FabSwingers.com forum: It's definitely a confidence issue...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

... I've been on here on and off for a few years now and I'm no stranger to rejection... Hell for every 20 messages I send out I'm lucky if I get a single reply.

But I'm well aware of the rules of he game. I'm always polite, I always read profiles and try to at least find some common ground, I always send a face pic and even then I know that the chances are that message will be read and deleted or just deleted.

It's the way the site is.

Generally i just suck it up and move on and maybe talk to people already on my friends list for a bit.

Recently though I've been going through some major confidence issues due to things going on in my personal life and I'm feeling those rejections more than I normally would and Taking it very personally (though I never react or send messages in response as that's just silly and childish)

I'm wondering if it's best stepping away from fab to resolve those issues or not?

Anyone got any advice for me?

Sorry it's a bit of a ranty self serving post.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe step back from fab but go to a few clubs instead

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, take a break.

If you aren't having fun or it's upsetting you, don't do it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nFairnessMan
over a year ago

The Four Corners

Think of a time when you've been confident... and know yo have the ability to embody that, its okay to feel otherwise but know in yourself you always have the ability to be what you were in that moment.

Trick is not to let what other people say affect you, and to be aware that to take things personally or to take offence is a choice.

wish you all the best and hope things straighten out for you.

Fae

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe step back from fab but go to a few clubs instead"

I've never had the confidence to go to a club. Wouldn't know what to say or do.

Id love to though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Think of a time when you've been confident... and know yo have the ability to embody that, its okay to feel otherwise but know in yourself you always have the ability to be what you were in that moment.

Trick is not to let what other people say affect you, and to be aware that to take things personally or to take offence is a choice.

wish you all the best and hope things straighten out for you.

Fae

An NLP practitioner by any chance. Annoyingly I know I should be doing all of those things but you know what it's like sometimes

it's tough to implement.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trick is not to let what other people say affect you, and to be aware that to take things personally or to take offence is a choice.

wish you all the best and hope things straighten out for you.

Fae

An NLP practitioner by any chance. Annoyingly I know I should be doing all of those things but you know what it's like sometimes

it's tough to implement. "

NLP and trainer here

Id take a break if this place is making you feel worse. as long as you face up to those real world issues. sometimes Fab might be a healthy distraction. xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Don't send messages or get too involved with fab while you feel a bit sensitive, just chill out and have a laugh on the forums for a while .......they'll make you feel better

Kill or cure

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nFairnessMan
over a year ago

The Four Corners

lol no although i am aware of NLP and its implications. just simple life musings in my case, everything is outside of your perception until you let it in...anything that causes conflict in the ability to see things that way is generally an attachment.. and i personally try to remove them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Trick is not to let what other people say affect you, and to be aware that to take things personally or to take offence is a choice.

wish you all the best and hope things straighten out for you.

Fae

An NLP practitioner by any chance. Annoyingly I know I should be doing all of those things but you know what it's like sometimes

it's tough to implement.

NLP and trainer here

Id take a break if this place is making you feel worse. as long as you face up to those real world issues. sometimes Fab might be a healthy distraction. xx"

I may do that.

I'm an NLP practitioner too so I know all the theories about changing state but I'm finding it tough to implement them.

I'll just step away (keeping my page active but not messaging or the like) and get the personal stuff dealt with and come back with a spring in my step.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nFairnessMan
over a year ago

The Four Corners

Trick is not to let what other people say affect you, and to be aware that to take things personally or to take offence is a choice.

wish you all the best and hope things straighten out for you.

Fae

An NLP practitioner by any chance. Annoyingly I know I should be doing all of those things but you know what it's like sometimes

it's tough to implement.

NLP and trainer here

Id take a break if this place is making you feel worse. as long as you face up to those real world issues. sometimes Fab might be a healthy distraction. xx

I may do that.

I'm an NLP practitioner too so I know all the theories about changing state but I'm finding it tough to implement them.

I'll just step away (keeping my page active but not messaging or the like) and get the personal stuff dealt with and come back with a spring in my step. "

well when you install it,make sure the spring is well made and no rust, don't want you getting blood poisoning.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need patience lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't send messages or get too involved with fab while you feel a bit sensitive, just chill out and have a laugh on the forums for a while .......they'll make you feel better

Kill or cure

If you're not having fun, just leave it for a bit. Don't send out new messages when rejections are hurting you. The people you message won't know your personal problems. Just chat on the forums for a while and have a good laugh. Then if you start feeling better about yourself go back to messaging people.

-Courtney

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm bored of all the 'sit on my dick' messages so I'm organizing a couple of club meets- much rather get to know someone in the flesh and there's the whole hedonism of doing it in a club!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went through this a while back....culminated in me deleting my profile in a pmt fuelled rage. If it is getting you down best to take a break or concentrate in just chatting to friends that make you feel good.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The world can be harsh when you're feeling sensitive and vulnerable, FAB is a part of that world, one positive thing about this is your awareness of your sensitivity, you've seen and accepted your vulnerability, not everybody does that, and so carry on feeling worse on here. PM me if you want to chat mate.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The forum is the last place to be if you're feeling sensitive..... Generally nobody gives a fuck

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aeriequeenWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

Trick is not to let what other people say affect you, and to be aware that to take things personally or to take offence is a choice.

wish you all the best and hope things straighten out for you.

Fae

An NLP practitioner by any chance. Annoyingly I know I should be doing all of those things but you know what it's like sometimes

it's tough to implement.

NLP and trainer here

Id take a break if this place is making you feel worse. as long as you face up to those real world issues. sometimes Fab might be a healthy distraction. xx

I may do that.

I'm an NLP practitioner too so I know all the theories about changing state but I'm finding it tough to implement them.

I'll just step away (keeping my page active but not messaging or the like) and get the personal stuff dealt with and come back with a spring in my step. "

Sounds like you know what you want to do. I find I go through periods of loving and hating fab for various reasons. Just come back to it when you fancy it.

I hope you feel happier soon

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chap if something on the internet ever started to bother me on a personal level I would step back and take a look at myself and assess.

Step away from the keyboard and chill for a bit.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The world can be harsh when you're feeling sensitive and vulnerable, FAB is a part of that world, one positive thing about this is your awareness of your sensitivity, you've seen and accepted your vulnerability, not everybody does that, and so carry on feeling worse on here. PM me if you want to chat mate."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection sucks and stings. But as you probably already know it passes quickly. If it's not doing so take a fab break for definate. I would advise against clubs too. A break in general would be better I think.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trick is not to let what other people say affect you, and to be aware that to take things personally or to take offence is a choice.

wish you all the best and hope things straighten out for you.

Fae

An NLP practitioner by any chance. Annoyingly I know I should be doing all of those things but you know what it's like sometimes

it's tough to implement.

NLP and trainer here

Id take a break if this place is making you feel worse. as long as you face up to those real world issues. sometimes Fab might be a healthy distraction. xx

I may do that.

I'm an NLP practitioner too so I know all the theories about changing state but I'm finding it tough to implement them.

I'll just step away (keeping my page active but not messaging or the like) and get the personal stuff dealt with and come back with a spring in my step. "

it can be hard I sometimes can't do it either I need someone to do it with another practitioner if you will xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You need patience lol"

This has nothing to do with patience ..... Lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"You need patience lol

This has nothing to do with patience ..... Lol"

it has everything to do with patience...

I don't think I have sent 20 opening messages to people in the last year... reason being that there are many ways to be networking... and i am better networking in person (be that clubs or at socials)

i sometimes write to people if they have said something in the forums that sparks me.... but i don't believe that "blanket spaming of people" with messages to ever new person who flashes up on the local updates helps people at all...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You need patience lol

This has nothing to do with patience ..... Lol

it has everything to do with patience...

The OP didn't sound like he's blanket spamming people......

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady4ladyWoman
over a year ago

liverpool

Oh heck, i hate feeling like that .... just accept a hug. A big tight one.

Hugs make everyone feel better.

((((((((HUG)))))))))

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You need patience lol

This has nothing to do with patience ..... Lol

it has everything to do with patience...

Not entirely sure you understand the issue but thank you for your feedback non the less

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh heck, i hate feeling like that .... just accept a hug. A big tight one.

Hugs make everyone feel better.

((((((((HUG)))))))))

They really do

thank you

(((((((((HUG))))))))

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"... I've been on here on and off for a few years now and I'm no stranger to rejection... Hell for every 20 messages I send out I'm lucky if I get a single reply.

It's the way the site is.

Generally i just suck it up and move on and maybe talk to people already on my friends list for a bit.

I'm wondering if it's best stepping away from fab to resolve those issues or not?

Anyone got any advice for me?

Sorry it's a bit of a ranty self serving post."

The moment something on the internet caused me angst I'd slap myself to get a grip, a life and perspective.

That's what I would do with my first world problems.

Hide your profile, sort out your real problems, not the imagined ones on here and good luck.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread