FabSwingers.com forum: Married men / women

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you love your partner but have very little sexual in common is it wrong to find init with someone else

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I look at it this this.. If you both agree that it's ok for one or both of you to get it elsewhere then yes.. If not then no. I personally don't think that anyone that truly loves a person like they say they do could be so deceitful and do something that they know would destroy the other person If they found out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a strange one this....I didn't cheat I left my hubby.

I find it acceptable in my head for men to cheat and often meet married men but I have this thing about woman who cheat....

Surely you should leave that person first or gain there consent....xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a high chance your other half will find out (assuming it's done behind their back).

Even if they don't find out directly, I would suspect they know something isn't right.

People say they can't always walk away from a relationship. But if they find out about the deceit, you are pretty much ending it there anyway.

Or they agree to work through it, you do it again, hurt them some more, and eventually the relationship dies a long drawn-out death.

But it's a personal choice. I just don't subscribe to the "they don't know so it won't hurt them" philosophy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have their blessing then no.

If you do it behind their back then no.

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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"If you love your partner but have very little sexual in common is it wrong to find init with someone else "

If you're doing it behind your partner's back of course it's wrong. You already know that.

You love them but will risk hurting them in the worst way?

If you're going to do it, get on with it. Don't expect others to validate your decision and tell you it's fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you love your partner but have very little sexual in common is it wrong to find init with someone else "

Don't really class myself as a swinger. I had a non sexual relationship for 8 years and gave up sex because I loved her. That's over. Now I'm free, single & horny. Apart from the blatant look at me. If you love your partner try introducing them to swinging, which she will probably hate if she doesn't put out for you. Try reversing it so that you meet her needs, I.e find a man/women for her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It all depends on the people involved, in my case absolutely not.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Once again I would not judge anybody who does "cheat" as I think we never have the full picture.

That said I would not knowingly play with a married/ attached man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I last had full sex in August last year. I wank almost everyday.

I wont wank for a week when i have sex

I have meet 5 people and have have never once felt guilty. I just think of all the times im horny and she said no.

I lover her to bits and would never dream of leaving for sexual reasons.

Unless your in the situation you probably wont fully understand.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I last had full sex in August last year. I wank almost everyday.

I wont wank for a week when i have sex

I have meet 5 people and have have never once felt guilty. I just think of all the times im horny and she said no.

I lover her to bits and would never dream of leaving for sexual reasons.

Unless your in the situation you probably wont fully understand. "

I do understand situations like these and I would never ever dream of judging anybody!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/03/15 12:08:42]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No what it is like

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By *lactontogMan
over a year ago

Clacton on Sea

"If you love your partner but have very little sexual in common is it wrong to find init with someone else

If you're doing it behind your partner's back of course it's wrong. You already know that.

You love them but will risk hurting them in the worst way?

If you're going to do it, get on with it. Don't expect others to validate your decision and tell you it's fine."

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"I last had full sex in August last year. I wank almost everyday.

I wont wank for a week when i have sex

I have meet 5 people and have have never once felt guilty. I just think of all the times im horny and she said no.

I lover her to bits and would never dream of leaving for sexual reasons.

Unless your in the situation you probably wont fully understand. "

But if you love someone to bits and are actively searching out something that if she found out Id assume she would be devastated.. That's what I don't understand. I've been in a similar situation and would say that I couldn't say I love someone to bits and in the next breath be out lying, cheating and fucking someone else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it wrong: yes.

Is it sometimes the least worst option: yes.

Weighing up something that MIGHT happen IF something happens vs something that WILL happen WHEN something happens brought me to my decision.

But as someone else said above, if you're going to do it just fucking do it, don't go looking for sympathy, pity or understanding from anyone else.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

The so called cheating... does not actually start with sex, penetrative or otherwise. I dont even think it is about sex... it is just that sex is always cited as the breach of rules.

"Cheating" in my world is about wanting to spend time with another person in preference to one's partner and with the sense of guilt because the partner is not aware.

Cheating is about breaking trust... and that can happen in many forms and need not involve even sex at all.

I am aware I might well be in the minority here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grow some balls.

Either tell her or leave her....

but dont try to deceive her!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The so called cheating... does not actually start with sex, penetrative or otherwise. I dont even think it is about sex... it is just that sex is always cited as the breach of rules.

"Cheating" in my world is about wanting to spend time with another person in preference to one's partner and with the sense of guilt because the partner is not aware.

Cheating is about breaking trust... and that can happen in many forms and need not involve even sex at all.

I am aware I might well be in the minority here

It's definitely a very slippery slope, yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The so called cheating... does not actually start with sex, penetrative or otherwise. I dont even think it is about sex... it is just that sex is always cited as the breach of rules.

"Cheating" in my world is about wanting to spend time with another person in preference to one's partner and with the sense of guilt because the partner is not aware.

Cheating is about breaking trust... and that can happen in many forms and need not involve even sex at all.

I am aware I might well be in the minority here

I completely agree, cheating doesn't have to be sexually, it could be emotional, if for example I found out Mrs l was texting another man about her feelings but had never had sex with him, I would still say she's cheated because she's got an emotional connection with that person, in fact it would probably hurt more than if she'd just fucked him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say you only live once. Make the most of this life we won't get another. I know it is not seen has being faithful to the partner but we all have natural instinctive needs. I love sensual and passionate sex.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

emotional connection Would be more like affair than just sex

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

" emotional connection Would be more like affair than just sex "

sometimes the boundaries are not as clear as we might think or like them to be...

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By *ot monkey71Couple
over a year ago

middlesbrough

"If you love your partner but have very little sexual in common is it wrong to find init with someone else "

suppose it depends on if you actually believed in the concept of marriage in the first place, ya know in the eyes of the lord an all that stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Grow some balls.

Either tell her or leave her....

but dont try to deceive her!"

What if you have no need to leave her,when i do meet, i dont pester er for sex

everyones happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its your life n choice to be on here i guess n i dont judge because i have not been an angel myself but can i ask 1 thing how would you feel if you were suddenly landed with " well you didnt give me sex so i found it on a swingers site" I in the past have cheated n been cheated on n both felt pretty fukin crappy when it all came out n caused unneccesary hurt to both parties n that was just 1 on 1 affairs god knows what would have happened if it was meeting lots of random swingers if i had been a vanilla wife just a thought hun n not a judgment coz its why i swing less drama n i know what i am getting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone knows their partner wants, craves and emotionally needs to be desired sexually and to have sex with them, it is so wrong of them to withold it.

We often talk of cheaters hurting the "innocent party" but when their innocence is tainted in the first place by a refusal to engage in sex, the circumstances are far less clear.

"I want my wife to go skydiving with me but she has flatly refused because of her fear of flying. Everything else is great between us. Should I divorce her or go on my own?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone knows their partner wants, craves and emotionally needs to be desired sexually and to have sex with them, it is so wrong of them to withold it.

We often talk of cheaters hurting the "innocent party" but when their innocence is tainted in the first place by a refusal to engage in sex, the circumstances are far less clear.

"I want my wife to go skydiving with me but she has flatly refused because of her fear of flying. Everything else is great between us. Should I divorce her or go on my own?"

My husband flatly refuses to buy me the latest handbag I desperately crave on a regular basis. Should I steal from his bank account?

I've been in both situations, in a marriage where my ex wouldn't even touch me. Barely spoke to me.i tried to resolve things but it didn't work. I left that relationship.

And I've also been in my current relationship, refusing sex for months at a time through extreme stress and exhaustion.

A few times I forced myself to try and have sex and stopped and fell apart in tears because it felt like I was forcing myself into a rape situation, it felt awful, like I was betraying my own body.

(To clarify, my husband never forced me, but I felt pressure from the situation.)

So it's not a case of "deliberate withholding". When you don't want sex, you REALLY don't want it. In a panicky anxiety-attack inducing way.

I'd have been willing to go to counselling and we looked into it.

We talked a lot. In the end my husband convinced me to come on here to meet single guys to "rediscover myself".

It was a fantasy of his anyway and now he gets a lot of sex.

It's still not easy.

I am often exhausted and stressed beyond measure.

I would never deliberately withhold sex from him to hurt him.

So I take offence to someone implying that women who refuse sex can just choose to do it whenever they decide to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is nothing wrong with helping out a married woman with her needs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sexless relationships can be very stressful for both parties. One not being satisfied, the other feeling inadequate or guilty.

If your partner agrees to you meeting others it may relieve the tension or create a deeper rift in your marriage. Only the people in that relationship can work out the best solution. Cheating behind someone's back is never the answer in my opinion.

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