FabSwingers.com forum: On the advice given to 'single' men in these forums

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just musing 'aloud' having been on this site for a very short while. Please feel free to comment or ignore as you see fit...

It seems that frequent advice to single guys is to go along to clubs and get to chat to people.

Good advice on the face of it.What I have found, when going to clubs as a couple with whoever is my special friend at the time that both I and my lady found the attention of lots of 'free' men somewhat disconcerting.

As an example (and this has happened on separate occassions with different partners) we would stroll down from the house to the dungeon zone to see what's going on there. On finding nothing is happening we immediately head back, and pass 6 or 8 blokes who were obviously following us. Now I'm happy to play to an audience, but not an exclusively male one.

Now, almost to my point. Current special friend has told me she only goes to the clubs with me for my benefit, and would prefer to be more vanilla. So, I'm here looking for more 'lifestyle' activity and friends.

And to the point itself.I'm not convinced that I really want to go to clubs as an individual male. Maybe it's just me and I should chill out a bit?

Perhaps my Plan B should be to get back on an adultery website with a very upfront profile saying very clearly what I'm after?

And a final thought. Has 50 Whatsits of Doodah created an influx of newly curious women who I could introduce to club life?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best bit of advice I could offer is don't go to any club with any expectations. Treat it as a night out and if play happens it happens. The trouble you see is when single men go to a club and because they have paid to get in assume that they are going to have sex. When this doesn't happen that's when things go downhill and behaviours change giving a bad vibe. Go and enjoy the atmosphere without any pressure and you'll have a good time and interact with people, don't expect people to do all the work and you'll be fine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have a woman to fuck. She's telling you that she doesn't want to go to clubs. If you keep going to clubs she will feel that you don't want her anymore. You can talk to women without fucking them.

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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)

I think the advice to single men is to go to a social at a club. This would be a social event akin to a meet and greet so there would be no need to stalk women as there is little prospect of play.

Also the advice is for people who want to get their faces known and maybe make some friends with the prospect of future play, not someone who already has a play friend and is quite happy with their future play plans.

I might be wrong but that is the way I read it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the responses hinge on if your 'special friend' expects you to be monogamous and faithful or not.

From your comments about an adultery website, I guess she does.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

The op should question why he's targeted swinging as a pursuit, if he doesn't really like clubs that much, and he's considering just using a standard adult web site. Of course, no interest will suit everybody and there's nothing wrong with trying stuff out.

If the advice given to single guys on fab who are struggling, is to visit parties and clubs, if re-jigging their fab approach proves fruitless is questionable, perhaps the op could suggest what else they could do instead?

I don't know which clubs he's been to but all the clubs I've visited haven't meant that your only choice was to be isolated and surrounded by hordes of single guys. There were many other play options, as well as clubs that have different balances of members as well as restrictions on the number of single men.

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

I've never been to a club and I seem to do OK.

My advice is always: "Try not to be a dickhead"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Some interesting comments folks, thanks. Obviously I have not given full details (it would be rude to).

Here's a bit more -

We met throught the adultery scene and circumstances were such that it was natural for us to go clubbing. It was only after the last visit that she dropped the 'only doing it for you' bombshell.

That left me recognising much of what has been said in this thread - https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/372615

For me, it's about wanting to get deeper into the club scene, and I'm not about to cajole anybody into going who doesn't actively want to go themselves.

With regard to getting laid, that's relatively easy in adultery land - be nice, don't be desperate, and be a great shag. Hardly rocket science.

It's just that my interests have moved on over the last couple of years...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've never been to a club and I seem to do OK.

My advice is always: "Try not to be a dickhead""

Never try to motivate somebody with the reverse of an idea!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm nota club-goer so not really qualified to comment. But it does always strike me that if even just some of the desperadoes that post on here who are advised to go to clubs ACTUALLY go to clubs, then fuck me they must be jammed full of single men I wouldn't want to meet in a million years.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm nota club-goer so not really qualified to comment. But it does always strike me that if even just some of the desperadoes that post on here who are advised to go to clubs ACTUALLY go to clubs, then fuck me they must be jammed full of single men I wouldn't want to meet in a million years. "

On the nights that men are allowed in alone they are not jammed full of single men, but the ratios are sufficiently unbalanced to be disconcerting to both me and the ladies I've been clubbing with.

Now Couples & single girls nights, however, feel much more relaxed...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ahhh they maybe advised to go but most haven't got the guts to. Talk a good talk some of them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ahhh they maybe advised to go but most haven't got the guts to. Talk a good talk some of them."

What do you mean by that? Some of those that do go are actually good company?

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

Finds more than one woman to go to clubs with

I used to go with several different men

All requiring different things from the experience

If you're special friend objects

Simply remind her your not dating simply fucking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ahhh they maybe advised to go but most haven't got the guts to. Talk a good talk some of them.

What do you mean by that? Some of those that do go are actually good company?"

What I mean is many say they will go to clubs but bottle out. Think that was quite clear from my post.

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By *ishopstippleMan
over a year ago

Purley

50 Whatsits of Doodah created an influx of newly curious women?

No I don't think so what it has created is a bunch of gawper's who turn up to clubs to gawp, not play, cos they are too scared to actually do anything.

The dorks following couples cos they see pussy, smell pussy, follow pussy, stick their dicks in pussy's face with stupid looks on their faces, whilst communicating in grunts; are just though-backs to pre Neanderthal: homo-erectus that puts off anyone new to the scene and a few experienced couples as well.

The normal single guys will chat and general communicate with sentences and give other space to do what they want and are please to be invited to join in whatever fun they are invited into.

So make sure your partner is comfortable with the environment she in otherwise it will be very difficult for the both of you.

However if the current companion isn't comfortable with the environment you create or you then change companion to someone who fulfils the mutual needs you both have.

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

It's never compulsory to fuck in clubs

Nor should it ever be

Many people

Both sexes love to watch quite simply

So there's no need whatsoever to think they're lesser men then the "let's fuck everything" brigade

I've had people ask me in clubs

Why are you here....

To do whatever the hell I WANT TO NOT WHAT YOU WANT ME TOO!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What I mean is many say they will go to clubs but bottle out. Think that was quite clear from my post."

Ah, gotcha, it was the talk a good talk bit that threw me. I have had my straw head on all week...

Thanks for clarifying

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just musing 'aloud' having been on this site for a very short while. Please feel free to comment or ignore as you see fit...

It seems that frequent advice to single guys is to go along to clubs and get to chat to people.

And to the point itself.I'm not convinced that I really want to go to clubs as an individual male. Maybe it's just me and I should chill out a bit?

Perhaps my Plan B should be to get back on an adultery website with a very upfront profile saying very clearly what I'm after?

And a final thought. Has 50 Whatsits of Doodah created an influx of newly curious women who I could introduce to club life?

Honestly m8,like you say ,you should just chill and relax, after all it should be fun and not need to spend time analysing the in and outs of it all. fab is a weird and wonderful place which there is no point in even trying to work out.

Not sure if you have a very clear idea why you are on fab , not a criticism just how it comes across to me.

Stick in and in time you'll meet those people who you will genuinely click with .

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Nothing will work for everyone, whether it's swinging, fan or a specific club.

Many people won't take advice either but good on others for offering it.

Some people find it hard to find out what they like and others when to stop investing energy in something. Not the op, but I feel many won't find a ton of success whatever they do.

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