FabSwingers.com forum: My best friend feller

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My best friends feller is on fab. She's not been dating him long but is really into him. He is making out he's into her also. However yesterday he was verified by a women. Would you tell???

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No.

If I told anyone it would be him, otherwise leave them to sort their own relationship out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Leave him be! It's not for everyone I guess but some peeps like me can't help themselves x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well said nicecouple

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Stay quiet. It's not your business.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it were my best friend, and they were dating exclusively, yeah, I would tell. But then, I think it comes down to the type of relationship you have with her.

-Courtney

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilmiss75Woman
over a year ago

Thornton

Leave it.

A girl i work withs hubby left her last year. It was unexpected and she was devastated. Within a month he was on here.. Meeting people, classing them as his new partner and meeting there kids and is also now bisexual.

I wanted to tell her.. But i havent. I still cant decide if thats bad of me?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Leave it.

I wanted to tell her.. But i havent. I still cant decide if thats bad of me?"

He was probably always bisexual. Outsiders know nothing of the workings of someone else's relationship.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hazkiandCouple
over a year ago

crawley

Leave it, it always ends up shoot the messenger x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Depends on the friendship.

Best friends and family, yes I would tell, and I hope they'd do the same for me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My best friends feller is on fab. She's not been dating him long but is really into him. He is making out he's into her also. However yesterday he was verified by a women. Would you tell??? "

For all you know she could be on here too. Like someone else stated, you never know the inner workings of a relationship unless you're part of it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

It's tricky cause if I was your friend then I'd hope that someone would tell me rather than have him making a tit of me behind my back but equally there's often the case of the messenger being shot.

I'd say it very much depends on your friendship with her. If she found out later that you knew and didn't tell her, would she understand?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My best friends I've known between 25 and 45 years I would tell. I know them well enough to know how they will react. I would have to be 100% certain of the facts though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would tell him that you know and take it from there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Leave it...

Outsiders know nothing of the workings of someone else's relationship."

This is it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would you want him to tell her (or your family) that you were in here.

You may have a reason to be here, but do you really want to explain that to the people you know?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hattyman80Man
over a year ago

stockport

I'd personally leave it. Plus you never know maybe she knows but doesn't feel like she can tell you about it. Maybe she's in the lifestyle too?? But if she doesn't know there's no point you risking your friendship because of some guy who can't be honest

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry disagree,

The safe easy option is to ignore it as to avoid repercussions, but it isn't the right option

Would you want your best friend to tell you?

Do you believe your friend would tell you?

Answer yes to both its a yes to telling her,

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"but it isn't the right option

Unless the OP has sent you private messages with additional details how do you know this?

Assumptions lead to fuck ups.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't believe everyone is saying leave it I do wonder if they were in your friends shoes would they want to be told???.

He's a cheater end of!!! And let's face it you know your friends going to get hurt.

I found one of my friends hubby's on a well known dating site a couple of years ago, he stayed he was single had no kids (they had a 1 year old) blah blah she a friend so I showed her his profile.

Best thing I ever did was tell her you can't live a lie and better to be hurt and deal with it early on that fall head over heels In love then be destroyed

Tell her!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"but it isn't the right option

Unless the OP has sent you private messages with additional details how do you know this?

Assumptions lead to fuck ups. "

And I'm not just singling you out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hattyman80Man
over a year ago

stockport

"Can't believe everyone is saying leave it I do wonder if they were in your friends shoes would they want to be told???.

He's a cheater end of!!! And let's face it you know your friends going to get hurt.

I found one of my friends hubby's on a well known dating site a couple of years ago, he stayed he was single had no kids (they had a 1 year old) blah blah she a friend so I showed her his profile.

Best thing I ever did was tell her you can't live a lie and better to be hurt and deal with it early on that fall head over heels In love then be destroyed

Tell her!! "

How do you know he's a cheater. How do you know she doesn't know what he's doing??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can't believe everyone is saying leave it I do wonder if they were in your friends shoes would they want to be told???.

He's a cheater end of!!! And let's face it you know your friends going to get hurt.

I found one of my friends hubby's on a well known dating site a couple of years ago, he stayed he was single had no kids (they had a 1 year old) blah blah she a friend so I showed her his profile.

Best thing I ever did was tell her you can't live a lie and better to be hurt and deal with it early on that fall head over heels In love then be destroyed

Tell her!!

How do you know he's a cheater. How do you know she doesn't know what he's doing??"

If she knows, then it won't be an issue to tell her...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"but it isn't the right option

Unless the OP has sent you private messages with additional details how do you know this?

Assumptions lead to fuck ups. "

Generally speaking if someone was doing something behind my back and my friend knew I would want\expect my friend to tell me,

If he let it happen because he wasn't prepared to take the risk of telling me then I wouldn't be friends with them anymore.

But as I said it depends on the friendship they have, my experience would be tell them,

It's kinda funny if a man is cheating the forumbis awash with condemnations, if someone knows of it happening and suggest telling the potentially injured party you all go quiet like the bearded ladies in life of Brian stone him scene,

Man the truck up and protect your friend op

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hattyman80Man
over a year ago

stockport

If you know for 100% fact your friend doesn't know and you know for 100% fact she hasn't agreed to let him be on this site then I would tell her. But if you can't answer yes to those questions you're potentially crossing that line.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you know for 100% fact your friend doesn't know and you know for 100% fact she hasn't agreed to let him be on this site then I would tell her. But if you can't answer yes to those questions you're potentially crossing that line.

Why? I really don't understand why this is the case. If she already knows, then it won't be a very long or difficult conversation. If she has given in permission, then it would be even easier.

I love my best friends and we know eachother well. If I went to my best friend with something like this, she wouldn't think I was crossing the line. Most of my friends would be disappointed if I didn't mention it to them. These aren't random strangers we are talking about. The only thing that matters here is the relationship the OP has with her friend, and none of us can determine what that is.

-Courtney

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My best friends feller is on fab. She's not been dating him long but is really into him. He is making out he's into her also. However yesterday he was verified by a women. Would you tell??? "

Can only give advice based on what I would do in the same situation.

If my best friend started seeing a guy and then I saw his profile on here with a fresh veri then of course I would tell her. Would screen shot the profile and the veri would make a fake profile and message him asking if he wanted to meet and screen shot that convo as well so he couldn't explain it away by saying he had met her before the girlfriend and only now the woman has got round to leaving it. Would even arrange the meet and go there with my friend so there was absolutely no way he could wriggle out of it. But that's just me and my friend and we are both a little bit crazy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hattyman80Man
over a year ago

stockport

Why? I really don't understand why this is the case. If she already knows, then it won't be a very long or difficult conversation. If she has given in permission, then it would be even easier.

-Courtney"

The same way you don't know what her relationship is with her friend you can't know what her relationship is like with her bf.

If the guy is a cheat he'll get what he deserves as I can't imagine it's easy to maintain an active relationship and be on fab meeting people too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To tell you could lose your friendship. It could end up very messy and you could be dragged into the mess. Does your friend know you are on a swingers site. If not how do you explain finding him on one. Good luck with what ever you choose

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *annooWoman
over a year ago

Hastings

"I would tell him that you know and take it from there. "

I'm totally diff with diff friends and my relationships however....i have confronted several of my mates friends and told them if ivw known stuff about them I dnt agree with I've also told them if I hurt my friend ill hurt them simple as....

Also agree with other people if it was me...id want my mates to tell me coz if they had known and hadn't id consider it a breach of trust...so visa versa...id tell her bloke he tells her or I do with a deadline

On the other hand everyone has a life.i mean I'm on here and if I met someone I would come off here but for some people untill u know if what u got is serious there no need to leave....

I'm kinda multi viewed

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guess the division in answers is wether you want to protect your feelings or your friends

I know which I would sacrifice,

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not everything is black and white. You're a true friend you should tell her, but you don't know the whole story and it could be a huge mistake which will blow up in your face and loose you your friedship.

If you feel the need to confront someone confront him...

The veri might actually be someone he's met a while ago and she has only just got around to verifying him...it happens! ok so, he still pops onto his account... but we all know how addictive this site is...

Their relationship might be the start of something special are you going to be the one who ruins it? Give him a chance to explain himself.

Then if it's innocent and you still feel the need to tell your friend, tell her together.

...and remember, whatever you do here could be the wrong thing!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

think id stay out of it - you dont know all the facts and unless you quiz them indirectly id keep it that way

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *layer oneMan
over a year ago

mirfield

Best walk away from it at the risk of exposing yourself on fab to her as well

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I'd check to see if your friend is on here, too, or if they have a couples' profile. There may be more to it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say to him, no doubt.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But if she's her best friend then surely her best friend would already know she was on here. I mean I show my best friend loads of things from here, if I meet anyone she knows where I'm going to be.

I wouldn't message the guy because that's even more things going on behind her back. I'd screen shot his profile and veri so we have the length of time he's been on here and the last time he logged in, then with my friends permission I would message him asking to meet to see if he would. That's genuinely what I would do and what my friend would ask me to do.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"My best friends feller is on fab. She's not been dating him long but is really into him. He is making out he's into her also. However yesterday he was verified by a women. Would you tell??? "

I've changed my mind three times now.

No. Don't tell.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

My mates know all about me and what I get up to so it would be relatively simple to tell me something like that.

They know that honesty and loyalty are super important to me. I've thought about this all morning and I would definitely want/expect my best friend to tell me. I trust her.

Love does funny things to people though so there's always a risk in you getting shit for telling. I'd rather take the shit and do the right thing by my friend.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My best friends feller is on fab. She's not been dating him long but is really into him. He is making out he's into her also. However yesterday he was verified by a women. Would you tell???

Can only give advice based on what I would do in the same situation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My best friends feller is on fab. She's not been dating him long but is really into him. He is making out he's into her also. However yesterday he was verified by a women. Would you tell??? "

If she's not been dating him long hes not really her 'feller' he's just someone she's dating. And dating isn't a relationship yet. Maybe they are both still dating other people until tvey feel that they are actually in a serious relationship?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago

North Yorkshire by the Sea

"My mates know all about me and what I get up to so it would be relatively simple to tell me something like that.

They know that honesty and loyalty are super important to me. I've thought about this all morning and I would definitely want/expect my best friend to tell me. I trust her.

Love does funny things to people though so there's always a risk in you getting shit for telling. I'd rather take the shit and do the right thing by my friend.

This

Have been in this situation myself and I told my friend, took the shit and came out the other side as better, loyal mates.

He's history and she's with a man who treats her good so I'm happy!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago

North Yorkshire by the Sea

I'd also feel more betrayed if when it eventually does come out in the wash as these things do, I realized my mate knew and didn't tell me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People often keep their options open in the beginning of relationships and don't settle down until they feel the relationship is stable.

The beginnings of relationships are often intense enough to feel you really like someone, but if you're not sure then you're gonna keep your options open.

I'd say if they ever make anything official between themselves then see if he carries on using this site or not for meets. If he does then tell her.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My best friends feller is on fab. She's not been dating him long but is really into him. He is making out he's into her also. However yesterday he was verified by a women. Would you tell??? "
tell her b4 it gets too serious

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People often keep their options open in the beginning of relationships and don't settle down until they feel the relationship is stable.

The beginnings of relationships are often intense enough to feel you really like someone, but if you're not sure then you're gonna keep your options open.

I'd say if they ever make anything official between themselves then see if he carries on using this site or not for meets. If he does then tell her. "

The girl is quite into him

He has stated it is reciprocated

How is it ok for him to keep his options open and keep looking for\seeing other women

I mean is this a thing now, I may take advantage of this new system if it's going to be acceptable to do so

OPs friend is potentially walking blind into a situation that could hurt her, granted there may be reasons but wouldn't it be better to have made her aware than not

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

Tell. If him seeing other women is all fine with your friend, then no harm done. I don't know why people think staying quiet helps anyone. Wouldn't you want to know if your partner was cheating on you? Of course you would.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People often keep their options open in the beginning of relationships and don't settle down until they feel the relationship is stable.

The beginnings of relationships are often intense enough to feel you really like someone, but if you're not sure then you're gonna keep your options open.

I'd say if they ever make anything official between themselves then see if he carries on using this site or not for meets. If he does then tell her.

The girl is quite into him

He has stated it is reciprocated

How is it ok for him to keep his options open and keep looking for\seeing other women

I mean is this a thing now, I may take advantage of this new system if it's going to be acceptable to do so

OPs friend is potentially walking blind into a situation that could hurt her, granted there may be reasons but wouldn't it be better to have made her aware than not "

They haven't known each other long, there is no stability there and no guarantee that the relationship is going to work or that they have something they feel is going to work. For now they're in the stage of getting to know each other to see if anything will come of it. I'm guessing this because she does not know what he gets up to when they're not together and he seems to not care to disclose this.

You can really, really like someone without knowing them or knowing you are going to spend your life with them. You can have doubts too, despite really liking someone.

He hasn't made anything official with her, so it's not serious yet, despite him saying he's well into her. If he does make it official and continues doing things behind her back then there's a problem.

It's possible he is just a womaniser or lying to her. She'll find that out for herself once she gets to know him. If he breaks her heart then she'll deal with it, and she has a concerned friend (OP) who will be there to support her through that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Let's imagine that the O.P. never discovered anything and DOESN'T know anything and leave the couple on that trajectory.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So did you tell your friend? Interested to know what happened.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xford1975bimaleMan
over a year ago

oxford

Does your best friend know you are on fab?

If yes, show her his profile, if not don't....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread