FabSwingers.com forum: Top Tips

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Share your top Fab tips with us?

Top Tip:

Delete messages from your sent box, as you send them; that way you won't need to check back on their status

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Share your top Fab tips with us?

Top Tip:

Delete messages from your sent box, as you send them; that way you won't need to check back on their status

I never check the status of sent messages. Once it's sent it's sent.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Share your top Fab tips with us?

Top Tip:

Delete messages from your sent box, as you send them; that way you won't need to check back on their status

I never check the status of sent messages. Once it's sent it's sent."

Is that your Top Tip?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ooophs thought u sed top tits

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"ooophs thought u sed top tits "

Share those with us too

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

My top tip

Have no expectations and then treat everything else as a bonus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Top tip.

Never wear a top hat with wellies.....

Its just sooooo last year

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guys, if you're a bit short sighted

aim for the pink hole and not the brown one

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By *ixson-BallsMan
over a year ago

Blackpool

never kick a dog up the arse when you've got your hand in its mouth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never light a fag when your soaked in petrol.

You could get burned

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't eat yellow snow!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont waist thousands of pounds buying a private registration plate for your car just change your name by deed pole to the required plate .

Mr HX345JPS , Manchester

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fun size mars bars make ideal regular size mars bars for dwarfs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gentlemen: dont ever have a Brazilian... You'll look like a sundial at midday...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fun size mars bars make ideal regular size mars bars for dwarfs"

haha i like it...think ya funny...fancy a shag

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

"Fun size mars bars make ideal regular size mars bars for dwarfs

haha i like it...think ya funny...fancy a shag

They make regular size MArs BArs?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never fart in your wetsuit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never fart in your wetsuit "

Nor whilst your wearing socks - it blows your shoes off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fun size mars bars make ideal regular size mars bars for dwarfs

haha i like it...think ya funny...fancy a shag

And I thought ' one liners ' did nt get you anywhere lol

Sounds like a good offer to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Top Tips?

Where

Like asparagus?

Take Everything you read in threads Extremely Seriously

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sort out the fakes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"sort out the fakes

How would you like them sorted ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

biggest on top so they squash the ones on the bottom please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lie on your profile, just don't arrange to meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Top tip

eat a lot of asparagus and it turns ya wee green and it smells funny.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"biggest on top so they squash the ones on the bottom please"

Lol

and then flip them over so the big ones dont escape

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ooooo i can escape from anywhere me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ooooo i can escape from anywhere me.

ok then you're in charge of making sure they don't then!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ooooo i can escape from anywhere me.

You aint fake so you stay out of this lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ooooo i can escape from anywhere me.

You aint fake so you stay out of this lol

oh a bit of empathy pleez, we all feel a little fakey some days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ooooo i can escape from anywhere me.

You aint fake so you stay out of this lol

oh a bit of empathy pleez, we all feel a little fakey some days."

Not really into feeling fakey , I like to keep it real.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

skin on skin, body on body, lips on lips, that kinda thing? mmmmmmmmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

top tip for single guys, never give up if you don't get an answer to your messages keep trying, 100 a day to the same person, their only playing hard to get so keep it going

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

n keep it hard when you're playing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"sort out the fakes

I like flakes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"top tip for single guys, never give up if you don't get an answer to your messages keep trying, 100 a day to the same person, their only playing hard to get so keep it going

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By *slandcplCouple
over a year ago

canvey island

Never pick ya nose while driving the car,,,, it looks soooooooo uncool

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never pick ya nose while driving the car,,,, it looks soooooooo uncool

always pull over to the side

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By *slandcplCouple
over a year ago

canvey island

lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never eat liver and onions the day before a meet ,it makes your cum taste horrid, so I am told , sorry peeps you know who you are. But pinapple juice is good , give it a try. Happy orals mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.K

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Eradicate bird flu easily by adding a few drops of lemsip to bird baths - use night nurse for owls.

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By *ertnbeckyCouple
over a year ago

oldham

never trust _unky monkey he,s a last post thief the bastard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Top tip if out of the blue you get a nasty mail Dont take it to heart Block them fast . As you know thay must be having a bad hair day ,, lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"top tip for single guys, never give up if you don't get an answer to your messages keep trying, 100 a day to the same person, their only playing hard to get so keep it going

That made me chuckle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Top tip. Don't stand up in a canoe.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

or a rubber dinghy if you've got stilletoes

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By *on-bazCouple
over a year ago

rushden

Ladies. When man is going down on you.... don't fart!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

some peeps are just hot air

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

"never trust _unky monkey he,s a last post thief the bastard

Hehehehe you wouldn't believe what it cost me to get a mod to close it down.

Let's just say I'll be working funny for a few weeks.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Rolling around in plain flour after bathing allows you to see where you've forgotten to 'towel'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

don't believe that moderators are incorruptible.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

"never trust _unky monkey he,s a last post thief the bastard

Hehehehe you wouldn't believe what it cost me to get a mod to close it down.

Let's just say I'll be working funny for a few weeks.

I think you guessed I meant 'walking' funny - I do also work funny but that's another matter involving a final warning

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

Never tell your girlfriend her sister and or mother is a better shag

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Ladies! Reduce wrinkles and signs of ageing by being born a good 10 years later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

top tip to much monkey is bad for you , lol x

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

" top tip to much monkey is bad for you , lol x"

LOL point taken x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" top tip to much monkey is bad for you , lol x

LOL point taken x

"
we love monkey just make me lololol and my dogs and cleaners think i am going mad here in the office ,, lol xx

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

Top tip… save energy… turn off your grannies life support.

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By *ngieandMrManCouple
over a year ago

hereford

Top Tip... Save trees... use both sides of the toilet paper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"never trust _unky monkey he,s a last post thief the bastard

Could not have said it better myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"some peeps are just hot air"

Tip tops can cool peeps down lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Single guys when messaging couples and single women just send a nudger pic and the message "when do you want it" that way you will save loads of time and get to message them all in a week.

Up stairs for thinking down stairs for humping

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Eradicate bird flu easily by adding a few drops of lemsip to bird baths - use night nurse for owls."

or allternatively cut out the risk of swine flu by building a barricade around sunderland!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Top tip… save energy… turn off your grannies life support.

top tip.. never lick the bowl..pull the string like everyone else

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

"Eradicate bird flu easily by adding a few drops of lemsip to bird baths - use night nurse for owls.

or allternatively cut out the risk of swine flu by building a barricade around sunderland!"

Oiiiii! You were my favourite couple until then!

Sunderland supporter here, however, I do agree The Bridges is a frightening place to visit.

---------------

top tip:

Experience for yourself what it feels like to be in jail by closing one eye and holding a fork close up to the open one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Top Tip:

MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

never play leap frog with a unicorn xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

CONVINCE your neighbours that you run a brothel by posting tit-wank vouchers through their letterboxes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

SNORERS. Make your partner's / neighbour's night time more enjoyable by strapping a harmonica to your face before you sleep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ASCERTAIN whether you are working class or middle class by simply saying the word 'Nougat'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The more time you take on a tip top the more juice it releases

Proven formula lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

there i was thinking it was just monkey who had best titps ,, lol xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never pick ya nose while driving the car,,,, it looks soooooooo uncool

And if you break suddenly...its a lot of blood

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Top Tip... Save trees... use both sides of the toilet paper

Better yet use a flannel, wash it, and use it again!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

never catch a falling knife your no good to any body without fingers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"SNORERS. Make your partner's / neighbour's night time more enjoyable by strapping a harmonica to your face before you sleep.

POSL Superb tip

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't answer the phone to your mum nine minutes after putting Veet on your balls. It really does need to be washed off after ten minutes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you want your scrotum to look like a small but stylish, brown corduroy bag answer the phone to your mum nine minutes after applying Veet to your balls!!!

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

To single guys.

First off remember the definition of swinging. Swinger = a woman or couple who will fuck anything.

Never fully read the profile of the person you are messaging. It only has boring stuff like their likes, dislikes, age of people they wish to meet etc. So what if you are out of their age range? They will make an exception for you so why waste time reading their profile? Naturally having a quick perv of the woman’s pictures is a must do. Looking at the woman’s pictures is much more fun then reading some boring profile. If it is a couple’s profile ignore his pictures. You want to fuck her. You have no interest in him whatsoever. Who cares what he thinks?

When messaging a woman or couple never write more than one sentence. They don't have the time to read longish interesting messages that show you have read their profile. Just write something like

Hi fancy a fuck?

Do u wnt 2 meet?

Writing such a one liner guarantees to get the woman wet and dying to meet you. Also enclose some pictures with your message. Enclose about six photos but make sure they are only photos of your cock. Tease them. Take the photos of your cock from different angles so the woman gets a full _iew of what a cock looks like. After all she will be sucking it for you so it is only fair she sees what she is getting. This will not only get her wet but having her dying with lust for you. In fact bring a spare set of clothes for the meeting as she may just rip your clothes off you after getting her so hot and wet with your cock pictures. By only sending cock pictures it shows your originality. You are subtly telling her “Here this is what you want”. The couple or woman are not interested in your face or body just your cock. They are swingers after all.

The people you message may look at your profile. Make sure you keep it short to avoid wasting people’s time. Don’t have a one line profile like your message. You can elaborate more on your profile. It is best keep your profile to 3 or 4 sentences maximum. Something like

“I like sex. Up 4 anyfink. Like all types of women from fat to skinny. Message me for a good time if you dare”

would be perfect. The “if you dare” bit at the end challenges them. We all love a challenge. Tick all sexual preferences as this shows you are up for anything. People like that. It shows your daring and fun side. Also set your age range from 18 – 80. Again this proves you are up for anything and it shows you are not ageist.

Think about where you would like to meet somebody. Why bother just messaging people in your area? The UK is a big place. So what if you live in London and they live in Edinburgh. There are trains and coaches you know. Messaging people hundreds of miles away shows how willing you are and proves you are not a timewaster. It is also a great way to visit new places.

After sending your message if for some stupid reason your one line message and cock shots do not interest the woman or couple you message and you get a reply of “Thanks but no thanks” message them back. Message them back with something like

“Why not?”

“I wasn’t really interested in a slut like you anyway”

“I thought this is a swinger’s website?”

Doing this guarantees a reply of “My mistake. When can we meet?”

If your message gets deleted and you don’t get a reply then message them again. They must have accidently deleted your message. After you send your second message check what happens. If again it is deleted and you get no reply assume they have accidently deleted your message again. So go and message them again and hope they won’t be so careless this time. Keep on doing this until they reply. Messaging them again and again may make them accidently put you on their block list. Unless they realise they have accidently blocked you then you are stuffed. Just get over it and send some more one line messages. Naturally the same goes for messages you send that get read but you don’t receive a reply.

If after doing all this for two to five days you have not had a meet then go to the forums. Put a message up complaining how hard it is for single guys to get a meet. Also tell them how you send hundreds of messages each day but don’t even get a reply off most rude people. As you will be the first person to ever do this you will be seen as original and fun. People will not see it as you moaning just stating how it is for single guys. Some people cannot handle the truth. That is their fault not yours. It may also make some women or couples think wow how have I missed this guy. Don’t be surprised if your forum post results in lots of women and couples messaging you asking for a meet.

If all the above fails it is time to create a new profile pretending to be a couple. When a meet arises claim your wife/partner is ill, her mother ill and she is visiting her etc. The woman or couple will be happy for you to come alone and they need never know you are really single. Do the same if they ever ask to speak to her. If they want to see a picture of her just nick one from another swinger’s website. It is best to nick the picture from a non UK website as you will be far less likely to be caught out. Don’t create a single female profile. You will look really stupid and be caught out very quickly even if you do look good in a dress.

As for married cheating men you already know all the tricks in the books.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have all your shits at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Exercise your delete button regularly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To single guys.

First off remember the definition of swinging. Swinger = a woman or couple who will fuck anything.

When messaging a woman or couple never write more than one sentence. They don't have the time to read longish interesting messages that show you have read their profile. Just write something like

Hi fancy a fuck?

Do u wnt 2 meet?

“I like sex. Up 4 anyfink. Like all types of women from fat to skinny. Message me for a good time if you dare”

“Why not?”

“I wasn’t really interested in a slut like you anyway”

“I thought this is a swinger’s website?”

Doing this guarantees a reply of “My mistake. When can we meet?”

As for married cheating men you already know all the tricks in the books.

Top tips from an expert?????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

top tip

be careful when giving money to people living on the streets for a 'cup of tea'

some of the less savoury individuals maybe using the money to buy strong alcohol.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

never give "loose change" to a guy wearing "nikes" you could not afford yersel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tip Tops are so much better in the summer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't state the obvious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't state the obvious"

Don`t get face cream and black shoe polished mixed up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never accept a malteser from a psychiatric patient.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't state the obvious

Don`t get face cream and black shoe polished mixed up.

I can't sing anyway so no point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't state the obvious

Don`t get face cream and black shoe polished mixed up.

I can't sing anyway so no point"

hahaha thats mint

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Torturers.

A few apples in a bucket of water can turn an unpleasant activity into a hilarious game this Halloween.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Newts make excellent dinosaurs for ants.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

you are guaranteed the best ever sex in your life after 3 weeks on here....

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"you are guaranteed the best ever sex in your life after 3 weeks on here....

oops, they left after two.

I am gutted for them x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"you are guaranteed the best ever sex in your life after 3 weeks on here....

"
no its not ture ... or is that hand jobs , lol

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

1. buy premium rate number

2. put number on 'how am i driving?' sticker

3. drive around town like a twat

4. watch the money roll in!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"1. buy premium rate number

2. put number on 'how am i driving?' sticker

3. drive around town like a twat

4. watch the money roll in!"

The only problem with that is if your driving like a twat they might not get time to jot the number down!

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

"1. buy premium rate number

2. put number on 'how am i driving?' sticker

3. drive around town like a twat

4. watch the money roll in!

The only problem with that is if your driving like a twat they might not get time to jot the number down!

1. buy premium rate number

2. put number on 'how am i driving?' sticker

3. drive around town like a (SLOW) twat

4. watch the money roll in!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"1. buy premium rate number

2. put number on 'how am i driving?' sticker

3. drive around town like a twat

4. watch the money roll in!"

That’s just plain devious….. Brilliantly devious though… and canny resourceful … suppose yu’d need to nick a van first, like …. Still thats hardly a problem for most Makems

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Reduce carbon emissions and save electricity by shortening the cables to all your household electric appliances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

avoid alliteration..always

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im sure the poster is funny. but those top tips are copied straight from VIZ TOP TIPS. for a proper laugh check em out

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