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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I've been thinking about doing some more D/s again.

Had a chat with a fair few, so called subs, yet none seem to have ever had a bdsm checklist.

Any D/s here that insists on this too before play?

I mean a proper list too, extensive so you can study the person to contemplate if suited.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. Usually i do this in relationships and we talk about stuff and push boundaries sometimes. Done some milder stuff with strangers, nothing extreme and nothing that wasn't discussed beforehand. Am not finding it good to do this stuff with strangers and don't want to.

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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton

Some subs do, some don't.. I find subs that are that deep into BDSM to have a checklist are more usually found on sites more geared to the lifestyle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As yet to meet anyone new but as an easygoing dom if did meet anyone new, I would want a social and a run through of a checklist.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Some subs do, some don't.. I find subs that are that deep into BDSM to have a checklist are more usually found on sites more geared to the lifestyle "

Yup I get ya. When I look I do look elsewhere but notice it more and more on here. Think its more 50 shades slap n tickle though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think if a dom presented me with a checklist I wouldn't be able to stifle a giggle. There are far more elegant ways of finding out what your sub is interested in.

For starters, it's AMAZING how many fail to read profiles. These are men who expect you to trust them enough to let them tie you up (and typically more)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't got a list.

I've talked a lot with my Domme so we each know what we want from our exchange. We've discussed limits and it works for us.

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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

I have indulged in actual D/s play with exactly two men from this site. I didn't need an actual list with either since we had conversations about all sorts of things in advance of meeting including potential likes/dislikes, hard and soft limits and areas for negotiation within wider conversations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess you can send a checklist to a potential sub or ask them to complete and send it to you. However to my mind, you can gauge a lot through conversation. All the checklists in the world won't override chemistry and dynamics.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I guess you can send a checklist to a potential sub or ask them to complete and send it to you. However to my mind, you can gauge a lot through conversation. All the checklists in the world won't override chemistry and dynamics. "

This..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have a checklist but do have a soft and hard limit list. This doesn't include things I class as extreme though because I would never have a dom that I wasn't on the same wavelength with. As others have posted, conversations seem a great way to discuss it all but also get quite exciting when there's something you both want.

I did Google checklist the other day and sitting filling in 5 pages of scores isnt for me, instead it did prompt a conversation about a couple of items though.

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By *isexmistressWoman
over a year ago

Prestwich

Any good Domme is interested in finding out what her sub is into otherwise how can you get the best out of your meets so for me,a good chat over a cuppa before any games is essential..

Limits wise,and as im quite extreme and with NO LIMITS,I find this reassures the sub as they realise they DONT have to be into anal/ball busting/having the life beaten out of them,especially if new to it and exploring and needing a more gentle introduction to Bdsm and kink

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very few people do check lists...and it's much better to actually talk to someone

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Any good Domme is interested in finding out what her sub is into otherwise how can you get the best out of your meets so for me,a good chat over a cuppa before any games is essential..

Limits wise,and as im quite extreme and with NO LIMITS,I find this reassures the sub as they realise they DONT have to be into anal/ball busting/having the life beaten out of them,especially if new to it and exploring and needing a more gentle introduction to Bdsm and kink "

Domme & Dom

I like the detail of a list and often it can generate excitement finding new things, for both parties.

I'm very much into the etiquette of D/s and the engagement of the mind.

Tasks are easier to set with a list. Maybe I'm just very specific with what I am seeking in a sub.

Everyone is different, thanks for the comments so far.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So, if I have this right, a potential sub gives you a list of things she has done with others, things she'd like to do with somebody and things she will not do?

Then you can either follow in others footsteps and see how it measures up or go in to fresh territory and try and amaze and arouse. Perhaps in the process finding out that what they thought that word meant is not what you thought it meant, oops there goes your reputation as a safe pair of hands.

Sorry it feels a little too Domming by numbers for me. I find that knowing why somebody thinks they do, or do not, want to do something for me is far more informative.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

List writing doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. I'd just move on and find a Dom/Domme who doesn't want to sit reading.

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By *isexmistressWoman
over a year ago

Prestwich

The thing with a list is,it gives structure and also an `agreement` and understanding to both parties..

Some subs love this,others not so..

Everyone is different.

I dont do lists but if i did, the sub would be the one making it ,not me..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a guy send me a checklist once...and he seemed to completely ignore it when it came to our 1st and only play meet, which I brought to an abrupt end despite several conversations about the checklist and my limits.

I have also played with others where communication was as simple as discussing boundaries and maintaining those discussions between sessions, which has resulted in my current, and most enjoyable, D/s dynamic with a guy who I know respects my limits and so has been able to push some of them over time.

I'm sure checklists work for some, but for me communication is far better as things can change over time...and I wouldn't want someone holding a list over me if I changed my feelings about any acts

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By *isexmistressWoman
over a year ago

Prestwich


"I had a guy send me a checklist once...and he seemed to completely ignore it when it came to our 1st and only play meet, which I brought to an abrupt end despite several conversations about the checklist and my limits.

I have also played with others where communication was as simple as discussing boundaries and maintaining those discussions between sessions, which has resulted in my current, and most enjoyable, D/s dynamic with a guy who I know respects my limits and so has been able to push some of them over time.

I'm sure checklists work for some, but for me communication is far better as things can change over time...and I wouldn't want someone holding a list over me if I changed my feelings about any acts"

OMG!!..

Look at how full your boobies are

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By *osafewordneededMan
over a year ago

City

Traditionally both parties were supposed to create a check list of kinks/interests.

You then both give them to each other and compare to see if you are a bdsm match.

Talking to someone to find out their list means you can alter your list to appear to be a better match than you are.

You shouldn't mix bdsm with casual swinging though, you'll get hurt.

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By *iss InnocenceWoman
over a year ago

Coventry/Bristol

Well am talking to my 5th Dom on here now and he's the only one who has ask about what I have try so far

What my likes and dislike r

What I want as soft/hard limits

What I want to gain from try this out

I think the most important thing is commution

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Traditionally both parties were supposed to create a check list of kinks/interests.

You then both give them to each other and compare to see if you are a bdsm match.

Talking to someone to find out their list means you can alter your list to appear to be a better match than you are.

You shouldn't mix bdsm with casual swinging though, you'll get hurt."

We cannot be members of the Club then as we have never sat down with Pen and Paper and ticked boxes but i think we are a very good Match, We get on fine just talking before during and after.

Gimp

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