the fab lifestyle can regard themselves as a moral person myself included ,your husband or ex would be having sex with another woman irrespective of where he met them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am not having a go just giving my opinion with regard to your husband having an affair which caused your marriage to break down my question is how would him coming on fab to have sex with another woman have changed that ,marriages or successful partnerships exist for a few basic fundamental principles ,morals,loyalty,trust,flexibility and love,I personally don't see how anyone who is actively involved with the fab lifestyle can regard themselves as a moral person myself included ,your husband or ex would be having sex with another woman irrespective of where he met them

I hate to answer for another poster, but I completely agree with them. An affair is an emotional betrayal. If it's with someone connected to your life together, a friend, a colleague, which it usually is, even worse. I would find myself questioning everything that had gone before which involved that person, and everything after. For me that's far, far worse than meeting a stranger, someone totally unconnected to their life, with very little risk of it coming out to embarrass me by other people finding out about it.

Obviously talking and communication is the ideal, or even counselling or whatever, but sometimes people try that, they really try, for a long time, but it still doesn't resolve things. So they make decisions which are the best for their circumstances at the time to enable them to be together for their own reasons.

That's not "immoral" to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's not "immoral" to me. "
do you not agree that the " fab " lifestyle is immoral?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" do you not agree that the " fab " lifestyle is immoral?"

No I don't believe swinging is immoral.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does sex always bring people together? Seems to tear people apart quite often. "

Sex is the driver of life . I think lack of sexual satisfaction accounts for the majority of breakups.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No been there done that sex is a very important part in any marriage without you really have nothing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No been there done that sex is a very important part in any marriage without you really have nothing"

That's a shame

Without it, you can't have everything, but to say you have nothing without it is sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" do you not agree that the " fab " lifestyle is immoral?

No I don't believe swinging is immoral."
in the western world we have invented rules for life I'm not saying I agree with rules but we've invented marriage ,a man and a woman getting married having children bringing their children up with a set of moralistic values a guideline for living a happy fulfilling well structured life ,having sex with more than one partner is not within these rules its immoral and even in today's society, I'm immoral I have sex with more than one partner

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I think cheating lacks a certain amount of morals. Obviously this is hypothetical for me because I'm not married but if I were and my husband was unhappy with our sex life, I'd rather he went off and fucked a random than had an affair. Affairs are emotional, casual sex less so.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Scarlet... we need a part two!

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