FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Love Therapy / Advice

Jump to newest
 

By *ominantPerv85 OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

Might not be the best place to ask about love, but I feel comfy here.

Has anyone else been in love with someone so deeply, that your heart can simply not let go? How do you deal with that?

I know some would say 'move on, get over it, plenty more fish' etc, but when that person is the mother of your children, it's a bit impossible.

I had 'moved on' in the sense of learning to deal with it, and accepting that we are apart. But I've been knocked back down due to recent events

I'd really appreciate some advice from someone who's been in a similar situation

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to change the way you see them, i think. I'm quite lucky that i get on really well with one of my exes, and he is a huge form of support for me. We're still friends and it'd be easy for me to slip into thinking we could get back together, but i also stayed with him long after it was over and was miserable and remember that and don't want to be like that with him again.

So i still love him, but we're better of the way we are now.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

love and leave them

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ominantPerv85 OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

We were getting on great, but over the last 6 months shes turned to me as she's had no-one else, been depressed etc. They live 300 miles away since she ran away, and we'd agreed that her and the kids would come back and once our kids were resettled, that we would have a talk about us. She's changed her mind in two weeks being with him without the kids, and I'm feeling really betrayed/played.

As I said, before we were getting on great, then got a bit more intimate, and now back to when she ran away first

I don't think my mind is built to be able to flick a switch from lovers/friends numerous times

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You might have to switch it to friends permanently?

One thing i do know is if someone messes you about it's best not to dwell on that and instead get yourself into a state where they cannot play you again, and it can be really hard to do that because you have feelings and sometimes not being able to have something makes you want it more, but you have to think logically and protect yourself. I'm sure she isn't playing you on purpose it's just she had nobody else and needed to use you at the time.

I just don't deal with flakey people personally, they're too confusing and are usually liars.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being on here when your head n heart are elsewhere wont help.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You might have to switch it to friends permanently?

One thing i do know is if someone messes you about it's best not to dwell on that and instead get yourself into a state where they cannot play you again, and it can be really hard to do that because you have feelings and sometimes not being able to have something makes you want it more, but you have to think logically and protect yourself. I'm sure she isn't playing you on purpose it's just she had nobody else and needed to use you at the time.

I just don't deal with flakey people personally, they're too confusing and are usually liars.

"
very true

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ominantPerv85 OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

some sound advice, this is the route I went before and it worked, until 6 months ago.

It's just really hard when I see/hugs the kids, it brings back memories/feelings, and I can't help think about how good things could be

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You might have to switch it to friends permanently?

One thing i do know is if someone messes you about it's best not to dwell on that and instead get yourself into a state where they cannot play you again, and it can be really hard to do that because you have feelings and sometimes not being able to have something makes you want it more, but you have to think logically and protect yourself. I'm sure she isn't playing you on purpose it's just she had nobody else and needed to use you at the time.

I just don't deal with flakey people personally, they're too confusing and are usually liars.

very true "
totally true my ex is now a friend thankfully and we put the children's intrests to the front but I also agree being on here while your head and heart are a mess might not be the best course good luck with it tho x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ominantPerv85 OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

I know what you guys mean about being on here might not be best, but I'm trying to do things to keep my mind distracted, especially as work is a little slow at the moment

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You just have to realise what you're feeling is a fantasy, and it's nice to have dreams but they don't always come true.

You can take your time realising the above, it helps if you focus more on what has actually happened and is happening now.

It will be upsetting so take your time and feel whatever you want to feel while you go through it. You're right that you can't help have feelings. Plus you know you dealt with stuff before, i'm wondering if time and distance are making it easier for you to feel differently and/or if you know why you started living in the past?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ominantPerv85 OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

Yeah, that's what I had thought prior to all of this. I guess the last 6 months gave me hope that the dream was going to come true.

Time and distance did make it easier last time, and no doubt will this time too.

I think I 'live in the past' because I think that deep down, we both want the same thing, but she's not got the courage to leave her current situation and make things right. I was so sure it was going to happen too

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...and don't worry about being on fab. Sex might be a distraction but it also helps you feel human and can boost you up a bit if you meet the right people. I'm dealing with stuff i don't wanna deal with and am fine being on here.

You'll be ok and figure stuff out, i've so far figured out people can be shit lol.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ominantPerv85 OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

haha, people can be shit indeed! lol

Thanks

And yeah, it does/could do, although my bad luck seems to have crossed over into the digital world too lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yeah, that's what I had thought prior to all of this. I guess the last 6 months gave me hope that the dream was going to come true.

Time and distance did make it easier last time, and no doubt will this time too.

I think I 'live in the past' because I think that deep down, we both want the same thing, but she's not got the courage to leave her current situation and make things right. I was so sure it was going to happen too"

She lying. She can have what she said she wanted but hasn't taken it. She might be lying to herself as well as you but right now she isn't doing anything to prove she wants you. Sorry to say that (and i'm sure it's coz she's shit and not you) but go by her actions and not her words.

Hope you're ok.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ominantPerv85 OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

Yeah, that's exactly it, and exactly what I've told her. She did apologise for 'fucking my life up again' n asked how she could make it up, and I simply said do the right thing.

But yeah, you're right. Although I think it's more weakness, and then lying to try and justify it to herself.

And thanks, I'm sure I will be soon hopefully

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah everyone is ok eventually. You will be too. Just focus more on what she actually does rather than what she says, so that you know exactly what is going on.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ominantPerv85 OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

Adds to the confusion when she kisses me one week, and the decides not to move back the next :/

I know she's messed up and has issues, but only makes things everso slightly easier

But yeah, actions over words all day long

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of people with issues are manipulative, sometimes not on purpose.

You could always confront her about it? Ask her what's stopping her from doing the things she says she'll do? She might lie though or you fall out or even give you the truth and it hurts you. Dunno, if it was me i'd be questioning them and preparing to lose them, but that's just me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ominantPerv85 OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

Yeah, that's where we're at now.

I could 'expose' it, and tell the guy she's with what she's been saying to me, and what's happened, but she know's if I do that, she will have to move back.

Obviously if I did that, she would see it as blackmail and wouldn't talk to me. If I do nothing, then she puts herself and kids through more shit again.

Kind of stuck either way

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He might stay with her anyway and then you just get branded a trouble maker and have to deal with that on top of everything else? And yeah you'd be forcing her to make a decision she's not ready for, or not ready to be honest about.

If you're not ready to move on that's ok, i'm at the stage where i am ready so it's possible that i'm looking at things slightly different to you.

Wish someone else also had advice coz i feel like you're only getting my biased opinion.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ominantPerv85 OP   Man
over a year ago

Maidstone

I certainly had moved on, its just now that I've been put back again.

And yeah, he might well stay with her anyway, very valid point.

But you speak sense and have certainly helped so thanks again

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're welcome.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top