FabSwingers.com forum: twas the night before Christmas....

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were the big mac meals that had sneaked past my lips.

Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.

While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.

When out in the fridge there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash

tore open the freezer then threw up the sash

The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.

When what to my wandering eyes should appear: a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!

That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I'd wind up being sick.

The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;

On atkins, on diets, on weak one, on STOPS a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox

From the top of the scales to the top of the hal, now dash away pounds now dash away all.

Dressed up in warm clothes from my head to nightdress, my clothes were all bulging from too much excess

My droll little mouth and my round little belly they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly

I spoke not a word but went straight to my work and ate all the candy then turned with a jerk.

And laying a finger beside my heartburn

I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned

I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry

if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by

And I mumbled again as I turned for the night.......in the morning I'll starve . . . 'til I take that first bite.