FabSwingers.com forum: Using the toilets at work..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And no i don't mean for wanking lol.

Does anyone else feel apprehensive about using the dunnies at work? I'm not talking about going for a wee but i mean a full on dump.

I never normally use them for anything other that a wee but last week i was sat at my desk and the pains came over me. 'Bugger' i though i'm gonna have to go and use the works crappers.

I walked in ,did a quick scout around luckily no one was in there so i quickly went into one of the traps and pulled down my kecks to let one go. All of a sudden the door to the toilets open and someone walks in. The bloke (bearing in mind there are 5 other empty traps) takes the one RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO ME!!(i mean...why???). He then proceeds to plonk himself on the bog and let go one of the wettest sounding pan splattering shits i've ever heard in my life followed by a couple of squeaky farts and a satisfied groan.

The smell was fucking acrid and due to all this i got stage fright and was unable to crap myself, despite needing one.

I know i should have gone shit for shit with this monster but his pre-emptive dump caught me so off guard and had me chicken legging all over the ring of combat. There was no way i was going to be able to dump so i pulled up my trousers and went to wash my hands.

As i was washing them the door opens and out steps this filthy, fat bearded ricky tomlinson lookalike and he walked straight out without washing his hands!!!!!...how mank???

I started to gag and someone else walked in and had a look that said 'who the fuck has died in here??'. The fact that i smelt his poo still makes me gag as i sit here now. Oh and i still needed a shit but that twat ruined it for me and i had to hold it and wait til i got home.

Anyone else had any bad experiences using the works crappers? I thought i was an unwritten rule never to use the trap next to one that was taken if other are free?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Luckily i need to go when i wake up, so never needed to shit anywhere but home.

Did have the worst day out in Blackpool years ago (with 4 kids who needed the toilet a lot) and every single toilet stunk of shit.

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By *hooter McGavinMan
over a year ago

Exeter

I have no problem using them, I see it as being paid to take a dump ??

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thing is it wasn't my normal office i was working away for a couple of days. Place was a bit weird

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once went for a poo at a service station toilet while the cleaner was in there doing his job. After I came out of cubicle he went straight in to clean! I felt a bit sorry for him and wish I left a tip on the toilet seat

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By *arkman69Man
over a year ago

Erdington

Omg I just laughed so much at that, I think I've just wet myself!

Anyway I've had a few episodes where I'm just sitting n chillin, then someone sits in the cubicle right next to me and unleashes hell!

Why choose the cubicle next to mine when there's at least ten is beyond me.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Can't say I've ever had a problem with it - after all, it's what toilets are for and if I need to go, I need to go. We're all human and we all do it.

I do spray perfume or body spray afterwards though...it's not a nice smell to leave hanging around for others.

Bradley's more apprehensive than I am.

- Amy. x

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

That made me laugh!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But there is certain etiquette to follow isn't there?

Taking the trap next to me should be a big no no. Seriously i've never heard a shit like the one he did. it sounded like once he had gotten the large lump he had chambered out the way it was like someone pouring a bucket of slop down the pan.

Fucking rank

I don't doubt he got serious splashback and god knows he's probably got some dingleberries as a result.

As for not washing his hands.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah not washing his hands is pretty gross. He might not have wiped so didn't need to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I once went for a poo at a service station toilet while the cleaner was in there doing his job. After I came out of cubicle he went straight in to clean! I felt a bit sorry for him and wish I left a tip on the toilet seat "

Yep..i had this too. Like i said i was at a different location to normal. I think they are all f*cking weird here.

The next day i went in to take a leak and there was some strange little monkeyesque type bloke in there, obviously the cleaner. he was talking to himself saying "For fucks sake look at all the shit down there...dirty fuckers"

Very weird. he then came out of a trap and as i was weeing at one of the urinals took a j cloth and wiped round the INSIDE of another urinal (without gloves) he then kinda squeezed the j cloth, turned it round and wiped round the other side of the urinal. he was a little limpet looking type bloke all hunched over and shit.

Place was full of sickos ffs. I have to go back there in two weeks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can't say I've ever had a problem with it - after all, it's what toilets are for and if I need to go, I need to go. We're all human and we all do it.

I do spray perfume or body spray afterwards though...it's not a nice smell to leave hanging around for others.

Bradley's more apprehensive than I am.

- Amy. x"

I like going to a loo just after a womens been in there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/08/15 17:20:52]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always had this problem! Even in school I'd have to ring my grandfather to pick me up at lunchtime so I could go home for a poo.

I only work two 10 hour shifts a week 10pm till 8am so I'm usually ok in work, it's around 9:30am I have one after the school run when I've had a cuppa tea and a fag!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep..i had this too. Like i said i was at a different location to normal. I think they are all f*cking weird here.

Place was full of sickos ffs. I have to go back there in two weeks"

Ive got nothing but respect for toilet cleaners, someones gotta do it

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By *ythenshawefredMan
over a year ago

stockport

The rule is

You don't take the next trap (or urinal) if there is one available further away the next trap rule is however secondary to the touching cloth rule where 'Jesus just made it' is the main thought

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The rule is

You don't take the next trap (or urinal) if there is one available further away the next trap rule is however secondary to the touching cloth rule where 'Jesus just made it' is the main thought"

He either did not know he rule or had no respect for it

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"And no i don't mean for wanking lol.

Does anyone else feel apprehensive about using the dunnies at work? I'm not talking about going for a wee but i mean a full on dump.

I..............."

You don't work on Excellent, do you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not the best subject matter but guess we have all been there. We had a period of time where im sure someone had a hole in their back as they left a rather large mess in the loo after they where done. It went on for weeks till I emailed the hr rep and asked her for help. We came up with a email sent to all personel explaining that it was a problem for the cleaner and if they had trouble going to the toilet properly they could arrange for someone to come in and do a group session on toilet etiquette and use. The problem was soon resolved!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The rule is

You don't take the next trap (or urinal) if there is one available further away the next trap rule is however secondary to the touching cloth rule where 'Jesus just made it' is the main thought"

Unless its your favourite trap! Then you gotta use it.

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By *arkman69Man
over a year ago

Erdington

Just remembered, a office I worked in years ago, someone had a shit in the ladies toilets, then SOMEHOW managed to step in it and walk it through the office into reception! I was in another office when I got the global email from the receptionist complaining about it. She wasn't pleased when I rang and asked if it stank. I couldn't stop laughing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only at home is the rule. At work or anywhere else is a no-no .,,, I can crush wallnuts with my butt cheeks lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you gotta go you gotta go, no point in holding in a feeling awful, cmon lads your big boys now, never understood why people are embarrased to go elsewhere, we all do it

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

[Removed by poster at 25/08/15 17:43:41]

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Meh. People shit...all people shit!!

Having said that if I go in work or in public loos I wait till someone uses the hand dryer before letting loose

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

"Can't say I've ever had a problem with it - after all, it's what toilets are for and if I need to go, I need to go. We're all human and we all do it.

I do spray perfume or body spray afterwards though...it's not a nice smell to leave hanging around for others.

Bradley's more apprehensive than I am.

- Amy. x

I like going to a loo just after a womens been in there"

Oh great, NOW I have a complex..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Toilet paper in first so there's less noise

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

it could have been worse.

A friend of mine, same situ - but the guy who came out and left, without washing his hands after dumping his toxic waste - was wearing a chef outfit.

Yep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never sit on anyone else's loo even to pee, toilets in work are rank and every morning someone goes in the guy's and drops his load.........the stench is rank, talk about fucking heaving....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The worst occasion I have ever known was in a rented shared house when I first started work. One of the lads was always pissed, every night he came home bladdered. Well seems one night he was bladdered and boweled as he decided in his stupor he ne needed a shit. My other housemates and I were watching TV in the Lounge just across the hallway from the only bog in the house. The was no door on the lounge so only the toilet door protecting us from what happened next.....

He proceeded to stumble into the dark toilet, leaving the door ajar. One of the lads shouted for fucks sake close the door and as he reached for it, he fell off the bog, shit himself with the most horrendously loud, sloppy wet fart I've ever heard, depositing his plastering his excrement all round the cubicle. Between pissing ourselves laughing and barfing with the disgusting stench it had to be simultaneously one of the most stomach churningly funny situations I've ever experienced.

Needless to say cleaning the room was a fucking nightmare requiring a cast iron stomach and no sense of smell. Thankfully one of the lads volunteered when we said we'd pay him £20

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not a problem I suffer from, always have a pooh at 6am every morning, regular as clockwork.

Trouble is I don't get out bed till 7.

Baddum tshhhhhh.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Having a dump in a Tardis on site on a hot summers day is not one of the most pleasurable experiences

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

I'm always a trap 1 man myself at work , just force of habit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

made me smile did all that - as for the fella feeling he should have left a tip on the loo seat - many do and s why i struggle to use a public loo fullstop

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan
over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

Remembering the 'toilet scene' in Dumb & Dumber, reading this thread...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No problem here, but mine is glittery and rainbow coloured jx

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By *iggy1Woman
over a year ago

DORCHESTER

The lights at work are motion sensitive... I'm sat there having a wee reading stuff on my phone and the lights go off... So I'm frantically waving my arms to get the lights to come on prying nobody walks in and thinks I'm a weirdo sat in the dark in a toilet cubicle

I got to live a nothing day as a sane person

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

In some jobs I found it the only place I could sit and read a book in peace.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can't say I've ever had a problem with it - after all, it's what toilets are for and if I need to go, I need to go. We're all human and we all do it.

I do spray perfume or body spray afterwards though...it's not a nice smell to leave hanging around for others.

Bradley's more apprehensive than I am.

- Amy. x

I like going to a loo just after a womens been in there"

Jesus Christ.

Where did we, as humans, go wrong?

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

We've had to put signs up in the loos at work (the ladies ffs) asking people to ensure they flush and use the brush! Some real issues with people blocking the toilets and/or pebbledashing. It's disgusting and unnecessary! Makes me wonder what sort of state their toilets at home are in.

I tend to go when I really have to. But I never leave a mess and I ALWAYS wash my hands. And dry them. So many people don't dry them. DO THEY NOT KNOW ABOUT BACTERIA?!

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By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

This made me laugh. Tried to get into the new toilets at work today when I arrived. I walk in and takes an hour, so I needed to go ... but there is a sort of hall into the ladies and there is a cleaning cupboard in there. The door was ajar and had blocked the door to the main toilet. Workmen all over the place ... hmmm, lucky there was a disabled one to nip into though .... was a bit of a madhouse

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By *is_irtygirlCouple
over a year ago

somewhere out there

"Just remembered, a office I worked in years ago, someone had a shit in the ladies toilets, then SOMEHOW managed to step in it and walk it through the office into reception! I was in another office when I got the global email from the receptionist complaining about it. She wasn't pleased when I rang and asked if it stank. I couldn't stop laughing.

That wasn't 118 118 was it? I had a temp job there once and that happened. One of the women took a dump on the toilet floor and someone else walked it back into the call centre office. They had to get emergency carpet cleaners out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep a Yankee candle room.spray in my bag so I dont have to inhale anyone else's dump odours.

Hate people chucking bog roll empty tubes on the floor!

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By *arkman69Man
over a year ago

Erdington

Lol, no it wasnt. I also asked the receptionist, why didnt she follow the shit trail. She was so not amused. I was crying!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The worst occasion I have ever known was in a rented shared house when I first started work. One of the lads was always pissed, every night he came home bladdered. Well seems one night he was bladdered and boweled as he decided in his stupor he ne needed a shit. My other housemates and I were watching TV in the Lounge just across the hallway from the only bog in the house. The was no door on the lounge so only the toilet door protecting us from what happened next.....

Needless to say cleaning the room was a fucking nightmare requiring a cast iron stomach and no sense of smell. Thankfully one of the lads volunteered when we said we'd pay him £20

LMAO!

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By *angerousEyesMan
over a year ago

weston

I avoid using work toilets always have but sometimes you cant help it. Remember opening the door to trap #1 too find some dirty fucker had taken a shit against the wall! Yes the wall must have been desperate or something, looked like they had bent over and let fly. Poo on the wall above waist height running down the wall, makes Me gag just remembering it. On a slightly funnier note I once walked in too find a guy lying on the floor beneath the urinal in puddle of piss papper work in his hand also coverd in piss, I just laughed and walked out.

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By *inkxRabbitWoman
over a year ago

Mostly in GU24

Due to a bowel problem if I can't get into the disabled loo I have to go as soon as I feel it so I'm proud to say I've crapped in a wide range of places: pubs, washing up bowls, restaurants, at work, in service stations and, all too often, the great outdoors.

The phobia I once had has been cured by having no choice!

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

in Kenya we built DTL's (deep trench latrines) which was basically an 8 foot deep x 6 foot wide x several cubicles long hole, one never sat down unless you checked for big fuckoff biting things and sprayed generously with fly spray..

one was'nt there long enough unless you had the squits to worry who was next door..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you lot would hate my job

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"you lot would hate my job

proctologist?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you lot would hate my job

proctologist?

carer

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"you lot would hate my job

proctologist?

carer "

then respect..

OH is a nurse and thats another job i would not entertain..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you lot would hate my job

proctologist?

carer

then respect..

OH is a nurse and thats another job i would not entertain.."

its copable with when people have lack of mental capcity or physical ability - but to those who are just plain filthy - gross

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I remember shitting outside as a kid then wiping my arse on a doc leaf...only issue was they turned your arse green

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I can't go anywhere other than home. I was put off using public toilets at a very early age when we were on our way to somewhere and had to stop at the Dartford Tunnel crossing for wees. The first and only cubicle we went in was literally covered in poo on all walls and I can remember my mum saying 'oh my god V no way you'll have to hold on until we get to Aunty Jeans!' Lol.

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains

I try to not go at work, I prefer my own bathroom

However I used to work somewhere in a big office where no-one worked on the top floor, so if I couldn't wait I would go up there. Only one out of the two toilets worked though. I went up once and someone must have had the same idea as me.. Only she used the broken one with no water in (I say she, I frequently caught men in the ladies)

it was vile. And had probably been sat there since the day before

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By *entaur_UKMan
over a year ago

Cannock

Yep..i had this too. Like i said i was at a different location to normal. I think they are all f*cking weird here.

Place was full of sickos ffs. I have to go back there in two weeks"

Lol, will you be keeping us updated and entertained with your toilet escapades in 2 weeks time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And no i don't mean for wanking lol.

Does anyone else feel apprehensive about using the dunnies at work? I'm not talking about going for a wee but i mean a full on dump.

I never normally use them for anything other that a wee but last week i was sat at my desk and the pains came over me. 'Bugger' i though i'm gonna have to go and use the works crappers.

The smell was fucking acrid and due to all this i got stage fright and was unable to crap myself, despite needing one.

As i was washing them the door opens and out steps this filthy, fat bearded ricky tomlinson lookalike and he walked straight out without washing his hands!!!!!...how mank???

Anyone else had any bad experiences using the works crappers? I thought i was an unwritten rule never to use the trap next to one that was taken if other are free? "

This is one of the funniest posts I have seen on the forums. I'm still giggling.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Fucking hell some if these replies are killing me lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope! Never gonna 'drop the kids off at the pool' in work!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yep..i had this too. Like i said i was at a different location to normal. I think they are all f*cking weird here.

Place was full of sickos ffs. I have to go back there in two weeks

Lol, will you be keeping us updated and entertained with your toilet escapades in 2 weeks time.

Will do but to be honest I am going t try and get out of it..I think that shitting episode has really put me off going back

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By *angerousEyesMan
over a year ago

weston

Reassuring to see most people don't like using work toilets, used to think I was a bit odd for not wanting to use them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't poo at work and I can't wee if someone else is in the next cubicle because I don't like them hearing a flowing water sound. I always flush the loo first and then do it.

I hate it if someone has poo'd in one of the toilets though because you have to creep out of the toilets in case others think it's you.

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By *arkman69Man
over a year ago

Erdington

All I can say is that this thread has had me crying with laughter tonight!

I'm sure I'll be visiting the office toilets at some point tomorrow, I just hope no one will be sitting in the cubicle next to me, because I'm gonna unleash hell, hahahaha!!!!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I could have sworn I have seen this post before on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All I can say is that this thread has had me crying with laughter tonight!

I'm sure I'll be visiting the office toilets at some point tomorrow, I just hope no one will be sitting in the cubicle next to me, because I'm gonna unleash hell, hahahaha!!!!"

might be able to tell who at work is on fab - see what the topic of chat is pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not a problem I suffer from, always have a pooh at 6am every morning, regular as clockwork.

Trouble is I don't get out bed till 7.

Baddum tshhhhhh.

Haha, TIDY!

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I used to care about that but we are all human and if you have to go then you have to go. I'm entirely comfortable shitting in any lav whether it be round a mates house or at work. I clean up after myself, many don't and there's nothing worse than having to sort out someone else's mess before you can go.

Still, it's one of my favourite things when I come home from holidays... nothing quite like a shit in your own toilet.

Matches are the thing to carry. Nothing gets shot of the smell quicker.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I remember shitting outside as a kid then wiping my arse on a doc leaf...only issue was they turned your arse green "

How did you find that out?

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan
over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

"I don't poo at work and I can't wee if someone else is in the next cubicle because I don't like them hearing a flowing water sound. I always flush the loo first and then do it.

I hate it if someone has poo'd in one of the toilets though because you have to creep out of the toilets in case others think it's you. "

You're overthinking this.

Just sit down, relax and let nature take its course.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't poo at work and I can't wee if someone else is in the next cubicle because I don't like them hearing a flowing water sound. I always flush the loo first and then do it.

I hate it if someone has poo'd in one of the toilets though because you have to creep out of the toilets in case others think it's you.

You're overthinking this.

Just sit down, relax and let nature take its course.

I know, I agree and it's an irrational silly thing, but it does bother me

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan
over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

"I don't poo at work and I can't wee if someone else is in the next cubicle because I don't like them hearing a flowing water sound. I always flush the loo first and then do it.

I hate it if someone has poo'd in one of the toilets though because you have to creep out of the toilets in case others think it's you.

You're overthinking this.

Just sit down, relax and let nature take its course.

I know, I agree and it's an irrational silly thing, but it does bother me

... especially when you realise there's no toilet roll left

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have no problem using them, I see it as being paid to take a dump ??"

I love that too. If I need one before I go to work, I hold on until I arrive.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well..am back there tomorrow..can't wait!...fucks sake. Hopefully i can do a decent dump before i leave to go there so i don't need to go through that traumatic experience again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP is now unlos. Well, that's another fab account gone down the toilet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP is now unlos. Well, that's another fab account gone down the toilet."

Gone for a Burton.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP is now unlos. Well, that's another fab account gone down the toilet."

Illuminati...

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By *ythenshawefredMan
over a year ago

stockport

"I have no problem using them, I see it as being paid to take a dump ??

I love that too. If I need one before I go to work, I hold on until I arrive.

I do that but since I cycle to work it can be risky

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By *ythenshawefredMan
over a year ago

stockport

"OP is now unlos. Well, that's another fab account gone down the toilet."

Took me a minute to get unlos didn't twig it was so literal I like it though I'm using that from now on

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