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Any advice gratefully received. | |||
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"So I've been trying to find something a little different in my life for a little bit now.. I've had varying degrees of interest (let'scall them dry spells) for whatever reason when I find a lady I don't seem to get past one or two dates.. might be a different way of meeting folk but really Nothing much changes . So much like my teens..
Any advice gratefully received. "Is it online dating? Where do you take them? Is it you that breaks off the dates or them? | |||
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"Maybe see if there's a pattern with what you're doing or the type of person you're approaching, and change it. " 
I agree. If the only pattern is that it's you that's meeting others op, then maybe you're not ready, or just need to meet a higher volume of people, in order to get the right chemistry.
What do you do on your dates? Is it memorable? Whilst the focus should be on whether the two of you get on, and it works, consider varying the places you're going to and what you get up to.
Otherwise look closely at what's been going on even more carefully. Is there something about the people you're picking, or who is picking you? Something they're communicating, even between the lines, that hints that it would potentially not work, or they're not ready etc?
I'd need to meet a lot of people, in all likelihood, in order to find just a few people who MAY be compatible - I don't expect to easily find the right people just from online profiles or friends' recommendations. I don't see that many people as very compatible and wouldn't just have dates because it was better than having a leg cut off, enjoyable but not really the right person for me, in the longer term. | |||
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"So I've been trying to find something a little different in my life for a little bit now.. I've had varying degrees of interest (let'scall them dry spells) for whatever reason when I find a lady I don't seem to get past one or two dates.. might be a different way of meeting folk but really Nothing much changes . So much like my teens..
Any advice gratefully received. "For what it's worth I found all the dating sites a dead loss too, and I never had a problem having good relationships before. I've had more social times on here than any one of them! | |||
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"So I've been trying to find something a little different in my life for a little bit now.. I've had varying degrees of interest (let'scall them dry spells) for whatever reason when I find a lady I don't seem to get past one or two dates.. might be a different way of meeting folk but really Nothing much changes . So much like my teens..
Any advice gratefully received. "Where are you meeting women, what age group are they in? It might not just be you. I have several women friends who are slightly younger than me and single, they date the same man three of four times then stop. The impression I get from them is that they have lost the ability to just date for the sake of having a nice time in good company and over think the whole thing. One, a gorgeous leggy blonde in her early fifties found herself unable to believe that the much younger man who took her out a few times could possibly be interested in her so, despite me telling her she was daft, didn't see him again. Perhaps you need to meet women who are happy to just go with the flow dating wise.......where you find them I have no idea | |||
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"Well it's the other way round for me had loads of fun on dates and they always come back for more sometimes a little to strong "I've asked one or two of the people that I have actually managed to have 'dates' with on POF and apparently my particular brand of sarcasm coupled with my unwillingness to lie about needing a girlfriend contributes to my lack of success....  | |||
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"Well it's the other way round for me had loads of fun on dates and they always come back for more sometimes a little to strong
I've asked one or two of the people that I have actually managed to have 'dates' with on POF and apparently my particular brand of sarcasm coupled with my unwillingness to lie about needing a girlfriend contributes to my lack of success.... "play the game pal | |||
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"I've gone back on POF recently & there is no difference between POF and Fab in what men are after. At least they're honest here about just wanting sex." I've had people on pof saying they know me from here and I've had people from here saying they know me from pof! I do want a relationship, the trips to the cinema, meals out, nights in with a film and all that bollocks, but sex is really important to me (like everyone on here) loving and trusting sex with someone you feel comfortable with and that someone has to have a large penis. On a conventional dating site if I asked to see a picture of the guys private he'd instantly put me in the just worth a shag category, here I can say to a guy that I'm looking for more than just sex and they seen to understand more and possibly be wanting more than just sex as well. There is logic to my madness sometimes! | |||
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"I'm going back to speed dating... I did have a laugh and fun on them "Always wanted to do that | |||
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"Maybe see if there's a pattern with what you're doing or the type of person you're approaching, and change it.
I agree. If the only pattern is that it's you that's meeting others op, then maybe you're not ready, or just need to meet a higher volume of people, in order to get the right chemistry.
What do you do on your dates? Is it memorable? Whilst the focus should be on whether the two of you get on, and it works, consider varying the places you're going to and what you get up to.
Otherwise look closely at what's been going on even more carefully. Is there something about the people you're picking, or who is picking you? Something they're communicating, even between the lines, that hints that it would potentially not work, or they're not ready etc?
I'd need to meet a lot of people, in all likelihood, in order to find just a few people who MAY be compatible - I don't expect to easily find the right people just from online profiles or friends' recommendations. I don't see that many people as very compatible and wouldn't just have dates because it was better than having a leg cut off, enjoyable but not really the right person for me, in the longer term. "I think you've probably hit the nail on the head.. just like my teens and early twenties it's a numbers thing.. Back then it it was a different date every month or two.. I guess for some reason being older I thought it'd be different. So anyone want a night out. .. sex entirely optional. | |||
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Also, you meet friends of friends which means more people (women) to be introduced to. | |||
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"It might be an idea to try a new hobby/ interest that traditionally would attract more of the opposite sex, for example I recently had a similar conversation with a guy in his late forties and he decided to go salsa dancing and promptly met somebody. Not saying that salsa dancing will work for everybody - but just as an example. If I were looking for dating I might look at joining an interest group that traditionally attracts more men than women. Just a thought "This!
The thought of internet dating fills me with the worst dread. The thought of a first date makes me feel physically sick. 
I'd much rather be out doing stuff and meet someone. I'd no more join another dating site than I would jump out of a plane. | |||
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"It might be an idea to try a new hobby/ interest that traditionally would attract more of the opposite sex, for example I recently had a similar conversation with a guy in his late forties and he decided to go salsa dancing and promptly met somebody. Not saying that salsa dancing will work for everybody - but just as an example. If I were looking for dating I might look at joining an interest group that traditionally attracts more men than women. Just a thought "Yeah, any man that's a decent lead at any type of Jive will never be short of ladies clamouring for his company. | |||
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"So I've been trying to find something a little different in my life for a little bit now.. I've had varying degrees of interest (let'scall them dry spells) for whatever reason when I find a lady I don't seem to get past one or two dates.. might be a different way of meeting folk but really Nothing much changes . So much like my teens..
Any advice gratefully received. "It's not you , it's the world of Internet dating. People are always searching for something better. So you can have 2 great dates with someone, but the other person thinks there must be more out there. I would try the gym , I've had success there. | |||
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"It might be an idea to try a new hobby/ interest that traditionally would attract more of the opposite sex, for example I recently had a similar conversation with a guy in his late forties and he decided to go salsa dancing and promptly met somebody. Not saying that salsa dancing will work for everybody - but just as an example. If I were looking for dating I might look at joining an interest group that traditionally attracts more men than women. Just a thought
Yeah, any man that's a decent lead at any type of Jive will never be short of ladies clamouring for his company."I've got the tight trousers.. | |||
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"I've gone back on POF recently & there is no difference between POF and Fab in what men are after. At least they're honest here about just wanting sex." That's only true for a small number of men. I'm on POF and one thing I'm not looking for is a one night stand, I'm actually looking for an LTR. If I find one I'll not be on here looking for casual sex. | |||
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"It might be an idea to try a new hobby/ interest that traditionally would attract more of the opposite sex, for example I recently had a similar conversation with a guy in his late forties and he decided to go salsa dancing and promptly met somebody. Not saying that salsa dancing will work for everybody - but just as an example. If I were looking for dating I might look at joining an interest group that traditionally attracts more men than women. Just a thought
Yeah, any man that's a decent lead at any type of Jive will never be short of ladies clamouring for his company.
I've got the tight trousers.. "Yea but they wear baggy ones now! | |||
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"Well it's the other way round for me had loads of fun on dates and they always come back for more sometimes a little to strong
I've asked one or two of the people that I have actually managed to have 'dates' with on POF and apparently my particular brand of sarcasm coupled with my unwillingness to lie about needing a girlfriend contributes to my lack of success.... "It's good honest feedback, I assume, so use it for what it's worth. We don't reveal ourselves 100% to all of the people, all of the time. At our core is our personality and we all also have a vast reserve of experiences, behaviours, beliefs/attitudes etc, most of which won't be relevant in many contexts. As we get to develop depth in relationships we tend to reveal more of ourselves, and sometimes this is based on developing a mutual trust and reciprocity. It strikes me that you're honest - which is great - but perhaps have almost an either being closed or opened up options with other people. Being too open, revealing and available can be a a bit much and too soon for some people. Whilst you may meet someone who is exactly the same, you may find that they have a similar effect upon you, and that being the same doesn't necessarily give you your perfect match. The bit about your sarcasm - which is a behaviour, and may reveal something about your views on other people, is going to be interpreted by others. They may not reach correct assumptions about it. They may feel that it's dangerous, as they could be hurt by you somehow. That could give a warning sign to some, even if it's unconsciously - they feel right to keep some distance between you. So I'd practice restraining the sarcasm with other people -they don't have to be people you're dating, but any and everyone. Stop it. If you notice you're about to say something, or have started, cut it out. Change your tack. If you do this enough, your habits will change. Consider making it a goal to spend a few days only thinking and saying good things about others, that are the opposite of being sarcastic, in the way that you do. Feel good about yourself each time that you do it. Just try it out as an experiment. The reason I say this is that everything we do, our behaviour, is done to achieve a change to our state of mind, how we feel. And generally it's not to feel worse, but to feel good: even if it's just a small cheer on the inside. Achieve and feel something positive for doing something else instead, so you don't lose out on feeling good somehow. I've picked up on your sarcastic behaviour as it's the only clear cut behaviour that's been remarked upon by dates. There may be other stuff that you do that has a similar off-putting effect on others. Ask your friends, if you're 100% willing to hear it, what you do that is less than pleasant. We all do stuff, and you're likely to feel free to behave around friends fairly freely, as they accept you, without constraints. Accept what they say, if they will reveal stuff, and don't explain yourself, why you do things, just listen and make a note of what you do in company. Then try something similar with these things, that you've done with your sarcastic behaviour. You say you want a relationship. As you're committed, then you'll accept the challenges to target some of your behaviours, in order to help potentially achieve this more easily. It's not that you're not acceptable as you are, without changing your behaviours - you are. Just that some of them are likely to close doors, rather than open them, so that you're not getting to the third dates etc. And consider that it's natural to reveal yourself in stages to new people. Having the goods in reserve is alluring, enticing others to want to know more of you. Just a few notes that spring to mind. I'm happy to chat privately if you'd like. And people will chip in here, based on what I've said, as well as others. Overall, your dates need to be light and fun. Consider doing stuff that's different to the norm when you arrange a date. They don't need to just be chats in a bar etc. | |||
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"It might be an idea to try a new hobby/ interest that traditionally would attract more of the opposite sex, for example I recently had a similar conversation with a guy in his late forties and he decided to go salsa dancing and promptly met somebody. Not saying that salsa dancing will work for everybody - but just as an example. If I were looking for dating I might look at joining an interest group that traditionally attracts more men than women. Just a thought "To true, I have found that at salsa classes you can meet loads of woman folk, and every body can be themselves with no airs' and grace, its a bit like speed dating (although I've never been), where you change partners untill ones gives you that extra little smile and squeeze | |||
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"Well it's the other way round for me had loads of fun on dates and they always come back for more sometimes a little to strong
I've asked one or two of the people that I have actually managed to have 'dates' with on POF and apparently my particular brand of sarcasm coupled with my unwillingness to lie about needing a girlfriend contributes to my lack of success....
It's good honest feedback, I assume, so use it for what it's worth.
We don't reveal ourselves 100% to all of the people, all of the time. At our core is our personality and we all also have a vast reserve of experiences, behaviours, beliefs/attitudes etc, most of which won't be relevant in many contexts. As we get to develop depth in relationships we tend to reveal more of ourselves, and sometimes this is based on developing a mutual trust and reciprocity. It strikes me that you're honest - which is great - but perhaps have almost an either being closed or opened up options with other people.
Being too open, revealing and available can be a a bit much and too soon for some people. Whilst you may meet someone who is exactly the same, you may find that they have a similar effect upon you, and that being the same doesn't necessarily give you your perfect match.
The bit about your sarcasm - which is a behaviour, and may reveal something about your views on other people, is going to be interpreted by others. They may not reach correct assumptions about it. They may feel that it's dangerous, as they could be hurt by you somehow. That could give a warning sign to some, even if it's unconsciously - they feel right to keep some distance between you.
So I'd practice restraining the sarcasm with other people -they don't have to be people you're dating, but any and everyone. Stop it. If you notice you're about to say something, or have started, cut it out. Change your tack. If you do this enough, your habits will change.
Consider making it a goal to spend a few days only thinking and saying good things about others, that are the opposite of being sarcastic, in the way that you do. Feel good about yourself each time that you do it. Just try it out as an experiment.
The reason I say this is that everything we do, our behaviour, is done to achieve a change to our state of mind, how we feel. And generally it's not to feel worse, but to feel good: even if it's just a small cheer on the inside. Achieve and feel something positive for doing something else instead, so you don't lose out on feeling good somehow.
I've picked up on your sarcastic behaviour as it's the only clear cut behaviour that's been remarked upon by dates. There may be other stuff that you do that has a similar off-putting effect on others.
Ask your friends, if you're 100% willing to hear it, what you do that is less than pleasant. We all do stuff, and you're likely to feel free to behave around friends fairly freely, as they accept you, without constraints. Accept what they say, if they will reveal stuff, and don't explain yourself, why you do things, just listen and make a note of what you do in company.
Then try something similar with these things, that you've done with your sarcastic behaviour.
You say you want a relationship. As you're committed, then you'll accept the challenges to target some of your behaviours, in order to help potentially achieve this more easily.
It's not that you're not acceptable as you are, without changing your behaviours - you are. Just that some of them are likely to close doors, rather than open them, so that you're not getting to the third dates etc.
And consider that it's natural to reveal yourself in stages to new people. Having the goods in reserve is alluring, enticing others to want to know more of you.
Just a few notes that spring to mind. I'm happy to chat privately if you'd like. And people will chip in here, based on what I've said, as well as others.
Overall, your dates need to be light and fun. Consider doing stuff that's different to the norm when you arrange a date. They don't need to just be chats in a bar etc."Firstly thankyou for the considered reply. However, I think you have misinterpreted me slightly. The fact that I don't do as well on POF etc doesn't really bother me, I'm unwilling to lie deliberately - I would feel awful if I got someone into bed by implying that a relationship was on the cards, when it isn't. My view on my sense of humour is; I know that I can be very dry and somewhat sarcastic, I know that some people don't like it/don't know how to take me, but it is me, and its probably better that I am myself from the beginning. After all, I quite like me, and if a prospective date doesn't, then there really isn't any point in us dating. That said, these days I am open to the idea of a girlfriend, but not convinced that I am "looking for" one - more that if one came along, that would be a pleasant surprise. Again, she would have to like me for me, and let's face it I am quite "niche"....
Also, I have no real problem that I do better on Fabs, I like Fabs, it seems fairly honest and I have met some pretty cool people around here.  | |||
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Plan b.. Dating site next. Not the fish one. | |||
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"Why don't you join a social group in your area? " Thats a good idea - I started playing Rugby again for this very reason. You never know where it could take you.... | |||
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"Why don't you join a social group in your area? Thats a good idea - I started playing Rugby again for this very reason. You never know where it could take you...." I know someone met her last two boyfriends by joining a social group | |||
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