FabSwingers.com forum: Suicide

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Year ago today a close friend hung himself as he couldn't cope with life, debt and pressures of family. I'm still angry, is it wrong to feel angry?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

angry at what ? he decided that this life was not for him any more

respect that choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who / what are you angry with / at?

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

No but at some point you should let that anger go so you can move on x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Angry at not trying to find another way out, at leaving his family behind.

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By *isstinseltoesWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"No but at some point you should let that anger go so you can move on x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be angry at the situation honey not your friend xxx

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

My friend hung himself under similar circumstances 3 years ago this year. I get angry at myself more for not realising how much pain he must of been in and how depressed he was to think that was the only way. He hid it very well. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My friend hung himself under similar circumstances 3 years ago this year. I get angry at myself more for not realising how much pain he must of been in and how depressed he was to think that was the only way. He hid it very well. X"

I'm angry I didn't see it as well, I blame myself for being a crap friend

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Year ago today a close friend hung himself as he couldn't cope with life, debt and pressures of family. I'm still angry, is it wrong to feel angry?"

have you sought any help for your feelings? Anger is a part of grief and a year is really not that long in the scheme of things.

Whilst i do feel that you should be able to seek that help from whatever medium you feel most comfortable with i would warn you that this thread might not go the way you want, desire or need to help you with your feelings.

Talk to those you feel will help you (even strangers on a swinging site if that helps) but also remember that there are organisations out there dedicated to helping people through difficult times such as the samaritans.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I'm angry I didn't see it as well, I blame myself for being a crap friend"

It is hard to come to terms with not seeing how badly a friend was suffering. I'm doing a bit better now after thinking it wasn't just me. Even his very closest mates and family had no idea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you reach the point of trying to take your own life, you think you're doing everyone a favour by relieving them of the burden you are to them. It's an incredibly lonely time.

I feel some people feel angry because they can't comprehend what goes through someone's mind when they do such a thing. I advised friends and family of mine to research mental health better to help them with the anger they felt towards me.

crystal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm angry I didn't see it as well, I blame myself for being a crap friend"

People are very good at putting a brave face on and hiding their true thoughts and feelings from those closest to them.

There was probably nothing for you to see and you can't be blamed for not forseeing the actions he chose to take.

crystal

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I feel anger at him and thought him selfish and at myself for not knowing. Maybe I do need professional help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Accept that you couldn't change what happened and did the best you could with what you knew at the time. If you are burdening yourself with misplaced guilt, you are in effect confining yourself to an emotional prison.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perfectly natural emotion to be going through hun. Part of the 7 stages of grief which everybody goes through (google is your friend). Some people whip thro them others take longer to go thro each stage. Give yourself time and talk to loved ones about how you are feeling. Big hug.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"I feel anger at him and thought him selfish and at myself for not knowing. Maybe I do need professional help."

not specifically professional help but an outlet for your feelings. Sometimes it is hard to talk to people you know or who know the situation as you dont want to seem insensitive to what has happened.

Sometimes it helps to use strangers as a sounded board to sort out your feelings etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel anger at him and thought him selfish and at myself for not knowing. Maybe I do need professional help."

Completely natural emotions to feel and don't let other people tell you otherwise. Time and talking is the best coping mechanism.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Angry is a natural feel when dealing with loss and can last years, one way to deal with it is finding were to put or how to focus that anger into something positive, we can't blame ourselves for others actions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel anger at him and thought him selfish and at myself for not knowing. Maybe I do need professional help."

I think you've done well to acknowledge your feelings. Talking about it can only help. Check out Mind - they're an amazing charity and will point you in the right direction.

crystal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Year ago today a close friend hung himself as he couldn't cope with life, debt and pressures of family. I'm still angry, is it wrong to feel angry?"

Don't be angry at yourself, what you are feeling is perfectly normal, trying to make sense of something that was terrible for all concerned.

You can't change what happened, but expressing your feelings and anger will ultimately help you recover.

You probably need help, go to your gp and have a chat they should be able to assist.

Anniversaries of such occasions are always going to be hard and feelings will resurface.

Life is extremely difficult at times but it's also amazing try to think about the good stuff

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Year ago today a close friend hung himself as he couldn't cope with life, debt and pressures of family. I'm still angry, is it wrong to feel angry?"

Not at all,anger is a perfectly normal part of the grieving process,it's more about how you deal with it that matters. Don't bottle it up,discuss it with other friends who know exactly what your experiencing..it will pass in time hopefully to be replaced by memories as to why you where friends in the first place..

Chin up and keep moving forwards

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks all tears streaming now. Got to let it go

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

It's hard but your anger serves no purpose.

The five stages of grief contain anger but to get stuck at anger will hurt you.

Let it go and be glad that your friend is no longer in pain and help his friends and family to ease their pain.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I'm angry I didn't see it as well, I blame myself for being a crap friend

People are very good at putting a brave face on and hiding their true thoughts and feelings from those closest to them.

There was probably nothing for you to see and you can't be blamed for not forseeing the actions he chose to take.

crystal "

There was a Twit chain going around a while ago showing a picture of what depression looks like: it was a range of faces all with big smiles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Angry at not trying to find another way out, at leaving his family behind."

Yes it's wrong, when somebody gets to

That point of desperation then all rational thinking is dead, and taking your own life seems the best solution not usually for yourself but you think it helps your loved ones.... You're gone so the problem ends so to speak.

It's s horrible thing to have to ensure but anger shouldn't be the emotion

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

No, its not wrong to feel anything, including anger, following the loss of someone youre close to. It seems that we get a mix of emotions, some of them occasionally seeming less than appropriate during grieving. Somehow its just a reflection of our minds dealing with the loss. Dont be self critical, as thats adding insult to your injury.

It can take years for us to process grieving. Id recommend some counselling, that may help you to ease things.

My dad died suddenly recently and Ive been through a whole mix of stuff. The fab crowd have been great, and some of us have lost kids too - it can seem a harsh world. Sometimes the pain or some mess crops back up, a bit more of us adjusting to things. Grief is very personal, we handle things differently, but emotional mixes, anger, sadness, fears and more can all crop up - some people wont get such a mix.

I think the best we can do is to honour our emotional sides, to be compassionate to ourselves and to pace us, whilst adjusting.

Look after yourself, as best as youre able to. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel anger at him and thought him selfish and at myself for not knowing. Maybe I do need professional help.

Sometimes it helps to use strangers as a sounded board to sort out your feelings etc."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Year ago today a close friend hung himself as he couldn't cope with life, debt and pressures of family. I'm still angry, is it wrong to feel angry?"

((hug))

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank u

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