FabSwingers.com forum: Married and in love...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

As a single guy I've been foolish enough to be involved in two affairs...

Both women had been married for 5 months but were soon arranging secret liaisons.

Both stated they loved their husbands, so if that's the case why would they cheat!?!

Can you love someone and still have your cake?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

5 months..... ffs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't believe so. If you loved someone, why would you lie to them like that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love my wife, so yes I would say you can have plenty of cake and make yourself sick eating it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely if you are looking elsewhere without your spouses permission then that relationship is in trouble? People do the whole marriage thing to easily these days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"As a single guy I've been foolish enough to be involved in two affairs...

Both women had been married for 5 months but were soon arranging secret liaisons.

Both stated they loved their husbands, so if that's the case why would they cheat!?!

Can you love someone and still have your cake?"

After five months? No. .

Why would they cheat? Because they can and it makes them feel wanted /attractive/ desirable/ powerful/ sexy.....delete as appropriate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not necessarily, my wife used to play outside with me, until one day we had a bunch of morons spoil it for everyone! Now she has gone off the idea, and also lost her sex drive.

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By *ooking75Man
over a year ago

Dudley

some people don't associate love with sex so don't feel because they shag about that means they love their partner any less

I think you can had an affair and still love your partner depending on your definition of love my definition of love wouldn't allow this but not everybody defines love the same as me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love. "

I don't think I would share or want to be shared either.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

" Because they can and it makes them feel wanted /attractive/ desirable/ powerful/ sexy.....delete as appropriate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you love someone you don't cheat..end of. It's my own opinion that the relationship/marriage is already dead once someone goes playing about elsewhere, they should be honest and end relationship, but like i said that's just my opinion. Families are ripped apart by those that cheat.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Can you love someone and still have your cake?"

Sure. Monogamy is an imposed relationship structure. There are many people who are able to love multiple significant others.

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

years ago I was with a married guy for a year he said he loved his wife and me so yes its possible I knew he could never be mine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are both married to each other (Duh) but... We are on a swingers site.

Why oh why would we ever cheat on each other, when we both have this sort of free pass as long as we are honest with each other and are safe? Would never make sense! C x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love.

I don't think I would share or want to be shared either. "

We are married to each other and have a deep, abiding love and respect for each other that has lasted for many years. Sharing sex with other people now and again doesn't in any way threaten or compromise that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love.

I don't think I would share or want to be shared either.

I understand that it's a dynamic that works for some, it's just something I'm not okay with. It's not my ideal.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Can you love someone and still have your cake?

Sure. Monogamy is an imposed relationship structure. There are many people who are able to love multiple significant others."

I don't think the implication is that these ladies love more than one person I read it as can you love someone but still deceive them by having sex, behind their back. But that has been discussed on here many times and a consensus has never been reached

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love.

I don't think I would share or want to be shared either.

I understand that it's a dynamic that works for some, it's just something I'm not okay with. It's not my ideal. "

No I'm not suggesting it would work for everyone nothing is a one size fits all relationship

. I was just chatting giving an alternative take on things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love. "

I always thought this and we were just us fof 18 years and he was my first!

But I believe marriage is hard and if you do truly love each other you will find ways to keep your marriage alive.....adding a little bit of naughtiness to our marraige has added so much to our relationship. I understand its not for everyone but I do wonder if all those couples that split due to a partner cheating or 1 losing their mojo or them just missing that bit of excitement then if they had sat down and been honest with each other maybe they could of looked into other options that strengthened the marraige rather than destroying it xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love.

I always thought this and we were just us fof 18 years and he was my first!

I think it would've definitely saved previous relationships if we were to open things up, but I'm just not okay with it. The thought breaks my heart.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I would find it very hard to lie to someone that I liked and respected, let alone declared to them I loved.

But getting your hole

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"If you love someone you don't cheat..end of. It's my own opinion that the relationship/marriage is already dead once someone goes playing about elsewhere, they should be honest and end relationship, but like i said that's just my opinion. Families are ripped apart by those that cheat."

and one for good measure

and those that aide in that cheating are no better in my mind!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Can you love someone and still have your cake?

Sure. Monogamy is an imposed relationship structure. There are many people who are able to love multiple significant others.

The only people who know for sure are the people involved. As you've said, everyone is different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if your still single and their still married the obviously yes

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By *nFairnessMan
over a year ago

The Four Corners

Real question is do you believe Monogamy is natural in our species?...

interesting question, Females are maternal and nuturing, while males take on that role somewhat, i'm not sure if thats natural or a cultivated expectation induced into society.

Jealousy arrives when ego and competition is introduced ... which are man-made concepts. If there was no jealousy and no need for a better or worse partner.. i honestly dont believe we'd be monogamous.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love.

I always thought this and we were just us fof 18 years and he was my first!

I think it would've definitely saved previous relationships if we were to open things up, but I'm just not okay with it. The thought breaks my heart. "

Don't think about it then

There is a great deal more to a relationship than sex though and swinging is still a minority activity as far as I know. Many, many couples have great sex lives without ever bringing other people into it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love.

I always thought this and we were just us fof 18 years and he was my first!

I did suggest she spoke to her husband and proposed an open relationship, but as his ex wife cheated on him she wouldn't!

Part of me thinks I had a lucky escape, but she was a friend as well as pretty amazing

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Real question is do you believe Monogamy is natural in our species?...

interesting question, Females are maternal and nuturing, while males take on that role somewhat, i'm not sure if thats natural or a cultivated expectation induced into society.

We have many centuries of social conditioning to make us believe that monogamy is the only way. For some people it is and for some it isn't. Problems start when you get one from each group in a relationship.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

". For some people it is and for some it isn't. Problems start when you get one from each group in a relationship."

why not have that conversation when dating and say that, it's nothing to be ashamed of in any way.

I would never commit to someone

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love.

I always thought this and we were just us fof 18 years and he was my first!

I did suggest she spoke to her husband and proposed an open relationship, but as his ex wife cheated on him she wouldn't!

Part of me thinks I had a lucky escape, but she was a friend as well as pretty amazing

Yes a right Bobby dazzler, married to a man whose ex wife had cheated on him, declaring she loves him but prepared to put him through the same pain five months in.....a truly amazing woman. I think the lucky escape is more apt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love.

I always thought this and we were just us fof 18 years and he was my first!

I think it would've definitely saved previous relationships if we were to open things up, but I'm just not okay with it. The thought breaks my heart.

Don't think about it then

Haha, I won't. It does say a great deal about the strength of a relationship when you're able to swing successfully for years, though. Different strokes for different folks and all that.

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By *nFairnessMan
over a year ago

The Four Corners

"Real question is do you believe Monogamy is natural in our species?...

interesting question, Females are maternal and nuturing, while males take on that role somewhat, i'm not sure if thats natural or a cultivated expectation induced into society.

huge undercurrent of polygamy throughout history.... shame people cant seem drop the conditioning huh :P clearly hugely repressed. lets hope taboo's change again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love.

I always thought this and we were just us fof 18 years and he was my first!

I did suggest she spoke to her husband and proposed an open relationship, but as his ex wife cheated on him she wouldn't!

Part of me thinks I had a lucky escape, but she was a friend as well as pretty amazing

yes you and twenty others probably

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

". For some people it is and for some it isn't. Problems start when you get one from each group in a relationship.

why not have that conversation when dating and say that, it's nothing to be ashamed of in any way.

I would never commit to someone"

Because people are unable to be absolutely honest with each other for fear of what might happen if their loved one knew what they were really like so never discover that they are just the same

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

". For some people it is and for some it isn't. Problems start when you get one from each group in a relationship.

why not have that conversation when dating and say that, it's nothing to be ashamed of in any way.

I would never commit to someone

Because people are unable to be absolutely honest with each other for fear of what might happen if their loved one knew what they were really like so never discover that they are just the same

yeah, I get that

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Real question is do you believe Monogamy is natural in our species?...

interesting question, Females are maternal and nuturing, while males take on that role somewhat, i'm not sure if thats natural or a cultivated expectation induced into society.

huge undercurrent of polygamy throughout history.... shame people cant seem drop the conditioning huh :P clearly hugely repressed. lets hope taboo's change again

They won't in my lifetime I fear.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

". For some people it is and for some it isn't. Problems start when you get one from each group in a relationship.

why not have that conversation when dating and say that, it's nothing to be ashamed of in any way.

I would never commit to someone

Because people are unable to be absolutely honest with each other for fear of what might happen if their loved one knew what they were really like so never discover that they are just the same

yeah, I get that

I thought you might

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I think if they are childfree, I think less about it

but if they have children, I think it is even worse.

The impact is greater, if that makes sense

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By *nFairnessMan
over a year ago

The Four Corners

"Real question is do you believe Monogamy is natural in our species?...

interesting question, Females are maternal and nuturing, while males take on that role somewhat, i'm not sure if thats natural or a cultivated expectation induced into society.

huge undercurrent of polygamy throughout history.... shame people cant seem drop the conditioning huh :P clearly hugely repressed. lets hope taboo's change again

They won't in my lifetime I fear."

haha your a darling young woman... youve got nothing to worry about

Things have shifted alot in the past 5-10 years

and it seems to be exponential too

so here's hoping

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Real question is do you believe Monogamy is natural in our species?...

interesting question, Females are maternal and nuturing, while males take on that role somewhat, i'm not sure if thats natural or a cultivated expectation induced into society.

huge undercurrent of polygamy throughout history.... shame people cant seem drop the conditioning huh :P clearly hugely repressed. lets hope taboo's change again

They won't in my lifetime I fear.

haha your a darling young woman... youve got nothing to worry about

Things have shifted alot in the past 5-10 years

and it seems to be exponential too

so here's hoping "

I fear nothing.....except large portions of Swede on my plate

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Married 5 months and cheating doesn't suggest love,commitment

or respect

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By *nFairnessMan
over a year ago

The Four Corners

"Real question is do you believe Monogamy is natural in our species?...

interesting question, Females are maternal and nuturing, while males take on that role somewhat, i'm not sure if thats natural or a cultivated expectation induced into society.

huge undercurrent of polygamy throughout history.... shame people cant seem drop the conditioning huh :P clearly hugely repressed. lets hope taboo's change again

They won't in my lifetime I fear.

haha your a darling young woman... youve got nothing to worry about

Things have shifted alot in the past 5-10 years

and it seems to be exponential too

so here's hoping

I fear nothing.....except large portions of Swede on my plate

hahaha good girls always eat their greens.... or oranges in this case :P so what does that tell me about you :P

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Real question is do you believe Monogamy is natural in our species?...

interesting question, Females are maternal and nuturing, while males take on that role somewhat, i'm not sure if thats natural or a cultivated expectation induced into society.

huge undercurrent of polygamy throughout history.... shame people cant seem drop the conditioning huh :P clearly hugely repressed. lets hope taboo's change again

They won't in my lifetime I fear.

haha your a darling young woman... youve got nothing to worry about

Things have shifted alot in the past 5-10 years

and it seems to be exponential too

so here's hoping

I fear nothing.....except large portions of Swede on my plate

hahaha good girls always eat their greens.... or oranges in this case :P so what does that tell me about you :P

It hopefully tells you that I don't like swede

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

I fear nothing.....except large portions of Swede on my plate

let shag tonite up!!!!! lol

hes a swede

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a single guy I've been foolish enough to be involved in two affairs...

Both women had been married for 5 months but were soon arranging secret liaisons.

Both stated they loved their husbands, so if that's the case why would they cheat!?!

Can you love someone and still have your cake?"

love exsists seperately to excitement, variety, lust - need i say more!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im married and i love my huaband more than anything. But yes i cheat.

For 10 of of the last 10 1/2 years i was completely anti cheating. Deapite the extreme lack of sex in my marriage at the worst times sometimes twice a year.

I met someone earlier this year and at the time i wasnt completley happy. Id been talking to the hubby a lot about 'the bedroom situation'. Long story short after one evening with this guy who i didnt end up sleeping with i came home and confessed all.

My hubbys reaction... if you wanted to you should of all i want os for you to be happy and you havent been.

In the end we agreed an open relationship wasnt exactly for us but we would sleep with other ppl if it happened as a natural thing. As long as we were safe and didnt have 'relationships'. Or do it on the doorstep so to speak.

I still feel guilty but we have been happier than ever at home.

So yes i think you can love them and cheat. But one day it may come back to bite me on the ass and thats the risk. Personally though i couldnt spend the next ten years 'watching the days go by' though either. Because in the end our relationship would suffer either way...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you love someone, you wouldn't do anything to hurt them. If sleeping with other people would cause them to be hurt, then you don't truely love them, IMO.

As for the monogamy vs polygamy question, you can't compare us as a species to most others as we aren't animals to the same degree. Each to their own as long as everyone involved is happy X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I fear nothing.....except large portions of Swede on my plate

let shag tonite up!!!!! lol

hes a swede

Lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also depends on how much you love them. Do you believe you love them enough to let them go if there unhappy. I do and so does he. On some level he does know, but would rather leave it alone.

One day i hope he will do this with me.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Real question is do you believe Monogamy is natural in our species?...

interesting question, Females are maternal and nuturing, while males take on that role somewhat, i'm not sure if thats natural or a cultivated expectation induced into society.

I don't agree, it comes naturally to me, I actually prefer it. Venus in Taurus, what can I say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a single guy I've been foolish enough to be involved in two affairs...

Both women had been married for 5 months but were soon arranging secret liaisons.

Both stated they loved their husbands, so if that's the case why would they cheat!?!

Can you love someone and still have your cake?"

I personally can't see how you can love someone if you are cheating. and for what reason they are cheating.. not enough sex, low sex drive, fallen out of love, she doesn't want it any more, or just plain fucking greedy! God knows what excuses people make for their actions. I still don't see how you can truly still love someone when you are meeting others for sex, attention, to feel loved etc , on here and in the real world.

Also if you are meeting someone on a regular basis you can't tell me that you are not getting some sort of emotional feelings/attachment to them.

And when do these people who cheat actually spend anytime with "these husbands and wives they say they love" cause they spend a fair bit of time on here!

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"Married 5 months and cheating doesn't suggest love,commitment

or respect "

i think some will always cheat given the opportunity,it might not be 5 months but 5 years down the line.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love.

I always thought this and we were just us fof 18 years and he was my first!

I did suggest she spoke to her husband and proposed an open relationship, but as his ex wife cheated on him she wouldn't!

Part of me thinks I had a lucky escape, but she was a friend as well as pretty amazing

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

In my opinion, no.

Lying to your partner shows a lack of respect.

To me, the both go hand-in-hand and I couldn't claim to love someone I didn't respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would find it very hard to lie to someone that I liked and respected, let alone declared to them I loved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is personal to every situation and i dont think its fair to generalise.

Yes sometimes ppl arent in love, yes sometimes they are being greedy. And yes sometimes ppl should spend more time with their partners.

However not everyone fits that mould.

My hubby works full time, writes and edits magazines and runs events as a hobby. Its makes him happy. Me nagging him to spend that time with me instead of doing what he loved didnt work.

However im not exactly a traditonal cheat as i have his permission to sleep with others and he has mine we just dont want to discuss it over dinner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think so. If I marry, it'll be monogamous. I don't want to share the person I love.

I always thought this and we were just us fof 18 years and he was my first!

I think it would've definitely saved previous relationships if we were to open things up, but I'm just not okay with it. The thought breaks my heart.

Don't think about it then

Haha, I won't. It does say a great deal about the strength of a relationship when you're able to swing successfully for years, though. Different strokes for different folks and all that. "

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

"Im married and i love my huaband more than anything. But yes i cheat.

For 10 of of the last 10 1/2 years i was completely anti cheating. Deapite the extreme lack of sex in my marriage at the worst times sometimes twice a year.

My hubbys reaction... if you wanted to you should of all i want os for you to be happy and you havent been.

I still feel guilty but we have been happier than ever at home.

That's not cheating though as you have spoken to and come to an agreement with your Hubby.

So essentially, you have permission...

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

However im not exactly a traditonal cheat as i have his permission to sleep with others and he has mine we just dont want to discuss it over dinner.

but how is that cheating

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/07/15 18:06:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is personal to every situation and i dont think its fair to generalise.

Yes sometimes ppl arent in love, yes sometimes they are being greedy. And yes sometimes ppl should spend more time with their partners.

However not everyone fits that mould.

My hubby works full time, writes and edits magazines and runs events as a hobby. Its makes him happy. Me nagging him to spend that time with me instead of doing what he loved didnt work.

However im not exactly a traditonal cheat as i have his permission to sleep with others and he has mine we just dont want to discuss it over dinner.

It's just my opinion of how I see things on here.

I think it's great you spoke about your problems

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

"This is personal to every situation and i dont think its fair to generalise.

Yes sometimes ppl arent in love, yes sometimes they are being greedy. And yes sometimes ppl should spend more time with their partners.

However not everyone fits that mould.

My hubby works full time, writes and edits magazines and runs events as a hobby. Its makes him happy. Me nagging him to spend that time with me instead of doing what he loved didnt work.

However im not exactly a traditonal cheat as i have his permission to sleep with others and he has mine we just dont want to discuss it over dinner.

Again, you came to an agreement and have permission = not cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's not cheating though as you have spoken to and come to an agreement with your Hubby.

So essentially, you have permission..."

I guess because we dont discuss it and i go looking for opprotunities i still think of it as cheating x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That's not cheating though as you have spoken to and come to an agreement with your Hubby.

So essentially, you have permission...

I guess because we dont discuss it and i go looking for opprotunities i still think of it as cheating x"

I think it's great that you both spoke about it and have such an agreement!

Thanks everyone for posting and your _iews!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/07/15 18:21:54]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes here are loads of cheating women on the site, and without a shadow of a doubt they can organise secret sex meet as hubby is at work. They just delete the history on the browser.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes here are loads of cheating women on the site, and without a shadow of a doubt they can organise secret sex meet as hubby is at work. They just delete the history on the browser."

Ah ha Shag but what about the ones that work.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes here are loads of cheating women on the site, and without a shadow of a doubt they can organise secret sex meet as hubby is at work. They just delete the history on the browser.

Ah ha Shag but what about the ones that work.....

"
They do a 10min quicky during the lunch brake, still time for food after lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes here are loads of cheating women on the site, and without a shadow of a doubt they can organise secret sex meet as hubby is at work. They just delete the history on the browser.

Ah ha Shag but what about the ones that work.....

They do a 10min quicky during the lunch brake, still time for food after lol."

Haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes here are loads of cheating women on the site, and without a shadow of a doubt they can organise secret sex meet as hubby is at work. They just delete the history on the browser.

Ah ha Shag but what about the ones that work.....

They do a 10min quicky during the lunch brake, still time for food after lol."

Top tip ST

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes here are loads of cheating women on the site, and without a shadow of a doubt they can organise secret sex meet as hubby is at work. They just delete the history on the browser.

Ah ha Shag but what about the ones that work.....

They do a 10min quicky during the lunch brake, still time for food after lol.

Top tip ST

I'd fuck you Classy but would need more than 10 minutes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes here are loads of cheating women on the site, and without a shadow of a doubt they can organise secret sex meet as hubby is at work. They just delete the history on the browser.

Ah ha Shag but what about the ones that work.....

They do a 10min quicky during the lunch brake, still time for food after lol.

Top tip ST

"
lol ty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people don't realize that non-monogamy is a option.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is personal to every situation and i dont think its fair to generalise.

Yes sometimes ppl arent in love, yes sometimes they are being greedy. And yes sometimes ppl should spend more time with their partners.

However not everyone fits that mould.

My hubby works full time, writes and edits magazines and runs events as a hobby. Its makes him happy. Me nagging him to spend that time with me instead of doing what he loved didnt work.

However im not exactly a traditonal cheat as i have his permission to sleep with others and he has mine we just dont want to discuss it over dinner.

Again, you came to an agreement and have permission = not cheating."

That's cheating in my world.

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By *eforfuncplCouple
over a year ago

Morecambe

"As a single guy I've been foolish enough to be involved in two affairs...

Both women had been married for 5 months but were soon arranging secret liaisons.

Both stated they loved their husbands, so if that's the case why would they cheat!?!

Can you love someone and still have your cake?"

Always better to share xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is personal to every situation and i dont think its fair to generalise.

Yes sometimes ppl arent in love, yes sometimes they are being greedy. And yes sometimes ppl should spend more time with their partners.

However not everyone fits that mould.

My hubby works full time, writes and edits magazines and runs events as a hobby. Its makes him happy. Me nagging him to spend that time with me instead of doing what he loved didnt work.

However im not exactly a traditonal cheat as i have his permission to sleep with others and he has mine we just dont want to discuss it over dinner.

Again, you came to an agreement and have permission = not cheating.

That's cheating in my world."

Why?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"As a single guy I've been foolish enough to be involved in two affairs...

Both women had been married for 5 months but were soon arranging secret liaisons.

Both stated they loved their husbands, so if that's the case why would they cheat!?!

Can you love someone and still have your cake?

Always better to share xxx

Even if the other half isn't aware and it would be devastating to him if he did?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As a single guy I've been foolish enough to be involved in two affairs...

Both women had been married for 5 months but were soon arranging secret liaisons.

Both stated they loved their husbands, so if that's the case why would they cheat!?!

Can you love someone and still have your cake?

Always better to share xxx

Even if the other half isn't aware and it would be devastating to him if he did?"

If both parties had an agreement and their arrangement worked for them then outside people shouldn't judge - but if one half is going behind the others back and the other half is unaware then it is a betrayal of trust, unfair and disrespectful - possible could still be love there but not absolutely sure about that - would have to experience that to know it m x

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

"This is personal to every situation and i dont think its fair to generalise.

Yes sometimes ppl arent in love, yes sometimes they are being greedy. And yes sometimes ppl should spend more time with their partners.

However not everyone fits that mould.

My hubby works full time, writes and edits magazines and runs events as a hobby. Its makes him happy. Me nagging him to spend that time with me instead of doing what he loved didnt work.

However im not exactly a traditonal cheat as i have his permission to sleep with others and he has mine we just dont want to discuss it over dinner.

Again, you came to an agreement and have permission = not cheating.

That's cheating in my world."

I'm sure from previous posts you've said that you have multiple partners and you're all free to fuck others.

How would you consider THIS cheating? I'm intrigued.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is personal to every situation and i dont think its fair to generalise.

Yes sometimes ppl arent in love, yes sometimes they are being greedy. And yes sometimes ppl should spend more time with their partners.

However not everyone fits that mould.

My hubby works full time, writes and edits magazines and runs events as a hobby. Its makes him happy. Me nagging him to spend that time with me instead of doing what he loved didnt work.

However im not exactly a traditonal cheat as i have his permission to sleep with others and he has mine we just dont want to discuss it over dinner.

Again, you came to an agreement and have permission = not cheating.

That's cheating in my world.

I'm sure from previous posts you've said that you have multiple partners and you're all free to fuck others.

How would you consider THIS cheating? I'm intrigued."

So am I. I don't understand the difference

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is personal to every situation and i dont think its fair to generalise.

Yes sometimes ppl arent in love, yes sometimes they are being greedy. And yes sometimes ppl should spend more time with their partners.

However not everyone fits that mould.

My hubby works full time, writes and edits magazines and runs events as a hobby. Its makes him happy. Me nagging him to spend that time with me instead of doing what he loved didnt work.

However im not exactly a traditonal cheat as i have his permission to sleep with others and he has mine we just dont want to discuss it over dinner.

Again, you came to an agreement and have permission = not cheating.

That's cheating in my world.

Why?"

Because it's not openness and honesty.

If you can't talk about who you're sleeping with then it suggests not everyone in the relationship is completely happy with that arrangement. I wouldn't date someone in that situation personally - I don't like 'don't ask, don't tell' arrangements.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm sure from previous posts you've said that you have multiple partners and you're all free to fuck others.

How would you consider THIS cheating? I'm intrigued."

We all discuss what we're up to. My partners are friends with each other (and have been known to socialise together without me because they get on well). We'd never avoid telling each other about meets, shags, playdates or new relationships. We talk about it freely whenever we want. We support each other in the finding of other partners.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Respect is a big value to me, respect the person, respect their body and respect their values, how can you build trust otherwise

And if our values do not align, sea fish the in, comes to mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Respect is a big value to me, respect the person, respect their body and respect their values, how can you build trust otherwise

And if our values do not align, sea fish the in, comes to mind."

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Respect is a big value to me, respect the person, respect their body and respect their values, how can you build trust otherwise

And if our values do not align, sea fish the in, comes to mind.

if you don't have the same, respect, how can you tease the mind into fantastic sex.

Now lady (my fem) Burma in Siam)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my _iew it's an exercise in futility trying to understand other people's relationship dynamics when you are not a part of them.

It's also none of your business.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my _iew it's an exercise in futility trying to understand other people's relationship dynamics when you are not a part of them.

It's also none of your business. "

I was part of it though, or is that directed at some one else?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my _iew it's an exercise in futility trying to understand other people's relationship dynamics when you are not a part of them.

It's also none of your business.

I was part of it though, or is that directed at some one else?"

It wasn't directed at anyone, it was to "one" rather than you specifically. And you weren't part of it, you had an affair with one party, you were not part of their relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my _iew it's an exercise in futility trying to understand other people's relationship dynamics when you are not a part of them.

It's also none of your business.

I was part of it though, or is that directed at some one else?

It wasn't directed at anyone, it was to "one" rather than you specifically. And you weren't part of it, you had an affair with one party, you were not part of their relationship. "

As in, no one knows what goes on in my marriage except me and my husband. No one else's input matters and no one else's _iewpoint is valid because they aren't part of it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In my _iew it's an exercise in futility trying to understand other people's relationship dynamics when you are not a part of them.

It's also none of your business.

I was part of it though, or is that directed at some one else?

It wasn't directed at anyone, it was to "one" rather than you specifically. And you weren't part of it, you had an affair with one party, you were not part of their relationship. "

Sorry if I miss read that

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"Yes here are loads of cheating women on the site, and without a shadow of a doubt they can organise secret sex meet as hubby is at work. They just delete the history on the browser.

Ah ha Shag but what about the ones that work.....

They do a 10min quicky during the lunch brake, still time for food after lol."

wow 10 mins

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

We have found out most singles are cheating not our problem we always meet as a couple can tell the married guys always have a shower after before they go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. Love is a deeply felt, many faceted emotion. Sex is a pleasant physical activity which, if it does not lead to procreation, makes one feel well and is very good for you.

I would have thought though monotonous, sorry monagamous, sex would have lasted longer than 5 months.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"We have found out most singles are cheating not our problem we always meet as a couple can tell the married guys always have a shower after before they go"

You mean the non-married ones don't? Filthy buggers.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I love threads that are about Human Behaviour, certain situations may not be my business or I may have experience of but I find people sharing their experiences interesting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have found out most singles are cheating not our problem we always meet as a couple can tell the married guys always have a shower after before they go

You mean the non-married ones don't? Filthy buggers."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I ask what people mean by Love?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

First we need a working definition of love else we are discussing different issues.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Can I ask what people mean by Love?"

Do you mind !

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"First we need a working definition of love else we are discussing different issues. "

my reflection in the mirror, the special moment I have in the shower and the adulation that I feel when I read my own written word. Works for me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I guess her version was loves the security he brought but missed the affection and attention she craved! Security won

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First we need a working definition of love else we are discussing different issues.

my reflection in the mirror, the special moment I have in the shower and the adulation that I feel when I read my own written word. Works for me

You don't often make me laugh but you have today!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have found out most singles are cheating not our problem we always meet as a couple can tell the married guys always have a shower after before they go"

Not all married men shower before they leave ...or tell you not to wear perfume or don't let you scratch them or can only meet on said day said time...

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I guess her version was loves the security he brought but missed the affection and attention she craved! Security won"

did you ask her, how long did you see her. I would have had to ask, I am that nosey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First we need a working definition of love else we are discussing different issues. "

I looked into this some years ago, and the origin of the word Love, Is , Absence of I, that means that you totally give yourself up. I feel it is no longer true to that definition, and is also narrowed down to individuals as oppose to loving full stop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I ever got married id be faithful, I haven't married as I haven't met that 1 person who deserves me and me alone. I think I have slightly old fashioned values there but when I commit to a relationship I don't stray, never have! I hope that should I ever be lucky enough to find that special someone it's just us!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"First we need a working definition of love else we are discussing different issues.

my reflection in the mirror, the special moment I have in the shower and the adulation that I feel when I read my own written word. Works for me

You don't often make me laugh but you have today!!

cool

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I guess her version was loves the security he brought but missed the affection and attention she craved! Security won

did you ask her, how long did you see her. I would have had to ask, I am that nosey"

Did I ask her how could she love him yet cheat?

We saw each other for 9 months...

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I guess her version was loves the security he brought but missed the affection and attention she craved! Security won

did you ask her, how long did you see her. I would have had to ask, I am that nosey

Did I ask her how could she love him yet cheat?

We saw each other for 9 months..."

yeah, why she was cheating after marrying a guy 5 months earlier and this being his second time being cheated on...

I would be interested in why, for no other reason than I like to understand why people do things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess her version was loves the security he brought but missed the affection and attention she craved! Security won"

You can have all three in a relationship though. Personally , I've never cheated whilst in a relationship, but I do realise there are lots of reasons why it happens.

I don't understand seeking an affair 5 months after getting married - that's no time at all. Years later- i can see that the dynamics may change. 5 months in - you should be all over each other . Or did they marry after 10 years together or longer ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I guess her version was loves the security he brought but missed the affection and attention she craved! Security won

You can have all three in a relationship though. Personally , I've never cheated whilst in a relationship, but I do realise there are lots of reasons why it happens.

Were together 5yr before marrying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my _iew it's an exercise in futility trying to understand other people's relationship dynamics when you are not a part of them.

It's also none of your business. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess her version was loves the security he brought but missed the affection and attention she craved! Security won

You can have all three in a relationship though. Personally , I've never cheated whilst in a relationship, but I do realise there are lots of reasons why it happens.

Yeah, my initial reaction was I bet they've been together for years & got married because they weren't happy & thought getting married would change things. I could be wrong of course.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess her version was loves the security he brought but missed the affection and attention she craved! Security won

You can have all three in a relationship though. Personally , I've never cheated whilst in a relationship, but I do realise there are lots of reasons why it happens.

Yeah, my initial reaction was I bet they've been together for years & got married because they weren't happy & thought getting married would change things. I could be wrong of course."

Could it be a reaction to the sudden commitment.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I guess her version was loves the security he brought but missed the affection and attention she craved! Security won

You can have all three in a relationship though. Personally , I've never cheated whilst in a relationship, but I do realise there are lots of reasons why it happens.

Were together 5yr before marrying"

I didn't even think about that, cool

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I guess her version was loves the security he brought but missed the affection and attention she craved! Security won

You can have all three in a relationship though. Personally , I've never cheated whilst in a relationship, but I do realise there are lots of reasons why it happens.

Were together 5yr before marrying"

I think that can make a difference . Like Miss I said - sometimes, not always, people think getting married will change things. But none of us really know as we aren't in someone else's head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And you've had all the excitement and attention of a wedding to organise and the day itself. Honeymoon etc, then it's back to normal life. Maybe that's why. For some it's the constant added thrill I guess.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"And you've had all the excitement and attention of a wedding to organise and the day itself. Honeymoon etc, then it's back to normal life. Maybe that's why. For some it's the constant added thrill I guess. "

Ah, that makes it all right then lol?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah, that makes it all right then lol?"

No. But I can see why it happens.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did they ever say why?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are the two women still married?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Are the two women still married?"

Yes

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Is marriage still considered a desirable goal for relationships then? I know I am unlikely to remain faithful to someone so wouldn't even consider it, plus the costs involved, and there are no financial benefits any more.

If I ever fall in love I wouldn't consider a hugely stressful event the culmination of expressing that love.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is marriage still considered a desirable goal for relationships then? I know I am unlikely to remain faithful to someone so wouldn't even consider it, plus the costs involved, and there are no financial benefits any more.

If I ever fall in love I wouldn't consider a hugely stressful event the culmination of expressing that love. "

Could it be a feeling of insecurity that makes some people marry?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am married, almost 15 years.

I have been cheating for the last year.

I love my husband, he is my best friend, my family, he knows I will never leave him or the children. We have a happy family home but its a sexless marriage and I have needs.

Life is short and I'm not prepared to never have sex.

We have talked about this, I have suggested an open marriage, I have told him I will take a lover if I never get sex (it's currently about twice a year), I have suggested going to the doctors, sex therapy, having a threesome, sex clubs... All sorts but he is not interested and obviously it was not a decision I took lightly.

To me, sex is sex, even when it turns out to be a regular thing, where obviously the connection grows and possibly feelings, which generally makes the sex better, my love will always be my husbands.

And before the abuse comes, yes of course I realise that if he finds out all our worlds will be torn apart and I will break the heart of the person I claim to love.

Lots of people would look at swingers and say how could anyone claim to love their partner but let them/ watch them get fucked by other people but the couples I have meet clearly all love each other.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"I am married, almost 15 years.

I have been cheating for the last year.

I love my husband, he is my best friend, my family, he knows I will never leave him or the children. We have a happy family home but its a sexless marriage and I have needs.

Life is short and I'm not prepared to never have sex.

To me, sex is sex, even when it turns out to be a regular thing, where obviously the connection grows and possibly feelings, which generally makes the sex better, my love will always be my husbands.

And before the abuse comes, yes of course I realise that if he finds out all our worlds will be torn apart and I will break the heart of the person I claim to love.

Lots of people would look at swingers and say how could anyone claim to love their partner but let them/ watch them get fucked by other people but the couples I have meet clearly all love each other."

thank you for sharing that

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am married, almost 15 years.

I have been cheating for the last year.

I love my husband, he is my best friend, my family, he knows I will never leave him or the children. We have a happy family home but its a sexless marriage and I have needs.

Life is short and I'm not prepared to never have sex.

To me, sex is sex, even when it turns out to be a regular thing, where obviously the connection grows and possibly feelings, which generally makes the sex better, my love will always be my husbands.

And before the abuse comes, yes of course I realise that if he finds out all our worlds will be torn apart and I will break the heart of the person I claim to love.

The lady in question had a great sex life with her husband, so in love...blah blah, if that was the case then why do it? Surely the love of a good man would over come the love of cock?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am married, almost 15 years.

I have been cheating for the last year.

I love my husband, he is my best friend, my family, he knows I will never leave him or the children. We have a happy family home but its a sexless marriage and I have needs.

Life is short and I'm not prepared to never have sex.

To me, sex is sex, even when it turns out to be a regular thing, where obviously the connection grows and possibly feelings, which generally makes the sex better, my love will always be my husbands.

And before the abuse comes, yes of course I realise that if he finds out all our worlds will be torn apart and I will break the heart of the person I claim to love.

Makes you wonder how we ever put the two together, Sex and Love.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"First we need a working definition of love else we are discussing different issues.

my reflection in the mirror, the special moment I have in the shower and the adulation that I feel when I read my own written word. Works for me

Spot on. If one cannot love oneself one cannot love another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think when people cheat they are no longer IN love with that person, yes you can love many person but being IN love is a different feeling all together

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think when people cheat they are no longer IN love with that person, yes you can love many person but being IN love is a different feeling all together "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think when people cheat they are no longer IN love with that person, yes you can love many person but being IN love is a different feeling all together "

I just can`t help feeling that being " in love", is a real thing and not an ideal in two peoples minds.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"First we need a working definition of love else we are discussing different issues.

I wouldn't hold with that defintion at all.

That's subservience. Not love.

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By *D40Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"As a single guy I've been foolish enough to be involved in two affairs...

Both women had been married for 5 months but were soon arranging secret liaisons.

Both stated they loved their husbands, so if that's the case why would they cheat!?!

Can you love someone and still have your cake?"

I love my partner enormously. He is my world. We swing. We dont cheat. If he was to cheat i would walk away in a nano second. Love is not just all gooey emotions. Its founded on respect & trust x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First we need a working definition of love else we are discussing different issues.

I wouldn't hold with that defintion at all.

That's subservience. Not love."

But if all people do it, then subservience disappears.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"First we need a working definition of love else we are discussing different issues.

I wouldn't hold with that defintion at all.

That's subservience. Not love.

But if all people do it, then subservience disappears."

No. It multiplies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am married, almost 15 years.

I have been cheating for the last year.

I love my husband, he is my best friend, my family, he knows I will never leave him or the children. We have a happy family home but its a sexless marriage and I have needs.

Life is short and I'm not prepared to never have sex.

To me, sex is sex, even when it turns out to be a regular thing, where obviously the connection grows and possibly feelings, which generally makes the sex better, my love will always be my husbands.

And before the abuse comes, yes of course I realise that if he finds out all our worlds will be torn apart and I will break the heart of the person I claim to love.

Lots of people would look at swingers and say how could anyone claim to love their partner but let them/ watch them get fucked by other people but the couples I have meet clearly all love each other.

The lady in question had a great sex life with her husband, so in love...blah blah, if that was the case then why do it? Surely the love of a good man would over come the love of cock?"

Could be so many reasons why ~ only the lady in question can really answer that, everything else is pure speculation.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Absence of I or Ego is selflessness not love.

And whilst I agree that love involves thinking of others and not the self it does not follow that selflessness = love.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The lady in question had a great sex life with her husband, so in love...blah blah, if that was the case then why do it? Surely the love of a good man would over come the love of cock?"

OK let's look at it a different way it's not the cock.

So let's say your in a relationship where you get rejected sexual everytime bar once or twice a year. Actually those two times you might not of even initiated.

You love that person and all you want is there love in return.

Rejection makes you feel, ugly, unwanted, not good enough. But they tell you everytime it's not that and yes in the end you know it's not.

But it doesn't stop you feeling like poop. You still love that person but everytime they reject you it hurts. When it's not sexual everything's happy and fine.

So what do you do? It's easy to say the answer to that Is black and white it's not.

Cause remember the rejected tor might be hurt rejecting too....

Those people that cheat know the risk of the hurt they might cause. But they are just trying to cope somtimes (not always). Because if they don't replace that rejection with some sort of acceptance the need for sex nags and nags every day until you fine yourself hiding your face because you can't look at your husband without tears coming out....

I'm not saying this is every situation at all. But sometimes it's understandable how it came to that...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The lady in question had a great sex life with her husband, so in love...blah blah, if that was the case then why do it? Surely the love of a good man would over come the love of cock?

OK let's look at it a different way it's not the cock.

So let's say your in a relationship where you get rejected sexual everytime bar once or twice a year. Actually those two times you might not of even initiated.

You love that person and all you want is there love in return.

Rejection makes you feel, ugly, unwanted, not good enough. But they tell you everytime it's not that and yes in the end you know it's not.

But it doesn't stop you feeling like poop. You still love that person but everytime they reject you it hurts. When it's not sexual everything's happy and fine.

So what do you do? It's easy to say the answer to that Is black and white it's not.

Cause remember the rejected tor might be hurt rejecting too....

I'm not saying this is every situation at all. But sometimes it's understandable how it came to that..."

Amen to that! Try14 years of constant sexual rejection when you make very effort to look hot and sexy because since having children he can only see you as a sweet mummy and not someone to get down and dirty with you, even though he worships you in every other way and couldn't live without you he loves you that much.

I defy anyone to not then need to get sex elsewhere!

I think we are all adults on here so all know I that nothing in life is ever black and white and each ones of us will do things that others we see as wrong!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The lady in question had a great sex life with her husband, so in love...blah blah, if that was the case then why do it? Surely the love of a good man would over come the love of cock?

OK let's look at it a different way it's not the cock.

So let's say your in a relationship where you get rejected sexual everytime bar once or twice a year. Actually those two times you might not of even initiated.

You love that person and all you want is there love in return.

Rejection makes you feel, ugly, unwanted, not good enough. But they tell you everytime it's not that and yes in the end you know it's not.

But it doesn't stop you feeling like poop. You still love that person but everytime they reject you it hurts. When it's not sexual everything's happy and fine.

So what do you do? It's easy to say the answer to that Is black and white it's not.

Cause remember the rejected tor might be hurt rejecting too....

I'm not saying this is every situation at all. But sometimes it's understandable how it came to that...

I defy anyone to not then need to get sex elsewhere!

I think we are all adults on here so all know I that nothing in life is ever black and white and each ones of us will do things that others we see as wrong!"

I wouldn't kick you out of bed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had affairs with 2 married men lasting several years. Both of them started when I was also married and neither were just sex.

I got hurt and had my heart broken repeatedly. Some may say this is karma for cheating in the first place. I didn't love my husband but I do believe the men loved their wives. I'm very good at being the other woman sadly. I made it easy for them. One is now on wife no 2. He could have had me at the end of his first marriage but chose someone else. and the other admits he will never leave his wife for me. No matter what tales they spin about things at home fact is they made a vow and are sticking to it. Love,fear, family, finance. Whatever the reasons. They stay. When you become the other one no matter how hard it is this is the reality you have to accept.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Absence of I or Ego is selflessness not love.

And whilst I agree that love involves thinking of others and not the self it does not follow that selflessness = love."

But that is what the origin of that word is, the original thing identified and named love, the thing we call love now is something totally different, for example if two people start a relationship and put the other before themselves , neither has to think of me, but if only one does it and the other sits back and laps it up, then it becomes a problem, as you pointed out, subservience, and so ceases to be love.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First we need a working definition of love else we are discussing different issues.

I wouldn't hold with that defintion at all.

That's subservience. Not love.

But if all people do it, then subservience disappears.

No. It multiplies."

But then there is nobody to be subservient to, so it can`t multiply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have to confess that I had an affair when I was married.

I'm not proud of the fact, but I did leave my husband & he left his girlfriend & we were then in a proper relationship for 14 years.

We split last year but are still friends.

I get on fine with my ex-husband too, he even sent me a congratulations text when Norwich were promoted.

A key aspect is that we have never used our son as a weapon between us.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

How do you know that the husband is unaware of the affair?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do you know that the husband is unaware of the affair?

As his first wife cheated...she would be out on her ear...he had his suspicions though!

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

"As a single guy I've been foolish enough to be involved in two affairs...

Both women had been married for 5 months but were soon arranging secret liaisons.

Both stated they loved their husbands, so if that's the case why would they cheat!?!

Can you love someone and still have your cake?

I love my partner enormously. He is my world. We swing. We dont cheat. If he was to cheat i would walk away in a nano second. Love is not just all gooey emotions. Its founded on respect & trust x"

Ditto.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have found out most singles are cheating not our problem we always meet as a couple can tell the married guys always have a shower after before they go

Not all married men shower before they leave ...or tell you not to wear perfume or don't let you scratch them or can only meet on said day said time...

My experience too. There's been no noticeable difference between married and single men (who've all had a shower before they go, why would they not

that's a bit minging).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think when people cheat they are no longer IN love with that person, yes you can love many person but being IN love is a different feeling all together "

Nope.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Iv not cheated, I asked for permission

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So much bollocks. So much speculation. Why? Why do any of you care what someone else does in their relationship? You are not in it, it doesn't affect you. There is never going to be a one size fits all definition of love or of marriage or of what a relationship should or shouldn't be. What you think are absolutes to you may not be to someone else.

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different."

because some people want to...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to..."

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have found out most singles are cheating not our problem we always meet as a couple can tell the married guys always have a shower after before they go

Not all married men shower before they leave ...or tell you not to wear perfume or don't let you scratch them or can only meet on said day said time...

My experience too. There's been no noticeable difference between married and single men (who've all had a shower before they go, why would they not

that's a bit minging)."

Why is it? When I was with my ex, if we had sex at night, neither of us then got up to have a shower

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have found out most singles are cheating not our problem we always meet as a couple can tell the married guys always have a shower after before they go

Not all married men shower before they leave ...or tell you not to wear perfume or don't let you scratch them or can only meet on said day said time...

My experience too. There's been no noticeable difference between married and single men (who've all had a shower before they go, why would they not

that's a bit minging).

Why is it? When I was with my ex, if we had sex at night, neither of us then got up to have a shower

Yeah but then presumably you had a shower when you got up, before you say went to work, or out shopping?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all."

Just trying to explain there isn't an answer to the ppl who say it's black and white.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all."

Because as the OP I was curious and people ask all sorts of random shite on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So much bollocks. So much speculation. Why? Why do any of you care what someone else does in their relationship? You are not in it, it doesn't affect you. There is never going to be a one size fits all definition of love or of marriage or of what a relationship should or shouldn't be. What you think are absolutes to you may not be to someone else.

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different."

That is true & I suppose we are all just showing our individual experiences.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all."

To be fair though, you do often try to justify your cheating and ask others to not judge. I think it's just as valid for others to try and understand the motivations. It's just part of human curiosity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all.

Because as the OP I was curious and people ask all sorts of random shite on here!"

Great, hope your curiosity was sated. But you'll still never know the answer, because you're not either of those two women or their husbands.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

Nice one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all.

I never try to justify my cheating.

I just disagree with others who judge. They're not the same thing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all.

Because as the OP I was curious and people ask all sorts of random shite on here!

Great, hope your curiosity was sated. But you'll still never know the answer, because you're not either of those two women or their husbands."

No shit!?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have found out most singles are cheating not our problem we always meet as a couple can tell the married guys always have a shower after before they go

Not all married men shower before they leave ...or tell you not to wear perfume or don't let you scratch them or can only meet on said day said time...

My experience too. There's been no noticeable difference between married and single men (who've all had a shower before they go, why would they not

that's a bit minging).

Why is it? When I was with my ex, if we had sex at night, neither of us then got up to have a shower

Yeah but then presumably you had a shower when you got up, before you say went to work, or out shopping? "

Only if it was a Sunday

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all.

Actually, Anna has never tried to justify anything because as she rightly says, she doesn't have to justify it to anyone on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all.

I never try to justify my cheating.

I just disagree with others who judge. They're not the same thing."

Are you suggesting if you were not in the situation you are in now that you wouldn't wonder and ask questions and have an opinion on people that cheat?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all.

I never try to justify my cheating.

I just disagree with others who judge. They're not the same thing."

Yeh you do, you often say it's complicated and not as straight forward as people think (comes across as excusing it). I think expecting no judgement when you're doing something that a lot disagree with is a waste of energy.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 19/07/15 11:23:09]

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I have never read Anna justify her cheating, I don't believe she has to but I also don't think we have to turn every thread about cheating around to her situation.

others have shared and I have found it interesting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all.

Actually, Anna has never tried to justify anything because as she rightly says, she doesn't have to justify it to anyone on here."

Yeh she has though, she's often posted asking people to not judge as her situation is more complex than "just" cheating. This comes across as justifying it which, obviously, most won't agree with. Having said that, the posts she made previously on cheating were probably from before you joined this site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So what's the point throwing platitudes or personal experiences around when they will not apply to the next person on the thread because, guess what, everyone is different.

because some people want to...

And it's open to comments being a public forum...

If you don't agree don't post simples

I'm not saying people can't post I'm just wondering why this is a question any of you are trying to answer at all.

I never try to justify my cheating.

I just disagree with others who judge. They're not the same thing.

That isn't justification or excusing it. It's written on my profile as a statement of fact. I have never justified what I do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never read Anna justify her cheating, I don't believe she has to but I also don't think we have to turn every thread about cheating around to her situation.

others have shared and I have found it interesting

I wasn't trying to turn the thread round to my situation either. I am just genuinely bemused why people think they can ever understand someone else's relationship.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

well I found it all interesting

thanks

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