FabSwingers.com forum: Do not rescusiitate...

By *londeCaz OP Woman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

The owd bat (otherwise known as my Mam) is pretty ill in hospital, unfortunately, she's held together by her ailments which are multiple...went to see her today and I basically wanted to put a pillow over her head to end her suffering....talked to doctor about DNR and they've said if push comes to shove, she won't survive an invasive intervention should her organs give out....I'm pretty prosaic and I know she's ready to shrug off the mortal coil but it's still doing me head in and one of my siblings can't get her head around it...no questions to the wise forumites, but I'm just posting a shout here now in case she passes soon (having said all that, she's a bloody stubborn git, so could potentially see me out)

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Caz, I'm sorry to hear that. It has been one thing after another with recently.

I'm with you on the DNR and lucky that my sister and I both agree on this for our parents and each other.

Call if you need to shout and rail against the world for a while or just keep asking Fab to make you smile.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I suck at sympathy but you know where I am if you need some sort of support.

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

My sympathy too, we are far more empathetic where animals are concerned.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Caz,

My mum has a DNR certificate with her at all times, she is basicly bed bound with COPD and the horrid C word to go with it, on oxygen 24 hours a day and can hardly do a thing for herself... and only 73 years young!

With regards to the DNR though, ask a doctor to sort it out for her, explain that it is for the best that if anything should happen, then you wish for her to be at rest and in pain no longer.

I feel for you on this, as I know exactly what your going through with it

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

its not an easy conversation to begin with ones siblings and Father, but when the situation gets to that point where its discussed its reassuring to find that everyone is in agreement..

Caz, hope things go peacefully for her and best wishes for whats to come..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Big hugs

Know what your going through as was there myself a few weeks ago with my mum

It's a hard choice to make

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Massive hugs OP xxxx

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

its a conversation we had as a family with mum when she made to decision to stop with chemo for her cancer...

so at least we knew it was what she would have wanted and the family abided by her wishes

i think having that conversation helped us because it mean we had time to prepare for what as coming... to say our piece and to come to peace as a family

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of hugs and kisses from your fellow short arse hairy faced Pops xx

@}--

...a lot of the patients who i've dealt with have had a DNR which has been agreed and consulted with by the family and their doctor. In majority of cases the family have been content with the DNR and when it came to that moment, the family have always found this to be the best way without putting their partner/parents through any further distress.

Best thing is just talk it through. Not an easy decision but just have to see how you all feel about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe if there's even a 1% chance of survival the surgeons try and save a life sorry too here about what's going on in your life.

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By *londeCaz OP Woman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Thank you guys and girls...I really don't know what to say, Im a generally hard hearted bitch and I was t posting for sympathy, I know my parents are expected to die before me but when it comes down to it, it's a bugger. Thanks to those who posted public ally and privately (and both)...she's a northerner so could see me out out of badness)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thoughts with you at a difficult time, some honest conversations have obviously happened, and you have hopefully got years of good memories to help bring out that smile when things get tough.

All the best x x

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By *unseeker34Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Awful time for you, rest assured it's not your 'decision' as the Drs wouldn't agree if it were not in mums best interest. The 'decision' is a medical one with family opinions thoroughly taken on board. CPR is a medical intervention and if it's almost certain to be futile, a DNR is always the best decision. Take care xx

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By *londeCaz OP Woman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Sibs are all in agreement, but how the fuck does one bring this up with her? She did say to my brother that she would prefer to be left to die when she fell and was hospitalised at the weekend...Im the eldest of the kids so i reckon it's gonna be left to me - I know im gonna be booking my slot at Dignitas should I end up in similar position but bugger me, I kinda wish she would just pop off quickly and painlessly like my grandma did ( heart attack at my twin sibs 10th birthday)

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

hugs

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By *londeCaz OP Woman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

"Awful time for you, rest assured it's not your 'decision' as the Drs wouldn't agree if it were not in mums best interest. The 'decision' is a medical one with family opinions thoroughly taken on board. CPR is a medical intervention and if it's almost certain to be futile, a DNR is always the best decision. Take care xx"

Yeah, I've explained to the sibs that it's a medical decision and even if we begged, they'd go with what was in Mam's best interest...looks like she's gOt osteoporosis as well as her other ailments so any intervention would do more harm than good...I'm hoping for a massive cardiac arrest as (without being flippant, for a change), I've seen pictures of concentration camp victims who looks healthier than my mam

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sibs are all in agreement, but how the fuck does one bring this up with her? She did say to my brother that she would prefer to be left to die when she fell and was hospitalised at the weekend...Im the eldest of the kids so i reckon it's gonna be left to me - I know im gonna be booking my slot at Dignitas should I end up in similar position but bugger me, I kinda wish she would just pop off quickly and painlessly like my grandma did ( heart attack at my twin sibs 10th birthday) "

Can you talk to her about how she's feeling? Obviously without knowing the details I have no idea.... but if it was me I'd talk about what might happen next- when she gets better if she wants to go home or to a care home. She might bring the subject up herself if she realises it's unlikely she will leave hospital. x

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By *londeCaz OP Woman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Gonna try to do that next time I see her, have also talked to Dr about if she rallies and can be discharged, but think it's unlikely she'll be able to be independent any more

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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago

Nr Manchester

Hi Caz. Sooo sorry to hear about your mam. Our thoughts are with you and wish you the courage and strength to see this through. Your mam will probably know what's happening to her and she may be afraid to bring up the subject too. Talk with her. Be honest with her. She may surprise you.

Big hugs. J and D xxx

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

Can, I'm really shit at advice, so I just wanted to send my regards to you.

With you posting this, it has given me food for thought and that I need to discuss this with my parents.

Sending you virtual hugs xxxx

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

*Caz

Footing auto carrot

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

*fooking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I work with the elderly and had a lady who was very frail under 8stone and very poorly and her family had no DNR in place.. we went mad as we said if anything happened and we had to do cpr we would end up breaking bones in her body just doing cpr and she would not survive..in the end the drs came in and said it would be in her best interest family agreed to it ..within 2 hrs of the DNR being in place the lady passed away its as if she was waiting for her family to do it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gonna try to do that next time I see her, have also talked to Dr about if she rallies and can be discharged, but think it's unlikely she'll be able to be independent any more "

Talk to her, your mum will hear you.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

[Removed by poster at 15/07/15 07:38:44]

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Hugs. Wishing your mum minimum pain xx and peace

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By *ambslass48Woman
over a year ago

Peterborough

So sorry to hear of your mum xx

I put a dnr on when I had cancer last year and my family are aware of my wishes so that they have wouldn't have to make this decision for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel for you Caz. My Mum had one in place. She decided that herself whilst suffering with cancer and we knew it was what she wanted.

My Nan, is very frail and now in a Nursing Home, she also has one in place. My sis and I both spoke to her about her before her dementia got to where it is now (my Mum was her only child so we are now her next of kin). It's not an easy decision or an easy discussion.

I remember , my sis and I feeling really upset when our Mum spoke to us about it. She knew what she wanted. She was a strong woman. I'm glad she decided it herself and took the decision out of our hands. Maybe your Mum knows what she wants, but isn't sure how to broach the subject with you all. It's not an easy time and my thoughts are with you. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is where I think technology should play a part

We in ireland have a card yes a donor card we sign - ffs it's the 21 st century people should be able to sign up to thing and take the hard decision away from family

I for 1 want a dnr in place

And will donate all organs except eyes

It's my choice at end of the day what I want to happen to me. Don't be afraid to discuss young or old - you just never know what's around the corner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry OP, a really sad time for you and your family.

My mum had a DNR (her choice initially) followed by pallative care which I couldn't get my head around at all & I still feel a sense of guilt somehow, 6 months on.

The hospital my mum was in had an end of life team & I found talking to them helped me to understand what was happening, can't say it made it any easier tho but at least I could see there wasn't any other way.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

It's always said a creaking gate lasts longest.

I hope it all works out for the best and if you need anyone, drop us a line xx

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

My own experience was , the doctor asked the family did they want the Docs to resuscitate once things got to a certain stage so it put the onus on the family.

As much as you know it is probably the right thing to do, it was very hard to say no don't resuscitate so I think if you have a DNR in place it would be better for you.

Thinking of you all right now

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By *es-sMan
over a year ago

Rugby

Feel for you at this time but saying that I agree with DNR and it is the right thing. Sympathy goes with you you don't know me but here if you need to talk with a non involved person x

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By *londeCaz OP Woman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

The owd bat is still hanging on and Im pissed as a fart currently....bed is beckoning and I've got the kitchen fitters arriving at 7.30 tomoz so I.can head off to the hossie early...had a laugh with my sibs today while we were doing the bedside craic, dad has been and said his farewells and my Stepmam failed to wake mam up so I recon she's dead already

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By *londeCaz OP Woman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Fucks sake, I've made so many typos already in this thread....those of you who know me will know I'm ready to self harm, fuck it, I'm ready for whatever comes, so long as I can spell it ok??

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Fucks sake, I've made so many typos already in this thread....those of you who know me will know I'm ready to self harm, fuck it, I'm ready for whatever comes, so long as I can spell it ok??"

I was being kind and not mentioning the errors.

Take care of you too, not just everyone else.

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By *londeCaz OP Woman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

My mam never regained consciousness and passed away quietly yesterday. We almost missed it as the nurse was taking her drips off and she just stopped breathing. Massive sense of relief that she's at peace and gone to a better place (although I feel a bit for Satan and his imps having to put up with her now)

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"My mam never regained consciousness and passed away quietly yesterday. We almost missed it as the nurse was taking her drips off and she just stopped breathing. Massive sense of relief that she's at peace and gone to a better place (although I feel a bit for Satan and his imps having to put up with her now)

*hugs*

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Sad news for yourselves as a family but now she can rest without pain..

take care..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(((HUG)))

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

may her passing be as peaceful as is possible and you celebrate your many great times together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sorry your mum is so ill Caz - ive had the DNR/CPR talk with a now passed away partner - and see it everyday with work - it seems so final at the time but like you said might go on for many more years yet - a lot do xxxx hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and sorry just read this post xxxx

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

My Mum insisted we Did try to resusitate Ohh she was so convinced because she was old they would just give up she refused to go to hospital after a heart attack and we ended up with 24 hour carers for 6 weeks because she hung on and fought every step of the way. Strong minded woman at 89 for sure.

For myself I think the family must decide the best.I would not want to live on as a vege.. as long as they harvest the bits they need.

I see now your Mum has gone. No more pain..

hugs. Now the sorting out,so much to do no time to think i'm sure . x

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By *ittle Pocket PerveWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Sorry for your loss x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

soo sorry to read of your mum's passing, thoughts are with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/07/15 14:05:10]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry for your loss, may she rest in peace.

Take care of yourself xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for your loss Caz xx

Huggs and kisses from me x

@}--

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that Caz

I'm glad it was peaceful xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear of your loss Caz, may your happy memories guide you through the tough times.

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

so sorry to hear this sad news rip

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By *ambslass48Woman
over a year ago

Peterborough

So sorry to hear of your sad loss xx

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By *eforfuncplCouple
over a year ago

Morecambe

DNR in the way you describe we understand

Hope everything as well as you can expect go as you wish if that makes sense x no suffering xxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aye up mad head. Only just seen this.. I've sent you a message.

No more suffering for your mam or the family.. Breathe easy sweetie. It takes time.

Much love xxx

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Caz, I've only just seen this.

I know the Elders of Arse End will help with the send off for one of theirs.

Peace to you all.

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By *londeCaz OP Woman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

"Aye up mad head. Only just seen this.. I've sent you a message.

No more suffering for your mam or the family.. Breathe easy sweetie. It takes time.

Much love xxx"

Oi, less of the mad head

ThAnk you so much for the comments and the PMs, I'm obviously a sad twat looking for sympathy on a swingers site, but fuck it, I have mates on here ????

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Aye up mad head. Only just seen this.. I've sent you a message.

No more suffering for your mam or the family.. Breathe easy sweetie. It takes time.

Much love xxx

Oi, less of the mad head

ThAnk you so much for the comments and the PMs, I'm obviously a sad twat looking for sympathy on a swingers site, but fuck it, I have mates on here ????"

You do!

You were my first forum meet and even though people warned me to be careful I'm glad you were the first.

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

"Aye up mad head. Only just seen this.. I've sent you a message.

No more suffering for your mam or the family.. Breathe easy sweetie. It takes time.

Much love xxx

Oi, less of the mad head

ThAnk you so much for the comments and the PMs, I'm obviously a sad twat looking for sympathy on a swingers site, but fuck it, I have mates on here ????"

when my dad died in 2013 I was amazed by the support I got from here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Aye up mad head. Only just seen this.. I've sent you a message.

No more suffering for your mam or the family.. Breathe easy sweetie. It takes time.

Much love xxx

Oi, less of the mad head

ThAnk you so much for the comments and the PMs, I'm obviously a sad twat looking for sympathy on a swingers site, but fuck it, I have mates on here ????"

fancy a fuck?

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By *londeCaz OP Woman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

"Aye up mad head. Only just seen this.. I've sent you a message.

No more suffering for your mam or the family.. Breathe easy sweetie. It takes time.

Much love xxx

Oi, less of the mad head

ThAnk you so much for the comments and the PMs, I'm obviously a sad twat looking for sympathy on a swingers site, but fuck it, I have mates on here ????

You do!

You were my first forum meet and even though people warned me to be careful I'm glad you were the first.

"
PMSL...yeah I'm really scarey, I know

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By *londeCaz OP Woman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

"Aye up mad head. Only just seen this.. I've sent you a message.

No more suffering for your mam or the family.. Breathe easy sweetie. It takes time.

Much love xxx

Oi, less of the mad head

ThAnk you so much for the comments and the PMs, I'm obviously a sad twat looking for sympathy on a swingers site, but fuck it, I have mates on here ????

Anytime

fancy a fuck?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Aye up mad head. Only just seen this.. I've sent you a message.

No more suffering for your mam or the family.. Breathe easy sweetie. It takes time.

Much love xxx

Oi, less of the mad head

ThAnk you so much for the comments and the PMs, I'm obviously a sad twat looking for sympathy on a swingers site, but fuck it, I have mates on here ????"

You do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry for your loss. She's out of pain now - which makes it no easier but your Mum will always be with you. xx

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By *he tactile technicianMan
over a year ago

the good lands, the bad lands, the any where you may want me lands

X from Marshall and I

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Aye up mad head. Only just seen this.. I've sent you a message.

No more suffering for your mam or the family.. Breathe easy sweetie. It takes time.

Much love xxx

Oi, less of the mad head

ThAnk you so much for the comments and the PMs, I'm obviously a sad twat looking for sympathy on a swingers site, but fuck it, I have mates on here ????"

you dont look a twat at all - friends and support come in many forms xxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry for your loss caz. X

Think of the good times you had together. She will always be with you. X

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