FabSwingers.com forum: Things your parents told you...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ive just been reminiscing with my Mum and was reminded of being in primary school and overhearing one of the dinner ladies saying the word prostitute. I went home and asked my parents what one was. My Mum told me it was a 'Lady of the night'. In my head I had visions of some kind of cat woman superhero...and promptly told everyone at school thats what I wanted to be when I grew up! My teacher asked my Mum 'for a quick word' after school...she said it was one of those moments she wished the ground would just swallow her up!

I also remember overhearing the neighbour say 'nig-nog' and asking what one was. Quick as a flash my Dad said it was a type of biscuit like Hobnobs. I think he regretted that the next time we went shopping and I threw a wobbly because I wanted him to get some nig nogs to try!

What stories do you have of things your parents told you as a kid that backfired, or things you've told your kids?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was in hospital for something as a child. As a boy in a wheelchair went past my parents said "He's in a wheelchair because the doctor chopped off his penis. Because he didn't wash. Always wash your penis or you'll end up in a wheelchair"

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By *ngel n tedCouple
over a year ago

maidstone

I remember my mum saying "this nice lady is going to take you to a lovely place with lots of other children to play with, for a little while", and while she was nice, they failed to mention that i wouldn't be returning. on the plus side, it saved me a fortune on mothers day cards

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have a friend who was really odd when he came round and I showed off my bunnies and the huge complex I've been building them.

Turns out that when he was very young his parents described the bunny as "a hairy creature, with big teeth and big ears, that lives in a hole in the ground". However, they didnt also mention that the bunny is a) small b) cute c) hasn't got fangs and d) only eats grass.

So basically he thought bunnies were a sort of giant, hole-dwelling troll. His parents never bothered to retract their clumsy explanation of what a bunny is when they were having so much fun torturing him. "Be quiet, or I'll let the bunny rabbits have you!" would apparantly keep him quiet for hours!

But it all came to an end one day at school, when his primary school teacher asked him whether he wanted to help feed the bunny she had bought in. Though he said he only vaguely remembers it, they say it took about 45 minutes to coax him out from under the headmasters car...

He still doesnt like going near bunnies; he said he has to force himself to remember that they aren't evil lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My nan is Irish , she loved us very much but she sure had a way with words , nan I'm board " well piss in ya hand and play with the Steam .....

Nan I can't walk any further ,"well grease ya arse and slide" .

Nan I want a sweetie " well you know what it is to want then ."

Or she would say " I want don't get"

And my favourite you get a slap for being bad , "stop it or I'll give you something to cry for " erm you just did

"Don't push your luck " me :" how can you push luck" followed by another clip ear .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My nan is Irish , she loved us very much but she sure had a way with words , nan I'm board " well piss in ya hand and play with the Steam .....

Nan I can't walk any further ,"well grease ya arse and slide" .

Nan I want a sweetie " well you know what it is to want then ."

Or she would say " I want don't get"

And my favourite you get a slap for being bad , "stop it or I'll give you something to cry for " erm you just did

"Don't push your luck " me :" how can you push luck" followed by another clip ear . "

...brilliant! ...might have to nab a few of those, your nan sounds ace! well grease your arse and slide then pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once had stew, I was told it was beef, after I had eaten it, I was told it was rabbit, I looked at my rabbit in his hutch lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I once had stew, I was told it was beef, after I had eaten it, I was told it was rabbit, I looked at my rabbit in his hutch lol"

oh noooooooo!!!! lol

(I hope the rabbit was still in its hutch!!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I once had stew, I was told it was beef, after I had eaten it, I was told it was rabbit, I looked at my rabbit in his hutch lol"

We did something very similar to our kids when they were younger on April Fools Day.

Told them that we had just eaten Rabbit Stew. Before I had taken the rabbits out of their hutch and put them in their travel cage. I don't think we have had rabbit stew since. It was very funny at the time though!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My kids take everything literally.

I had one running off ahead on the beach and one lagging behind. I shouted "C'mon let's get him" to try and make the slow one run to catch up.

He sprinted past me, rugby tackled his sibling to the ground and shoved his face in wet sand, and held him there until I got there.

The poor kid in the sand was screaming his head off (he is tactile defensive so hates rough textures AND hates wet textures!). Kid sitting on top of him didn't notice and proudly just said "I got him!" with a grin.

I have to be VERY careful how I phrase things in this house!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember my mother telling me if a boy touched my molly I would die...I don't think she said die quite so bluntly but it's pretty much what she meant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum sent me for some Dr whites in 1979 and I have never forgiven her...lol

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By *ot monkey71Couple
over a year ago

middlesbrough

Don't believe what you read and don't trust the government.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My nan is Irish , she loved us very much but she sure had a way with words , nan I'm board " well piss in ya hand and play with the Steam .....

Nan I can't walk any further ,"well grease ya arse and slide" .

Nan I want a sweetie " well you know what it is to want then ."

Or she would say " I want don't get"

And my favourite you get a slap for being bad , "stop it or I'll give you something to cry for " erm you just did

"Don't push your luck " me :" how can you push luck" followed by another clip ear . "

My old ma was irish. if you were crying for any reason she would say cry more you'll piss less,

Or what's wrong with you today?its like you've seen the colour of your arse and don't like it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ive just been reminiscing with my Mum and was reminded of being in primary school and overhearing one of the dinner ladies saying the word prostitute. I went home and asked my parents what one was. My Mum told me it was a 'Lady of the night'. In my head I had visions of some kind of cat woman superhero...and promptly told everyone at school thats what I wanted to be when I grew up! My teacher asked my Mum 'for a quick word' after school...she said it was one of those moments she wished the ground would just swallow her up!

What stories do you have of things your parents told you as a kid that backfired, or things you've told your kids?!

"
funniest thing ive heard today made me larf it did

thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and mine was "stop playing with it!" in church

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never forget when and where my dad told me :

There's a huge difference between a vagina and a cunt. Don't become the latter.

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