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Expectation V Reality - Something to Ponder

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

This is just me thinking out aloud.

I often get told that my expectation is somewhat unrealistic. When I ask why - I am usually told the same rubbish of that my standards are too high and that I'm a twat for saying NO Thank you. ( I'll just make it clear that I am never rude and I am always honest and up front with people).

So I ask you the question. Is it better to perhaps maintain ones standards / expectations even if it leads to zero meets. The alternative being - making the necessary adjustments and getting meets but perhaps lowering ones expectations / standards.

For me personally I treat FAB no different than if I was in the real world. Just because I am on a swinging site does not mean one has to lower his standards. For example I would not ask a lady to "show me your tits" in a bar, nor would I say that to a lady on FAB. For me that is not deemed except able manners. Just my opinion.

Am I wrong and just being a "Twat" or do I just know what I like?

Answers on a post card!

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By *ex_OnTheBeachCouple
over a year ago

kent ( by the seaside )

The way we see it is like this, the standards we have in our real world is the same on here, so no we wouldn't lower our standards to get meets!

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By *epper123Woman
over a year ago

London

I don't think you should lower your standards,but also be aware that people can surprise you and may have more to offer than what you may have first thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The way we see it is like this, the standards we have in our real world is the same on here, so no we wouldn't lower our standards to get meets! "

Same for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have a post card sorry

I don't think anyone should ever change/lower their standards for any reason. I think its quite demeaning to just drop them for a shag.

So....no I don't think that makes you a twat!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is just me thinking out aloud.

I often get told that my expectation is somewhat unrealistic. When I ask why - I am usually told the same rubbish of that my standards are too high and that I'm a twat for saying NO Thank you. ( I'll just make it clear that I am never rude and I am always honest and up front with people).

So I ask you the question. Is it better to perhaps maintain ones standards / expectations even if it leads to zero meets. The alternative being - making the necessary adjustments and getting meets but perhaps lowering ones expectations / standards.

For me personally I treat FAB no different than if I was in the real world. Just because I am on a swinging site does not mean one has to lower his standards. For example I would not ask a lady to "show me your tits" in a bar, nor would I say that to a lady on FAB. For me that is not deemed except able manners. Just my opinion.

Am I wrong and just being a "Twat" or do I just know what I like?

Answers on a post card!"

My expectations and standards were very high when I first joined.

I had a list of DONTS!

As time has gone on, Iv not lowered my standards, but have become more open minded and learnt to try things o wouldn't normally have tried.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Both valid and interesting points.

Nice to know I am not being twat

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London

Meet because you want to...not because you have to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think anyone should lower their standards. I certainly wouldn't.

Stick to your guns and it will work out for you in the end. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't have a post card sorry

I don't think anyone should ever change/lower their standards for any reason. I think its quite demeaning to just drop them for a shag.

So....no I don't think that makes you a twat!"

Thank you very much

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

good for you

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By *issy louWoman
over a year ago

Staffordshire Moorlands

I had a message from a guy last week who told me that I was too fussy, and if I lowered my standards I could meet him! Wasn't really selling himself was he?!

Never EVER lower your standards!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Meet because you want to...not because you have to."

An excellent point. I could not agree more.

I've often found with the site being male heavy, there is some what of an expectation that when a male is offered a meet he should be grateful!

I'm perhaps of a different mind set where meet or not I like the right of saying No!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This is just me thinking out aloud.

I often get told that my expectation is somewhat unrealistic. When I ask why - I am usually told the same rubbish of that my standards are too high and that I'm a twat for saying NO Thank you. ( I'll just make it clear that I am never rude and I am always honest and up front with people).

So I ask you the question. Is it better to perhaps maintain ones standards / expectations even if it leads to zero meets. The alternative being - making the necessary adjustments and getting meets but perhaps lowering ones expectations / standards.

For me personally I treat FAB no different than if I was in the real world. Just because I am on a swinging site does not mean one has to lower his standards. For example I would not ask a lady to "show me your tits" in a bar, nor would I say that to a lady on FAB. For me that is not deemed except able manners. Just my opinion.

Am I wrong and just being a "Twat" or do I just know what I like?

Answers on a post card!

My expectations and standards were very high when I first joined.

I had a list of DONTS!

As time has gone on, Iv not lowered my standards, but have become more open minded and learnt to try things o wouldn't normally have tried."

Yes I see you point.

This is something which I have thought deeply about and can see myself exploring in the future!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had a message from a guy last week who told me that I was too fussy, and if I lowered my standards I could meet him! Wasn't really selling himself was he?!

Never EVER lower your standards! "

Hahaha!! Classic!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I had a message from a guy last week who told me that I was too fussy, and if I lowered my standards I could meet him! Wasn't really selling himself was he?!

Never EVER lower your standards! "

Haha so it is not just me then!! I received messages of a similar nature hence why I thought it would be interesting to post something like this!

Oh and I agree, Quality over everything!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People say their standards on here are the same as in real life... but I'd argue that they aren't.

Here you receive a picture of someone, a write up, and perhaps a short message... and you try to base your opinion of that person on those superficial things. In life you get to meet the actual person. Thus, if you're turning down people who you meet for not being of the same standard as you would expect of someone in real life then yes you are applying the same standards. However, if you are turning down people who you haven't met purely because of a bad photo or a sentence they wrote or maybe even a word they spelled incorrectly... then no you are not applying the same standards whatsoever

Get out and meet people.. and give them a chance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is just me thinking out aloud.

I often get told that my expectation is somewhat unrealistic. When I ask why - I am usually told the same rubbish of that my standards are too high and that I'm a twat for saying NO Thank you. ( I'll just make it clear that I am never rude and I am always honest and up front with people).

So I ask you the question. Is it better to perhaps maintain ones standards / expectations even if it leads to zero meets. !"

I prefer to be me have standards and no meets than meet anyone just as they shown interest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People say their standards on here are the same as in real life... but I'd argue that they aren't.

Here you receive a picture of someone, a write up, and perhaps a short message... and you try to base your opinion of that person on those superficial things. In life you get to meet the actual person. Thus, if you're turning down people who you meet for not being of the same standard as you would expect of someone in real life then yes you are applying the same standards. However, if you are turning down people who you haven't met purely because of a bad photo or a sentence they wrote or maybe even a word they spelled incorrectly... then no you are not applying the same standards whatsoever

Get out and meet people.. and give them a chance "

I couldn't agree more!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Standards intact. If anything, they are higher to out the men from the boys. Anyone who meets me is always surprised that I'm not an arse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is just me thinking out aloud.

I often get told that my expectation is somewhat unrealistic. When I ask why - I am usually told the same rubbish of that my standards are too high and that I'm a twat for saying NO Thank you. ( I'll just make it clear that I am never rude and I am always honest and up front with people).

So I ask you the question. Is it better to perhaps maintain ones standards / expectations even if it leads to zero meets. The alternative being - making the necessary adjustments and getting meets but perhaps lowering ones expectations / standards.

For me personally I treat FAB no different than if I was in the real world. Just because I am on a swinging site does not mean one has to lower his standards. For example I would not ask a lady to "show me your tits" in a bar, nor would I say that to a lady on FAB. For me that is not deemed except able manners. Just my opinion.

Am I wrong and just being a "Twat" or do I just know what I like?

Answers on a post card!

My expectations and standards were very high when I first joined.

I had a list of DONTS!

As time has gone on, Iv not lowered my standards, but have become more open minded and learnt to try things o wouldn't normally have tried.

Yes I see you point.

This is something which I have thought deeply about and can see myself exploring in the future!"

It's quite liberating

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit


"Meet because you want to...not because you have to."

This

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This is just me thinking out aloud.

I often get told that my expectation is somewhat unrealistic. When I ask why - I am usually told the same rubbish of that my standards are too high and that I'm a twat for saying NO Thank you. ( I'll just make it clear that I am never rude and I am always honest and up front with people).

So I ask you the question. Is it better to perhaps maintain ones standards / expectations even if it leads to zero meets. The alternative being - making the necessary adjustments and getting meets but perhaps lowering ones expectations / standards.

For me personally I treat FAB no different than if I was in the real world. Just because I am on a swinging site does not mean one has to lower his standards. For example I would not ask a lady to "show me your tits" in a bar, nor would I say that to a lady on FAB. For me that is not deemed except able manners. Just my opinion.

Am I wrong and just being a "Twat" or do I just know what I like?

Answers on a post card!

My expectations and standards were very high when I first joined.

I had a list of DONTS!

As time has gone on, Iv not lowered my standards, but have become more open minded and learnt to try things o wouldn't normally have tried.

Yes I see you point.

This is something which I have thought deeply about and can see myself exploring in the future!

It's quite liberating "

From reading your profile (Yes I did have to look up some of your choice phrases / words) seems like your on quite the voyage of self discovery.

I look forward to ordering the Paper back novel in the not too distant future I imagine

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Standards intact. If anything, they are higher to out the men from the boys. Anyone who meets me is always surprised that I'm not an arse "

I shall write that down....Not and arse!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People say their standards on here are the same as in real life... but I'd argue that they aren't.

Here you receive a picture of someone, a write up, and perhaps a short message... and you try to base your opinion of that person on those superficial things. In life you get to meet the actual person. Thus, if you're turning down people who you meet for not being of the same standard as you would expect of someone in real life then yes you are applying the same standards. However, if you are turning down people who you haven't met purely because of a bad photo or a sentence they wrote or maybe even a word they spelled incorrectly... then no you are not applying the same standards whatsoever

Get out and meet people.. and give them a chance "

Excellent post

When we first joined we had a huge list of things we wouldn't do , people we wouldn't meet etc...

As time passed we got to meet and chat with more and more lovely people . Our age range changed , as did many of our potential meet criteria .

And most importantly , we realised that the pretentious quality over quantity brigade were rapidly becoming the least likely we wanted to meet .

We do this for uninhibited pleasure , that pleasure being as important for our playmates as ourselves . It works so much better with genuine people who don't see themselves as better than anyone else .

That's not to say we will just meet anyone and everyone , but since we realised the fun was so much better with people off a similar mind to ourselves , it's been way more enjoyable .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am way to picky but love swinging. Also quite blunt so if i am unsure or not keen answer is no. Dont lower your standards xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My standards are quite simple... I expect the same respect here as if we met by accident in a bar.

I don't meet anyone unless I see something beyond a 'shag'. Whether that be friendship, acquaintances or something more.

As a liberal woman I follow my own set of rules to keep me sane and safe. I meet generally on my terms and any guy not willing to accept that is taking up a space another guy is.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

No one has to do anything on here they don't want to do.

Expectations can be whatever you want them to be but that creates absolutely no entitlement at all.

I could meet more often than I do but I understand I have no entitlement to a meet. So if the men contacting me can't meet my expectations to be secure and safe (meeting socially, in clubs or then a shared hotel room) then they're not the men for me.

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By *ust MonicaWoman
over a year ago

CAMBRIDGESHIRE

Always be you. I would prefer nothing than something that's not suitable

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think that realising that everyone has standards and they will probably he different to yours...not higher, lower, better or worse....just different, makes it much easier to accept other people and get along

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I agree with a lot of what has been said. It's more the when you get ridiculed for saying NO.

I like many would rather have no meets than meets for the sake of it.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I agree with a lot of what has been said. It's more the when you get ridiculed for saying NO.

I like many would rather have no meets than meets for the sake of it. "

For some strange reason rejection seems to mean that people lose all sense of decorum.

I have gone from gorgeous, beautiful and definitely not fat to ugly old hippo in just one message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never lower your standards! In fact the longer I am on here the higher my standards are getting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I agree with a lot of what has been said. It's more the when you get ridiculed for saying NO.

I like many would rather have no meets than meets for the sake of it.

For some strange reason rejection seems to mean that people lose all sense of decorum.

I have gone from gorgeous, beautiful and definitely not fat to ugly old hippo in just one message. "

This made me laugh haha.

Do you think he was trying to let you down gently

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I agree with a lot of what has been said. It's more the when you get ridiculed for saying NO.

I like many would rather have no meets than meets for the sake of it.

For some strange reason rejection seems to mean that people lose all sense of decorum.

I have gone from gorgeous, beautiful and definitely not fat to ugly old hippo in just one message. "

Sadly this is how people are

U should see the abuse im getting as not meeting

Only big socials

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"I agree with a lot of what has been said. It's more the when you get ridiculed for saying NO.

I like many would rather have no meets than meets for the sake of it.

For some strange reason rejection seems to mean that people lose all sense of decorum.

I have gone from gorgeous, beautiful and definitely not fat to ugly old hippo in just one message.

This made me laugh haha.

Do you think he was trying to let you down gently "

I think once I have said no the rose tinted glasses get replaced with hall of mirrors wobbly glass ones.

I've been turned down by the majority of men I have contacted with the _iew to a potential meet. I'm not what they seek and that's fine. I've never seen the need to then tell them their ugly and it's their loss.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I agree with a lot of what has been said. It's more the when you get ridiculed for saying NO.

I like many would rather have no meets than meets for the sake of it.

For some strange reason rejection seems to mean that people lose all sense of decorum.

I have gone from gorgeous, beautiful and definitely not fat to ugly old hippo in just one message.

This made me laugh haha.

Do you think he was trying to let you down gently

I think once I have said no the rose tinted glasses get replaced with hall of mirrors wobbly glass ones.

I've been turned down by the majority of men I have contacted with the _iew to a potential meet. I'm not what they seek and that's fine. I've never seen the need to then tell them their ugly and it's their loss.

"

I know this might sound well un gentlemanly of me but when I say No, I kind of almost expect an element of abuse. I actually now see it as a form of entertainment LOL...I know I know..am bad

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"

I know this might sound well un gentlemanly of me but when I say No, I kind of almost expect an element of abuse. I actually now see it as a form of entertainment LOL...I know I know..am bad "

If it tickles your funny bone I'll send you a message, you can turn me down and I do my best to hurl abuse at you.

I should warn you that I couldn't even manage to call a sexual encounter in a club a slut, even with the person begging me to, so my abuse may not meet your expectations.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I know this might sound well un gentlemanly of me but when I say No, I kind of almost expect an element of abuse. I actually now see it as a form of entertainment LOL...I know I know..am bad

If it tickles your funny bone I'll send you a message, you can turn me down and I do my best to hurl abuse at you.

I should warn you that I couldn't even manage to call a sexual encounter in a club a slut, even with the person begging me to, so my abuse may not meet your expectations.

"

I feel compelled that you message me now and we try this out as an exercise. Purely as a learning perspective

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"

I know this might sound well un gentlemanly of me but when I say No, I kind of almost expect an element of abuse. I actually now see it as a form of entertainment LOL...I know I know..am bad

If it tickles your funny bone I'll send you a message, you can turn me down and I do my best to hurl abuse at you.

I should warn you that I couldn't even manage to call a sexual encounter in a club a slut, even with the person begging me to, so my abuse may not meet your expectations.

I feel compelled that you message me now and we try this out as an exercise. Purely as a learning perspective "

But what if I write a really good fancy a fuck message and you don't reject me? It's fraught with problems whatever we do.

Keep to your own standards, lowering them only diminishes you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I know this might sound well un gentlemanly of me but when I say No, I kind of almost expect an element of abuse. I actually now see it as a form of entertainment LOL...I know I know..am bad

If it tickles your funny bone I'll send you a message, you can turn me down and I do my best to hurl abuse at you.

I should warn you that I couldn't even manage to call a sexual encounter in a club a slut, even with the person begging me to, so my abuse may not meet your expectations.

I feel compelled that you message me now and we try this out as an exercise. Purely as a learning perspective

But what if I write a really good fancy a fuck message and you don't reject me? It's fraught with problems whatever we do.

Keep to your own standards, lowering them only diminishes you.

"

You made one mistake....You don't know what my standards are.

Crafty and very very clever...touche! dear lady..touche! Oh and fancy a fuck never really did anything for me...try harder

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