FabSwingers.com forum: am I an idiot?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Morning,

Recently been seeing this woman on and off for almost a year, she is married and has a child.

Recently she said that she wanted to make it work with her husband which is fair enough I suppose and I got this text where she says that"i am the love of her life...happy that we shared a special intimate bond, etc..."

Part of me wants to tell her husband what she has done, although I'm not going to and couldn't live with the guilt of breaking up a family and have always told her that it has to be her decision.

Am I an idiot for falling for her?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What would you gain from telling her husband?

No you've not been an idiot by falling for her we can't help our feelings. Just make sure you don't let her use you anymore..if its over its over. Hope you can move on and find happiness elsewhere

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're not an idiot. We all are human after all and with that comes emotions. You knew she was married though when she started seeing her, so the outcome was unlikely to ever be that you would run off into the sunset together.

If you can, move on and let her get on with her life and you yours. Don't be too available to her and get out there meeting other people! There are plenty of singles around. Much less complicated.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *awandOrderCouple
over a year ago

SW London

I am a firm believer in the fact that you cannot help who you fall for. So in that sense, you could not help it. I don't condone affairs in any way, but it would be a disaster to tell her husband, rather things will probably come to an end anyway .... or maybe they will work it out. Not everyone has the chance to experience love to that depth, so for that, you should consider yourself blessed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

That's the danger of married people as there is always the risk they will get back together and then unfortunatly someone always gets hurt

Some people take it worse than others but it seems the best option is to move on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

You're an idiot for getting involved in the first place. We're not robots so it was always likely one or both of you would become emotionally involved.

You gambled and lost. The fact you considered telling her husband says a lot about you. Leave her alone. Forget about her. Take sone time to "recover" and seek someone who is free to be with you, if that's what you want.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am I an idiot for falling for her? "

No, not an idiot at all - that's the problem with any kind of relationship - they often take a path we don't expect. I've been where you are and it sucks - but no, you don't tell her husband, you walk away and put it down to experience.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

I guess you can't help who you fall for but you knew what you were getting into from the start...

Telling her husband would be petty and bitter and is likely to do nothing other than destroy her family and make her resent you - I highly doubt she'd thank you for it and you'd both live happily ever after.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Morning,

Recently been seeing this woman on and off for almost a year, she is married and has a child.

Part of me wants to tell her husband what she has done, although I'm not going to and couldn't live with the guilt of breaking up a family and have always told her that it has to be her decision.

Am I an idiot for falling for her? "

Not an idiot for falling for her but daft for getting involved. You walked in with your eyes wide open.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orethancurvesWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Id actually say u sound like a decent guy rather than an idiot. The heart often over rules the head, and like everyone has said, we cant help our emotions.

But telling her husband is the biggest spitting ur dummy out the pram ever. U would not gain anything from that and in the end would only make u feel worse than u do now.

They have a child tgether so have that life long connection and bond.

Sounds to me like u should get urself out there playing again pretty quick to keep urself occupied rather than thinking of breaking a family up.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Don't tell him and don't see her. What is done is done. Look to the future.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just to clarify I would never tell her husband because of the ramifications, I did tell her from the start it's her decision...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What they said.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orethancurvesWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Just to clarify I would never tell her husband because of the ramifications, I did tell her from the start it's her decision..."

But u thought about it enough to put it into words on here.

Emotions and jealousy are awful things sometimes and by the sounds of it u fell very heavily for her too.

U just need to move on now. Get urself back out there and learn from ur mistakes this time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thats a shame dude, love is fickle. Time to move on and find someone with less complications (un married) as 9 times out of 10 you'll set youself up for a fall.

You sound like a decent guy so i am sure you'll find an equally lovely lass to be with. Just unfortunate its not her.

Chin up

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You knew what the deal was.

She was married and presumably cheating.

It was never going to work in your favour.

And if she did leave her husband for you, she probably would have just cheated on you with someone new. People rarely change.

Move on, meet new people, find someone who isn't messing around behind someone elses back.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No your not an idiot your just human. We build strong emotional bonds with people.

I had a very similar experience.it was the most fantastic two years of my life.

Words were said to make the bond closers , as I guess is the same in your case.

Telling her husband will only ruin more lives.

Take time to grieve , because it is a grieving process. Remember the good times and keep all the happy memories.

I wish you all the best luck

Taff

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orethancurvesWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"No your not an idiot your just human. We build strong emotional bonds with people.

I had a very similar experience.it was the most fantastic two years of my life.

Words were said to make the bond closers , as I guess is the same in your case.

Telling her husband will only ruin more lives.

Take time to grieve , because it is a grieving process. Remember the good times and keep all the happy memories.

I wish you all the best luck

Taff

Tried to word it like that but failed!

what taff said.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'd be a bloody idiot if you did tell her husband

You'd only be causing more grief and pain to everyone involved

You got yourself into a relationship with a married woman, for whatever reason, and fell for her.

You will have known that these things rarely end happily.

Now that it's over you need to try and draw a line under it and move on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not what a gent would do...

understand you are upset, hurt and maybe angry but you went into things eyes wide open. Time to move on and put this down to life experience, good luck for the future, things can only get better.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Falling in love is never idiotic, but you may have been foolish to have continued once feelings started to develop.

Telling her husband would hurt and punish the only two innocent people in this.

But sorry, reality check: you are not, and never will be, the love of her life. Her child is. Her husband is second. You *may* be third (but I suspect it's actually herself).

Whether she is telling you that to make you both feel better about what you did, or simply to keep you hanging around for those times she needs another little boost to her confidence I cannot say. However I do know that you need to cut all ties for the sake of your own sanity, and move on.

Remember the good times, but accept they are over.

Best of luck.

Mr ddc

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ombshellWoman
over a year ago

islington

"You knew what the deal was.

She was married and presumably cheating.

It was never going to work in your favour.

And if she did leave her husband for you, she probably would have just cheated on you with someone new. People rarely change.

Move on, meet new people, find someone who isn't messing around behind someone elses back."

agrees..... and for this reason i never meet attached men

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is one of many reasons why I steer well clear of married/attached guys, just not worth the hassle.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I fell in love at first sight. Literally a lightning bolt hit me and i remember every single detail. It was the worst time of my life and ended with family hatred, miscarriage and the tragically esrly death of the lady concerned.

I loved her then, i love her now. Nothing you can do except live the time you have with her, relive the life you had with her, put it in a box and just take a peek from time to time.

There is also the "why". Is she going back for the child's sake, for hubby's sake or for her sake.

People and situations are so complex. Good luck

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I fell in love at first sight. Literally a lightning bolt hit me and i remember every single detail. It was the worst time of my life and ended with family hatred, miscarriage and the tragically esrly death of the lady concerned.

I loved her then, i love her now. Nothing you can do except live the time you have with her, relive the life you had with her, put it in a box and just take a peek from time to time.

There is also the "why". Is she going back for the child's sake, for hubby's sake or for her sake.

People and situations are so complex. Good luck"

Well said

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But u knew where had family when u started playing so it was ok then but now cos she's giving family full go ur unhappy!!?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

There is also the "why". Is she going back for the child's sake, for hubby's sake or for her sake.

Nooooooo!

There can never be 'why'

That way lies 'what if', 'perhaps' and 'maybe, if I just...'

That way is continued heartache, self-delusion and pain.

Why does not matter. The good times were wonderful, be grateful for them, but close the box tightly and throw away the key.

Then hide it in the attic for you to find in 20 years time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is one of many reasons why I steer well clear of married/attached guys, just not worth the hassle."

not worth the hassle in what way, in case you fall for them do you mean?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_Samantha_LovecockTV/TS
over a year ago

bmth /poole sometimes blandford

change your fone number or she'll be playing head games with you via txt 4 ages

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course there is the "why". Without the why there is only simplicity and the one thing we know about people and situations is that nothing is simple.

You do whatever you can to get to the stage where it fits in the box. And make sure it isnt one of those jack in the boxes that spring open at the most inopportune moment.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"change your fone number or she'll be playing head games with you via txt 4 ages "

When things aren't going well at home, she might use you to make her feel better.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're not an idiot, just as you wouldn't be an idiot if it were any relationship that had ended. Move on and leave her to her life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"Of course there is the "why". Without the why there is only simplicity and the one thing we know about people and situations is that nothing is simple.

(Of course there is, but sometimes I don't say what is true, I say what I judge people need to hear

)

You do whatever you can to get to the stage where it fits in the box. And make sure it isnt one of those jack in the boxes that spring open at the most inopportune moment."

Also what Miss Lovecock says ^^ too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r Man.Man
over a year ago

London

"Morning,

Recently been seeing this woman on and off for almost a year, she is married and has a child.

Part of me wants to tell her husband what she has done, although I'm not going to and couldn't live with the guilt of breaking up a family and have always told her that it has to be her decision.

Am I an idiot for falling for her? "

Don't be a female dog.

You played the game with a married woman, fear enough.

You fell in love with a married woman, your fault.

And because you can't get what you want, you want to make her husband feel your pain.

Stop been a female dog and grow a pair.

Leave them alone!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Not an idiot OP, human..

and like the rest of us less than perfect humans you fell for someone however its over so as said move on which is clearly hard for you at this time..

telling her husband would drive her further away from you and would be a low thing to do, rise above it and move on..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivemeyoursoulWoman
over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

Am I missing something

,people are saying he sounds like a decent man! I don't see someone who has sex with a woman who has a young family as being decent. I wonder if her husband thinks he's decent! It's your own fault for how you are now feeling!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r Man.Man
over a year ago

London

"Am I missing something

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You cant control your feelings I agree

But you can control how you act on them

It was mutual and consenting so no that doesn't make you an idiot, pandering this idea to tell the hubby does though,

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Op move on and let her do the same,telling her husband would only cause him pain and does he deserve it really?.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Morning,

Recently been seeing this woman on and off for almost a year, she is married and has a child.

Part of me wants to tell her husband what she has done, although I'm not going to and couldn't live with the guilt of breaking up a family and have always told her that it has to be her decision.

Am I an idiot for falling for her? "

Yes.

Do you want his car, shoes, golf clubs and power saw? Or was it just his Mrs you were after

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

"Yes"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *o-jCouple
over a year ago

Outskirts of Notts

If you need to ask the question .....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread