FabSwingers.com forum: The bad advice thread

By *rank Einstein OP Man
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

After some bad advice on another thread I thought it could be funny what bad advice others can give I'll start with my bad advice.

Wear nipple tassels with man Boobs, people will be too busy laughing at them to notice the surrounding moob.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you run out of lube, vicks is an acceptable substitute

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you run out of lube, vicks is an acceptable substitute"

This can be good advice, depends how you like it

Always turn your mobile phone to silent before inserting it up your rectum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your cock has scabs on it, use foundation to hide them so your meet will never know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Initially ask if shes 'up for a fuck' before laying out the red carpet treatment with a thoughtful & attentive message on Fab.

#timesaver

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By *rank Einstein OP Man
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

"Initially ask if shes 'up for a fuck' before laying out the red carpet treatment with a thoughtful & attentive message on Fab.

#timesaver

And you can never have enough public cock pictures of course

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Chicks dig pics of you with a speculum up your ass

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's fine to bring your mum along to a meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Next time you are shopping and think you see a fellow fabber check with them to verify you are right.

Just shout across the checkout if you are paying.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

little known meet essentials:

gaffa tape

plastic sheeting

shovel

circular saw

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's fine to bring your mum along to a meet.

As long as she brings her own lube and condoms.

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By *rank Einstein OP Man
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

When you stare at the sun your eyes absorb it's light and uses it at night to give you night vision.

So you should do it as much as you can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Initially ask if shes 'up for a fuck' before laying out the red carpet treatment with a thoughtful & attentive message on Fab.

#timesaver

And you can never have enough public cock pictures of course "

And of course...you should show all your cock pics taken while in public on your profile...obligatory, cock out while posing in front of Big Ben pic being your avatar

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By *.nottsbloke..Man
over a year ago

the vale

"little known meet essentials:

gaffa tape

plastic sheeting

shovel

circular saw"

plyers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you stare at the sun your eyes absorb it's light and uses it at night to give you night vision.

So you should do it as much as you can. "

as long as its not an eclipse. Thay shit is dangerous

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Turn up to a first meet with a toy the size of a battering ram saying 'I didn't know what you liked so I brought mine'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always wipe back to front and the pull out method works!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Show off your feminine side by having all your exes toys in display cases and get emotional about them in front of your play mate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're going for a social don't bathe or brush your teeth beforehand to given off vibes that you're playing hard to get.

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By *rank Einstein OP Man
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

"Show off your feminine side by having all your exes toys in display cases and get emotional about them in front of your play mate."

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By *rank Einstein OP Man
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

Only bathe once a week to build up smegma, scrape it off and save it up for a unique dinner dressing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Arrange your first social with her in the local betting shop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you run out of condoms a crisp packet and rubber band will suffice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's fine to bring your mum along to a meet.

What you mean I can bring her inside? I usually make her wait outside in the car.

Before you start slagging me though I make sure she has a flask of tea and a rug over her knees - I'm not completely heartless!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted."

Or as soon as you start to fuck start singing the superman theme tune at the top of your voice, and say you have to time your climax with the final crescendo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give directions in a ridiculously over the top accent. .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful."

I thought everyone did this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Turn up to your meet in a hazmat outfit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pick the busiest pub you know for your first meet and if you decide you don't like her when you spot her in the distance you can claim she didn't turn up and report her for timewasting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful.

I thought everyone did this?"

I tend to use swarfega..I got a load on bulk discount

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you can't get a babysitter, bring them along with you. Give them a few "toys" to keep them occupied.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted.

Or as soon as you start to fuck start singing the superman theme tune at the top of your voice, and say you have to time your climax with the final crescendo"

I use Wagner's Ride of the Valkyrie, blasted out of massive speakers in the style of Col. Kilgore's Air Cav troop from Apocalypse Now. Get some!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted.

Or as soon as you start to fuck start singing the superman theme tune at the top of your voice, and say you have to time your climax with the final crescendo

I use Wagner's Ride of the Valkyrie, blasted out of massive speakers in the style of Col. Kilgore's Air Cav troop from Apocalypse Now. Get some!"

Bravo sir, bravo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Only bathe once a week to build up smegma, scrape it off and save it up for a unique dinner dressing

I have just reached on a busy bus at this....urgh

Her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you message someone & they say they are not interested, ask them if their mum or sister might be.

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By *illwill69uMan
over a year ago

moston

Eat yellow snow it tastes really good.

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

The ladies really do love "i am in ur area wanta fuck" msgs lads honest

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By *j47Man
over a year ago

limerick

"Only bathe once a week to build up smegma, scrape it off and save it up for a unique dinner dressing

I have just reached on a busy bus at this....urgh

Her "

I hope someone held ur hair

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful."

Sounds like something I'd do!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Raw onion and garlic before a meet increases libido

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have things like cucumbers & marrows available if you're a bit on the small side

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

"Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted.

Or as soon as you start to fuck start singing the superman theme tune at the top of your voice, and say you have to time your climax with the final crescendo

I use Wagner's Ride of the Valkyrie, blasted out of massive speakers in the style of Col. Kilgore's Air Cav troop from Apocalypse Now. Get some!"

Charlie don't swing!

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By *od ThrusterMan
over a year ago

Newport Pagnell

pop into Tesco and get a cheap universal tv remote to keep in your pocket just in case a photo opportunity arises.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful."

I prefer my meets to go through the sheep dip of bleach.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're a teacher, bring your class along as part of their sex education classes.

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By *rank Einstein OP Man
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

"Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted.

Or as soon as you start to fuck start singing the superman theme tune at the top of your voice, and say you have to time your climax with the final crescendo

I use Wagner's Ride of the Valkyrie, blasted out of massive speakers in the style of Col. Kilgore's Air Cav troop from Apocalypse Now. Get some!"

Thomas the tank engine for me

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Need to get your 'toys' squeaky clean?

Combine baking soda and vinegar and pour into a container. Add your toys, seal and shake vigorously!

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Want to wank more hygienically? Use hand sanitizer instead of lotion/ oils!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always wear a mankini on meets women love them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Initially ask if shes 'up for a fuck' before laying out the red carpet treatment with a thoughtful & attentive message on Fab.

#timesaver

In the words of Kevin bloody wilson "do you fuck em first date, does your dad own a brewery. can i feel your tits, and will you show them too me."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women, get your man to pull your tampon out with his teeth as part of your foreplay.

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Bored of the same old stuff for breakfast? Google 'blue waffle' for inspiration.

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"If you run out of lube, vicks is an acceptable substitute"

Super glue is basically the same thing too!

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By *bovethekneeCouple
over a year ago

Hampshire / Herefordshire

The worst advise I've been given? Go ahead.. .try it... everyone else is. I didn't listen to this advise! Thankfully!

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By *rank Einstein OP Man
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

Tip for saving gas.

Fill a bowl with water, add metal cutlery, microwave for five minutes, gets the dirt right off.

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By *uicylucy76Woman
over a year ago

thornton cleveleys

Always carry your fab pics on business cards to hand out in church.

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains

If someone doesn't reply within 5 seconds of reading your message send them another saying "am I not your type??" guaranteed to get a shag that way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Veet is fine for the ladies but guys can save money by lowering their gonads into a chip pan as it cools down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone doesn't reply within 5 seconds of reading your message send them another saying "am I not your type??" guaranteed to get a shag that way

And call them bbe, makes them go weak at the knees.

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains

"If someone doesn't reply within 5 seconds of reading your message send them another saying "am I not your type??" guaranteed to get a shag that way

And call them bbe, makes them go weak at the knees."

And I get soooo wet just reading the word wuu2

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have a shit before a meet, and when you get to their house, get all the crust off with your fingers, they'd be fine with that and get a semi lob on whilst watching then they will join in.

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains

If a woman tells you no at a club, she doesn't mean no, she's just playing hard to get

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Need an alternative to YouTube at work? Try RedTube instead.

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Text a lot when you're on a meet/ social. It will show how popular you are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep checking your messages on fab & if a better offer comes along just pick up your clothes, toss her a cucumber to play with & run out the door.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful.

I prefer my meets to go through the sheep dip of bleach. "

That sounds very proper

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone doesn't reply within 5 seconds of reading your message send them another saying "am I not your type??" guaranteed to get a shag that way

Sending just a '?' is quicker.

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Cut and paste your messages and keep the same name regardless of who your messaging!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/05/15 20:45:17]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Deepheat makes an alternative and interesting ass lube !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When accomodating a meet, hang your previous meet's knickers from your lampshade; this will show her that you're popular with women and she will buck her ideas up in the sack to eliminate the competition.

If you haven't had a previous meet to obtain skimpies from, then your Mum's will do, she'll never know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When accomodating a meet, hang your previous meet's knickers from your lampshade; this will show her that you're popular with women and she will buck her ideas up in the sack to eliminate the competition.

If you haven't had a previous meet to obtain skimpies from, then your Mum's will do, she'll never know."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dont worry about the filthy rooms showing in your pics , nobody minds

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By *rank Einstein OP Man
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

Piss in the paint car before applying, it won't smell but the hormones inside will repel insects.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"dont worry about the filthy rooms showing in your pics , nobody minds

Or the big turd in the bowl for your toilet selfie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To make your playmate feel extra special, invest in one of the ticket machines you used to get on the meat counter in supermarkets, then dont let them start until the number is displayed outside the door. For extra points tell them they can keep the ticket as a memento

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful.

I prefer my meets to go through the sheep dip of bleach.

That sounds very proper

Also this is the point that you can write their name in sharpie on their stomach, forehead, ass and back of neck (written upside down). Its very rude to forget the name of someone you are enjoying physically. An acceptable alternative is a number of 'Hi, my name is ________' stickers from a speed dating event.

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By *ornybi1965Couple
over a year ago

Guildford

Never read a profile, nobody does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted.

Or as soon as you start to fuck start singing the superman theme tune at the top of your voice, and say you have to time your climax with the final crescendo

I use Wagner's Ride of the Valkyrie, blasted out of massive speakers in the style of Col. Kilgore's Air Cav troop from Apocalypse Now. Get some!"

The next time I give someone a facial I am so yelling "get some"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always remember that tears are not a suitable lubricant for anal sex...especially hers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always remember that lube is for wimps and the correct protocol for anal is to line it up and just grab the hips and slam in hard while shouting 'Hulk, smash!' Over and over again.

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By *unkysoulWoman
over a year ago

Mitcham, Surrey

"Initially ask if shes 'up for a fuck' before laying out the red carpet treatment with a thoughtful & attentive message on Fab.

#timesaver

lmao...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never go to socials, it just gives the haters a pretty face to bitch about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always remember that lube is for wimps and the correct protocol for anal is to line it up and just grab the hips and slam in hard while shouting 'Hulk, smash!' Over and over again."

This made me giggle!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Want stained sheets on the bed are a must so she can see you're a heavy cummer.

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By *rank Einstein OP Man
over a year ago

Burton upon stather

Only ever talk about fab and sex when on fab to show you're committed to the site.

Only non serious people can think of other things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Want stained sheets on the bed are a must so she can see you're a heavy cummer."

That and your collection of trusty, crusty socks proudly on display.

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