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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A major earthquake measuring 5.2 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Saturday October 30th 2010. Centred on Market Rasen, Lincolnshire, the earthquake decimated the nearby town of Doncaster, causing almost £30 worth of damage. News of the disaster was swiftly carried abroad by 85,000 racing pigeons, while television footage of the area obtained by the BBC showed victims wandering around aimlessly muttering "foookinell" and "choofinnorah".
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair, while three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived, while three commuters from Nottingham who got lost en-route to Sheffield were attacked by escaped Staffordshire Bull Terriers.
BBC Radio Sheffield reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Doncaster. One resident - Tracy Sharon Braithwaite, a 14-year-old mother of 3, said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning."
Local news reports noted that normal day-to-day activities such as looting, muggings and car crime carried on as usual. Ivor Bung, leader of Doncaster Council said, "It is a credit to the people of Doncaster that they have not allowed this tragedy to break their spirit. We are delighted to see local people going on about their daily business, and once we receive another hand-out from the government it will be used to recompense Councillors for their additional stress during this difficult time."
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate people who were caught up in this disaster. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight donated by the local Netto store to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland. However, clothing is still urgently needed, specifically the following items:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), shell suits (female), white sport socks, Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Peacocks store
Food parcels are also urgently required. Ideal foodstuffs include Microwave meals, supernoodles, tins of baked beans, supermarket own-brand ice cream, cans of Special Brew and 3-litre bottles of white cider. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9, and £5.00 will pay for a packet of Richmond Superkings and a lighter to calm the nerves of 12-year-old schoolchildren at the nearby Ledger Specialist Arts and Media College (formerly Bessacar Comprehensive). Tins of whippet food are also urgently required, while lottery scratch cards (unused) are also welcome.
Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is considered unfair on the neighbouring settlement of Rotherham.
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Mrs is from Donny, Mr is from York... house prices determined where we settled 
