FabSwingers.com forum: Ego vs Self-esteem

By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

How do you see them, and the difference between them?

Too much for a Friday night? lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ego..... full of their own importance!

Self-esteem..... confident in their self worth without being cocky!

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By *ohnaronMan
over a year ago

london

Ego cogito sum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Self esteem is taking pride in yourself

Ego is revelling in yourself, often undeservedly

That, of course, is only my interpretation of the two

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ego..... full of their own importance!

Self-esteem..... confident in their self worth without being cocky!"

^^ This!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Self esteem, being self aware, comfortable in your own skin and I would say ego means the same thing, only it has negative undertones, we say people are on an ego trip or have a big ego.

Having an ego but being realistic is good.

Having an ego and being unrealistic isn't good.

Self esteem sounds more grounded

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's funny is what people say ego is is pretty much the oposite of what your ego (in a psychological term) is.

But because ego is the term used to describe "you" its become the catch all.

Self esteem is the measure by which you rate yourself, ego is the part that thinks such a thing is nessecery.

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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"What's funny is what people say ego is is pretty much the oposite of what your ego (in a psychological term) is.

But because ego is the term used to describe "you" its become the catch all.

Self esteem is the measure by which you rate yourself, ego is the part that thinks such a thing is nessecery."

Ok, you mean it like the sense of pride there?

I listened to some talks and found a couple of interesting quotes, I'll come back to this after the weekend I think.

This is a brilliantly succinct quote:

"Ego is the artificial self and self-esteem comes from the authentic self."

And this might be seen as contentious:

"Your real self doesn’t derive its sense of value from your thoughts and behavior, nor does it care what others think of you. It cannot feel embarrassed, resentful, humiliated, or proud. The esteem of the higher self is simply a recognition of pure awareness."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't see a difference myself, but interested to hear more.

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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I don't see a difference myself, but interested to hear more."

There are so many definitions. A common difference I'm finding is self-esteem is your innate sense of worth, and needs no comparison. But ego is the comparative and external - it's about what others think, and if you are 'more or less than' others....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't see a difference myself, but interested to hear more.

I just cheated and googled.

Ego: the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.

I take that to mean how you see yourself really, and that you exist in your own right? And thinking more i guess self esteem could be based more on how you feel about yourself, the emotional side of you?

There's a big daddy long legs in here attacking me, kind of putting me off thinking right now...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's funny is what people say ego is is pretty much the oposite of what your ego (in a psychological term) is.

But because ego is the term used to describe "you" its become the catch all.

Self esteem is the measure by which you rate yourself, ego is the part that thinks such a thing is nessecery.

Ok, you mean it like the sense of pride there?

I listened to some talks and found a couple of interesting quotes, I'll come back to this after the weekend I think.

This is a brilliantly succinct quote:

"Ego is the artificial self and self-esteem comes from the authentic self."

And this might be seen as contentious:

The ego basically takes the "I want that!" "I'm hungry" "I don't like them and want to hurt them" drives from the id and makes them into something compatible with reality

ID I want that coat take it! = ego I can't steal it but I can check the bank and see if I can buy it

Id I'm hungry let's eat a giant cake = ego well I'll have a slice I don't want to be sick

Id I want to hurt them = ego I'll say something mean rather than punch them as that won't go well.

This is why kids suck cause they're basically all ID with little ego to reign it in

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I look at it differently to psychology and not a fan of the word ego.

Self-esteem I see as our own perceived value and well being - which aren't simple aspects in their own right. We can tease apart the differences between our self confidence, how much we like or accept ourselves and many other aspects of the human condition, but we're complex and little about us isn't interconnected. Our identity is akin to ego, I'm thinking here of who we are and perceive ourselves to be. We likely have many aspects to this, an integrated personality being a common goal of some psychotherapy approaches. But I don't _iew us like a Freudian model - we're simple and complex and the ego etc of Freud seems ungrounded in the real world complexity.

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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Yes, sadly I think we are all using such different concepts it is almost impossible to discuss! !

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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"What's funny is what people say ego is is pretty much the oposite of what your ego (in a psychological term) is.

But because ego is the term used to describe "you" its become the catch all.

Self esteem is the measure by which you rate yourself, ego is the part that thinks such a thing is nessecery.

Ok, you mean it like the sense of pride there?

I listened to some talks and found a couple of interesting quotes, I'll come back to this after the weekend I think.

This is a brilliantly succinct quote:

"Ego is the artificial self and self-esteem comes from the authentic self."

And this might be seen as contentious:

The ego basically takes the "I want that!" "I'm hungry" "I don't like them and want to hurt them" drives from the id and makes them into something compatible with reality

ID I want that coat take it! = ego I can't steal it but I can check the bank and see if I can buy it

Id I'm hungry let's eat a giant cake = ego well I'll have a slice I don't want to be sick

Id I want to hurt them = ego I'll say something mean rather than punch them as that won't go well.

This is why kids suck cause they're basically all ID with little ego to reign it in"

Ok if I re-read Freud's definitions I can just about relate to his construct by translating them in my own mind - ........I define them as sort of base desires, vs conscious self, vs a sort of learned conscience for super ego.

But none of those relate directly to the kind of 'common' definition I am using when I say 'Stroke an ego'. I see that more as the constructed, projected, narcissistic self rather than the true identity with it's intrinsic value.

Goodness I had to concentrate hard to write that just after waking up.....

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

Have you always been so self-assured or has it come about the older you've got?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

So there people!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's funny is what people say ego is is pretty much the oposite of what your ego (in a psychological term) is.

But because ego is the term used to describe "you" its become the catch all.

Self esteem is the measure by which you rate yourself, ego is the part that thinks such a thing is nessecery.

Ok, you mean it like the sense of pride there?

I listened to some talks and found a couple of interesting quotes, I'll come back to this after the weekend I think.

This is a brilliantly succinct quote:

"Ego is the artificial self and self-esteem comes from the authentic self."

And this might be seen as contentious:

The ego basically takes the "I want that!" "I'm hungry" "I don't like them and want to hurt them" drives from the id and makes them into something compatible with reality

ID I want that coat take it! = ego I can't steal it but I can check the bank and see if I can buy it

Id I'm hungry let's eat a giant cake = ego well I'll have a slice I don't want to be sick

Id I want to hurt them = ego I'll say something mean rather than punch them as that won't go well.

This is why kids suck cause they're basically all ID with little ego to reign it in

Goodness I had to concentrate hard to write that just after waking up.....

That's my point because ego was the word used for self it kinda got coopted into being a negative thing that is outside of its definition.

But much like what someone says "that's gay" we all know from context if they mean homosexual or just shit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I kind of see the ego as being the I, how I perceive and respond to the world, and self esteem as being where the I perceive itself in the world

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

Have you always been so self-assured or has it come about the older you've got?"

no, I was very badly bullied at school for being perceived as Gay, I was artistic and a very easy target. I left school with zero confidence and I made a choice that I was going to turn that into a positive. My years at Art School helped me become me again. I entered the business world and I became very successful within my field. I was recognised as one of the very best people focused managers/directors as I never forgot where I came from and the true importance of the 12000 people who reported into me. Leadership is very important and the role modelling of that started with me.

I see the people who badly bullied me and I smile and think 'thank you, you helped shape me into the person I became'.

Following the suicide of the person who was the most influential to me, I crumbled and lost all hope. I got fantastic professional help and I owned every inch of my recovery and I still do today.

I joined the swinging world and love every minute but as a single bi man : ), it would be very easy to feel the bottom of the food chain but I refuse to be put down because of my gender and sexuality and I believe with passion we are all equal here....

So yes and no, it has not always been easy but I am responsible about how I feel and I look to no one on here to reinforce that: why, because I don't need them to. I have my own and very robust coping strategies for any day that I am down and needing a lift, it works for me and that is all I care about.

Have I been perfect with how I treat others, No. I have done things that I am ashamed about, but I learned from every single one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

Have you always been so self-assured or has it come about the older you've got?"

Am glad you picked up on that word because I have been thinking it as I followed this.

Self- assurance is where its at. As View said its something that comes from your character x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

Have you always been so self-assured or has it come about the older you've got?

I see the people who badly bullied me and I smile and think 'thank you, you helped shape me into the person I became'.

Following the suicide of the person who was the most influential to me, I crumbled and lost all hope. I got fantastic professional help and I owned every inch of my recovery and I still do today.

Have I been perfect with how I treat others, No. I have done things that I am ashamed about, but I learned from every single one.

What a great post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

Have you always been so self-assured or has it come about the older you've got?

I see the people who badly bullied me and I smile and think 'thank you, you helped shape me into the person I became'.

Following the suicide of the person who was the most influential to me, I crumbled and lost all hope. I got fantastic professional help and I owned every inch of my recovery and I still do today.

Have I been perfect with how I treat others, No. I have done things that I am ashamed about, but I learned from every single one.

What a great post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

Have you always been so self-assured or has it come about the older you've got?

I see the people who badly bullied me and I smile and think 'thank you, you helped shape me into the person I became'.

Following the suicide of the person who was the most influential to me, I crumbled and lost all hope. I got fantastic professional help and I owned every inch of my recovery and I still do today.

Have I been perfect with how I treat others, No. I have done things that I am ashamed about, but I learned from every single one.

Thanks for being so open & honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

Have you always been so self-assured or has it come about the older you've got?

I see the people who badly bullied me and I smile and think 'thank you, you helped shape me into the person I became'.

Following the suicide of the person who was the most influential to me, I crumbled and lost all hope. I got fantastic professional help and I owned every inch of my recovery and I still do today.

Have I been perfect with how I treat others, No. I have done things that I am ashamed about, but I learned from every single one.

Good lad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ego , is how we feel about our selves and the perception we have on just our strengths it can go to our heads

Self esteem

This is a good thing , its good to feel good about yourself , as long as it doesn't impact on others .

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By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

London.

"Ego..... full of their own importance!

Self-esteem..... confident in their self worth without being cocky!"

Spot opinion,in my humble opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you see them, and the difference between them?

Too much for a Friday night? lol!

"
ego is boosted ,self esteem is within you

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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

But, the interesting thing to me is your 'huge' ego is firmly in your control, it does not appear to drive you or rule you - because of the healthy self-esteem/self-worth I reckon.

And despite the lack of need for validation, I would never think of you as near the bottom of the food chain because to me you are one of the most evolved people on here (for want of a better word) - you are obviously the product of hard won personal growth and I admire that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

"
hey if you don't love yourself(discretely)no-one else will

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I don't think I have a big ego but I do genuinely love myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think I have a big ego but I do genuinely love myself

"
that's a good thing many people don't xx

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By *ratty_DamselWoman
over a year ago

London.

"Ego..... full of their own importance!

Self-esteem..... confident in their self worth without being cocky!

Spot opinion,in my humble opinion.

See I was having a dyslexic moment.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I don't think I have a big ego but I do genuinely love myself

that's a good thing many people don't xx

It's taken years to, like _iew I was bullied at school for being overweight I then went on to suffer with an eating disorder which I overcame I was really skinny and at Rock bottom but now being a fat fucker I do love myself finally...however I'm on a weight loss journey at the moment for myself

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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Gotta go, pick this up Sunday of it's still here..xx

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

But, the interesting thing to me is your 'huge' ego is firmly in your control, it does not appear to drive you or rule you - because of the healthy self-esteem/self-worth I reckon.

Evolved is a great word and spot on.

thanks

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I don't think I have a big ego but I do genuinely love myself

that's a good thing many people don't xx

and if they did, I suggest they would be happier. Too often, they are looking for others to love them first thinking that would help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think I have a big ego but I do genuinely love myself

that's a good thing many people don't xx

and if they did, I suggest they would be happier. Too often, they are looking for others to love them first thinking that would help."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

Have you always been so self-assured or has it come about the older you've got?

I see the people who badly bullied me and I smile and think 'thank you, you helped shape me into the person I became'.

Following the suicide of the person who was the most influential to me, I crumbled and lost all hope. I got fantastic professional help and I owned every inch of my recovery and I still do today.

Have I been perfect with how I treat others, No. I have done things that I am ashamed about, but I learned from every single one.

Very beautifully articulated post

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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I have a huge ego

I have volumes of self worth

I have very robust self esteem.

I feel good about myself and I don't care if other's think of any of that as a negative, I am not looking for it to be validated.

But, the interesting thing to me is your 'huge' ego is firmly in your control, it does not appear to drive you or rule you - because of the healthy self-esteem/self-worth I reckon.

Evolved is a great word and spot on.

thanks

Good!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just been thinking their isn't really any difference between arrogance and self confidence. Just when someone agrees with an arrogant person they see that as self confidence because they look at that person in a positive way.

Funny how words become annotated.

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By *risky_Mare OP Woman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I've just been thinking their isn't really any difference between arrogance and self confidence. Just when someone agrees with an arrogant person they see that as self confidence because they look at that person in a positive way.

Funny how words become annotated.

I do see a difference - I think arrogance carries a sense of superiority that self-confidence does not. You can be self-confident and have great humility, but humility and arrogance cannot be bedfellows, though false humility might be.

I found this the other day which, although it does not define what I am after, I thought was an interesting concept:

"An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me” he said to the boy.

”It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego”.

He continued, “the other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you –and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “the one you feed.”

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

Funny how words become annotated.

I'm extremely arrogant as most people can't accept I'm usually right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Funny how words become annotated.

I found this the other day which, although it does not define what I am after, I thought was an interesting concept:

"An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me” he said to the boy.

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “the one you feed.”"

Can be true about the superiority thing i suppose, although i personally feel that people who act superior have little to no confidence and this is why they need to belittle others.

I don't think you can be self confident with humility. You either think you're good enough or not. You might not shout out about it (which comes across as arrogant) but you still are creating a thought that you are good enough. Which is fair enough i think, but quietly appreciating yourself is just the same as being arrogant.

The meaning of the word arrogant is to give yourself more importance than others give you, which is how i came to my original thought that if people agree with you then you're classed as self-confident. It's just based on how others see you.

Might be pointless to discuss anyway seeing as we can't actually give anything other than a subjective value to ourselves or others anyway. Dunno what i was expecting to discuss, just that thought was in my head.

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