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bi conundrum

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By *jeibm2012 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester nr piccadilly

Hey forum

My sexuality is a bit difficult to label. Bi is best, but it's more the case that i like the idea of a relationship with a girl, and having our own family unit. However, I do enjoy sexy-time with guys. I could be faithful to my girlfriend in terms of other women, but would probably like some freedom to play with some choice male friends with benefits from time to time. The best solution I can think of is a bi girlfriend who has a similar problem, so we could both give each other a bit of same sex freedom. But I'm not sure how likely I am to find that! Does anyone have that kind of relationship?

I'm also wondering, those in bi relationships, how you met, and what the parameters/rules are that you work with?

Thanks

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Although my ex was straight and wouldn't join me on here, she was occasionally seeing another guy as well. When this was arranged, she would pay for me to go to the sauna. If I had a meet of here or another site, I would pay for her to have her hair & nails done or send her out for a meal with her mates.

It worked for us, hope you find what you are looking for OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're bisexual but het-romantic. I'm the same. I love sexy time with women but prefer a relationship with men *shrugs* it is what it is

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I think the most important thing to consider in this type of relationship is communication and honesty and someone that is willing to "share" you, there are many in open relationships on here some work and some don't..

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe


"You're bisexual but het-romantic. I'm the same. I love sexy time with women but prefer a relationship with men *shrugs* it is what it is "

This for me (Anita) too.

The important thing is to be sure you are both totally happy with how the relationship works. If either party isn't it won't last. Communication is the key in any relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im sure you could successfully find that on here. Lots of open minded people here

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Hey forum

My sexuality is a bit difficult to label. Bi is best, but it's more the case that i like the idea of a relationship with a girl, and having our own family unit. However, I do enjoy sexy-time with guys. I could be faithful to my girlfriend in terms of other women, but would probably like some freedom to play with some choice male friends with benefits from time to time. The best solution I can think of is a bi girlfriend who has a similar problem, so we could both give each other a bit of same sex freedom. But I'm not sure how likely I am to find that! Does anyone have that kind of relationship?

I'm also wondering, those in bi relationships, how you met, and what the parameters/rules are that you work with?

Thanks "

I find the way you describe your situation very interesting.

If your gf is open to you having sex with other men why would she ( hypothetical as this all is ) object to you having sex with another female ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/08/15 15:33:24]

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"[Removed by poster at 01/08/15 15:33:24]"

That's easy for some to say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey forum

My sexuality is a bit difficult to label. Bi is best, but it's more the case that i like the idea of a relationship with a girl, and having our own family unit. However, I do enjoy sexy-time with guys. I could be faithful to my girlfriend in terms of other women, but would probably like some freedom to play with some choice male friends with benefits from time to time. The best solution I can think of is a bi girlfriend who has a similar problem, so we could both give each other a bit of same sex freedom. But I'm not sure how likely I am to find that! Does anyone have that kind of relationship?

I'm also wondering, those in bi relationships, how you met, and what the parameters/rules are that you work with?

Thanks

I find the way you describe your situation very interesting.

If your gf is open to you having sex with other men why would she ( hypothetical as this all is ) object to you having sex with another female ?

"

I understand it meaning that he's not romantically interested in men so there is minimal risk of emotional attachment..he'd only be emotionally involved with his gf

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By *jeibm2012 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester nr piccadilly

Hey everyone - thanks for the responses. Good to know that my cause is not lost

Yes, I'd see my girlfriend as my romantic life partner. Guy contact would be a sexual thing, and also there are things I can get from a guy that she wouldn't be able to provide i guess! She may feel if i saw another woman that she had failed somehow, whereas she couldn't really compete on the cock and pecs front lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My fwb is the same - happy to suck cock, but he doesn't fancy men, it's just sex. In swingers terms he describes himself as bi-curious, in the vanilla world he's straight.

Though, why do we need labels?

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By *jeibm2012 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester nr piccadilly


"My fwb is the same - happy to suck cock, but he doesn't fancy men, it's just sex. In swingers terms he describes himself as bi-curious, in the vanilla world he's straight.

Though, why do we need labels? "

To be honest i do find some men attractive. But i also find having a family and a hetero relationship appealing.

Stupid sexuality lol

Ideally there would be no labels, for they just divide us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I live with a woman who I met through swinging. She knows I am bi and knows she hasnt got the equipment to satisfy that. She allows me to meet guys whenever I fancy some cock.

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By *jeibm2012 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester nr piccadilly


"I live with a woman who I met through swinging. She knows I am bi and knows she hasnt got the equipment to satisfy that. She allows me to meet guys whenever I fancy some cock. "

Ideal!

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By *jeibm2012 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester nr piccadilly

Hi all - I'd be interested to hear any other stories/anecdotes on this topic. I find it heartening knowing that others have made this kind of situation work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi. My boyfriend and I met on vanilla street, and when it became clear that we were either going to date or just be friends, I decided to make it clear that I'm bi and wanted the freedom to enjoy sex with women on my own. He said it was fine, as he would want time to enjoy sex with men too. Voila. No drama, no stress. Because of that we've always been able to communicate openly and honestly.

I think you are bi. You are attracted to men and you enjoy sex with men. The fact that you would prefer a relationship with women says nothing about your sexuality.

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By *ammykingMan
over a year ago

Lisburn

I'd say communication is key too this - when we start a relationship with a woman, tell her what you like and see what she says.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd say communication is key too this - when we start a relationship with a woman, tell her what you like and see what she says.

"

Precisely. I said to my OH at the time that it was a make or break thing. He decided that he wanted a relationship with me and was able to accept my needs.

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By *ammykingMan
over a year ago

Lisburn


"I'd say communication is key too this - when we start a relationship with a woman, tell her what you like and see what she says.

Precisely. I said to my OH at the time that it was a make or break thing. He decided that he wanted a relationship with me and was able to accept my needs. "

Exactly

And if your rly lucky she might get off on watching and/or joining in

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By *picycplCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

I have heard the term Bi-Playful thrown around. Basically you like sexy time with men but prefer hetro relationships with women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think the most important thing to consider in this type of relationship is communication and honesty and someone that is willing to "share" you, there are many in open relationships on here some work and some don't.. "

This.

I was with my lady for many years with bi thoughts in my fantasies. I hadn't explored them or told her I wanted to.

When I did open up to her she was so supportive. I'm very lucky. Honesty is the only way in my opinion.

She's straight and swung with me for a couple of years. Recently, she's on a break from it but still lets me go out to play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have heard the term Bi-Playful thrown around. Basically you like sexy time with men but prefer hetro relationships with women."

Problem with all these words is that they don't always mean the same thing. Bi-playful doesn't mean what you define it as to me at all.

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By *jeibm2012 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester nr piccadilly

Hey everyone - thanks for your replies. Quite heartened that people are making this kind of situation work. I think a relationship with a bi girl where we both allow each other some same-sex freedoms is the ideal but I have never been sure if such a dream is obtainable

and yes, labels.... sometimes necessary, often unhelpful lol

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By *picycplCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne


"I have heard the term Bi-Playful thrown around. Basically you like sexy time with men but prefer hetro relationships with women.

Problem with all these words is that they don't always mean the same thing. Bi-playful doesn't mean what you define it as to me at all. "

Oh? What does it mean to you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey forum

My sexuality is a bit difficult to label. Bi is best, but it's more the case that i like the idea of a relationship with a girl, and having our own family unit. However, I do enjoy sexy-time with guys. I could be faithful to my girlfriend in terms of other women, but would probably like some freedom to play with some choice male friends with benefits from time to time. The best solution I can think of is a bi girlfriend who has a similar problem, so we could both give each other a bit of same sex freedom. But I'm not sure how likely I am to find that! Does anyone have that kind of relationship?

I'm also wondering, those in bi relationships, how you met, and what the parameters/rules are that you work with?

Thanks "

I have polyamorous relationships, where we're all free to see other people.

I have a partner of three years who has both male and female partners. He lives with a woman who he's lived with for twenty years but has alot of casual sex with others.

The partner I live with, I've been with him for about a year. He has a couple of girlfriends that he sees regularly. He doesn't really do casual sex.

I don't really know why you'd want to restrict it to a bisexual girlfriend who wanted to just sleep with other women - what if she wanted to sleep with other men too? Better IMO to just be completely open if you want to be open. See who you want to see.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hey forum

My sexuality is a bit difficult to label. Bi is best, but it's more the case that i like the idea of a relationship with a girl, and having our own family unit. However, I do enjoy sexy-time with guys. I could be faithful to my girlfriend in terms of other women, but would probably like some freedom to play with some choice male friends with benefits from time to time. The best solution I can think of is a bi girlfriend who has a similar problem, so we could both give each other a bit of same sex freedom. But I'm not sure how likely I am to find that! Does anyone have that kind of relationship?

I'm also wondering, those in bi relationships, how you met, and what the parameters/rules are that you work with?

Thanks

I have polyamorous relationships, where we're all free to see other people.

I have a partner of three years who has both male and female partners. He lives with a woman who he's lived with for twenty years but has alot of casual sex with others.

The partner I live with, I've been with him for about a year. He has a couple of girlfriends that he sees regularly. He doesn't really do casual sex.

I don't really know why you'd want to restrict it to a bisexual girlfriend who wanted to just sleep with other women - what if she wanted to sleep with other men too? Better IMO to just be completely open if you want to be open. See who you want to see."

Sounds perfect - lucky you x

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By *jeibm2012 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester nr piccadilly


"

I have polyamorous relationships, where we're all free to see other people.

I have a partner of three years who has both male and female partners. He lives with a woman who he's lived with for twenty years but has alot of casual sex with others.

The partner I live with, I've been with him for about a year. He has a couple of girlfriends that he sees regularly. He doesn't really do casual sex.

I don't really know why you'd want to restrict it to a bisexual girlfriend who wanted to just sleep with other women - what if she wanted to sleep with other men too? Better IMO to just be completely open if you want to be open. See who you want to see."

I suppose there's more scope for feeling threatened by other hetero partners, whereas same sex fuck-buddies are offering something the opposite-sex partner can't. And I like the idea of a more conventional family unit with my female partner - or at least I do at present lol...my sexuality may have different ideas next week. But I agree with the openness - I guess as long as everyone's agreed, that's the main thing. You seem to have an ideal scenario for what you want

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I have polyamorous relationships, where we're all free to see other people.

I have a partner of three years who has both male and female partners. He lives with a woman who he's lived with for twenty years but has alot of casual sex with others.

The partner I live with, I've been with him for about a year. He has a couple of girlfriends that he sees regularly. He doesn't really do casual sex.

I don't really know why you'd want to restrict it to a bisexual girlfriend who wanted to just sleep with other women - what if she wanted to sleep with other men too? Better IMO to just be completely open if you want to be open. See who you want to see.

I suppose there's more scope for feeling threatened by other hetero partners, whereas same sex fuck-buddies are offering something the opposite-sex partner can't. And I like the idea of a more conventional family unit with my female partner - or at least I do at present lol...my sexuality may have different ideas next week. But I agree with the openness - I guess as long as everyone's agreed, that's the main thing. You seem to have an ideal scenario for what you want "

If you're in a relationship where you feel threatened by people of the same sex - you need to get out of that relationship until you build your own self confidence more.

I hate this erasure of same sex relationships.

Like, I prefer women, both emotionally and sexually, but my male partner that I live with isn't frightened I'm going to 'run off' with one of them because I'm choosing to be with him right now as my nesting partner.

Saying 'it's ok for her to fuck a woman, because she won't go into a relationship with them' just reinforces the idea that many people have that lesbian sexuality is 'just a phase' or something women do for a bit of fun.

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By *jeibm2012 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester nr piccadilly


"

If you're in a relationship where you feel threatened by people of the same sex - you need to get out of that relationship until you build your own self confidence more.

I hate this erasure of same sex relationships.

Like, I prefer women, both emotionally and sexually, but my male partner that I live with isn't frightened I'm going to 'run off' with one of them because I'm choosing to be with him right now as my nesting partner.

Saying 'it's ok for her to fuck a woman, because she won't go into a relationship with them' just reinforces the idea that many people have that lesbian sexuality is 'just a phase' or something women do for a bit of fun."

I'm not sure when I erased anything. I have lesbian friends, and I'm fully accepting of their relationships and one of them confides in more an awful lot about her private life. I think you've inferred too much.

Personally, and due to a combination of factors, I think a more conventional hetero relationship/family unit with some freedom for same-sex friends with benefits would be most ideal. I can see the trust argument - that if you can have sex outside the relationship, why should it be same-sex only? - but I don't think the assumptions regarding my self-confidence and views are lesbianism are justified. I have parents and friends who have enjoyed their monogamous relationships and I can relate to that. However, monogamy and bisexuality don't mix too well. So I guess I consider a monogamous hetero relationship with some male friends I can enjoy sexual contact with as the best balance for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

If you're in a relationship where you feel threatened by people of the same sex - you need to get out of that relationship until you build your own self confidence more.

I hate this erasure of same sex relationships.

Like, I prefer women, both emotionally and sexually, but my male partner that I live with isn't frightened I'm going to 'run off' with one of them because I'm choosing to be with him right now as my nesting partner.

Saying 'it's ok for her to fuck a woman, because she won't go into a relationship with them' just reinforces the idea that many people have that lesbian sexuality is 'just a phase' or something women do for a bit of fun.

I'm not sure when I erased anything. I have lesbian friends, and I'm fully accepting of their relationships and one of them confides in more an awful lot about her private life. I think you've inferred too much.

Personally, and due to a combination of factors, I think a more conventional hetero relationship/family unit with some freedom for same-sex friends with benefits would be most ideal. I can see the trust argument - that if you can have sex outside the relationship, why should it be same-sex only? - but I don't think the assumptions regarding my self-confidence and views are lesbianism are justified. I have parents and friends who have enjoyed their monogamous relationships and I can relate to that. However, monogamy and bisexuality don't mix too well. So I guess I consider a monogamous hetero relationship with some male friends I can enjoy sexual contact with as the best balance for me."

I didn't mean you specifically, I meant that society more widely has that attitude to lesbianism.

Also - bisexuality and monogamy work just fine. I was monogamous for ages and I've always been attractive to all people. Being bisexual doesn't mean you *have* to fuck both sexes. It just means you entertain the possibility of fucking someone other than the the opposite gender.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/08/15 22:46:15]

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By *jeibm2012 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester nr piccadilly


"

I didn't mean you specifically, I meant that society more widely has that attitude to lesbianism.

Also - bisexuality and monogamy work just fine. I was monogamous for ages and I've always been attractive to all people. Being bisexual doesn't mean you *have* to fuck both sexes. It just means you entertain the possibility of fucking someone other than the the opposite gender."

I would find it difficult to be in a monogamous relationship - potentially lifelong as that does have some appeal to me - because I would struggle to not let my sexual interest in people of both sexes be expressed. So I'd need to balance expression of my bisexuality with feeling that I have a stable or consistent life partner, because at the moment those two ideas feel important to me. I actually wouldn't feel that I gained much from being told I could sleep with other women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This was us. We met as kids where friends years and the got together 5 years ago. P told me a while into our relationship he was bi and I accepted it and was happy for him to meet guys as long as I new about it. We had a few rules about who when and where he could meet and that's how we found fab and I joined in aswell. It works for some people but not all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I didn't mean you specifically, I meant that society more widely has that attitude to lesbianism.

Also - bisexuality and monogamy work just fine. I was monogamous for ages and I've always been attractive to all people. Being bisexual doesn't mean you *have* to fuck both sexes. It just means you entertain the possibility of fucking someone other than the the opposite gender.

I would find it difficult to be in a monogamous relationship - potentially lifelong as that does have some appeal to me - because I would struggle to not let my sexual interest in people of both sexes be expressed. So I'd need to balance expression of my bisexuality with feeling that I have a stable or consistent life partner, because at the moment those two ideas feel important to me. I actually wouldn't feel that I gained much from being told I could sleep with other women."

Maybe you're just not a monogamous person? Maybe you're just naturally poly like me? I doubt it's got anything to do with being bisexual, many of my friends are poly and straight, but express very similar sentiments to yourself about being interested in different people.

After all, not all men are identical, and not all women are identical.

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By *jeibm2012 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester nr piccadilly


"

Maybe you're just not a monogamous person? Maybe you're just naturally poly like me? I doubt it's got anything to do with being bisexual, many of my friends are poly and straight, but express very similar sentiments to yourself about being interested in different people.

After all, not all men are identical, and not all women are identical."

Certainly possible. I'm still making sense of it all! I do sometimes think that there are as many (subtly different) sexualities as there are people.

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By *jeibm2012 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester nr piccadilly


"This was us. We met as kids where friends years and the got together 5 years ago. P told me a while into our relationship he was bi and I accepted it and was happy for him to meet guys as long as I new about it. We had a few rules about who when and where he could meet and that's how we found fab and I joined in aswell. It works for some people but not all. "

I like this story! Thanks for sharing, glad it's working for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This was us. We met as kids where friends years and the got together 5 years ago. P told me a while into our relationship he was bi and I accepted it and was happy for him to meet guys as long as I new about it. We had a few rules about who when and where he could meet and that's how we found fab and I joined in aswell. It works for some people but not all.

I like this story! Thanks for sharing, glad it's working for you "
its working lovley 5years, 2kids and getting married next year. I think as long as your open and you keep telling each other what your happy and not happy with and understand the other persons feelings then it can work very well. Hope you find what your looking for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have heard the term Bi-Playful thrown around. Basically you like sexy time with men but prefer hetro relationships with women.

Problem with all these words is that they don't always mean the same thing. Bi-playful doesn't mean what you define it as to me at all.

Oh? What does it mean to you?"

I always thought bi-playful referred to someone who didn't consider themselves bisexual, but is open to bi play 'in the heat of the moment'

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By *jeibm2012 OP   Man
over a year ago

manchester nr piccadilly


"its working lovley 5years, 2kids and getting married next year. I think as long as your open and you keep telling each other what your happy and not happy with and understand the other persons feelings then it can work very well. Hope you find what your looking for. "

Sweet! I'm planning to move to a more liberal environment in the next year or so, and then hopefully build a life similar to yours

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