FabSwingers.com forum: Best Man speech

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've been honoured with the task of being my mates best man, and now I'm looking for some ideas on what to say. What's the best thing that you've heard come out of the best mans mouth at a wedding? ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was best man for my best mate. Writing a suitable speech took me weeks. I even dropped a clanger because I made a joke about mail order Thai brides and realised that his dad met his step mum in Thailand!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm shitting myself, gotta stand up in front of 200 people and try and make them laugh! Got a couple of ideas about what I'm going to say, but any ideas would be gratefully received

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By *oddyWoman
over a year ago

between havant and chichester

just mention the happy times you had growing up together.

dont mention past loves but include the bride as to how happy she has made him and just wish them well for many happy yrs together

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I was best, ahem, man, for my friend the other year. I spent a bit of time writing my speech and then ditched all of my prepared material the very second I stood up and adlibbed it. It went down a storm, with peeps coming up to me afterwards saying how funny it was. I don't like to sound like I'm boasting, but that was a big deal to me at the time

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

The day is about the bride and groom.. not about the best man. So go for spreading happiness rather than cheap laughs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was at a wedding and the best man made a video with the bride and groom friends and family in saying stories about them.was nice and also had pics up of the bride and groom when they were younger and when dating was funny .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was best man a few years ago.

One of the lines I came out with was.

I knew Brian would marry kath one day because soon after they started dating he told me he wanted to take her up the aisle.

I suggest you don't make the same mistake.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Avoid mentioning the bride and anal sex in the same sentence would be my only advice!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The day is about the bride and groom.. not about the best man. So go for spreading happiness rather than cheap laughs "

I've been best man at four weddings now and this has been my approach on each one. Talk up the positive impact the bride has had on the groom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Although its not everyones forté I wrote mine as a poem. I got a list of all the guests and wrote a funny verse for each. It took a while to say but went down really well. In fact the guests all jelled so well after it as they remembered how I referred to them in my speech.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

"The day is about the bride and groom.. not about the best man. So go for spreading happiness rather than cheap laughs

I've been best man at four weddings now and this has been my approach on each one. Talk up the positive impact the bride has had on the groom."

If you want laughs go for embarrassing stories about the groom which don't involve/include/mention any exes, any "wayhey the lads" trips/nights out, any illegal activities or anyone who people there have an ongoing feud with.

One best man at a wedding was saying how well the couple complimented each other cos she remembered everything and he forgot everything and cited the time the groom tried to dry his underpants in the oven before going on holiday but forgot about them and had to ring up from the airport to get someone to turn the gas off!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been best man a number of times and can offer some tips:

Aim for speech of around 5 minutes, as that's long enough for you and those at the wedding

Fit in one funny but mildly embarrassing story about the groom: you can bring his mum and dad into the story (if you know them that is) and it's ok to embellish the story. NB: stories of ex' sand sexual exploits are not acceptable

Do not use little in jokes

It's ok to use the internet to get opening and closing jokes: there are load of BM speech websites

Write it in advance (you can't wing it on the day) and rehearse it and rehearse it

Most of all have fun and remember when it's over you can get plastered

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By *lappyMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Say how stunning the bride and bridesmaid are ... and thank the father of the bride for a free bar !!!!! ( Then look to see if he's laughing )

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I was best man a few years ago.

One of the lines I came out with was.

I knew Brian would marry kath one day because soon after they started dating he told me he wanted to take her up the aisle.

I suggest you don't make the same mistake. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Say how stunning the bride and bridesmaid are ... and thank the father of the bride for a free bar !!!!! ( Then look to see if he's laughing ) "

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By *obka3Couple
over a year ago

bournemouth

Have done it a couple of times, would agree the most important bit is to write it out and rehearse it out loud time and time again, its often not as much as what you say but how you deliver it, at my sis in laws wedding the groom said in his that they met at a burger van and she had the best burger he had ever eaten, those with a dirty mind fell of their chairs, the rest including the groom didnt know why which made it even funnier

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Only done it once, for ma cousin. I wrote a whole heap of shit out and then kept condensing it til I only had a card with a few bullet points on it in front of me.

As has been said, keep the smutty stuff out, big up what the bride has done for the groom, chuck in a few jokes and yer can't go too far wrong

Good luck OP

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

I was Best Woman at my mates 3rd wedding (some thought it a bit odd as my Plus One was her second husband), but I kept it mostly clean although I did remark that Husband No 3 was definitely a keeper as he was terrified I'd be after him should they split (I checked they were ok with me saying that beforehand)

Other than that, I told a coupla of funny stories about the (clean) things we'd got up to as youngsters, remembered her late parents and wished them a long and happy marriage

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By *horltzMan
over a year ago

heysham

I went to a good friends wedding , and my mate was best man . He was extremely nervous about putting on a good show , in the end I said just be yourself , which he was , it turned out to be the best stand-up I have ever seen ... Moral of the story , be yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to a wedding once where the couple were having a hog roast, the best man took it upon himself to talk a lot about the 'spit roast' which was cringingly awful. Very few people laughed given the amount of family/parents in the room, I felt terrible for the bride who looked mortified throughout.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

When the Groom got the words thank and welcome mixed up and said he'd like to wank everyone for coming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’ve got married, for better or for worse, which is quite appropriate as (groom) couldn’t have done any better and (bride) couldn’t have done any worse.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

It's ok to use the internet to get opening and closing jokes: there are load of BM speech websites

Write it in advance (you can't wing it on the day) and rehearse it and rehearse it

Odds bodkins! Not keen on nicking material off of the internet. Ad lobbing is possible, though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's ok to use the internet to get opening and closing jokes: there are load of BM speech websites

Write it in advance (you can't wing it on the day) and rehearse it and rehearse it

Odds bodkins! Not keen on nicking material off of the internet. Ad lobbing is possible, though.

You have to be very confident to ad-lib I did a stand up comedy course for charity and the clear message given is "don't go on unprepared". As for the websites help, with opening and closing which are the 2 difficult sections

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At a recent wedding the best man mentioned how the honeymoon destination was a well guarded secret but he reckoned they were going to Wales as he'd heard the groom talk about "going to Bangor for a fortnight".

Thankfully he knew his target audience which I'd say is a key part of the speech.

No blue gags, keep it upbeat and complimentary and don't forget the toasts......

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Like to say thanks to the people who posted some helpful tips on here. Fortunately I was unaware of this before my speech, the brides brother actually writes for David Cameron, which is why his speech was pretty shit hot! But i stuck with the advice and made the speech less about trying to be funny, and more about what a fantastic couple they are, dropped a few one liners in which got a laugh from the crowd!

But all in all it went very well, gotta admit it felt really good when people came up to me after and complimented me and saying it was a speech that they'll remember

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