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Bullying

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just a bit of a rant. Mr and myself are working hard to get fit he normally goes to the gym maybe 3-4times a week for 2hours a day and hes come out with that he was laughed at by a bunch of 'gym douches' last time he went and now doesn't want to go back because of this little incident. I was bullied growing up as I was a much larger child and didn't shed any until I turned 17 when I had a stint of not eating and walking 6 miles a day (don't judge as at the time it felt right) I now know not to care what others think if you are trying to get fit or get better for yourself but he hasn't the same _iews as I do. I'm tempted to phone the gym and ask what their policy is on bullying - it's not fair as we live in a small town and don't drive so attending another gym isn't an option. Any kind and encouraging words for Mr? (I'm not all that kind and can't do kind words tbh - I know I should but he's not in my good books)

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By *abes in the woodWoman
over a year ago

wales

I was bully at high school so take no notice what they say better way take someone else along with you dont let them scare you of as they got nothing better too do and enjoy going to gym don't let them destroy what you enjoy

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Well they didn't become gym douches overnight, they need to remember they started from nowhere, I really hope this doesn't knock his confidence and he keeps going, me, I would just say stuff them and ignore them but if its put him off is there a different time of day he could go?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just a bit of a rant. Mr and myself are working hard to get fit he normally goes to the gym maybe 3-4times a week for 2hours a day and hes come out with that he was laughed at by a bunch of 'gym douches' last time he went and now doesn't want to go back because of this little incident. I was bullied growing up as I was a much larger child and didn't shed any until I turned 17 when I had a stint of not eating and walking 6 miles a day (don't judge as at the time it felt right) I now know not to care what others think if you are trying to get fit or get better for yourself but he hasn't the same _iews as I do. I'm tempted to phone the gym and ask what their policy is on bullying - it's not fair as we live in a small town and don't drive so attending another gym isn't an option. Any kind and encouraging words for Mr? (I'm not all that kind and can't do kind words tbh - I know I should but he's not in my good books)"

Sorry to hear about what happened at the gym it's not nice but I'm sure if he keeps at it he will be the one laughing,HOWEVER as his partner if he can't rely on you to be supportive and say kind things not sure it's it's our job too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's just laughing then tell him to shrug it off and not be intimidated by a bunch of losers. If he quits the gym then they have won.

The gym I go to is run by a Nabba heavyweight who makes sure egos are left at the door. Not sure it's the gyms job to police laughing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

If I was a more caring person then yes I would but all that came out of my mouth was ignore them. It's not my fault he's in my bad books - was his own fault. He goes through the day as I work at nights and it's the quietest for him while our little one is at playgroup. I told him try swimming if he doesn't want to go to the gym but he prefers a hard going work out.

He moved with us and hasn't made any friends that are free through the day so he doesn't have anyone else he can go with.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"If I was a more caring person then yes I would but all that came out of my mouth was ignore them. It's not my fault he's in my bad books - was his own fault. He goes through the day as I work at nights and it's the quietest for him while our little one is at playgroup. I told him try swimming if he doesn't want to go to the gym but he prefers a hard going work out.

He moved with us and hasn't made any friends that are free through the day so he doesn't have anyone else he can go with. "
he could make friends at the gym by asking people advice, and take it from there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like all bullies they are just masking their own insecurities and will only do it in groups.

Hubby is doing a great job at trying to better himself and they could learn a thing or two.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If I was a more caring person then yes I would but all that came out of my mouth was ignore them. It's not my fault he's in my bad books - was his own fault. He goes through the day as I work at nights and it's the quietest for him while our little one is at playgroup. I told him try swimming if he doesn't want to go to the gym but he prefers a hard going work out.

He moved with us and hasn't made any friends that are free through the day so he doesn't have anyone else he can go with. "

Crikey how's it his fault?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If it's just laughing then tell him to shrug it off and not be intimidated by a bunch of losers. If he quits the gym then they have won.

The gym I go to is run by a Nabba heavyweight who makes sure egos are left at the door. Not sure it's the gyms job to police laughing. "

Perhaps not police it but I would have thought they may have a zero tolerance policy for the likes of intimidation and such? The gym is the one luxury we can afford atm (with being the only one working) I'm just very annoyed and this is a little topper now. He's not confident in himself as it is and hes not the sort to want to keep at it if it'll happen again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If I was a more caring person then yes I would but all that came out of my mouth was ignore them. It's not my fault he's in my bad books - was his own fault. He goes through the day as I work at nights and it's the quietest for him while our little one is at playgroup. I told him try swimming if he doesn't want to go to the gym but he prefers a hard going work out.

He moved with us and hasn't made any friends that are free through the day so he doesn't have anyone else he can go with. "

Hmmm " it's not my fault he's in my bad books it's all his own fault " .......

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If I was a more caring person then yes I would but all that came out of my mouth was ignore them. It's not my fault he's in my bad books - was his own fault. He goes through the day as I work at nights and it's the quietest for him while our little one is at playgroup. I told him try swimming if he doesn't want to go to the gym but he prefers a hard going work out.

He moved with us and hasn't made any friends that are free through the day so he doesn't have anyone else he can go with.

Crikey how's it his fault? "

He had severely pissed me off after a stressful day at work and hes not apologised or F.a. for it. He expects me to just let it go and move on which he should know by now will not be happening.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"Just a bit of a rant. Mr and myself are working hard to get fit he normally goes to the gym maybe 3-4times a week for 2hours a day and hes come out with that he was laughed at by a bunch of 'gym douches' last time he went and now doesn't want to go back because of this little incident. I was bullied growing up as I was a much larger child and didn't shed any until I turned 17 when I had a stint of not eating and walking 6 miles a day (don't judge as at the time it felt right) I now know not to care what others think if you are trying to get fit or get better for yourself but he hasn't the same _iews as I do. I'm tempted to phone the gym and ask what their policy is on bullying - it's not fair as we live in a small town and don't drive so attending another gym isn't an option. Any kind and encouraging words for Mr? (I'm not all that kind and can't do kind words tbh - I know I should but he's not in my good books)"

so instead of you being supportive and telling him its only some idiots and to ignore and crack on with his goal you want strangers to do that..?

seems a tad strange..

inclined to tell him to grow a set and laugh at them, use their laughter as an incentive then one day when he's achieved his aim he can just look them in the eye and smile..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear about these tw*ts. I would suggest that he tries to find a quiter time to go there. I go on a Sat evening 90mins before they close, and the wally's have gone home,to do their hair to go out clubing!.Its important that he feels comfortable when he's exercising, and its brill that he wants improve his health, self esteem etc. Encourage him to go walking, rambling is really go for you. Good luck, and dont give up. Dave x,

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

How does he know they were laughing at him ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just a bit of a rant. Mr and myself are working hard to get fit he normally goes to the gym maybe 3-4times a week for 2hours a day and hes come out with that he was laughed at by a bunch of 'gym douches' last time he went and now doesn't want to go back because of this little incident. I was bullied growing up as I was a much larger child and didn't shed any until I turned 17 when I had a stint of not eating and walking 6 miles a day (don't judge as at the time it felt right) I now know not to care what others think if you are trying to get fit or get better for yourself but he hasn't the same _iews as I do. I'm tempted to phone the gym and ask what their policy is on bullying - it's not fair as we live in a small town and don't drive so attending another gym isn't an option. Any kind and encouraging words for Mr? (I'm not all that kind and can't do kind words tbh - I know I should but he's not in my good books)

so instead of you being supportive and telling him its only some idiots and to ignore and crack on with his goal you want strangers to do that..?

seems a tad strange..

inclined to tell him to grow a set and laugh at them, use their laughter as an incentive then one day when he's achieved his aim he can just look them in the eye and smile.."

Look at my one of my other posts - explains that's what I told him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really do feel for you, I too was bullied as a child. You should not have to put up with such behaviour. I recommend you put it in writing to the gym owners and complain, they have a duty of care to all members especially as your paying.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Sorry to hear about these tw*ts. I would suggest that he tries to find a quiter time to go there. I go on a Sat evening 90mins before they close, and the wally's have gone home,to do their hair to go out clubing!.Its important that he feels comfortable when he's exercising, and its brill that he wants improve his health, self esteem etc. Encourage him to go walking, rambling is really go for you. Good luck, and dont give up. Dave x, "

That's the thing though that was a quiet time for him, I work evening and he is a stay at home dad for the time being so like mond-Fri 10-12 is the only time he can properly go. Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gyms had staff. He must have spoken to one of them when he joined.

Advise him to chat to one of them next time he goes in. It's bad for trade if a small clique of customers are ruining it for others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If I was a more caring person then yes I would but all that came out of my mouth was ignore them. It's not my fault he's in my bad books - was his own fault. He goes through the day as I work at nights and it's the quietest for him while our little one is at playgroup. I told him try swimming if he doesn't want to go to the gym but he prefers a hard going work out.

He moved with us and hasn't made any friends that are free through the day so he doesn't have anyone else he can go with.

Crikey how's it his fault?

He had severely pissed me off after a stressful day at work and hes not apologised or F.a. for it. He expects me to just let it go and move on which he should know by now will not be happening. "

Surely that's a personal thing between you and him and not for us to know, thought the topic was about bullying and giving him support, seems he's copping it at the gym and at home how about you as his partner encourage him, support him it will mean a hell lot more coming from you than a bunch of strangers, if my partner expressed on here how pissed off with me she was i would not be a happy chappy

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

4. Bullying - a definition

There is no legal definition of bullying.

However, it’s usually defined as behaviour that is:

##repeated

##intended to hurt someone either physically or emotionally

##often aimed at certain groups, eg because of race, religion, gender or sexual orientation

As far as I have read a man heard some people laugh and has assumed it was towards him which doesn't fit in with the definition of bullying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone is laughing at another because they are actively trying to better themselves, it says a lot about the twats laughing. Tell him to get back in there, plug his headphones in and ignore them. Works for me! I get so annoyed at those guys, there is one in every gym. But they're the minority, & everyone starts somewhere.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I hope he goes back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Laughing is not bullying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

4. Bullying - a definition

There is no legal definition of bullying.

However, it’s usually defined as behaviour that is:

##repeated

##intended to hurt someone either physically or emotionally

##often aimed at certain groups, eg because of race, religion, gender or sexual orientation

As far as I have read a man heard some people laugh and has assumed it was towards him which doesn't fit in with the definition of bullying."

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By *heOwlMan
over a year ago

Altrincham


"Laughing is not bullying."

Repeated laughing AT someone, with the intent to make them uncomfortable can be bulying.

Btw bullying is a learnt behaviour and therefore can be corrected.

Much as it is easy to say man up and get on with it, this just leads to further issues, one of which is bottling things up.

Personally I would suggest having a quiet word with one of the staff, they may be able to do something, or find a way to make the bullies uncomfortable with their actions.

(That said, I'm not that good at following my own advice.)

I hope you find a way to continue with the gym.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Was the OP bullied, too?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"Laughing is not bullying.

Repeated laughing AT someone, with the intent to make them uncomfortable can be bulying.

."

In this case it was one time and it may or may not have been aimed at him as there wasn't any further explanation.

I think the "bullying" word is bandied about way to easily.

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