FabSwingers.com forum: Judging

By *rinking-in-la OP Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

There is an ever present thread of "not judging" people based on the information they choose to give to you.

It seems rather strange that it is socially unacceptable to appraise all you can see of someone and not to form a judgement of that person based on your experiences in life and the information available to you.

Obviously once you make an initial judgement you should go into any further contact with an open mind as your experiences in life so far are likely to be incomplete and any new person is likely to present a new outlook and provide new experiences.

But not to make a judgement based on the information to you seems rather foolish. We have developed over millions of years (or 4000, depending on how gullible you are) to appraise people/things and our experiences tell us to be wary of certain things.

Why is this frowned upon here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Judging isn't always a problem

Being seen to be judging is though

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

I'm not judging either of these posts

C...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Making judgements is something we do every day. Being judgemental towards someone because you think they should be doing things your way is another kettle of fish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Making judgements is something we do every day. Being judgemental towards someone because you think they should be doing things your way is another kettle of fish. "

This

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Everyone judges, its human nature, its how we survive, but I can't think of any examples where I judge a person based on experience, I judge them on them alone, I judge situations based on experience.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

There's a difference between judging and being judgemental in my head. We all have to judge for ourselves whether other people suit what we're looking for. To judge them for their choices may well be something that happens in our thought process, we all have a compass as to what our standards/morals/choices are and where the bar lies. Not everyone will be within that range. It's human nature.

I think the hard part is knowing when to not say it out loud. If someone is racist for example, I'd speak up with my judgement of that. If someone is mean, by my standards, I'd speak up. However, if someone is merely making a choice that suits them, is causing no harm in the process I'm a great believer in letting them get on with it even if I think it's weird.

There are times I throw in a cheeky comment or a bit of sarcasm but it's always good natured. I don't think there's any need to be unkind to people because they choose something that doesn't fit with your choices.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On here we are all judgemental. From age, to looks to location to verifications.

Its no different to 'real life'.

People will judge me on my profile and on my photos. As do I others. But I am fully aware that a profile and photo is not always the persona.

I try not to judge too much in the forums although it probably shows more about a person than their profile.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"There's a difference between judging and being judgemental in my head. We all have to judge for ourselves whether other people suit what we're looking for. To judge them for their choices may well be something that happens in our thought process, we all have a compass as to what our standards/morals/choices are and where the bar lies. Not everyone will be within that range. It's human nature.

Saved me typing!

I prefer to look at it as making an assessment - not a judgement.

I'm happy to form opinions about people based on my own thoughts, attitudes, beliefs and what I can see and read. Everybody (if they're honest!!) does exactly this.

The judgemental part comes when you share your thoughts with others or put them out there for all to see, in a manner that's based on limited knowledge of someone else and largely based on assumptions.

If you know someone well and they're a cockwomble, you have good reason and clear evidence to prove that cockwombleness? Then 'judging' them as a cockwomble is fine (to me).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Glass houses.

Guilt complexes.

Who knows.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I will pass judgement on anything and anyone I care to.

They are welcome to do the same to me.

It's cool, I am not precious about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cockwombles.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I will pass judgement on anything and anyone I care to.

They are welcome to do the same to me.

It's cool, I am not precious about it.

Haha, I like the fact that even when I disagree with you, I agree with the manner in which you state your _iew.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I will pass judgement on anything and anyone I care to.

They are welcome to do the same to me.

It's cool, I am not precious about it.

Haha, I like the fact that even when I disagree with you, I agree with the manner in which you state your _iew.

happy days.......

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"There is an ever present thread of "not judging" people based on the information they choose to give to you.

There is a key point I was taught here, and that is to try to differentiate between behaviour and identity. Judging a behaviour is not the same as judging a person - I can say I do not agree with what you do, even that I believe it is wrong, but that is not the same as calling you an evil person.

One can be discussed with detachment in mature adults, the other is very likely to put people's backs up and preclude detached objectivity.

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