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Question for the ladies

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I was chatting with a female friend last night, she is struggling with the fella she adores, they are Bf and Gf have lived together for 2 years but because of second family stuff she has moved out. Giving him the chance to resolve the issues with his 2 girls. She keeps reminding him how much she loves him but he seems to say all the right words but demonstrates nothing. (been 3 weeks now)

Anyway a guy has wandered into her life and she has said why does this guys texts put a bounce in my step when it's XXX I love? My reply was well you must have chemistry, she got all wound up saying how can I fancy him as I cannot even describe him (they met once in a work situation he has her number due to that work reason)

I think she is a wrong and there must be chemistry to feel that bouncy step when getting silly txts (was a pic of his ceiling she didnt say what the words were lol)

So can you have that feel good feeling without chemistry ? can someone make an impression and then you later you are not able to describe him?

I am pretty sure he just can't see a way to resolve the problem with his girls and is too weak to stand up for himself and she just loves his very bones !!!

Any comments?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As the age-old saying goes, love is blind.

I have been there myself, went into the deep end head first, wearing rose-tinted or even blacked-out glasses.

Over time, reality striked, and the other person was not as attractive as I once thought, inside and out, and the relationship ended.

There is nothing you can do except to be there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its called flirting. Just being friends people read far to much into things at times. If you said she meeting him 121 for coffee or lunch its fine people can be friends. When you love a person you can still be like this with others she is only human. Texts is texts its not real life. jo x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry but not female lol but my opinion is she likes this new guy because he is showing her attention where the BF isn't, personally I think she should put all her efforts into the BF cos I'm sure he would welcome it with the family issues he is trying to resolve

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm sorry but not female lol but my opinion is she likes this new guy because he is showing her attention where the BF isn't, personally I think she should put all her efforts into the BF cos I'm sure he would welcome it with the family issues he is trying to resolve "
i so agree!!!!!!!!!!! xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm sorry but not female lol but my opinion is she likes this new guy because he is showing her attention where the BF isn't, personally I think she should put all her efforts into the BF cos I'm sure he would welcome it with the family issues he is trying to resolve i so agree!!!!!!!!!!! xx "

Beleive me she has and is but it's a little difficult when the elder (18) child makes the youngers life difficult simply because my friend lives with them she left because she didnt want to be caught between the elder the younger and him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm sorry but not female lol but my opinion is she likes this new guy because he is showing her attention where the BF isn't, personally I think she should put all her efforts into the BF cos I'm sure he would welcome it with the family issues he is trying to resolve i so agree!!!!!!!!!!! xx

Beleive me she has and is but it's a little difficult when the elder (18) child makes the youngers life difficult simply because my friend lives with them she left because she didnt want to be caught between the elder the younger and him. "

Can only hope time and talking can sort the issue out, talking to all parties that are involved

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm sorry but not female lol but my opinion is she likes this new guy because he is showing her attention where the BF isn't, personally I think she should put all her efforts into the BF cos I'm sure he would welcome it with the family issues he is trying to resolve "

*Nods in agreement*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmmm, is there more to this?

Is this a situation where your friend is involved with a married/separated man and the children's loyalties are being split?

Just being nosey!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hmmmm, is there more to this?

Is this a situation where your friend is involved with a married/separated man and the children's loyalties are being split?

Just being nosey!"

Nooooooooooooooooo not at all he's been alone for 8 years or more lol They see their mum regularly. However the eldest seems not to want anyone with her dad, and has only been back home a few weeks after splitting with her Bf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No offence to your female friend but moving out to let him resolve the issues says it all, after living together for two years, these issues should have been tackled by both together, by her moving out she’s giving them what they wanted, maybe it’s a sign it is time for her to move on.

As for the OP then yes getting attention can be flattering, there doesn’t need to be any chemistry involved for someone to make you feel good when you’re feeling a bit down.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"No offence to your female friend but moving out to let him resolve the issues says it all, after living together for two years, these issues should have been tackled by both together, by her moving out she’s giving them what they wanted, maybe it’s a sign it is time for her to move on.

"

If I am honest I fully agree, she has told him let us work as a team to solve this but little response.

I do think it is time she moved on but I dont feel it's my place to tell her am I being

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you can get lost in emotions when your upset and craving somebody else ..I lost my way once stupid eh i know when I'm happily married i still fell for somebody else ..I am on the other side my husband doesn't play away from home but allows me too ..he loves me to bits and trusts its only fun ..He would be so hurt if he knew one of my friends had got under my skin ..I got lost for a while mixed up with emotions ..I love my hubby and couldn't live without him but yet this other person give me the buzz ..I think it was just sexual frustration though and the fact he was a b*****d and I'm attracted to bad boys he treated me like crap and still i went back. I still feel i want him But i need my husband more . 28 years counts for something even if the lust has gone .

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

who ever said family life is easy for anyone?? you dont just turn and bail when going gets tough !every realationship needs WORK and effort for it to grow and survive the tough times . if youre exspecting it to be roses all the way then youre nieve, deluding yourself and should stick to romance novels as realaity AINT LIKE THAT lol.

if you go with a partner who already has kids you walk into it eyes wide open and know it isnt always gonna be plain sailing ,but whos life ever is??? you knuckle down and work through things not turn on your heel when things get tough!every person comes with challenges its how you work together to get through the challenges that makes a realionship stronger .

theres bound to be faults on both sides .her boyfriend may not be paying her much attension and id bet she isnt blameless and hasnt told you the whole story ,just her version of it. if it was a guy who moved out because his gf was having issues with her kids there would be uproar and hed be told to grow a pair! i think shes only think of the work guy as a case of the grass seems greener .but shes not sloving any problems just running into a whole set of new ones .the new guys could well be controling or a neat freak lol !! instead of sympathy she needs a cold dose of reality . either her boyfriend is worth making an effort and working with him to sort his family situation or she can move on .what she cant do is bleat that shes getting the raw end of the deal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"who ever said family life is easy for anyone?? you dont just turn and bail when going gets tough !every realationship needs WORK and effort for it to grow and survive the tough times . if youre exspecting it to be roses all the way then youre nieve, deluding yourself and should stick to romance novels as realaity AINT LIKE THAT lol.

if you go with a partner who already has kids you walk into it eyes wide open and know it isnt always gonna be plain sailing ,but whos life ever is??? you knuckle down and work through things not turn on your heel when things get tough!every person comes with challenges its how you work together to get through the challenges that makes a realionship stronger .

theres bound to be faults on both sides .her boyfriend may not be paying her much attension and id bet she isnt blameless and hasnt told you the whole story ,just her version of it. if it was a guy who moved out because his gf was having issues with her kids there would be uproar and hed be told to grow a pair! i think shes only think of the work guy as a case of the grass seems greener .but shes not sloving any problems just running into a whole set of new ones .the new guys could well be controling or a neat freak lol !! instead of sympathy she needs a cold dose of reality . either her boyfriend is worth making an effort and working with him to sort his family situation or she can move on .what she cant do is bleat that shes getting the raw end of the deal "
What a good post your good xx really good and to the point. xxx jo best post read here for months xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree that if a couple are in a relationship and there are children involved from previous relationships, whilst its the toughest kind ever to go through, it should be tackled together and put on a united front to the children, as it will never work. If this lady wants to move back with her fella then the problems with the kids will start up again as theyve already seen her walk out once and will put pressure on for her to go again.

Its very difficult for a couple to get together then they have children from previous relationships and it really hard to be pushed and pulled in lots of different directions and pressure and guilt gets in the way, but as a couple you do have to show a united front together that signifies strength (even if you dont always feel it at times)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Hmmmm, is there more to this?

Is this a situation where your friend is involved with a married/separated man and the children's loyalties are being split?

Just being nosey!

Nooooooooooooooooo not at all he's been alone for 8 years or more lol They see their mum regularly. However the eldest seems not to want anyone with her dad, and has only been back home a few weeks after splitting with her Bf"

Aaaaaah...got it.

Nothing more difficult than jealous teens...been there!!

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