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Interracial connections and racism

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By *uxomBlooms OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Tunbridge Wells

I started this thread in another thread but felt it might need one all of it's own.

I went to my first swinging club night last week at EWS, I had a wonderful time largely due to the amount of attention I received. As a big woman I've never felt particularly attractive in mainstream bars and clubs but when I joined this site I suddenly had loads of gorgeous and sensual black men showing an interest in me and this eventually led me to EWS. Now as I meet and talk with these men I'm shocked to hear how many of them say that they would not have sex with or date a black woman. I worry about this and can't help but feel that there is at least an element of internalised racism at play.

The first response was...... "Very interesting observation. Internalised racism could be a factor but maybe some element of externalised racism too - perceptions about white women as being easy, filthier, more likely to submit to their dominance etc?"

My response... "That was not an aspect that I had thought about. It's a side that I, as a white woman feel less uneasy with having never been opressed by racism. I'm still very interested and I'm going to see in any research has been done on the issue as a part of me feels that my ignorance is disrespectful to black women".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting point, I think it`s a good thing you are questioning you thoughts, something not many people do, I feel that we always look on the periphery at things like racism, sexism, homophobia etc, and should be looking at the root of prejudice, let me know how your research goes on a later thread, be interested to read.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Op does it matter as long as your having fun and there's no abuse etc..?

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

My first thought is whatever the reason, they are entitled to date or shag whomever they like, (as long as it's legal and consensual, obviously).

I don't want to meet Asian men, simply because they tend not to float my boat. Black guys have the same right to their preferences, I reckon.

I don't think it's worth worrying about whom other people will or won't shag, that's their business.

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By *uxomBlooms OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Tunbridge Wells

I believe it does matter, I may be having all this fun at the expense of some of the gorgeous black women out there. It's ignorance that leads to many of the wrongs in this world.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"I believe it does matter, I may be having all this fun at the expense of some of the gorgeous black women out there. It's ignorance that leads to many of the wrongs in this world. "

If you weren't having the fun, the black woman still wouldn't be having it because she's not what the man/men want.

They have a right to choose.

I wouldn't go for whatever is available if I suddenly couldn't get what I wanted, so there's no reason to think they would.

Plus there will always be white women willing to meet them even if you won't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Op does it matter as long as your having fun and there's no abuse etc..?

"

Exactly why do folk have to analyse everything.enjoy the moment.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"I believe it does matter, I may be having all this fun at the expense of some of the gorgeous black women out there. It's ignorance that leads to many of the wrongs in this world. "

Surely its the choice of the individual to have the type of fun with whom they want and on a site such as this they can source a compatible other to do so..

their preference etc..

are you feeling a bit guilty or something that when they're with you they could be with someone else?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My personal view, and with it a challenge, is never to confine the possibility of attraction to certain appearances.Disability is very difficult, because we train ourselves to look away.

As for race, perceptions will change, one small step at a time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My best friend is Jamaican and he has never been out with a black women as he thinks there to hard work and to feisty. Me personally had children with a white women when I was younger but I'm with my Asian wife now and even if anything went wrong wouldn't want to go with another white women mainly due to cultural differences. Also without offending anyone around our area "some" white women do have a reputation for being easygoing. Also think Black women are very beautiful and age gracefully

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"My personal view, and with it a challenge, is never to confine the possibility of attraction to certain appearances.Disability is very difficult, because we train ourselves to look away.

As for race, perceptions will change, one small step at a time."

What perception?

I prefer light skin and fair hair. It's what I tend to be attracted to. There's no perception involved.

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By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago

North Yorkshire by the Sea

I think who people choose to play with is their business...

However, racial prejudices, such as races believing their own women are pure and other races' women aren't, combined with the freedom for all women to embrace their own sexuality without being judged negatively, is something we all need to address in this global society we are now living in. Men, women, of all races and mixed races, need to think about how they personally judge people... If we all look to modify ourselves, the first step is taken, and it becomes easier to influence others. There are fewer silos for prejudice and gender inequality in these ever expanding social communities, but change takes generations and starts with the self.

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By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago

North Yorkshire by the Sea

And I'm the first to admit its so easy to stereotype or generalise, but I have to stop and remind myself that there are always exceptions and extremes within each.

Just think of the experiences and fun we'd all miss out on if we wrote off situations and people too soon!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Time for an opinion from the black prospective :

I like all women of all races and would date whoever I feel like dating if I find them physically attractive but then it still depends if our personalities fit .

I mainly go for Caucasian women which may partly be because I grew up in a white area but I would never say someone from another race is a NO NO (refer to first paragraph above) .

Do I believe black women are hard work ..Yes & No ...with anyone you meet if they have personality or behaviour traits that are not to your liking ...why would you put up with it ? Move on there are millions of potential partners so keep searching...too many people just settle !

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I expect the reasons for preferences are wide and varied.

There's no point in asking one black man or even five or ten.

What does the colour matter anyway?

If I stopped to think whether someone on here had sex with me because im gorgeous and irresistable or another psychological reason they are either aware of or not i'd be for ever thinking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I believe it does matter, I may be having all this fun at the expense of some of the gorgeous black women out there. It's ignorance that leads to many of the wrongs in this world. "

ehh? isn't observing a difference racism?

Why not say, im not going to have sex with him at the expense of his wife or girlfriend?...

and if he has a gorgeous black wife and he prefers sex with little white you why think its at her expense she might prefer white guys?

Its not about ignorance or prejudice its about preference. - secretly yours

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By *uxomBlooms OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Tunbridge Wells

Firstly I rather like thinking and secondly I try to avoid men who are in relationships unless their partner is consenting. Of course these decisions are made based on preference but my interest is about the roots of these preferences.

Of course when I'm in the throws of passion with a gorgeous black man the main thought in my mind is not about WHY he is fucking me. I just believe that where racism and oppression of non white people is concerned it is my responsibility as a member of the oppressor's race to question and analyse these issues and to confront them. I especially feel this is important as I am finding myself more and more attracted to black men. I'm enjoying myself but I don't want to fall blindly into racial or cultural generalisations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A womans ethnicity is never an obstacle for me, if anything I'm more attracted to ethnic women than I am Caucasians I find the difference in skin colour and cultural differences (depending on where they're from) something unique and intriguing as opposed to a negative.

It makes me wonder why so few women on here seem to fancy Asian guys, I mean personally I find Asian women (and lets not split hairs, you KNOW who I'm talking about) excite me more than any other ethnicity.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"Firstly I rather like thinking and secondly I try to avoid men who are in relationships unless their partner is consenting. Of course these decisions are made based on preference but my interest is about the roots of these preferences.

Of course when I'm in the throws of passion with a gorgeous black man the main thought in my mind is not about WHY he is fucking me. I just believe that where racism and oppression of non white people is concerned it is my responsibility as a member of the oppressor's race to question and analyse these issues and to confront them. I especially feel this is important as I am finding myself more and more attracted to black men. I'm enjoying myself but I don't want to fall blindly into racial or cultural generalisations. "

i dont feel any need to bear responsibility personally about oppression of one race by another, that is in itself a bit of a cultural generalisation..

that's not to say i don't were appropriate challenge racism as with other discrimination...

did you feel this responsibility before you started fucking black guys..?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there is sometimes a perception that black women are harder work, nag more and have attitude problems but in my own experience its misconceived.

On the flip side of the coin I've slept with black women who won't sleep with black men as they perceive them to be inconsiderate and good at pounding as hard as possible but less accomplished at the finer subtle arousings of a woman? I think its probable that the lovers they have had who were black just happen to have been this type and not a generalisation due to race, though obviously everyone will just draw conclusions based upon their own experiences?

I don't have preferences based on skin colour, though of course a lady's skin will be part of her beauty, whether it is rich and dark and contrasts wonderfully with my own, whether it is dusky and a smooth caramel colour or whether it is porcelain white and creamy?

I also don't believe skin colour can affect someone's ability as a lover, but clearly some will and I wouldn't hold that against them, its simply that their own experiences have led them to believe this is the case.

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By *uxomBlooms OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Tunbridge Wells

[Removed by poster at 05/08/15 13:03:16]

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By *uxomBlooms OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Tunbridge Wells


"

did you feel this responsibility before you started fucking black guys..?

"

Yes I did, this is not a consequence of my new found desires but has been exacerbated by them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A blackman's view:

You can't base your research upon the opinion of just a handful of black folks you've talked to.

However, as a black man; i don't think white women are filth and black women are saint. I will date any race as long as there's attraction/chemistry. Black women are hardwork and so are white women too. Infact, all women all hardwork haha!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I have absolutley no preferences to someone's race or colour.

If I'm attracted to someone its because they have a nice face and personality and that's it really.

I didn't have sex with a black guy until I was about 30 and even later with an Asian guy, simply because very few black guys where I live.

I did find it a novelty first time as it was something different.

Now as far as clubs go, I'd been going years before I ever went with a white guy in a club and that was simply because I found far more black guys went to the club I used and liked big white women.

But if you listen to what your told I'd never have gone with a jamacian guy because when I was young someone said they don't like white women cause white women smell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I started this thread in another thread but felt it might need one all of it's own.

I went to my first swinging club night last week at EWS, I had a wonderful time largely due to the amount of attention I received. As a big woman I've never felt particularly attractive in mainstream bars and clubs but when I joined this site I suddenly had loads of gorgeous and sensual black men showing an interest in me and this eventually led me to EWS. Now as I meet and talk with these men I'm shocked to hear how many of them say that they would not have sex with or date a black woman. I worry about this and can't help but feel that there is at least an element of internalised racism at play.

The first response was...... "Very interesting observation. Internalised racism could be a factor but maybe some element of externalised racism too - perceptions about white women as being easy, filthier, more likely to submit to their dominance etc?"

My response... "That was not an aspect that I had thought about. It's a side that I, as a white woman feel less uneasy with having never been opressed by racism. I'm still very interested and I'm going to see in any research has been done on the issue as a part of me feels that my ignorance is disrespectful to black women".

"

It would concern me too. I'm not willing to sleep with people who write an entire race off. They wouldn't be my kind of people if they do that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most posters on this thread are concentrating on the point that sexual attraction is a matter of personal choice and that's fine.

BuxomBlooms is making the point that it may go beyond sexual attraction - people have other reasons for disliking a particular group and this may be due to stereotyping and prejudice.

If we are faced by prejudice, do we confront it or avoid it? This is a serious point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe not prejudice at all but a crass way of making her feel comfortable particularly given the context. Similar to saying I only go out with blondes/brunettes/bbw/ models/ older/ younger take your pick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a little confused.

If it's racism as the title alludes to and the OP ponders such, who is the superior race in this event?

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By *awty MaxWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I am French and Black and I have had sex with black men, Arabic men but I do like white men... and no, I am not racist... it is a preference and people do as they wish with their body. I like white men purely because I like their skin contrast against mine, it turns me on, clear eye colours turns me on too!!

You are having fun, enjoy it, don't overthink x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

If I stopped to think whether someone on here had sex with me because im gorgeous and irresistable or another psychological reason they are either aware of or not i'd be for ever thinking. "

Quite right granny,we can't be having you ladies thinking for yourselves

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By *uxomBlooms OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Tunbridge Wells

It's curious how many people want me to stop thinking. I am still having fun but if we are not continually learning then life becomes rather one dimensional.

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By *awty MaxWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

(quote)

Now as I meet and talk with these men I'm shocked to hear how many of them say that they would not have sex with or date a black woman. I worry about this and can't help but feel that there is at least an element of internalised racism at play.(quote)

This is mainly why I said 'don't overthink'. Not all matters involving 'Black' and 'White' people should be viewed as racism. Maybe like me they like the white skin against their black skin... I am not racist at play as you say just a preference.

I am French so i hope this makes sense x

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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

If black men dont like black women maybe I should get myself over to Africa to help all of those poor, little, sex-starved beauties

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I believe it does matter, I may be having all this fun at the expense of some of the gorgeous black women out there. "

I doubt that very much.

Just out of interest - how many of these guys would actually be wanted by these women they profess to 'turn down'.

Not by any women I know

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By *hocolate007Man
over a year ago

london


"Firstly I rather like thinking and secondly I try to avoid men who are in relationships unless their partner is consenting. Of course these decisions are made based on preference but my interest is about the roots of these preferences.

Its good as you like thinking and avoiding men who are attached but dont you think you are spending too much time trying to analyse the situation than enjoy yourself ? Trying to get to the roots of why black men fancy you during sex should be the last thing on your mind during a hot sex session. Go with the flow and catch your fun.

Of course when I'm in the throws of passion with a gorgeous black man the main thought in my mind is not about WHY he is fucking me. ?? I just believe that where racism and oppression of non white people is concerned it is my responsibility as a member of the oppressor's race to question and analyse these issues and to confront them. Hun its just sex, where on earth does racism , oppression or being part of the oppressors race come into it ? I especially feel this is important as I am finding myself more and more attracted to black men. I'm enjoying myself but I don't want to fall blindly into racial or cultural generalisations. Oh boy, you really need to relax "

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By *hocolate007Man
over a year ago

london


"It's curious how many people want me to stop thinking. I am still having fun but if we are not continually learning then life becomes rather one dimensional. "

absolutely, i must add you are quite a deep thinker, nothing better than overthinking with a blank look in your face while you being shagged. But seriously hun didnt you think of all these before you went for black guys ?

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London


"It's curious how many people want me to stop thinking. I am still having fun but if we are not continually learning then life becomes rather one dimensional. "

A lot of people here refuse to consider the implications of racism, sexism, homophobia etc in the swinging scene. I don't know why. It doesn't mean any individual is necessarily a raving bigot, just that our society is still swimming in these things and we are all likely to be affected by that.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

My thought process goes like this...

Do I like this person?

Do I find this person attractive?

Do I want to kiss this person?

If the answer to those three questions is yes then woohoo... I'm halfway there.

If this person can answer yes to those three questions then happy days... we're both getting laid.

For some of us it is that simple. I like lists. I like things that I like but they're not set in stone... I've fucked short men too! Not very often but the odd one comes along who sparks something and it really doesn't matter if they're purple with green spots.

I definitely don't give two hoots who anyone else is fucking. Have sex with whoever you choose (provided they're willing!) and stop over thinking it.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I'm more concerned about the orgasm

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By *uxomBlooms OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Tunbridge Wells

I promise you that when I'm being fucked by a gorgeous black man I'm not thinking about why, I'm just thinking 'Oh fuck Yes yes yes' and other such things'. When I'm having a conversation with them about their lives, thoughts and choices (see I like to talk with black men and not just fuck them) that's when these questions come to me. I'm quite relaxed, I'm fully enjoying myself. You see some people get enjoyment from thinking and examining life.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"It's curious how many people want me to stop thinking. I am still having fun but if we are not continually learning then life becomes rather one dimensional. "

I didn't mean you should stop thinking.

I'm just pretty sure that everyone has different preferences and I'm not sure you'll find the answer you're looking for.

I overthink all sorts but attraction for me has zero to do with skin colour, it really doesn't cross my mind. I either find someone I like or I don't. It makes sense in my head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is not a question of you not thinking, the issue is are you thinking about the right question. I would suggest the question is, why are these guys saying this to me rather than is there some inverse racism going on. In America there is a truckload of articles by black pundits on black men dating white women. That is putting aside the issue of interracial sex as an erotic activity. In America black men dating white women is a political issue. In the UK with its colonies it is not a political issue, as the numbers of white women and the fact we live in intergated communities deprive mixed relationships in the UK as being an issue.

I suspect you are generalising from a limited number of black man, who had an ulterior motive to say what they did. A white female friend told me she went to a black swinging party it was black couples she was the only white person there and got no play.

As you live in Sutton, if you pop up to Croydon you would see plenty of black couples. If you go to any area with large ethnic population you will see black couples. If you go to Granaries in Croydon or any 'black club' or even the Notting Hill Carnival can you will see black men chatting up black women.

This is not to say that there are not black men who won't date black women for their own reasons, they are, l suspect a minority.

Looking at the swinging community the ratio of black women to white women is a fraction therefore there is more interracial sex.

All I can do is share an image from bmfc arousals last Saturday of one black woman in the orgy room surrounded by black men.

The general view from the forums is that more black female swingers would be appreciated.

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By *uxomBlooms OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Tunbridge Wells

Thank you Ozzz, that's been a really useful response. I never thought for a minute that the view of the men I'd spoken to was that of the majority but I was simply shocked to hear it from even a few. You've given me hope and more to think about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is not a question of you not thinking, the issue is are you thinking about the right question. I would suggest the question is, why are these guys saying this to me rather than is there some inverse racism going on. In America there is a truckload of articles by black pundits on black men dating white women. That is putting aside the issue of interracial sex as an erotic activity. In America black men dating white women is a political issue. In the UK with its colonies it is not a political issue, as the numbers of white women and the fact we live in intergated communities deprive mixed relationships in the UK as being an issue.

I suspect you are generalising from a limited number of black man, who had an ulterior motive to say what they did. A white female friend told me she went to a black swinging party it was black couples she was the only white person there and got no play.

As you live in Sutton, if you pop up to Croydon you would see plenty of black couples. If you go to any area with large ethnic population you will see black couples. If you go to Granaries in Croydon or any 'black club' or even the Notting Hill Carnival can you will see black men chatting up black women.

This is not to say that there are not black men who won't date black women for their own reasons, they are, l suspect a minority.

Looking at the swinging community the ratio of black women to white women is a fraction therefore there is more interracial sex.

All I can do is share an image from bmfc arousals last Saturday of one black woman in the orgy room surrounded by black men.

The general view from the forums is that more black female swingers would be appreciated."

nail on head as per

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is not a question of you not thinking, the issue is are you thinking about the right question. I would suggest the question is, why are these guys saying this to me rather than is there some inverse racism going on. In America there is a truckload of articles by black pundits on black men dating white women. That is putting aside the issue of interracial sex as an erotic activity. In America black men dating white women is a political issue. In the UK with its colonies it is not a political issue, as the numbers of white women and the fact we live in intergated communities deprive mixed relationships in the UK as being an issue.

I suspect you are generalising from a limited number of black man, who had an ulterior motive to say what they did. A white female friend told me she went to a black swinging party it was black couples she was the only white person there and got no play.

As you live in Sutton, if you pop up to Croydon you would see plenty of black couples. If you go to any area with large ethnic population you will see black couples. If you go to Granaries in Croydon or any 'black club' or even the Notting Hill Carnival can you will see black men chatting up black women.

This is not to say that there are not black men who won't date black women for their own reasons, they are, l suspect a minority.

Looking at the swinging community the ratio of black women to white women is a fraction therefore there is more interracial sex.

All I can do is share an image from bmfc arousals last Saturday of one black woman in the orgy room surrounded by black men.

The general view from the forums is that more black female swingers would be appreciated."

Spot on. I've slept with white, black and asian (indian). Not because I was specifically seeking sex with people of those races but because timing and circumstance. I don't regret it and I would sleep with someone of any race was was able to obtain, and hold, my interest. Yes I have a preference like most, but it's not concrete.

Black men who generalise and say black women are fiesty or have bad attitudes are dumb. I have a mum, sister and cousins who are all individuals and don't cater to stereotypes and more than those from white or Asian backgrounds.

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By *exeterMan
over a year ago

m5 Devon-Somerset border area

I don't really like anything too do with racism to be honest. the only thing I find hard to swallow on the scene is some cultural beliefs that it's OK to use other cultures women to have fun with but thair own cultures women should be kept under lock and key!

Eg it's OK for the men to swing, but not the women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is not a question of you not thinking, the issue is are you thinking about the right question. I would suggest the question is, why are these guys saying this to me rather than is there some inverse racism going on. In America there is a truckload of articles by black pundits on black men dating white women. That is putting aside the issue of interracial sex as an erotic activity. In America black men dating white women is a political issue. In the UK with its colonies it is not a political issue, as the numbers of white women and the fact we live in intergated communities deprive mixed relationships in the UK as being an issue.

I suspect you are generalising from a limited number of black man, who had an ulterior motive to say what they did. A white female friend told me she went to a black swinging party it was black couples she was the only white person there and got no play.

As you live in Sutton, if you pop up to Croydon you would see plenty of black couples. If you go to any area with large ethnic population you will see black couples. If you go to Granaries in Croydon or any 'black club' or even the Notting Hill Carnival can you will see black men chatting up black women.

This is not to say that there are not black men who won't date black women for their own reasons, they are, l suspect a minority.

Looking at the swinging community the ratio of black women to white women is a fraction therefore there is more interracial sex.

All I can do is share an image from bmfc arousals last Saturday of one black woman in the orgy room surrounded by black men.

The general view from the forums is that more black female swingers would be appreciated."

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