FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Basic rules for new subs

Jump to newest
 

By *unwithasub OP   Couple
over a year ago

sheffield

1) no piss, shit, blood or vomit

2) every sub has a safe word

3) I expect my subs to be creative and come up with ways to surprise and please me and take the risk that if I don't like it I will punish them

4) while some domination will be physical, I find this to easy I am stronger than you so it's easy for me to pin you tie you up or force you, a lot of the domination will be mental I will make you beg to please me.

5) with that in mind I am smarter than all my subs, never try to trick me I understand a sub likes to be punished if I suspect you are disobeying because you want a punishment I will reward you instead as this is an actual punishment.

6) I need to be able to have a laugh and a joke with my subs, sometimes It is very intense and sexually sometimes something silly will happen this needs to be ok.

7) submission is never about forcing you to do anything you don't want to do but rather controlling you into doing what you always fantasised about.

8) I own your bodies your holes and your orgasm

9) I can add anything to this list anytime I wish.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I have a footlong steak and cheese ,no red onion lots of jalapenos and honey mustard dressing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *unwithasub OP   Couple
over a year ago

sheffield


"Can I have a footlong steak and cheese ,no red onion lots of jalapenos and honey mustard dressing"

Sure try subway or your local deli if you feel like supporting small independent businesses

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Butter both sides of the roll.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

These are perhaps basic rules for all your new subs...

I prefer to sort my rules out in advance with the person I am playing with - its not a pre-written things.

But good luck

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But I'm not submissive

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *urvybrunette91Woman
over a year ago

tidworth


"Butter both sides of the roll. "

And toasted.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can I have a footlong steak and cheese ,no red onion lots of jalapenos and honey mustard dressing"

You do know where hes going to stick that? You sure about the jalapeño and mustard?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gulp

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this a template for all Doms?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this a template for all Doms?"

Get a pen.....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Is this a meet request or just thinking out loud?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

They may work for you as a starting point but the guys I have been sub to would never dream of trying to tell me they are smarter than me. I may have D/s relationships but not with someone who would only do so because they consider me less intelligent and therefore more pliable mentally. My guys like a challenge.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Is this about substitutes in football?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never needed a set of rules or a contract.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rank EinsteinMan
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

I don't get it.

Surely this belongs on your profile, in swingers chat or meet requests?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this a template for all Doms?

Get a pen..... "

Oh fuck. .. my pen just ran out of ink.

Quick. . Gimme another one. This is good shit. I mean it really is the shit.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"1) no piss, shit, blood or vomit

2) every sub has a safe word

3) I expect my subs to be creative and come up with ways to surprise and please me and take the risk that if I don't like it I will punish them

4) while some domination will be physical, I find this to easy I am stronger than you so it's easy for me to pin you tie you up or force you, a lot of the domination will be mental I will make you beg to please me.

5) with that in mind I am smarter than all my subs, never try to trick me I understand a sub likes to be punished if I suspect you are disobeying because you want a punishment I will reward you instead as this is an actual punishment.

6) I need to be able to have a laugh and a joke with my subs, sometimes It is very intense and sexually sometimes something silly will happen this needs to be ok.

7) submission is never about forcing you to do anything you don't want to do but rather controlling you into doing what you always fantasised about.

8) I own your bodies your holes and your orgasm

9) I can add anything to this list anytime I wish.

"

That's nice for you.

Why are you sharing your own personal preferences as if they are fact for everyone who indulges in ds play?

Certainly eight of those are not true in the relationship myself and my sub have.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I'm not a "Dom" but I think you might run into issues on one or two of those points because they would be total clashes.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Is there a sanity clause

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think saying smarter than is a derogatory term, more a play on the power exchange

Why so serious

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago

Bristol


"I don't think saying smarter than is a derogatory term, more a play on the power exchange

Why so serious"

Because a one size fits all approach isn't a relationship for both parties but is entirely about the needs and wants of one. The rules should be made between sub and Dom, and those rules should be fluid as the dynamic develops over time.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They may work for you as a starting point but the guys I have been sub to would never dream of trying to tell me they are smarter than me. I may have D/s relationships but not with someone who would only do so because they consider me less intelligent and therefore more pliable mentally. My guys like a challenge."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guess its not for everyone but hey each to their own.

If I told my wife I was smarter than her she would smack me in the chops and point out if I was so smart I wouldnt have been stupid enough to say I was smarter than her in the first place...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't think saying smarter than is a derogatory term, more a play on the power exchange

Why so serious

Because a one size fits all approach isn't a relationship for both parties but is entirely about the needs and wants of one. The rules should be made between sub and Dom, and those rules should be fluid as the dynamic develops over time."

Agreed,

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never been in a sub/dom relationship, and I really have no great understanding of it, but for me the OP just makes me feel uncomfortable is this because there is definitley no sub or dom hidden inside me or the OP hasn't expressed it well?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

Please tell me this is a spoof?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where do I sign up? Assuming I am clevr enuf to wrote my name?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wondering what makes the op think he or she is cleverer than his or her subs.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's always about power. In my world no one has the power,it's a yin yang thing for us.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)


"Wondering what makes the op think he or she is cleverer than his or her subs.

"

I'm also wondering what kind of dom thinks he really has the power in the relationship...?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both have the power.. as the moment one stops needing or wanting the other... There is nothing

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Not another Mr Grey??

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not another Mr Grey?? "

Using such language.. And on a public forum too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Can I see the advanced rules for new subs please?

And dont get the lash out, or maybe dont do, do, dont

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *plankyMan
over a year ago

Beeston

I am so new to this I don't really understand....

It is my sub who has the Power. She gets the punishment when I am weak and have been undermined by her disobedience .

You may have a different experience, and good luck to you x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh dear

That is all

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am so new to this I don't really understand....

It is my sub who has the Power. She gets the punishment when I am weak and have been undermined by her disobedience .

You may have a different experience, and good luck to you x"

The only power my sub has is to walk away.

Which isn't really power, because it's not a negotiating point. There's no going back if he walks out.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

The only power my sub has is to walk away.

Which isn't really power, because it's not a negotiating point. There's no going back if he walks out."

I'm not a Dom abd I don't have or want a sub, but that doesn't seem very fair to me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *unwithasub OP   Couple
over a year ago

sheffield

This was a list of rules we wrote down several years ago on a night, we thought we would share them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just an opinion but I believe the sub is actually the dominant in a relationship. A dom wants a sub to do what he/she is told, this makes the dom happy. If the sub does not oblige then the dom uses punishment/denial on the sub which also makes the dom happy. The sub ultimately controls what level of enjoyment the dom has by the actions they take x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like everyone and everything else, there is no standardised set of Domming Rules which fits every set of people.

The way you live and play is personal and unique to you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blimey that's a list and a half ~ Apart from points 1 & 2 I don't get the whole D/s thing but I'm sure there's people that do!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"This was a list of rules we wrote down several years ago on a night, we thought we would share them. "

You missed one: The Golden No. 10!

- Always carry a notepad!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your list, is all me me me. You list nothing that you give to the sub and to the dynamic.

It's symbiotic, the D/s relationship and it's give and take. So much nurture and compassion and reward I both sides.

Your list just makes me quite sad.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

The only power my sub has is to walk away.

Which isn't really power, because it's not a negotiating point. There's no going back if he walks out.

I'm not a Dom abd I don't have or want a sub, but that doesn't seem very fair to me. "

d/s relationships aren't fair by their very nature. They are fuelled by power imbalance. If he didn't enjoy what we did, he wouldn't keep seeing me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just an opinion but I believe the sub is actually the dominant in a relationship. A dom wants a sub to do what he/she is told, this makes the dom happy. If the sub does not oblige then the dom uses punishment/denial on the sub which also makes the dom happy. The sub ultimately controls what level of enjoyment the dom has by the actions they take x"

Not the case in my d/s relationship. If he doesn't do as I ask, then I tell him to put his clothes on and go home. I don't mess around with 'funishments'. I know that the biggest punishment for him is not getting to play.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some things don't need to be hard work.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this a template for all Doms?

Get a pen.....

Oh fuck. .. my pen just ran out of ink.

Quick. . Gimme another one. This is good shit. I mean it really is the shit. "

Lmfao !!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *cd and scruffCouple
over a year ago

Rochester

you have the power because he doesn't walk away. he allows you to do what you want because he enjoys it, and so do you. it is a symbiotic relationship, you both get what you want. but ultimately if your sub chooses to walk away he denies you the pleasure of using him by exercising his ultimate control of the situation. he has as much power as you do, only yours is more obvious than his.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"you have the power because he doesn't walk away. he allows you to do what you want because he enjoys it, and so do you. it is a symbiotic relationship, you both get what you want. but ultimately if your sub chooses to walk away he denies you the pleasure of using him by exercising his ultimate control of the situation. he has as much power as you do, only yours is more obvious than his.

"

When you look at it in the wider context...

I could advertise on a fetish site for a new sub and find one within a week. You could look at it as no great loss...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this a template for all Doms?"

LOL

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I only have one hard fast rule for any sub, that they enjoy what we are doing, otherwise it's abuse

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am so new to this I don't really understand....

It is my sub who has the Power. She gets the punishment when I am weak and have been undermined by her disobedience .

You may have a different experience, and good luck to you x

The only power my sub has is to walk away.

Which isn't really power, because it's not a negotiating point. There's no going back if he walks out."

Couldn't agree more. Each to their own and all that, but this sums it up nicely for me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this a template for all Doms?

LOL"

I think you'll find it in the first chapter of 'The book of Dom - 101'

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this a template for all Doms?

LOL

I think you'll find it in the first chapter of 'The book of Dom - 101' "

I think it's the first chapter in the book of 'Dick & Dom'

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/05/15 12:16:29]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

The only power my sub has is to walk away.

Which isn't really power, because it's not a negotiating point. There's no going back if he walks out.

I'm not a Dom abd I don't have or want a sub, but that doesn't seem very fair to me.

d/s relationships aren't fair by their very nature. They are fuelled by power imbalance. If he didn't enjoy what we did, he wouldn't keep seeing me."

So If he was simply having a bad day because of XYZ.

He couldn't walk out?

He'd be done.

And to quote your own words "you could find another sub within a week and it would be no big loss".

You don't really value the relationship. That's not being a Domme.

That's being a bit of a twat.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it rare to be attracted to any subdom profiles...no matter how hot the fem half is....especially those with rules that make me think they have lost the passion for fun.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They may work for you as a starting point but the guys I have been sub to would never dream of trying to tell me they are smarter than me. I may have D/s relationships but not with someone who would only do so because they consider me less intelligent and therefore more pliable mentally. My guys like a challenge."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this a template for all Doms?"

I was waiting for you to dominate me last Saturday wheels - but you were too busy jumping around the dance floor!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oxic1998Woman
over a year ago

Belfast


"

The only power my sub has is to walk away.

Which isn't really power, because it's not a negotiating point. There's no going back if he walks out.

I'm not a Dom abd I don't have or want a sub, but that doesn't seem very fair to me.

d/s relationships aren't fair by their very nature. They are fuelled by power imbalance. If he didn't enjoy what we did, he wouldn't keep seeing me.

So If he was simply having a bad day because of XYZ.

He couldn't walk out?

He'd be done.

And to quote your own words "you could find another sub within a week and it would be no big loss".

You don't really value the relationship. That's not being a Domme.

That's being a bit of a twat. "

Couldn't agree more. Dom/sub relationship are not as cold as this.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

The only power my sub has is to walk away.

Which isn't really power, because it's not a negotiating point. There's no going back if he walks out.

I'm not a Dom abd I don't have or want a sub, but that doesn't seem very fair to me.

d/s relationships aren't fair by their very nature. They are fuelled by power imbalance. If he didn't enjoy what we did, he wouldn't keep seeing me.

So If he was simply having a bad day because of XYZ.

He couldn't walk out?

He'd be done.

And to quote your own words "you could find another sub within a week and it would be no big loss".

You don't really value the relationship. That's not being a Domme.

That's being a bit of a twat.

Couldn't agree more. Dom/sub relationship are not as cold as this. "

It works for us. Everyone has different preferences and different enjoyments. Some of us like cold. Some of us don't enjoy 'normal' relationships where everyone is happy and warm and cuddly.

It's ok, there are people out there for everyone. As long as the two people enjoy themselves in their relationship it doesn't really matter to anyone else. You are free to have your own relationship your own way.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

The only power my sub has is to walk away.

Which isn't really power, because it's not a negotiating point. There's no going back if he walks out.

I'm not a Dom abd I don't have or want a sub, but that doesn't seem very fair to me.

d/s relationships aren't fair by their very nature. They are fuelled by power imbalance. If he didn't enjoy what we did, he wouldn't keep seeing me.

So If he was simply having a bad day because of XYZ.

He couldn't walk out?

He'd be done.

And to quote your own words "you could find another sub within a week and it would be no big loss".

You don't really value the relationship. That's not being a Domme.

That's being a bit of a twat. "

I said you could look at it as no great loss. I'd still have my best friend, our friendship doesn't rely on us having sex together. Our ds play is very different to our friendship.

It's not really being a twat at all. He enjoys being in that kind of relationship. If he's having a bad day he says 'I'm having a bad day, how about we go for lunch instead?' and we talk about it, go for lunch, and try again another time.

What I will not do is 'punish' him with sex for stuff. Because that doesn't do anything for either of us.

So before you judge me as a twat, perhaps you'd like to consider that each relationship has nuances that you don't know about, and as long as both parties enjoy it then there's really nothing wrong with it?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I think it's the first chapter in the book of 'Dick & Dom' "

BO GEEEEEZ!!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *cd and scruffCouple
over a year ago

Rochester


"

The only power my sub has is to walk away.

Which isn't really power, because it's not a negotiating point. There's no going back if he walks out.

I'm not a Dom abd I don't have or want a sub, but that doesn't seem very fair to me.

d/s relationships aren't fair by their very nature. They are fuelled by power imbalance. If he didn't enjoy what we did, he wouldn't keep seeing me.

So If he was simply having a bad day because of XYZ.

He couldn't walk out?

He'd be done.

And to quote your own words "you could find another sub within a week and it would be no big loss".

You don't really value the relationship. That's not being a Domme.

That's being a bit of a twat.

I said you could look at it as no great loss. I'd still have my best friend, our friendship doesn't rely on us having sex together. Our ds play is very different to our friendship.

It's not really being a twat at all. He enjoys being in that kind of relationship. If he's having a bad day he says 'I'm having a bad day, how about we go for lunch instead?' and we talk about it, go for lunch, and try again another time.

What I will not do is 'punish' him with sex for stuff. Because that doesn't do anything for either of us.

So before you judge me as a twat, perhaps you'd like to consider that each relationship has nuances that you don't know about, and as long as both parties enjoy it then there's really nothing wrong with it?"

Every relationship is different, even vanilla relationships. If it works for both parties then it cannot be wrong.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone's been reading the booooook. Tuk tut ^^

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"1) no piss, shit, blood or vomit

2) every sub has a safe word

3) I expect my subs to be creative and come up with ways to surprise and please me and take the risk that if I don't like it I will punish them

4) while some domination will be physical, I find this to easy I am stronger than you so it's easy for me to pin you tie you up or force you, a lot of the domination will be mental I will make you beg to please me.

5) with that in mind I am smarter than all my subs, never try to trick me I understand a sub likes to be punished if I suspect you are disobeying because you want a punishment I will reward you instead as this is an actual punishment.

6) I need to be able to have a laugh and a joke with my subs, sometimes It is very intense and sexually sometimes something silly will happen this needs to be ok.

7) submission is never about forcing you to do anything you don't want to do but rather controlling you into doing what you always fantasised about.

8) I own your bodies your holes and your orgasm

9) I can add anything to this list anytime I wish.

"

Well thanks for sharing that

I'm challenging number 5 though

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shake out the creases in the washing before you hang it up ffs

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Butter both sides of the roll. "

Now I'm a no butter girl, I prefer to just have pickles and Mayo or what ever matches my choice.

Lucky my local sandwich shop owner isn't a Dom

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"1) no piss, shit, blood or vomit

2) every sub has a safe word

3) I expect my subs to be creative and come up with ways to surprise and please me and take the risk that if I don't like it I will punish them

4) while some domination will be physical, I find this to easy I am stronger than you so it's easy for me to pin you tie you up or force you, a lot of the domination will be mental I will make you beg to please me.

5) with that in mind I am smarter than all my subs, never try to trick me I understand a sub likes to be punished if I suspect you are disobeying because you want a punishment I will reward you instead as this is an actual punishment.

6) I need to be able to have a laugh and a joke with my subs, sometimes It is very intense and sexually sometimes something silly will happen this needs to be ok.

7) submission is never about forcing you to do anything you don't want to do but rather controlling you into doing what you always fantasised about.

8) I own your bodies your holes and your orgasm

9) I can add anything to this list anytime I wish.

Well thanks for sharing that

I'm challenging number 5 though "

so am I! Since when did submission = lower intelligence. There is no correlation between the two.

It's known that people in high powered jobs and with very high IQs and intelligence use submission and BDSM play as an escape from the pressures.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"1) no piss, shit, blood or vomit

2) every sub has a safe word

3) I expect my subs to be creative and come up with ways to surprise and please me and take the risk that if I don't like it I will punish them

4) while some domination will be physical, I find this to easy I am stronger than you so it's easy for me to pin you tie you up or force you, a lot of the domination will be mental I will make you beg to please me.

5) with that in mind I am smarter than all my subs, never try to trick me I understand a sub likes to be punished if I suspect you are disobeying because you want a punishment I will reward you instead as this is an actual punishment.

6) I need to be able to have a laugh and a joke with my subs, sometimes It is very intense and sexually sometimes something silly will happen this needs to be ok.

7) submission is never about forcing you to do anything you don't want to do but rather controlling you into doing what you always fantasised about.

8) I own your bodies your holes and your orgasm

9) I can add anything to this list anytime I wish.

Well thanks for sharing that

I'm challenging number 5 though "

He's right. All his subs ARE imaginary though...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Wondering what makes the op think he or she is cleverer than his or her subs.

"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I only have one hard fast rule for any sub, that they enjoy what we are doing, otherwise it's abuse "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top