FabSwingers.com forum: you think english is easy ??

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You think English is easy??

I think a retired English teacher was bored...however, THIS IS GREAT!

Read all the way to the end.................

This took a lot of work to put together!

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are animal organs.. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hahaha my native language is as crazy as english ^_^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice post

One that particularly irks me is how grateful is spelt!

Should be greatful.... But nooooo... We stick a grate in there for some reason! WTF English! Go home you're d*unk!

Oh which remind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because most of our language comes from other languages, so their rules apply.

Sorry, i take all the fun out of everything...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oops, bit keen there!

Reminds me of one of my favourite quotes:

"Your and you're, the difference between knowing your shit and not knowing you're shit"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nice post

One that particularly irks me is how grateful is spelt!

Should be greatful.... But nooooo... We stick a grate in there for some reason! WTF English! Go home you're d*unk!

Oh which remind"

And is it spelt or spelled? I never know! Even google doesn't help me sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nice post

One that particularly irks me is how grateful is spelt!

Should be greatful.... But nooooo... We stick a grate in there for some reason! WTF English! Go home you're d*unk!

Oh which remind

And is it spelt or spelled? I never know! Even google doesn't help me sometimes.

"
.

I dunno try Finnish... It's so complicated Finnish people learn Swedish

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmm, this thread has left me somewhat disgruntled, and I was relatively gruntled up to the point I got distracted after being fairly tracted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What i dont understand is this :

Coconut Oil comes from Coconuts.

Olive Oil comes from Olives

Sunflower Oil comes from Sunflowers

Where the feck does Baby Oil come from?

Ok, Ok, i know Tescos, Boots and other pharmacists.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great post!

This is why the kids today are creating their own language!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We had an English teacher come on on their first day and write GHOTI on the board. "how do you say that?" No one knew. The answer? Fish!

Gh is "f" from enough

O is the "i" from women

ti is "sh" from attention

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Slightly off topic but if you think English is easy you never met my ex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We had an English teacher come on on their first day and write GHOTI on the board. "how do you say that?" No one knew. The answer? Fish!

Gh is "f" from enough

O is the "i" from women

ti is "sh" from attention

That is brilliant!

My son is dyslexic and we paid for some support from a charity for him. It involved teaching parents, carers and family members how convoluted the English language is when you do not get the difference!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dunno....I learned English as a baby...can't be that bad....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We had an English teacher come on on their first day and write GHOTI on the board. "how do you say that?" No one knew. The answer? Fish!

Gh is "f" from enough

O is the "i" from women

ti is "sh" from attention

like that - daughter is hoping to teach english language and lit - good luck to her

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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)

Made me giggle

I love all the other little comments too, they all make sense to me but seeing them all in one thread shows what a funny little language we have

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By *omaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

I'm not sure if it's true but I have heard that English is one of the most difficult languages to master.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Good one !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love it!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I always wonder about Malcolms: I can't think of a single 'mal' word that isn't about evil/bad. Useful little prefixes.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Nice post

One that particularly irks me is how grateful is spelt!

Should be greatful.... But nooooo... We stick a grate in there for some reason! WTF English! Go home you're d*unk!

Oh which remind"

I think because it comes from the word gratitude. Not because you think that it's great.

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Love it...

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By *eepfoughtMan
over a year ago

Burnley

"Because most of our language comes from other languages, so their rules apply.

Sorry, i take all the fun out of everything..."

That's not taking the fun out, that is the fun part. English has evolved from so many sources, even identical words with different meanings may have perfectly valid origins from two different sources.

It is a difficult language to learn, especially as a second language. Doubly so if the primary language is significantly more logical.

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By *eepfoughtMan
over a year ago

Burnley

I always wonder about Malcolms: I can't think of a single 'mal' word that isn't about evil/bad. Useful little prefixes.

Malcolm comes from Gaelic, rather than Latin origin. I hope you're not implying all Males are bad, or everyone from Malaysia.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brilliant thread, certainly put a smile on my face

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

When fly flies with flies flies fly with fly

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I always wonder about Malcolms: I can't think of a single 'mal' word that isn't about evil/bad. Useful little prefixes.

Malcolm comes from Gaelic, rather than Latin origin. I hope you're not implying all Males are bad, or everyone from Malaysia.

I know it's from the Gaelic. Thanks for reminding me Malaysia is a mal. I love males but we all have a weakness somewhere deep inside for something just a little harmful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a headache from this one

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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago

solihull

Excellent post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wit yooz on aboot a hinea got a Scooby

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think because it comes from the word gratitude. Not because you think that it's great. "

Top of the class for you lady

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not sure if it's true but I have heard that English is one of the most difficult languages to master. "

That's the thing. Most of us don't use or indeed learn English correctly. We just use what we know of it.

Ever read a lengthy paragraph from someone with a mastery of English? It's almost incomprehensible to the rest of us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not sure if it's true but I have heard that English is one of the most difficult languages to master.

That's the thing. Most of us don't use or indeed learn English correctly. We just use what we know of it.

Ever read a lengthy paragraph from someone with a mastery of English? It's almost incomprehensible to the rest of us.

"
yer wat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reminds me of a conversation I had once with the Chinese chef of a restaurant I worked at, over the use of the word 'fuck'...

he asked how I'd define it...so obviously I said basically a cruder word for sex.

Ok he says...then explain...

What the fuck...does this mean what the sex?

or shut the fuck up

...for fuck sake

...fuck it

...holy fuck

...fuck you

...fuck this

...fuck that

...fuck me (in a 'well fuck me theres a flying pig' way)

...dont fuck me over

...are you fucking with me

...stop fucking around

...he's fucked or he's fucked up...both have various meanings

hmmmm...not so easy to define!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Native English speakers miss out on learning English properly.

People learning English as a second language learn far more about the language, grammar and structure than those who just pick it up as children.

Its not really practical to learn the origins of our language, but learning the origins of some words would help. And render the first post obsolete. Clever as it is, I do hope a lot of those were only used to entertain or illustrate the point.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

What a great thread, OP - thank you! It made me smile and also reminded me when I first learnt English and also of how even today, after sooo many years, I am occasionally bemused.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love, love, love words - great post

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Reminds me of a conversation I had once with the Chinese chef of a restaurant I worked at, over the use of the word 'fuck'...

he asked how I'd define it...so obviously I said basically a cruder word for sex.

Ok he says...then explain...

What the fuck...does this mean what the sex?

or shut the fuck up

...for fuck sake

...fuck it

...holy fuck

...fuck you

...fuck this

...fuck that

...fuck me (in a 'well fuck me theres a flying pig' way)

...dont fuck me over

...are you fucking with me

...stop fucking around

...he's fucked or he's fucked up...both have various meanings

hmmmm...not so easy to define! "

That's why fuck is my favourite word. So fucking adaptable.

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By *onbons_xxMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Brilliant

We are all geniuses (is that the collective phrase

) for having learnt such craziness

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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago

near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack!

There`s one that there`s no proper way to end!

The farmer sows seed in his fields, his wife sews material with thread so they both ....... sow? sew?

Work that one out!

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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago

hertfordshire

"Nice post

One that particularly irks me is how grateful is spelt!

Should be greatful.... But nooooo... We stick a grate in there for some reason! WTF English! Go home you're d*unk!

Oh which remind

And is it spelt or spelled? I never know! Even google doesn't help me sometimes.

I dunno try Finnish... It's so complicated Finnish people learn Swedish

my daughter learnt finnish which is good or she wouldn't understand her finnish fella who likes to speak it still

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's why fuck is my favourite word. So fucking adaptable."

...theres a right load of funny fuckers on here

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