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Role reversal

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just wanted to know if anyone else had experienced this. I am normally a very soft hearted emotional type, fall in love and fall hard. Well after a crappy seperation i decided that maybe the way forward was to take on the attitude of most ( not all) men and have a love them and leave them attitude. Well at 1st it seemed ok, no broken heart and still got to have fun but then things changed, seems if you treat men like some treat us the tables turn. They become all emotional, jealous and declare their undying love for you and when you tell them it's over they become bunny boilers

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

West Midlands

Haha yeah

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By *iamondjoeMan
over a year ago

Glastonbury

It is a feature of human relatinships - lovers, friends or family - that we try to put right in the *next relationship what went wrong in the *previous* one.

This fails to take in to consideration that we're dealing with a different person and different circumstances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It is a feature of human relatinships - lovers, friends or family - that we try to put right in the *next relationship what went wrong in the *previous* one.

This fails to take in to consideration that we're dealing with a different person and different circumstances. "

That's deep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That all seems a bit bitter and twisted to me. I don't think you should have a plan as to how you're going to act in any future relationships. I think you're hurt but you're going the wrong way about healing yourself. You surely don't want to be like the people that you didn't like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I feel I'm getting even slightly involved, I run like hell.

Fingers. Burnt.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That all seems a bit bitter and twisted to me. I don't think you should have a plan as to how you're going to act in any future relationships. I think you're hurt but you're going the wrong way about healing yourself. You surely don't want to be like the people that you didn't like."

My message probably hasn't come across the way i had intended. I don't have an agenda what i was trying to put over was that since my not so good relationship i chose to hold back with my emotions or even keep them to myself and try to go slow ( mans pace) and not be so eager to please and because of this almost like role reversal. I find that by doing this the men start to want you more and become more emotional, almost like the behaviour of us women. It's almost like reverse phycology! I'm not 1 for playing games i was merely pointing out what i had found.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think the "falling in love quicker" thing splits down gender lines. Most of the men I know fell in love pretty quick... but I also know some women who trip over themselves to fall in love. The whole holding back thing your describing is just what shits do to try and manipulate people they don't really care about. Fortunately I haven't had close personal experience of this so I can't tell you if this is more of a male thing or a female thing but I can imagine it's utterly infuriating being on the other side of... and makes you into something of a challenge for others to crack.

I can't imagine it ending up being a good thing... it's most likely to backfire on you imo. There's a certain aspect of falling in love where you allow yourself to do it. You risk getting blocked and not allowing yourself to fall in love if you approach every new relationship with a defensive mindset imo. What's more, you might be half way through a relationship with someone who you've denied yourself to, only to realise that they're the one for you.. but it's too late cos you've already set a negativity into motion in the relationship.

Personally... I'd always go with being emotionally available and honest... let your heart get broken and bruised... and just hope love finds its way to your door... but then I'm a hopeless romantic so I would say that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think the "falling in love quicker" thing splits down gender lines. Most of the men I know fell in love pretty quick... but I also know some women who trip over themselves to fall in love. The whole holding back thing your describing is just what shits do to try and manipulate people they don't really care about. Fortunately I haven't had close personal experience of this so I can't tell you if this is more of a male thing or a female thing but I can imagine it's utterly infuriating being on the other side of... and makes you into something of a challenge for others to crack.

I can't imagine it ending up being a good thing... it's most likely to backfire on you imo. There's a certain aspect of falling in love where you allow yourself to do it. You risk getting blocked and not allowing yourself to fall in love if you approach every new relationship with a defensive mindset imo. What's more, you might be half way through a relationship with someone who you've denied yourself to, only to realise that they're the one for you.. but it's too late cos you've already set a negativity into motion in the relationship.

Personally... I'd always go with being emotionally available and honest... let your heart get broken and bruised... and just hope love finds its way to your door... but then I'm a hopeless romantic so I would say that "

I agree with this

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Games people play - once you start playing, there are many others who can play the games too. And very well.

Consider time to follow a different plan.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't think the "falling in love quicker" thing splits down gender lines. Most of the men I know fell in love pretty quick... but I also know some women who trip over themselves to fall in love. The whole holding back thing your describing is just what shits do to try and manipulate people they don't really care about. Fortunately I haven't had close personal experience of this so I can't tell you if this is more of a male thing or a female thing but I can imagine it's utterly infuriating being on the other side of... and makes you into something of a challenge for others to crack.

I can't imagine it ending up being a good thing... it's most likely to backfire on you imo. There's a certain aspect of falling in love where you allow yourself to do it. You risk getting blocked and not allowing yourself to fall in love if you approach every new relationship with a defensive mindset imo. What's more, you might be half way through a relationship with someone who you've denied yourself to, only to realise that they're the one for you.. but it's too late cos you've already set a negativity into motion in the relationship.

Personally... I'd always go with being emotionally available and honest... let your heart get broken and bruised... and just hope love finds its way to your door... but then I'm a hopeless romantic so I would say that "

Thank you for your reply. I'm not in a position at the moment to have a proper relationship so this example is actually based on mutual nsa relationships. I am a very kind hearted person and like yourself a hopeless romantic but because of a very difficult situation i am having to seek nsa and hold back any feelings not just for me. I just wondered in general if anyone had noticed if they had kept things at arms length ( as i say for reason personal to me) if the behaviour of the male had changed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I just wondered in general if anyone had noticed if they had kept things at arms length ( as i say for reason personal to me) if the behaviour of the male had changed."

Put someone on the assembly line for making sweets and tell them they can have all they eat and they'll pig themselves for a couple of days, grow sick of it, and never want to touch it again.

Stick a kid in a room with a cake and tell them they can't have it and they'll devour it the minute your back's turned.

We always want what we can't have... we always want to fix people we think are nice underneath but emotionally injured on top. That's just basic psychology. It might be a trick you can use to make a man or a woman fall in love with you... but it's still a trick... and it won't necessarily keep them in love with you. As I understand you're after NSA sex at this point, and this site is alll about that so don't worry you're among friends here, I'd suggest you be honest and upfront with people that you're not looking for love and that, as a result, you're holding yourself back a bit, then if they get all bunny boiler just trying to diffuse the situation and walk away from it rather than enjoy it... or be overly dramatic about it... but again... that's just my opinion and I have no idea what's really going on in your world

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