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National Clottery!

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP   Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'm fooking fuming that once again I haven't won!

I was listening to a talk on the idiocy of doing the lottery and it made perfect sense when they did all the maths.

Soon .... there will be TEN more balls and your chances of winning go from 14m to 1 to 50m to 1.

Just my luck. Too old for prostitution and won't live long enough to win the megabucks.

Suggestions on a chippendale for how I can raise cash to keep me in thick tights and wooly jumpers please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Buy a flock of sheep?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

it's quite simple granny you need to buy 50m and one lottery tickets. No need to thank me

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP   Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Buy a flock of sheep?"

What with ?

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP   Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"it's quite simple granny you need to buy 50m and one lottery tickets. No need to thank me "

I thought of that. If you loan me the 100m required to buy them I'll say good things when you're gone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Post your used underwear out?

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP   Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Post your used underwear out? "

Not a bad idea. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"it's quite simple granny you need to buy 50m and one lottery tickets. No need to thank me

I thought of that. If you loan me the 100m required to buy them I'll say good things when you're gone."

Just off to get my cheque book........

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley


"I'm fooking fuming that once again I haven't won!

I was listening to a talk on the idiocy of doing the lottery and it made perfect sense when they did all the maths.

Soon .... there will be TEN more balls and your chances of winning go from 14m to 1 to 50m to 1.

Just my luck. Too old for prostitution and won't live long enough to win the megabucks.

Suggestions on a chippendale for how I can raise cash to keep me in thick tights and wooly jumpers please. "

Typical, has to be Chippendale, just any old futniture will do for dear old Gran!

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP   Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I meant a male stripper Tupper.

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley


"I meant a male stripper Tupper. "

Oh there was me thinking you were trying to make millions through backdoor means. xxx

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By *atcherofmyballsMan
over a year ago

hereford

Find and marry a rich old man and wait til he pops his clogs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Post your used underwear out? "
I hear tell they are looking for flags at Swingfields?

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley


"Find and marry a rich old man and wait til he pops his clogs"

I would like to take this opportunity to state I'm a poor pensioner.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP   Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Post your used underwear out? I hear tell they are looking for flags at Swingfields?"

That made me laugh.

I was thinking parachutes.

I'll give you flags. Bunting is just about right for a teeny fanwah.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP   Woman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Find and marry a rich old man and wait til he pops his clogs

I would like to take this opportunity to state I'm a poor pensioner. "

Hmmmm Im a rich pensioner. Sigh ..... so it's a no match :P

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Post your used underwear out? I hear tell they are looking for flags at Swingfields?

That made me laugh.

I was thinking parachutes.

I'll give you flags. Bunting is just about right for a teeny fanwah. "
Maybe a flag of the United Nations ...............blowing in the breeze at the festival of love?

Just make sure the skiddies are removed?

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By *atcherofmyballsMan
over a year ago

hereford


"Post your used underwear out? I hear tell they are looking for flags at Swingfields?"

We call them apple catchers in this neck of the woods

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely it will almost always be a roll over? The lottery has always been a tax on poor and desperate. Like most forms of gambling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Surely it will almost always be a roll over? The lottery has always been a tax on poor and desperate. Like most forms of gambling."

the better bet is Premium Bonds, still a good chance of winning and I am only lending my money to you, I can take it back from you within 5 days notice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

someone out there will want a granny fanny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"someone out there will want a granny fanny "
How would you describe a granny fanny in the vernacular?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it's quite simple granny you need to buy 50m and one lottery tickets. No need to thank me

I thought of that. If you loan me the 100m required to buy them I'll say good things when you're gone.

Just off to get my cheque book........"

While you've got it out.....

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Just save your pennies til there's a rollover worth winning

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By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley


"Find and marry a rich old man and wait til he pops his clogs

I would like to take this opportunity to state I'm a poor pensioner.

Hmmmm Im a rich pensioner. Sigh ..... so it's a no match :P"

Typical a rich woman complaining she doesn't win the lottery. You have beauty, money and you won't share with someone less fortunate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it's quite simple granny you need to buy 50m and one lottery tickets. No need to thank me

I thought of that. If you loan me the 100m required to buy them I'll say good things when you're gone.

Just off to get my cheque book........

While you've got it out..... "
Interestingly even if you spent £100m on lottery tickets you still would not win your money back. A lottery of any significant size doesn't put 100% of its income into the prize fund. Suppose the lottery puts only 50% of the ticket sales money into the prize fund with tickets at say £1: now spending £1,000,000 on tickets gives you an expected return of only £500,000. Spending £1 on a ticket gives you an expected return of 50p. You always lose money, on average. And it doesn't matter how many people play, because every £1 somebody else sounds on a ticket only adds 50p to the prize fund, but adds one whole extra person that you might have to split the winnings with.

Just save the £2

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/06/15 12:34:55]

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By *icky999Man
over a year ago

warrington


"it's quite simple granny you need to buy 50m and one lottery tickets. No need to thank me

I thought of that. If you loan me the 100m required to buy them I'll say good things when you're gone.

Just off to get my cheque book........

While you've got it out..... Interestingly even if you spent £100m on lottery tickets you still would not win your money back. A lottery of any significant size doesn't put 100% of its income into the prize fund. Suppose the lottery puts only 50% of the ticket sales money into the prize fund with tickets at say £1: now spending £1,000,000 on tickets gives you an expected return of only £500,000. Spending £1 on a ticket gives you an expected return of 50p. You always lose money, on average. And it doesn't matter how many people play, because every £1 somebody else sounds on a ticket only adds 50p to the prize fund, but adds one whole extra person that you might have to split the winnings with.

Just save the £2"

see; rollover

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"it's quite simple granny you need to buy 50m and one lottery tickets. No need to thank me

I thought of that. If you loan me the 100m required to buy them I'll say good things when you're gone.

Just off to get my cheque book........

While you've got it out..... Interestingly even if you spent £100m on lottery tickets you still would not win your money back. A lottery of any significant size doesn't put 100% of its income into the prize fund. Suppose the lottery puts only 50% of the ticket sales money into the prize fund with tickets at say £1: now spending £1,000,000 on tickets gives you an expected return of only £500,000. Spending £1 on a ticket gives you an expected return of 50p. You always lose money, on average. And it doesn't matter how many people play, because every £1 somebody else sounds on a ticket only adds 50p to the prize fund, but adds one whole extra person that you might have to split the winnings with.

Just save the £2

see; rollover"
same issues Beethoven

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