FabSwingers.com forum: my sofa is cheating on me

By *hocolate007 OP Man
over a year ago

london

I shagged my sofa 2 months ago but just realised the bleeping sofa is 4 months pregnant. I suspect my mates have been shagging it aswell and are probably responsible for the pregnancy but wont admit it. Any advice on how to get the truth out of my sofa ?

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

A tub of Ben and Jerry's a chick flick and a sympathetic listening attitude should get the details.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

How do you know its pregnant

Has it been having symptoms?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i. Think you need to man up stop trying to push it onto others step up to your responsibilities .

Geeez i can see why jeremy kyle gets angry at times

Her

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Maybe it's the pouffe

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

You need to get to the 'bottom' of it because if youve got little chairs to maintain you are going to have to get on touch with the CSA (chair support agency)

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By *hocolate007 OP Man
over a year ago

london

"How do you know its pregnant

Has it been having symptoms?"

its been throwing up and farting all day long

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By *hocolate007 OP Man
over a year ago

london

i. Think you need to man up stop trying to push it onto others step up to your responsibilities .

Geeez i can see why jeremy kyle gets angry at times

Her"

come to think of it i could take the sofa down to jeremy kyle for a lie detector test . But what do i do if the sofa fails the lie detector test ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"How do you know its pregnant

Has it been having symptoms?

its been throwing up and farting all day long"

That's not fool proof evidence. Is it sulking irrationally and licking woodchip ?

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By *hocolate007 OP Man
over a year ago

london

"How do you know its pregnant

Has it been having symptoms?

its been throwing up and farting all day long

That's not fool proof evidence. Is it sulking irrationally and licking woodchip ?"

oh trust me its been sulking a lot, i even went as far as getting the neighbours cat to have words with it and all i got was '' IL WALK OUT ON YOU WALLY IF YOU DONT PACK IT IN '' seriously

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By *rank EinsteinMan
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

"You need to get to the 'bottom' of it because if youve got little chairs to maintain you are going to have to get on touch with the CSA (chair support agency) "

CSA provides a free dna test if she pushes for it and agrees to take one for the baby when it's born ... Just getting that out there.

I had a similar situation except it was one other guy and the dates between us breaking up and her shagging him were close, she swore blind he was mine but refused the free dna test...

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"How do you know its pregnant

Has it been having symptoms?

its been throwing up and farting all day long"

That could have been all the beer and the kebab

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe it's the pouffe

;)

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

What's the gestation period for a sofa? I know at Christmas they never arrive until the New Year.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

DFS say 6-8 weeks

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"DFS say 6-8 weeks"

So by the OP's reckoning his sofa cannot be pregnant. I fear a malignant growth and his lack of sympathy, blaming and uncaring attitude is making the poor thing sicker than a sick thing.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Have you lot all had too long in the sun today

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"DFS say 6-8 weeks

So by the OP's reckoning his sofa cannot be pregnant. I fear a malignant growth and his lack of sympathy, blaming and uncaring attitude is making the poor thing sicker than a sick thing.

It could however be a special delivery in which case 12-14 weeks

Birth could be imminent

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"DFS say 6-8 weeks

So by the OP's reckoning his sofa cannot be pregnant. I fear a malignant growth and his lack of sympathy, blaming and uncaring attitude is making the poor thing sicker than a sick thing.

It could however be a special delivery in which case 12-14 weeks

Birth could be imminent

I hope it's a footstool.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Have you lot all had too long in the sun today

Evie! What can you mean?

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By *hocolate007 OP Man
over a year ago

london

"DFS say 6-8 weeks

So by the OP's reckoning his sofa cannot be pregnant. I fear a malignant growth and his lack of sympathy, blaming and uncaring attitude is making the poor thing sicker than a sick thing.

It could however be a special delivery in which case 12-14 weeks

Birth could be imminent

12-14 wks ? Yikes i dont have much time left, 8 wks gone already. What do i feed it ? Or what school to attend ? And whos gona babysit when i need to go for a shit in the toilet ? Purehoneypottttt, u know u luuuuuuv me , will u be my sofalet babysitter plssss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You could just try hoovering under the cushions.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"You could just try hoovering under the cushions. "

Ventouse when it hasn't even crowned yet?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

R u sure it aint just eaten something dodgy I recommend to have a grovel inside it to see usual route is push your arm rrite down its back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We need a new chair so will happily take any that you dont need. (You have any pics of her dressed up just so i can have a perv?)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i. Think you need to man up stop trying to push it onto others step up to your responsibilities .

Geeez i can see why jeremy kyle gets angry at times

Her

come to think of it i could take the sofa down to jeremy kyle for a lie detector test . But what do i do if the sofa fails the lie detector test ?"

Get a sit detector test as well.....it's possible to get jiggy with your sofa whilst sitting.

Granted it's not the same as lying down but it's still cheating in my book!

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"DFS say 6-8 weeks

So by the OP's reckoning his sofa cannot be pregnant. I fear a malignant growth and his lack of sympathy, blaming and uncaring attitude is making the poor thing sicker than a sick thing.

It could however be a special delivery in which case 12-14 weeks

Birth could be imminent

Bollocks to that.....I've done my baby time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You could just try hoovering under the cushions.

Ventouse when it hasn't even crowned yet?

I was thinking more of a phantom pregnancy. Probably just a build up of biscuit crumbs and coins. Possibly a used condom or two.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Speaking of condoms -or the fact you didn't use one- have you been tested for any STIs? Those sofa transmitted infections are nasty things to catch.

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

Is it like if you cross a labradorwith a poodle, you get a labradoodle. If it was the lamp youd get a' loofa' or a samp, the carpet a cofa or a sarpet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it like if you cross a labradorwith a poodle, you get a labradoodle. If it was the lamp youd get a' loofa' or a samp, the carpet a cofa or a sarpet"

A sofa and a human. If it's a boy it would do well in the corner of a swingers club

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Is it like if you cross a labradorwith a poodle, you get a labradoodle. If it was the lamp youd get a' loofa' or a samp, the carpet a cofa or a sarpet

A sofa and a human. If it's a boy it would do well in the corner of a swingers club

and have the best evening.

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

"Is it like if you cross a labradorwith a poodle, you get a labradoodle. If it was the lamp youd get a' loofa' or a samp, the carpet a cofa or a sarpet

A sofa and a human. If it's a boy it would do well in the corner of a swingers club

Is that because it has loose morals or loose covers?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh sorry OP,I forgot you're not the daddy

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Oh sorry OP,I forgot you're not the daddy

He may well have had a d*unken fumble he can't remember.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is it like if you cross a labradorwith a poodle, you get a labradoodle. If it was the lamp youd get a' loofa' or a samp, the carpet a cofa or a sarpet

A sofa and a human. If it's a boy it would do well in the corner of a swingers club

Is that because it has loose morals or loose covers? "

I was thinking the OP was the father and it would be a Longman sofa. His friends may not be so blessed. If it's a girl he can call her Sofia

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

Or if the father was a chair it is a girl she could be called Charity

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By *hocolate007 OP Man
over a year ago

london

"We need a new chair so will happily take any that you dont need. (You have any pics of her dressed up just so i can have a perv?)

i was gonna take pix of her in a see through bra top and ann summers knickers but she broke the knickers off while twerking on the dance floor friday night. Might upload some pix of her in a see through bin bag bikini later on tho. She is a hottie especially when she bends over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

DFS aka dirty fucking sofas

SCS sofa cum Slut

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you know its pregnant

Has it been having symptoms?

its been throwing up and farting all day long"

Are you sure that was the sofa when mine got pregnant it had no sickness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i would chuck a throw over it and hide the evidence -

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By *hocolate007 OP Man
over a year ago

london

"Or if the father was a chair it is a girl she could be called Charity"

dont jinx it cos my balls is telling me the dinning table chair is pregnant aswell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm surprised my bed isn't pregnant, the amount of cum its had

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate to break it to you but I'm pretty certain your sofa has a profile here. 150 verifications too - even I've had my meat in those cushions.

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By *hocolate007 OP Man
over a year ago

london

"I hate to break it to you but I'm pretty certain your sofa has a profile here. 150 verifications too - even I've had my meat in those cushions. "

Whaaaaat, i thought as much seeing my sofa keeps calling out your name while fukin her in bed., it was you who got my sofa pregnant init. Why , whyyyy , wwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

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By *hocolate007 OP Man
over a year ago

london

"Oh sorry OP,I forgot you're not the daddy

Gettin a dna done to confirm, my balls is telling me its mine tho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh sorry OP,I forgot you're not the daddy

Gettin a dna done to confirm, my balls is telling me its mine tho"

You could call Jeremy Kyle

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