FabSwingers.com forum: Cheating

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Been chatting to a guy for a while and swapped pics etc, and then he left Fab as a "psycho ex" was sending him abusive messages and he deleted his profile.

This was a while back.

Today I've had kik messages from his account, VERY abusive and upsetting ones from his... fiancée. So... not quite an ex then. And I'd repeatedly asked if he was single or found a girlfriend yet and he always said no, ironically said he'd been cheated on a long time ago and didn't trust enough to start a new relationship!

I spend a lot of time trying to make sure a guy is single. He would chat to me every day, for a few weeks, and we arranged to meet but I cancelled last minute.

His fiancée is devastated and obviously decided to take it all out on me. He told her he'd just been chatting and never intended to meet. But I know he had veris on here and he had met others.

They were supposed to marry next year.

I can't understand why anyone would willingly meet someone who is cheating?

It's really unpleasant to be on the end of a very VERY angry and hurt other half. And this guy was a regular forum member too.

Why would you choose to get involved in that kind of situation? I don't get it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why be in a relationship in the first place.

i love all types of ice cream therefore its not best for me to settle down!

guys if you cant be loyal your your partner, then just break up first and then play away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It takes all sorts though,doesn't it?

Maybe they didn't have sex anymore?Perhaps he gets off on cheating?

I'm in no way saying it's right,but those are just 2 of loads of reasons why...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"why be in a relationship in the first place.

i love all types of ice cream therefore its not best for me to settle down!

guys if you cant be loyal your your partner, then just break up first and then play away. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It takes all sorts though,doesn't it?

Maybe they didn't have sex anymore?Perhaps he gets off on cheating?

I'm in no way saying it's right,but those are just 2 of loads of reasons why..."

I didn't ask "why did he cheat"?

I asked "why would single people willingly and knowingly get involved with a married (cheating) person"?

I know a lot of people on here do and I don't get it? The verbal abuse when they find out is not pleasant! Thank goodness she didn't know anything more about me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It takes all sorts though,doesn't it?

Maybe they didn't have sex anymore?Perhaps he gets off on cheating?

I'm in no way saying it's right,but those are just 2 of loads of reasons why...

I didn't ask "why did he cheat"?

I asked "why would single people willingly and knowingly get involved with a married (cheating) person"?

I know a lot of people on here do and I don't get it? The verbal abuse when they find out is not pleasant! Thank goodness she didn't know anything more about me!"

Apologies,I read it quickly after work!

Yea,it's a tough one.I wouldn't personally,but again,it may be a thrill to fuck someone else's wife without them knowing?I prefer them to be watching whilst I do it tho

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isn't it ironic that the one who has been cheated on chooses to vent their 'frustration' on the 'third person' and not their cheating partner.

Particularly ironic if the 'third person' had made every effort to ensure that the person they were going to be 'playing' with was single and not cheating on a partner.

Think I would have been inclined to reply with a message along the lines of - take it out on your lying, cheating partner

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"It takes all sorts though,doesn't it?

Maybe they didn't have sex anymore?Perhaps he gets off on cheating?

I'm in no way saying it's right,but those are just 2 of loads of reasons why...

I didn't ask "why did he cheat"?

I asked "why would single people willingly and knowingly get involved with a married (cheating) person"?

I know a lot of people on here do and I don't get it? The verbal abuse when they find out is not pleasant! Thank goodness she didn't know anything more about me!"

Just out of curiosity, how do you know that she's telling the truth? Maybe she's the bunny boiler and he's done nothing wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I was sympathetic to a degree because she'd obviously only just found out. They were supposed to marry next year.

But yeah, her initial comments had me sitting there physically shaking. It was horrible. I talked her down and she calmed down as I tried to explain that I spend a lot of time trying to find guys who aren't cheating and I'm very pissed off with him too.

But between that and another incident involving a single guy meet, I think I'm done meeting single guys.

Definitely NOT worth the hassle and stress.

It's supposed to be fun!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It takes all sorts though,doesn't it?

Maybe they didn't have sex anymore?Perhaps he gets off on cheating?

I'm in no way saying it's right,but those are just 2 of loads of reasons why...

I didn't ask "why did he cheat"?

I asked "why would single people willingly and knowingly get involved with a married (cheating) person"?

I know a lot of people on here do and I don't get it? The verbal abuse when they find out is not pleasant! Thank goodness she didn't know anything more about me!

Just out of curiosity, how do you know that she's telling the truth? Maybe she's the bunny boiler and he's done nothing wrong."

Because unless he's incredibly, ridiculously stupid, he wouldn't let a "crazy ex who he's had to hide his profile from" have access to his newly created kik account?

Either she knows his password or she had his phone.

How many crazy exes do you give your phone or passwords to?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Isn't it ironic that the one who has been cheated on chooses to vent their 'frustration' on the 'third person' and not their cheating partner.

Particularly ironic if the 'third person' had made every effort to ensure that the person they were going to be 'playing' with was single and not cheating on a partner.

Think I would have been inclined to reply with a message along the lines of - take it out on your lying, cheating partner"

Reply saying speak to him not me.

End of conversation.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I am puzzled as to why him being an ex forum regular is relevant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because the chances of getting caught up in that kind of drama are actually relatively small.

As others have already said, she should be taking it out on him and not you. It's completely unacceptable for her to be giving you abuse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am puzzled as to why him being an ex forum regular is relevant."

Me too, adds to the drama I assume.

Two sides to a story.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

exactly, you will never know the full news, but you dont deserve to get abused from an angry partner OP

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

[Removed by poster at 19/05/15 19:21:01]

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"I asked "why would single people willingly and knowingly get involved with a married (cheating) person"?

I know a lot of people on here do and I don't get it? !"

Are you just looking to vent, or do you want a serious answer? We have knowingly met married people.

"Reply saying speak to him not me.

End of conversation."

^^This

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"exactly, you will never know the full news, but you dont deserve to get abused from an angry partner OP

No one deserves to get abuse it's well out of order but it's one of the pitfalls on here and other internet sites.

You can never fully trust what anyone says and if that thought doesn't sit well then maybe a rethink is needed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I asked "why would single people willingly and knowingly get involved with a married (cheating) person"?

I know a lot of people on here do and I don't get it? !

Are you just looking to vent, or do you want a serious answer? We have knowingly met married people"

Serious answer please.

There are two rivers to swim in. One is guaranteed free of crocodiles. The other very rarely has crocodiles in. Why WHY would you pick the crocodiles one??

There enough single people on here, why knowingly start chatting to someone married and cheating?

Are they that much more attractive?

And hands up how many people have caught their partner cheating on them?

I'm sure a lot of us have caught out partners in the past. I think it happens a lot more than you think.

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By *urvybrunette91Woman
over a year ago

tidworth

My husband cheated on me quite a few times (I found out about all of them at once). One of which was a 4 month live-in affair.

I always try my upmost to make sure men are single.

I have been chatting to someone for just under 3 months, he was pestering to meet quite a bit and messaged often.

Over the weekend I had some odd messages then a voice recording of this mans wife. I was heartbroken for her.

I would never meet anyone who was married, however when I was younger I did, as I was naive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I asked "why would single people willingly and knowingly get involved with a married (cheating) person"?

I know a lot of people on here do and I don't get it? !

Are you just looking to vent, or do you want a serious answer? We have knowingly met married people

Serious answer please.

There are two rivers to swim in. One is guaranteed free of crocodiles. The other very rarely has crocodiles in. Why WHY would you pick the crocodiles one??

There enough single people on here, why knowingly start chatting to someone married and cheating?

Are they that much more attractive?

And hands up how many people have caught their partner cheating on them?

I'm sure a lot of us have caught out partners in the past. I think it happens a lot more than you think."

The scenario you're describing isn't actually what's happened to youthough. If I "knowingly choose" to meet a married person then there's no disappointment, hurt or surprise....because I start out knowing that they're married.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Genuine question, why didn't you just say you knew nothing and block her? Why engage it? It's got nothing to do with you

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

Serious answer please.

There are two rivers to swim in. One is guaranteed free of crocodiles. The other very rarely has crocodiles in. Why WHY would you pick the crocodiles one??

There enough single people on here, why knowingly start chatting to someone married and cheating?

Are they that much more attractive?

And hands up how many people have caught their partner cheating on them?

I'm sure a lot of us have caught out partners in the past. I think it happens a lot more than you think."

There is a chance of crocodiles wherever you swim. You can only do as much as possible to avoid them. But I do believe the chance is smaller than you think. You have been bitten, and you are rightly hurt - but you have done nothing wrong. I wouldn't have even replied, by doing so you came across as a guilty party, whereas only he is responsible for his actions.

We have also seen some shocking attitudes on here from single people, and have heard frightening tales of people not respecting boundaries.

The truth is you have be careful regardless of who you meet, and especially who you give your contact details to. I suspect there are far more married men here, or in clubs, than many suspect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

....

We have also seen some shocking attitudes on here from single people, and have heard frightening tales of people not respecting boundaries.

..."

Shocking attitudes in what way?

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

....

We have also seen some shocking attitudes on here from single people, and have heard frightening tales of people not respecting boundaries.

...

Shocking attitudes in what way?"

Things like "I could never swing if I met a partner" "I don't understand why married people swing, they must be mental"

It's generally in the swinging forum, where normally I'm too scared to spend much time 'cos I always ending putting my foot in it!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The last meet I had pushed some serious boundaries in a scary and non consensual way.

The guy who is the subject of this thread was supposed to be my next meet.

I'm thinking "single" guy meets are not a good idea!

And I replied to her abuse to explain that I felt awfully sorry for her, and that I'd not actually met him. And that I don't play with married/attached so I was pissed off too.

I wanted to placate her in some way as she was absolutely furious at me, AND she had copies of naked photos of me.

I wanted to be honest with her about what had happened between me and him (nothing short of chat) but also as damage control.

And secondly he'd told her he'd never met anyone, only chatted. But he'd arranged to meet me. And he had previous verifications.

I felt she should know, as she was asking for info, if nothing else so she could get STD tested.

And she said she hadn't split up with him, because "he said it was only chats, he'd never met anyone" so if she was potentially having bareback sex with him thinking it was an exclusive relationship, I felt she had a right to know.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

....

We have also seen some shocking attitudes on here from single people, and have heard frightening tales of people not respecting boundaries.

...

Shocking attitudes in what way?

Things like "I could never swing if I met a partner" "I don't understand why married people swing, they must be mental"

It's generally in the swinging forum, where normally I'm too scared to spend much time 'cos I always ending putting my foot in it!"

Is it even swinging if you are both single? Isn't that just classified under "typical single behaviour"?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People here can be who ever they wish to be .... As most are people you don't know really from just chatting on the net even meeting face to face can still lie ...... Some will do and say what ever to get free sex . Yes some normal nice people out there but a lot of weird ones too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I am on here trying to have my cake and eat it lol and I am being open about being in a relationship so people know what the script

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

But then you get the regular "should singles be allowed on a swinging site" threads.

It may be incredibly naive, but we prefer to try to simplify it by pigeon-holing people as male, female or couple, and not getting too worried about married, engaged, with regular b/g friend, recently split, but maybe about to reconcile, etc.

Once people get to 18 we work on the premise that they are responsible enough to make their own choices, but they are also liable for the consequences of their choices.

Sorry, I'm waffling here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why's he suddenly automatically having bareback sex all of a sudden? I find that one of the biggest myths on this site actually, the people I've met who've been married and in relationships have been absolutely scrupulous about practising safer sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's cowardly bur it's also hilarious watching people perform the mental gymnastics to try and justify cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How did she get access to his kik account? I doubt someone cheating would leave their phone lying around unlocked.

Sounds like he's winding you up for some reason.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

" I felt she should know, as she was asking for info, if nothing else so she could get STD tested.

You're probably right, but I'm not sure you had a duty to tell her. Especially since you didn't even meet him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's cowardly bur it's also hilarious watching people perform the mental gymnastics to try and justify cheating."
yes your right .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I am on here trying to have my cake and eat it lol and I am being open about being in a relationship so people know what the script "

You're not really being open about it though are you... I'm sure your partner would like to know.

That's what always tickles me - people who say they are honest and open, and yet are actively deceiving the person who is supposed to be one of the most important in their life. Doesn't bode well for anyone else does it? If you lie to your partner you'll lie to everyone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's cowardly bur it's also hilarious watching people perform the mental gymnastics to try and justify cheating."

Who's trying to justify it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How did she get access to his kik account? I doubt someone cheating would leave their phone lying around unlocked.

Sounds like he's winding you up for some reason."

That's exactly what I was just thinking.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"Why's he suddenly automatically having bareback sex all of a sudden? I find that one of the biggest myths on this site actually, the people I've met who've been married and in relationships have been absolutely scrupulous about practising safer sex. "

True.

Because to a married man, the risk of having a pregnant woman knocking on his wife's door is even more scary than an sti.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That happend to us the other day, met the guy. Thought it odd he only had an hour and was dressed in his gym kit we thought he was married. We asked him and he flatly said no. He came as quick as he left... And fab site lol honesty is the ONLY way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

True.

Because to a married man, the risk of having a pregnant woman knocking on his wife's door is even more scary than an sti."

You'd be amazed at the amount of married men that message me looking for bareback.

Actually, you probably wouldn't because it's this site...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just found out that 3 weeks of excitement was with a married guy. I had my suspicions but he was a very good liar. He was repentant and said he'd stop but his profile is now hidden and not deleted.

I'm sick of people responding to such behaviour by saying 'don't judge' There are few decent excuses for potentially ruining someone else's life especially when you allegedly love them. Why would someone risk a family they care about ? Beyond me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe that the poster meant, that his partner was having bareback sex with him in good faith that he *was not* having sex elsewhere.

If she knew that he was having sex elsewhere, she might decide not to have bareback sex with him, because she might choose to look after her own health.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Genuine question, why didn't you just say you knew nothing and block her? Why engage it? It's got nothing to do with you "

That's what I did when it happened to me. My attitude is that its nothing to do with me if a guy lies about being single and gets caught out. He can deal with the fall out.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

"You'd be amazed at the amount of married men that message me looking for bareback.

Actually, you probably wouldn't because it's this site..."

Just when I think my eyes can't go any more

, I read another thread and the wrinkles on my forehead get even bigger!

We are soooooo naïve!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I am on here trying to have my cake and eat it lol and I am being open about being in a relationship so people know what the script

You're not really being open about it though are you... I'm sure your partner would like to know.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Reply saying speak to him not me.

End of conversation."

There ya go!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I am on here trying to have my cake and eat it lol and I am being open about being in a relationship so people know what the script

You're not really being open about it though are you... I'm sure your partner would like to know.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

I had a close friend who would have left her husband because their marriage was dull. She cheated, then felt guilty, then decided to make a go of it. 10 years later they are still together.

I don't think cheating ends marriages, I think people cheat, sometimes because the marriage is already ended, sometimes because they feel it has, sometimes because they want something their otherwise perfect marriage lacks. Throw kids into.the mix and none us of can really judge another person for how they choose to live their life. We simply don't walk in their shoes.

Ps. I was her boss and confidant, not otherwise involved!

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By *D40Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"why be in a relationship in the first place.

i love all types of ice cream therefore its not best for me to settle down!

guys if you cant be loyal your your partner, then just break up first and then play away. "

If you can be in a happy relationship & both happily swing then thats good. If you are doing it behind someones back then thats nasty.

In a way i get whybshe went mad at the OP, she wanted to blame anyone except him. When she calms down she will know who the real bad person is here. None swingers tend to view swingers as some kind of harlot who cant get a regular man so takes anyone elses ( sorry i used to be an ignorant none swinger)... OP well done for keeping your cool & your values

Mrs _d40

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How did she get access to his kik account? I doubt someone cheating would leave their phone lying around unlocked.

Sounds like he's winding you up for some reason."

If you spend a lot of time together you tend to pick up the other person's pattern/pin code for thier phone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How did she get access to his kik account? I doubt someone cheating would leave their phone lying around unlocked.

Sounds like he's winding you up for some reason.

If you spend a lot of time together you tend to pick up the other person's pattern/pin code for thier phone."

I'd be quite upset with a partner if they took enough interest in my pins that they could repeat them.

Serious breach of privacy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The last meet I had pushed some serious boundaries in a scary and non consensual way.

The guy who is the subject of this thread was supposed to be my next meet.

I'm thinking "single" guy meets are not a good idea!

And I replied to her abuse to explain that I felt awfully sorry for her, and that I'd not actually met him. And that I don't play with married/attached so I was pissed off too.

I wanted to placate her in some way as she was absolutely furious at me, AND she had copies of naked photos of me.

I wanted to be honest with her about what had happened between me and him (nothing short of chat) but also as damage control.

And secondly he'd told her he'd never met anyone, only chatted. But he'd arranged to meet me. And he had previous verifications.

I felt she should know, as she was asking for info, if nothing else so she could get STD tested.

How did she have naked pics of you?

Something smells very fishy indeed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well this is going well. ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe that the poster meant, that his partner was having bareback sex with him in good faith that he *was not* having sex elsewhere.

If she knew that he was having sex elsewhere, she might decide not to have bareback sex with him, because she might choose to look after her own health."

She's assuming him & his partner have bareback sex..... news flash some couples use condoms as contraception.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe that the poster meant, that his partner was having bareback sex with him in good faith that he *was not* having sex elsewhere.

If she knew that he was having sex elsewhere, she might decide not to have bareback sex with him, because she might choose to look after her own health.

She's assuming him & his partner have bareback sex..... news flash some couples use condoms as contraception."

I think it's a reasonable assumption. Most monogamous couples who are on other forms of birth control are likely to be having bareback sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The last meet I had pushed some serious boundaries in a scary and non consensual way.

The guy who is the subject of this thread was supposed to be my next meet.

I'm thinking "single" guy meets are not a good idea!

And I replied to her abuse to explain that I felt awfully sorry for her, and that I'd not actually met him. And that I don't play with married/attached so I was pissed off too.

I wanted to placate her in some way as she was absolutely furious at me, AND she had copies of naked photos of me.

I wanted to be honest with her about what had happened between me and him (nothing short of chat) but also as damage control.

And secondly he'd told her he'd never met anyone, only chatted. But he'd arranged to meet me. And he had previous verifications.

I felt she should know, as she was asking for info, if nothing else so she could get STD tested.

How did she have naked pics of you?

Something smells very fishy indeed.

"
a lot find way of checking as people think they cover there tracks when cheating but it takes one slip up leaving history on PC or tablets and phone number on a scrap of paper if your gut feeling is working you know your just looking for the clues and that takes time. Woman can be as bad as men I have had woman friends doing this and I think god it must be hard work coving there steps.

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