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When it was all in front of you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Had 2 things recently that have evaporated my confidence and self esteem,

The first was a reunion with some of the lads and after a bit of drinking we were back to taking the piss etc when it dawned on me they are all married with kids and mortgages etc and our outlooks are completely different now as you'd expect.

The second was a friend asked me to vote in a competition where they could win sponsorship money for their careers ( she's 18. ) After doing so i scanned all the others' profiles and was deflated as they all remind me of when I was their age and had lots of promise and potential great careers laid out and I can see for lots of them it'll work out.

But for me it hasn't. Like the Midas touch in reverse everything for the last 18 years has been undone by medical reasons or just plain timing and bad luck or unconnected events.

I don't believe in destiny or religion more luck is preparation meets oppotunity but everything keeps coming undone and it's starting to change my personality not for the better. Literally every aspect of my life in someway just doesn't seem to work out more than the normal setbacks you'd expect.

Also used to have masses of energy to tackle things which now quite frankly i couldn't give a shit about -

I think it's time to cut all ties and leave for a new life as this one's beginning to consume me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would a new life be better? Is your current life really so bad you can't salvage something?

Your friends don't have your life experiences. You have that on your side. Sometimes bad things have to happen so it opens your eyes and mind for good things to take their place. If you thought everything was good now, you wouldn't be as open to change.

I know a lot of people that had total career and life changes 'mid-life'. It's scary but it can be worth it. Look for the positives. There will be some in there somewhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could always compose a list containing all the positives in your life..... you might be surprised just how fortunate you really are....

Chin-up fella

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know it sounds a bit of a cliche, but life really is full of ups and downs. Sometimes, we are in a down and we cannot see the up's that have happened or that will happen. Not every one of your friends with a mortgage and children, will be happy. Some will, but some will be envious of you. Remember sometimes, the grass is always greener.

To use an analogy from my own life,not sure it will help, but it has certainly shaped my life. I had a very close friend say to me, fairly recently, that I had had a sad life. As I lost my Dad very young, my step father in my thirties and my Mum fairly recently. Now, I could look at that, as shite luck and it is! But my parents were fantastic people who loved my sister and I beyond anything. I told her I would rather have had the time I had with them, even though shorter than many, than a life time with crap parents. My step father was also a fantastic man, who inspired me and who's values I still live by. If my Dad hadn't died, my Mum would not have met him and I would never have had such a great guy in my life. I am not sure I have worded that well, but life throws a curved ball at some of us at times and we have to deal with it. Others seem to fly through a gilded life, but we have to deal with the cards we are dealt in the best way we can.

I haven't looked at your profile, to see how old you are. But there is always time to relook at things. You don't have to tackle everything, just one thing at a time, and when you have done that, you do the next thing. I really hope you feel better about everything soon. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm going through this myself. It's very tough. The only positive is that when your backs against the wall and you've got nothing to lose you tend to make very brave decisions. I'm taking the first steps on the road to starting my own business. I'm not overly qualified for anything so it's just a shop, it might fail miserably but it might provide me with a better salary and future freedom than any of my friends jobs, ultimately at least I'll know I've made a fight of life.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

and how many of the people you were comparing yourself to were secretly wishing they were you...... and the freedom

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

OP, if you changed your life what would you change it to?

We can change everything about our lives but if we don't change ourselves we will always experience the new things just as we did the old.

Reggie Perrin ended up back where he started but in a different way.

I hope that you feel more positive soon but if you don't remember that everything is temporary and that it will pass.

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By *parklesglitzWoman
over a year ago

Mancs

Dont look back look

Forward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm going through this myself. It's very tough. The only positive is that when your backs against the wall and you've got nothing to lose you tend to make very brave decisions. I'm taking the first steps on the road to starting my own business. I'm not overly qualified for anything so it's just a shop, it might fail miserably but it might provide me with a better salary and future freedom than any of my friends jobs, ultimately at least I'll know I've made a fight of life."

Good luck. Hope it works out for you

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By *ephistoCouple
over a year ago

torrance

Lots of good advice here! My wife and I have had to start over 3 times in our lives. Thinking about mine and my wife's life experiences pretty much got us where we are today which is a nice place. I've personally hit bottom once in my life. It was the most traumatic time that I can think of, but I never gave up. I never try to compare myself to others. I can only be my best self and accept it when I'm not. Keeping up with the Jones's just ain't where it's at! Creating small daily goals will get you through this, but it's not easy. You might surprise yourself. Just remember, when you hit bottom, you can only go up!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Just remember, when you hit bottom, you can only go up!"

This is it. Also, recognising when you are getting close to it and that you really need to share that with others. Some of us are really good at hiding how we really feel and it can work against us at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think most of us have hit bottom at some time in our lives.

I've got physical scars to prove it but I'm still here. My life hasn't panned out the way I thought it would but in some ways it's better than I hoped & in others it's worse.

I've just learnt that being envious of others is soul destroying & I should accept that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It still is in front of you, keep looking and try being a bit mad and spontaneous from time to time. Go to a train station and buy a ticket for the next train and see where it takes you and what happens, don`t question it, just do it. Then tell us on a new thread all about it. Best of luck to you mate.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

do what you can to explore new interests, are there things you thought about doing and you just never got around to, grab the time now and you will be surprised the doors that may open.... life is truly great and there are so magical things that we pass by everyday but just don't notice as we plod a routine. Stop and celebrate all the things you have achieved, the people you have helped shape into great human beings and the people you have lost along the way, you brought happiness to them.

There is not a day goes past that I don't celebrate my life, I can appear very aloof but I have a kindness to others that I know they appreciate. The very little things to you can mean the world to someone else....

Volunteer at a hospital, it can bring the most special moments that you will ever experience. To sit with someone who has no-one and see the sheer joy a few words gives, it is more than money itself at times.

good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm going through this myself. It's very tough. The only positive is that when your backs against the wall and you've got nothing to lose you tend to make very brave decisions. I'm taking the first steps on the road to starting my own business. I'm not overly qualified for anything so it's just a shop, it might fail miserably but it might provide me with a better salary and future freedom than any of my friends jobs, ultimately at least I'll know I've made a fight of life."

Oh wow good for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please stop this thread now, because I agree with everything that has been said & unfortunately can relate to so much of it also!!

Don't look back, OP, - onward & upward only!!

And good luck to you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for the replys, venting helped a little but too tired to get things in line just now

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