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To search for love...

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By *oward1978 OP   Man
over a year ago

Rotherham

...ain't no more than vanity.

Would you say this statement was true? Are we all looking for love and if so why? Are we really just looking for love in return? That someone that will make YOU feel special.

I can't say I've ever been in love. Can't say I've even looked for love. Certainly never had a woman say she loves me. It's just something that's been on my mind recently though. Although I'm very comfortable on my own I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have that special someone in my life. I'm just very fussy, I think that's my main problem. She would have to be 'the one'. No half measures.

So guys and girls, why do we look for love? Or does it just sneak upon you when you least expect it?

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

The times I have found love (thrice in 36 years) it has hit me like a freight train as I carelessly stepped on to a crossing

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

In fact one of my fav lines in the world comes from the Roman poet Catullus:

"I fell in to love like a cockroach in to a basin."

So descriptive.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"The times I have found love (thrice in 36 years) it has hit me like a freight train as I carelessly stepped on to a crossing "

Haha, fabulous!! I fall in love fairly easily, to be honest I think to love and be loved - deeply known, beheld, and loved, is the reason we are on this planet. Everything else is shallow. Amusing, pleasant, even thrilling, but shallow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...ain't no more than vanity.

Would you say this statement was true? Are we all looking for love and if so why? Are we really just looking for love in return? That someone that will make YOU feel special.

I can't say I've ever been in love. Can't say I've even looked for love. Certainly never had a woman say she loves me. It's just something that's been on my mind recently though. Although I'm very comfortable on my own I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have that special someone in my life. I'm just very fussy, I think that's my main problem. She would have to be 'the one'. No half measures.

So guys and girls, why do we look for love? Or does it just sneak upon you when you least expect it?"

I always think it's sneaks up on you when least expect it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't look for love and I don't need it as I got no time for a relationship, cos bodybuilding comes first, food prep and gym takes up my time lol, plus I am happy to be a lone wolf.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've only been in love once and that was when I was a lot a lot younger.

I was never in love with my sons dad, God knows why I stayed there for 5 years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have only ever been truly "in love" once, and it wasn't my husband (I guess thats why Im divorced!!). You don't have to ask yourself is this love, you both just know. He left his wife and two children for me but in the end neither of us could live with ourselves because of his children so I asked him to go back to his wife. Broke my heart but I knew it was the right thing to do for the children and him. That is true love, IMHO, putting the other person before yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think i mistake lust for love at times. Novelty soon wears off. Twice married and dont think will ever settle down properly. Have my kids and that is love x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm with you OP when I settle down it has to be "the one" and I'm fussy too, but I'm not settling for just security or to feel loved.

I'd like to come across the "one" in 5 or so years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if you look for it, you never find it.

Love seems to have a way of finding you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally think the only love you can really know is true is any love you give out, to others or yourself. And this should be your primary source of love.

Nobody else should be needed to make you feel special, nobody else should be needed for you to feel anything. But i do understand how abuse to others, and yourself, can affect how people feel and can make people needy.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


" That is true love, IMHO, putting the other person before yourself."

Yup I agree, it's almost the definition of love. And it works beautifully when two people do the same for each other.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

I use Google.

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By *oward1978 OP   Man
over a year ago

Rotherham


" That is true love, IMHO, putting the other person before yourself.

Yup I agree, it's almost the definition of love. And it works beautifully when two people do the same for each other."

I think that's the key but everyone has their own ideas of what love is. You both have to be on the same wavelength otherwise it won't last. I only want to get into it if the feeling's mutual and it seems you don't always realise it isn't when you're in too deep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I use Google."

Porn isn't love

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I don't think that anyone has truely loved me but I have truely loved some..Ahh well I'm hopeful in someone falling in love with me

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By *oward1978 OP   Man
over a year ago

Rotherham


"I'm with you OP when I settle down it has to be "the one" and I'm fussy too, but I'm not settling for just security or to feel loved.

I'd like to come across the "one" in 5 or so years. "

I'm looking for perfection in a partner (in my eyes at least). I'm scared to look too hard for it though, but I'd like to feel it at least once in my life. I don't think that's too much to ask.

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By *oward1978 OP   Man
over a year ago

Rotherham


"I think if you look for it, you never find it.

Love seems to have a way of finding you."

I think that is probably true.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden


"I use Google.

Porn isn't love"

But, but I love it.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I think I could fall in love with your socks.

I've been in love.

I'd agree with the freight train description.

I've never lived with anyone though.

I've also been heartbroken and I never thought I'd get over it.

(I did obviously but at the time it hurt both physically and mentally).

I don't look for it. It found me.

I'd never go looking... first dates scare me.

My standards are too high. My examples are beyond reach.

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By *oward1978 OP   Man
over a year ago

Rotherham


"I personally think the only love you can really know is true is any love you give out, to others or yourself. And this should be your primary source of love.

Nobody else should be needed to make you feel special, nobody else should be needed for you to feel anything. But i do understand how abuse to others, and yourself, can affect how people feel and can make people needy."

I feel that's very true. If you're very lucky you can find someone to love you back equally. And then you're in heaven I guess.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


" That is true love, IMHO, putting the other person before yourself.

Yup I agree, it's almost the definition of love. And it works beautifully when two people do the same for each other.

I think that's the key but everyone has their own ideas of what love is. You both have to be on the same wavelength otherwise it won't last. I only want to get into it if the feeling's mutual and it seems you don't always realise it isn't when you're in too deep."

Ah but you won't know until you get there anyway. Looking for perfection is also a dangerous strategy in my opinion - you actually don't know what it is until you meet it, sometimes it might be the exact opposite of what you expect.

And sometimes you can pick totally the wrong person because they seem to fulfill the ideal in your head.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I don't look for it and have no desire for it. I don't need to be loved, feel loved or similar.

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By *oward1978 OP   Man
over a year ago

Rotherham


" That is true love, IMHO, putting the other person before yourself.

Yup I agree, it's almost the definition of love. And it works beautifully when two people do the same for each other.

I think that's the key but everyone has their own ideas of what love is. You both have to be on the same wavelength otherwise it won't last. I only want to get into it if the feeling's mutual and it seems you don't always realise it isn't when you're in too deep.

Ah but you won't know until you get there anyway. Looking for perfection is also a dangerous strategy in my opinion - you actually don't know what it is until you meet it, sometimes it might be the exact opposite of what you expect.

And sometimes you can pick totally the wrong person because they seem to fulfill the ideal in your head. "

Yep, I think you may be right!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Didn't know what love was until I found it, had extremely strong feelings for the first guy I lived with and my ex husband.

Then when I was 41 some silly old fart came into my life it was slow burning and we got closer and closer friendship wise, then a year after we met(I call it the fateful day) something happened and we realised we had both fallen in love, neither was physically what the other was looking for, on paper we are polar opposites, but you know what, its absolutley bloody perfect, he's completely changed my life, 100% compatable, never argue he's given me all the things I wanted but didn't know I wanted.

If I'd been the sort to fall in love Willy nilly I don't think I would of appreciated it when it happened.

Never once in my entire life have I "looked" for a relationship they've just happened.

I do have a snigger to myself when people I see have a check list of their ideal partner, it don't always work like that,I didn't know what I wanted until I got it.

We spend our entire relationship just making each other happy.

Silly old fart that he is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not a huge fan of the notion of love. It seems someone made it up and we all liked the idea and wanted to believe in it. I do, however, believe in connection. You can have a hundred thoughts of what you desire and then connect with someone who dispels them all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally think the only love you can really know is true is any love you give out, to others or yourself. And this should be your primary source of love.

Nobody else should be needed to make you feel special, nobody else should be needed for you to feel anything. But i do understand how abuse to others, and yourself, can affect how people feel and can make people needy.

I feel that's very true. If you're very lucky you can find someone to love you back equally. And then you're in heaven I guess."

Yes, without sounding morbid i hope, it's actually a really nice feeling to be with someone you'd die for because you couldn't live without them.

I'm a bit fucked up emotionally sometimes and become hard hearted as a form of protection to myself and much prefer being able to give my everything to others when i know they won't abuse that.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"I personally think the only love you can really know is true is any love you give out, to others or yourself. And this should be your primary source of love.

Nobody else should be needed to make you feel special, nobody else should be needed for you to feel anything. But i do understand how abuse to others, and yourself, can affect how people feel and can make people needy.

I feel that's very true. If you're very lucky you can find someone to love you back equally. And then you're in heaven I guess."
how would you know they loved you equally? You can't measure it

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I personally think the only love you can really know is true is any love you give out, to others or yourself. And this should be your primary source of love.

Nobody else should be needed to make you feel special, nobody else should be needed for you to feel anything. But i do understand how abuse to others, and yourself, can affect how people feel and can make people needy.

I feel that's very true. If you're very lucky you can find someone to love you back equally. And then you're in heaven I guess.

Yes, without sounding morbid i hope, it's actually a really nice feeling to be with someone you'd die for because you couldn't live without them.

I'm a bit fucked up emotionally sometimes and become hard hearted as a form of protection to myself and much prefer being able to give my everything to others when i know they won't abuse that."

Yup. That's why I am quite happy with monogamy with the right person - I love to give my all, body and soul.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Didn't know what love was until I found it, had extremely strong feelings for the first guy I lived with and my ex husband.

Then when I was 41 some silly old fart came into my life it was slow burning and we got closer and closer friendship wise, then a year after we met(I call it the fateful day) something happened and we realised we had both fallen in love, neither was physically what the other was looking for, on paper we are polar opposites, but you know what, its absolutley bloody perfect, he's completely changed my life, 100% compatable, never argue he's given me all the things I wanted but didn't know I wanted.

If I'd been the sort to fall in love Willy nilly I don't think I would of appreciated it when it happened.

Never once in my entire life have I "looked" for a relationship they've just happened.

I do have a snigger to myself when people I see have a check list of their ideal partner, it don't always work like that,I didn't know what I wanted until I got it.

We spend our entire relationship just making each other happy.

Silly old fart that he is "

I wouldn't call mine a checklist, but there are certain things I don't want I.e more kids so I would have to come across someone who didn't want any children.

I figure I will know it when I see it when it comes to meeting "the one"

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Didn't know what love was until I found it, had extremely strong feelings for the first guy I lived with and my ex husband.

Then when I was 41 some silly old fart came into my life it was slow burning and we got closer and closer friendship wise, then a year after we met(I call it the fateful day) something happened and we realised we had both fallen in love, neither was physically what the other was looking for, on paper we are polar opposites, but you know what, its absolutley bloody perfect, he's completely changed my life, 100% compatable, never argue he's given me all the things I wanted but didn't know I wanted.

If I'd been the sort to fall in love Willy nilly I don't think I would of appreciated it when it happened.

Never once in my entire life have I "looked" for a relationship they've just happened.

I do have a snigger to myself when people I see have a check list of their ideal partner, it don't always work like that,I didn't know what I wanted until I got it.

We spend our entire relationship just making each other happy.

Silly old fart that he is

I wouldn't call mine a checklist, but there are certain things I don't want I.e more kids so I would have to come across someone who didn't want any children.

I figure I will know it when I see it when it comes to meeting "the one" "
obviously you have to have the fundamentals in common, but some peoples tick lists are ridiculous, down to what colour shoes if they find it good luck to them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have probably only been in love with one person and had he still been alive I know I would be still with him. The guy im seeing at the minute im not allowed to fall in love with as he is married but it works for what time I have to put into any kind of relationship at the minute.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Is anyone going to answer the question ?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Is anyone going to answer the question ?"
feel free to be the first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I'm not looking for love just yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally think the only love you can really know is true is any love you give out, to others or yourself. And this should be your primary source of love.

Nobody else should be needed to make you feel special, nobody else should be needed for you to feel anything. But i do understand how abuse to others, and yourself, can affect how people feel and can make people needy.

I feel that's very true. If you're very lucky you can find someone to love you back equally. And then you're in heaven I guess.

Yes, without sounding morbid i hope, it's actually a really nice feeling to be with someone you'd die for because you couldn't live without them.

I'm a bit fucked up emotionally sometimes and become hard hearted as a form of protection to myself and much prefer being able to give my everything to others when i know they won't abuse that.

Yup. That's why I am quite happy with monogamy with the right person - I love to give my all, body and soul. "

I'm happy giving all my love to more than one person. Just i had an abusive ex so know it's not always the best thing to do and might not be the best thing to do with anyone initially. I haven't got that balance of caring for others and keeping myself safe, so shut it down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't look for love and I don't need it as I got no time for a relationship, cos bodybuilding comes first, food prep and gym takes up my time lol, plus I am happy to be a lone wolf."

How sad. And I don't mean that as in sad and pathetic, just genuinely sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't look for love and I don't need it as I got no time for a relationship, cos bodybuilding comes first, food prep and gym takes up my time lol, plus I am happy to be a lone wolf."

How sad. And I don't mean that as in sad and pathetic, just genuinely sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't look for love and I don't need it as I got no time for a relationship, cos bodybuilding comes first, food prep and gym takes up my time lol, plus I am happy to be a lone wolf."

How sad. And I don't mean that as in sad and pathetic, just genuinely sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bloody phone!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not afraid to admit I would love to find love. I've been in love twice and both times gotten hurt repeatedly because like it or not I wasn't really what they ultimately want in a long term partner. However the thing is when you've been hurt you become scared. It's all I've really known. Yet despite that I crave it. I've been single 6 years now. And I hate it. Even my children now say they want me to find someone. I also know much to the annoyance of many on here I wouldn't want a swinging relationship. I want to be enough and them to be enough for me.

As the Julia Roberts said in Notting Hill ' After all I am just a girl, standing in front of a boy asking him to love her.'

Finally I'm not on fab looking for love. I'm looking to have fun on my terms as opposed to being the fun on someone else's for a change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel very lucky found the love of my life and still with him after 30 years oops let's hope he feels the same

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh


"Is anyone going to answer the question ?"

What was the question again?

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington

I don't go out looking for love, when it has happened, it is just that - it happened and it felt great. So, yes, I would like it again, but I don't go prowling looking for it - fate will take its course.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I personally think the only love you can really know is true is any love you give out, to others or yourself. And this should be your primary source of love.

Nobody else should be needed to make you feel special, nobody else should be needed for you to feel anything. But i do understand how abuse to others, and yourself, can affect how people feel and can make people needy.

I feel that's very true. If you're very lucky you can find someone to love you back equally. And then you're in heaven I guess.

Yes, without sounding morbid i hope, it's actually a really nice feeling to be with someone you'd die for because you couldn't live without them.

I'm a bit fucked up emotionally sometimes and become hard hearted as a form of protection to myself and much prefer being able to give my everything to others when i know they won't abuse that.

Yup. That's why I am quite happy with monogamy with the right person - I love to give my all, body and soul.

I'm happy giving all my love to more than one person. Just i had an abusive ex so know it's not always the best thing to do and might not be the best thing to do with anyone initially. I haven't got that balance of caring for others and keeping myself safe, so shut it down."

Yea, I can understand that. I somehow came through 20 years with a raging narcissist and still remained remarkably unguarded lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally think the only love you can really know is true is any love you give out, to others or yourself. And this should be your primary source of love.

Nobody else should be needed to make you feel special, nobody else should be needed for you to feel anything. But i do understand how abuse to others, and yourself, can affect how people feel and can make people needy.

I feel that's very true. If you're very lucky you can find someone to love you back equally. And then you're in heaven I guess.

Yes, without sounding morbid i hope, it's actually a really nice feeling to be with someone you'd die for because you couldn't live without them.

I'm a bit fucked up emotionally sometimes and become hard hearted as a form of protection to myself and much prefer being able to give my everything to others when i know they won't abuse that.

Yup. That's why I am quite happy with monogamy with the right person - I love to give my all, body and soul.

I'm happy giving all my love to more than one person. Just i had an abusive ex so know it's not always the best thing to do and might not be the best thing to do with anyone initially. I haven't got that balance of caring for others and keeping myself safe, so shut it down.

Yea, I can understand that. I somehow came through 20 years with a raging narcissist and still remained remarkably unguarded lol! "

Admiration for you.

I'm still trusting but hold back a fair bit, just in case.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally think the only love you can really know is true is any love you give out, to others or yourself. And this should be your primary source of love.

Nobody else should be needed to make you feel special, nobody else should be needed for you to feel anything. But i do understand how abuse to others, and yourself, can affect how people feel and can make people needy.

I feel that's very true. If you're very lucky you can find someone to love you back equally. And then you're in heaven I guess.

Yes, without sounding morbid i hope, it's actually a really nice feeling to be with someone you'd die for because you couldn't live without them.

I'm a bit fucked up emotionally sometimes and become hard hearted as a form of protection to myself and much prefer being able to give my everything to others when i know they won't abuse that.

Yup. That's why I am quite happy with monogamy with the right person - I love to give my all, body and soul.

I'm happy giving all my love to more than one person. Just i had an abusive ex so know it's not always the best thing to do and might not be the best thing to do with anyone initially. I haven't got that balance of caring for others and keeping myself safe, so shut it down.

Yea, I can understand that. I somehow came through 20 years with a raging narcissist and still remained remarkably unguarded lol!

Admiration for you.

I'm still trusting but hold back a fair bit, just in case."

I just read trusting as thrusting. It took on a whole new meaning for me

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"I personally think the only love you can really know is true is any love you give out, to others or yourself. And this should be your primary source of love.

Nobody else should be needed to make you feel special, nobody else should be needed for you to feel anything. But i do understand how abuse to others, and yourself, can affect how people feel and can make people needy.

I feel that's very true. If you're very lucky you can find someone to love you back equally. And then you're in heaven I guess.

Yes, without sounding morbid i hope, it's actually a really nice feeling to be with someone you'd die for because you couldn't live without them.

I'm a bit fucked up emotionally sometimes and become hard hearted as a form of protection to myself and much prefer being able to give my everything to others when i know they won't abuse that.

Yup. That's why I am quite happy with monogamy with the right person - I love to give my all, body and soul.

I'm happy giving all my love to more than one person. Just i had an abusive ex so know it's not always the best thing to do and might not be the best thing to do with anyone initially. I haven't got that balance of caring for others and keeping myself safe, so shut it down.

Yea, I can understand that. I somehow came through 20 years with a raging narcissist and still remained remarkably unguarded lol!

Admiration for you.

I'm still trusting but hold back a fair bit, just in case."

Yea, I suppose it's against my nature to keep the handbrake on in anything: "If in doubt go full throttle - it may not ease the situation but it will end the suspense!" lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just wanted to say... when people look for love they're looking to feel love rather than receive it. Most people who get into a relationship where they don't love the person but the person loves them will carry on looking for love.

It's also clear that, in the end, the gift is in giving love... not in receiving it. A good movie that explores that is "Marvin's Room". Just my 2p

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

[Removed by poster at 28/07/15 17:15:11]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That's so wierd, I answered a post and the site went down before it sent and now I can't find it? Someone said 'Isn't that just lust?' and my answer is:

Not for me, pure lust is a totally different kettle of fish - I can do that too, luckily, that's easy on here! "

Site keeps going down, probably too many people online right now or something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In answer to your original question, it seems to be that love is about loving full stop, not loving a particular person or thing, in it`s origin the word love means " absence of I", so if you are loving in the hope of gaining something then it is not love, this seems to be unreachable.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"That's so wierd, I answered a post and the site went down before it sent and now I can't find it? Someone said 'Isn't that just lust?' and my answer is:

Not for me, pure lust is a totally different kettle of fish - I can do that too, luckily, that's easy on here!

Site keeps going down, probably too many people online right now or something."

It's OK, it was on the other thread lol!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That's so wierd, I answered a post and the site went down before it sent and now I can't find it? Someone said 'Isn't that just lust?' and my answer is:

Not for me, pure lust is a totally different kettle of fish - I can do that too, luckily, that's easy on here!

Site keeps going down, probably too many people online right now or something.

It's OK, it was on the other thread lol!!"

I'm going off for a bit anyway, really tired here, so that's one less person using the servers.

Also thanks, you gave me something to think about, in a positive way.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"That's so wierd, I answered a post and the site went down before it sent and now I can't find it? Someone said 'Isn't that just lust?' and my answer is:

Not for me, pure lust is a totally different kettle of fish - I can do that too, luckily, that's easy on here!

Site keeps going down, probably too many people online right now or something.

It's OK, it was on the other thread lol!!

I'm going off for a bit anyway, really tired here, so that's one less person using the servers.

Also thanks, you gave me something to think about, in a positive way."

Aw, thank you for saying!

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By *oward1978 OP   Man
over a year ago

Rotherham


"Didn't know what love was until I found it, had extremely strong feelings for the first guy I lived with and my ex husband.

Then when I was 41 some silly old fart came into my life it was slow burning and we got closer and closer friendship wise, then a year after we met(I call it the fateful day) something happened and we realised we had both fallen in love, neither was physically what the other was looking for, on paper we are polar opposites, but you know what, its absolutley bloody perfect, he's completely changed my life, 100% compatable, never argue he's given me all the things I wanted but didn't know I wanted.

If I'd been the sort to fall in love Willy nilly I don't think I would of appreciated it when it happened.

Never once in my entire life have I "looked" for a relationship they've just happened.

I do have a snigger to myself when people I see have a check list of their ideal partner, it don't always work like that,I didn't know what I wanted until I got it.

We spend our entire relationship just making each other happy.

Silly old fart that he is

I wouldn't call mine a checklist, but there are certain things I don't want I.e more kids so I would have to come across someone who didn't want any children.

I figure I will know it when I see it when it comes to meeting "the one" "

I have no interest in having kids. Just saying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I personally think the only love you can really know is true is any love you give out, to others or yourself. And this should be your primary source of love.

Nobody else should be needed to make you feel special, nobody else should be needed for you to feel anything. But i do understand how abuse to others, and yourself, can affect how people feel and can make people needy.

I feel that's very true. If you're very lucky you can find someone to love you back equally. And then you're in heaven I guess.

Yes, without sounding morbid i hope, it's actually a really nice feeling to be with someone you'd die for because you couldn't live without them.

I'm a bit fucked up emotionally sometimes and become hard hearted as a form of protection to myself and much prefer being able to give my everything to others when i know they won't abuse that.

Yup. That's why I am quite happy with monogamy with the right person - I love to give my all, body and soul.

I'm happy giving all my love to more than one person. Just i had an abusive ex so know it's not always the best thing to do and might not be the best thing to do with anyone initially. I haven't got that balance of caring for others and keeping myself safe, so shut it down.

Yea, I can understand that. I somehow came through 20 years with a raging narcissist and still remained remarkably unguarded lol!

Admiration for you.

I'm still trusting but hold back a fair bit, just in case.

I just read trusting as thrusting. It took on a whole new meaning for me "

Miss Innocent you need to change your name.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That's so wierd, I answered a post and the site went down before it sent and now I can't find it? Someone said 'Isn't that just lust?' and my answer is:

Not for me, pure lust is a totally different kettle of fish - I can do that too, luckily, that's easy on here!

Site keeps going down, probably too many people online right now or something.

It's OK, it was on the other thread lol!!

I'm going off for a bit anyway, really tired here, so that's one less person using the servers.

Also thanks, you gave me something to think about, in a positive way.

Aw, thank you for saying! "

You're welcome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We look for love so that we can feel special for someone.

We look for love so that we can have a meaning of our life ,of what we think and do and so on.

Yes,sometimes or rather most of the times we would like some one and enjoy their company and try to be more with them and ultimately end up being addicted to them. That's what you call L O V E.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah , Love = pain

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Friendship and fun , its far less painful than love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nah , Love = pain "

That's sad xx

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"We look for love so that we can feel special for someone.

We look for love so that we can have a meaning of our life ,of what we think and do and so on.

Yes,sometimes or rather most of the times we would like some one and enjoy their company and try to be more with them and ultimately end up being addicted to them. That's what you call L O V E.....

"

The other thing I have found is the nature of love changes as you get older. When I was young, nearly every love affair was about falling madly in love and finding out if someone was 'the one', imagining skipping off into the sunset together to live happily ever after.

Now I realise that love is such a precious commodity it should never be wasted, I can enjoy it at many levels, live and love 'in the now', in the moment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nah , Love = pain

That's sad xx "
but true

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Nah , Love = pain "

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Why does it have to be painful?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you!"
how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why does it have to be painful?"
did not mean for everyone I am talking about my life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nah , Love = pain

That's sad xx but true "

Now I just want to give you a hug

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nah , Love = pain

That's sad xx but true

Now I just want to give you a hug "
long as yer don't expect me to love yer for it. Xx

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you! how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love "

Well, it isn't necessarily. Some people have that kind of love with their partner.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you! how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love

Well, it isn't necessarily. Some people have that kind of love with their partner."
I don't, to be honest the way you love/I love my partner is completely different to my child. This k that's a bit weird

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you! how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love

Well, it isn't necessarily. Some people have that kind of love with their partner."
how can you possibly love your kids. The same way you would love a partner ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nah , Love = pain

That's sad xx but true

Now I just want to give you a hug long as yer don't expect me to love yer for it. Xx"

Deep, deep, deep down I know you do anyway

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you! how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love

Well, it isn't necessarily. Some people have that kind of love with their partner. how can you possibly love your kids. The same way you would love a partner ? "
lol I'm waiting for the answer

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you! how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love

Well, it isn't necessarily. Some people have that kind of love with their partner.I don't, to be honest the way you love/I love my partner is completely different to my child. This k that's a bit weird"

I'm talking about an unconditional, immovable, selfless, stable love is all. Obviously the relationship is different, but the love can be of the same ilk.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you! how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love

Well, it isn't necessarily. Some people have that kind of love with their partner.I don't, to be honest the way you love/I love my partner is completely different to my child. This k that's a bit weird

I'm talking about an unconditional, immovable, selfless, stable love is all. Obviously the relationship is different, but the love can be of the same ilk."
do you ha e children?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Didn't know what love was until I found it, had extremely strong feelings for the first guy I lived with and my ex husband.

Then when I was 41 some silly old fart came into my life it was slow burning and we got closer and closer friendship wise, then a year after we met(I call it the fateful day) something happened and we realised we had both fallen in love, neither was physically what the other was looking for, on paper we are polar opposites, but you know what, its absolutley bloody perfect, he's completely changed my life, 100% compatable, never argue he's given me all the things I wanted but didn't know I wanted.

If I'd been the sort to fall in love Willy nilly I don't think I would of appreciated it when it happened.

Never once in my entire life have I "looked" for a relationship they've just happened.

I do have a snigger to myself when people I see have a check list of their ideal partner, it don't always work like that,I didn't know what I wanted until I got it.

We spend our entire relationship just making each other happy.

Silly old fart that he is

I wouldn't call mine a checklist, but there are certain things I don't want I.e more kids so I would have to come across someone who didn't want any children.

I figure I will know it when I see it when it comes to meeting "the one"

I have no interest in having kids. Just saying "

You might if you met the right woman howi

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you! how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love

Well, it isn't necessarily. Some people have that kind of love with their partner.I don't, to be honest the way you love/I love my partner is completely different to my child. This k that's a bit weird

I'm talking about an unconditional, immovable, selfless, stable love is all. Obviously the relationship is different, but the love can be of the same ilk.do you ha e children?"

Nope but I have parents.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you! how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love

Well, it isn't necessarily. Some people have that kind of love with their partner.I don't, to be honest the way you love/I love my partner is completely different to my child. This k that's a bit weird

I'm talking about an unconditional, immovable, selfless, stable love is all. Obviously the relationship is different, but the love can be of the same ilk."
and I'm not being funny but all these "love affairs" you've had can't have been that stable because they all ended

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love the Pooch the best kind of love , mates

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you! how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love

Well, it isn't necessarily. Some people have that kind of love with their partner.I don't, to be honest the way you love/I love my partner is completely different to my child. This k that's a bit weird

I'm talking about an unconditional, immovable, selfless, stable love is all. Obviously the relationship is different, but the love can be of the same ilk. and I'm not being funny but all these "love affairs" you've had can't have been that stable because they all ended"
I think that is uncalled for.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you! how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love

Well, it isn't necessarily. Some people have that kind of love with their partner.I don't, to be honest the way you love/I love my partner is completely different to my child. This k that's a bit weird

I'm talking about an unconditional, immovable, selfless, stable love is all. Obviously the relationship is different, but the love can be of the same ilk.do you ha e children?

Nope but I have parents."
but you didn't make your parents, have them growing inside you.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you! how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love

Well, it isn't necessarily. Some people have that kind of love with their partner.I don't, to be honest the way you love/I love my partner is completely different to my child. This k that's a bit weird

I'm talking about an unconditional, immovable, selfless, stable love is all. Obviously the relationship is different, but the love can be of the same ilk. and I'm not being funny but all these "love affairs" you've had can't have been that stable because they all ended"

I never said they were that kind of love, on the contrary - they were the passionate youthful romance type 'could it be forever?' type.

I only fully committed myself to one man and yes, that is how I loved him for 20 years. That is how my mother loves me and my father. Of course the relationships are different, but the love is the same, it is unwavering, totally dependable. That is what love is supposed to be.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"Nah , Love = pain

Rubbish, you love your kids and love them loving you! how did I know you would say that lol. That's a different kind love

Well, it isn't necessarily. Some people have that kind of love with their partner.I don't, to be honest the way you love/I love my partner is completely different to my child. This k that's a bit weird

I'm talking about an unconditional, immovable, selfless, stable love is all. Obviously the relationship is different, but the love can be of the same ilk. and I'm not being funny but all these "love affairs" you've had can't have been that stable because they all ended I think that is uncalled for. "
and I think trying to say that my love for my son good ever be compared to the love of a partner is uncalled for so where quits then, but they you carry on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyway lol. My kids don't cause me pain only my partners have

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Anyway lol. My kids don't cause me pain only my partners have "

Kids can do things that cause their parents immense pain, I know you know that too! But your love for them remains unconditional - you get over it, you forgive. Not all parents do - many families fractures and kids are 'disowned' permanently - the parents can hurt the kids just as bad. Blood relatives can cause just as much pain to each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A futile pursuit. It will seek you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Anyway lol. My kids don't cause me pain only my partners have

Kids can do things that cause their parents immense pain, I know you know that too! But your love for them remains unconditional - you get over it, you forgive. Not all parents do - many families fractures and kids are 'disowned' permanently - the parents can hurt the kids just as bad. Blood relatives can cause just as much pain to each other."
I am talking about me here , not others. I said " love = pain. Then went on to say. " in my world "

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Anyway lol. My kids don't cause me pain only my partners have

Kids can do things that cause their parents immense pain, I know you know that too! But your love for them remains unconditional - you get over it, you forgive. Not all parents do - many families fractures and kids are 'disowned' permanently - the parents can hurt the kids just as bad. Blood relatives can cause just as much pain to each other. I am talking about me here , not others. I said " love = pain. Then went on to say. " in my world " "

Lol, well even though I know exactly what you mean I still don't think you should say it with so much family love in your life!! So there!

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By *oward1978 OP   Man
over a year ago

Rotherham


"Didn't know what love was until I found it, had extremely strong feelings for the first guy I lived with and my ex husband.

Then when I was 41 some silly old fart came into my life it was slow burning and we got closer and closer friendship wise, then a year after we met(I call it the fateful day) something happened and we realised we had both fallen in love, neither was physically what the other was looking for, on paper we are polar opposites, but you know what, its absolutley bloody perfect, he's completely changed my life, 100% compatable, never argue he's given me all the things I wanted but didn't know I wanted.

If I'd been the sort to fall in love Willy nilly I don't think I would of appreciated it when it happened.

Never once in my entire life have I "looked" for a relationship they've just happened.

I do have a snigger to myself when people I see have a check list of their ideal partner, it don't always work like that,I didn't know what I wanted until I got it.

We spend our entire relationship just making each other happy.

Silly old fart that he is

I wouldn't call mine a checklist, but there are certain things I don't want I.e more kids so I would have to come across someone who didn't want any children.

I figure I will know it when I see it when it comes to meeting "the one"

I have no interest in having kids. Just saying

You might if you met the right woman howi"

I really don't want them. Never have done. No interest whatsoever. I'd probably prefer to find a woman who doesn't want kids. Would suit me just fine

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

My only check list is that he wants kids everything else I can look at

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you only love people you are related to, in your blood line.

The rest.. Its the most over used word. Lost its meaning...

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"I think you only love people you are related to, in your blood line.

The rest.. Its the most over used word. Lost its meaning..."

I agree that some use the "L" word too freely and they don't really mean it I have that that a few times and thought no you never loved I think the meaning of the word has been lost on some people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think you only love people you are related to, in your blood line.

The rest.. Its the most over used word. Lost its meaning..."

I disagree. I'm pretty indifferent to the people I'm related to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...ain't no more than vanity.

Would you say this statement was true? Are we all looking for love and if so why? Are we really just looking for love in return? That someone that will make YOU feel special.

I can't say I've ever been in love. Can't say I've even looked for love. Certainly never had a woman say she loves me. It's just something that's been on my mind recently though. Although I'm very comfortable on my own I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have that special someone in my life. I'm just very fussy, I think that's my main problem. She would have to be 'the one'. No half measures.

So guys and girls, why do we look for love? Or does it just sneak upon you when you least expect it?"

I'd do some reading about love and law of attraction. I wish I could do it myself but I'm too negative.

They say the law of attraction is all around us and working all the time whether you believe it or not!

They say to find love you need to be happy in yourself and ready to accept good love otherwise the universe will keep sending you people to mirror how you feel inside! I don't feel the best, always think people will leave or get bored so the universe sends me guys that will do that! Yeah they're pretty guys with big dicks and good bodies which is what I obsess about but I get good looking big dicked guys that will leave or get bored or put off by me being too clingy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A futile pursuit. It will seek you. "

I agree with this. I've been in love and been loved. How you measure that and prove it - impossible. Was it the perfect love - for me at that time - yes. Would it be now - no I doubt it very much.

I always remember being told - the definition of love is a paradox. It is.

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By *oward1978 OP   Man
over a year ago

Rotherham


"Didn't know what love was until I found it, had extremely strong feelings for the first guy I lived with and my ex husband.

Then when I was 41 some silly old fart came into my life it was slow burning and we got closer and closer friendship wise, then a year after we met(I call it the fateful day) something happened and we realised we had both fallen in love, neither was physically what the other was looking for, on paper we are polar opposites, but you know what, its absolutley bloody perfect, he's completely changed my life, 100% compatable, never argue he's given me all the things I wanted but didn't know I wanted.

If I'd been the sort to fall in love Willy nilly I don't think I would of appreciated it when it happened.

Never once in my entire life have I "looked" for a relationship they've just happened.

I do have a snigger to myself when people I see have a check list of their ideal partner, it don't always work like that,I didn't know what I wanted until I got it.

We spend our entire relationship just making each other happy.

Silly old fart that he is "

This is lovely

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