FabSwingers.com forum: Does love conquer death?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Does love not delude a person to think life has meaning?

When your loved one dies how are you comforted?

I lost my mum in January and so I am consider ring what ppl value.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *obbytupperMan
over a year ago

Menston near Ilkley

Sorry to hear of your loss. Concentrate on celebrating her life and try not to dwell on her passing. We are all mortal.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry to hear of your loss. Concentrate on celebrating her life and try not to dwell on her passing. We are all mortal."

Thank you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Does love not delude a person to think life has meaning?

When your loved one dies how are you comforted?

I lost my mum in January and so I am consider ring what ppl value."

Life does have meaning. Love doesn't 'delude'.

I've had very recent deaths in the family. I gained comfort from knowing them, sharing their lives and enjoying experiences with them. Will I miss them? Of course. Did I grieve? Of course. Will my life go on after they have passed on? Of course.

I'd like to think that when my time comes people will remember me and the times we shared, grieve, give me a fitting send off - and then go on with their own lives.

Death is a certainty for us all. It can't be avoided.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Does love not delude a person to think life has meaning?

When your loved one dies how are you comforted?

I lost my mum in January and so I am consider ring what ppl value.

Life does have meaning. Love doesn't 'delude'.

I'd like to think that when my time comes people will remember me and the times we shared, grieve, give me a fitting send off - and then go on with their own lives.

Death is a certainty for us all. It can't be avoided.

But this is my point about love. Love should not make u miss ppl when they are gone if it reflects reality. Does nature mind if a child dies from cancer? No. So why do love and cancer conflict? Is love not designed by nature.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course life has meaning. My dad passed away only very recently and he left a legacy of wonderful children and grandchildren, and we are all the better for having the privilege of knowing him. I feel your pain but you have to move on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Of course life has meaning. My dad passed away only very recently and he left a legacy of wonderful children and grandchildren, and we are all the better for having the privilege of knowing him. I feel your pain but you have to move on."

I have accepted her death. I am struggling with the value of love.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Does love not delude a person to think life has meaning?

I doubt it, nature is random. We are left with no alternative but to grieve when we lose those we love.

Love does not conquer death, but it outlives it, it supercedes it. It is not a delusion - rather the ephemeral things of this earth are. I think love IS the meaning of life personally.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Does love not delude a person to think life has meaning?

I doubt it, nature is random. We are left with no alternative but to grieve when we lose those we love.

Love does not conquer death, but it outlives it, it supercedes it. It is not a delusion - rather the ephemeral things of this earth are. I think love IS the meaning of life personally."

Why does love not mimic nature for it happens in animals...

we are left with no alternative, but why? If nature does not grieve it does not make logical sense that it's children does unless nature is sick.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rtemisiaWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

"Does love not delude a person to think life has meaning?

When your loved one dies how are you comforted?

I lost my mum in January and so I am consider ring what ppl value."

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I did not die ...

I am the thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow ...

Words from a poem which always comforts me. Memories should keep our lost loves all around us. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP you might feel like you will never get the "real you" back but it all takes time and don't feel ashamed to talk things over with a bereavement councillor these people are really good and aside from family and friends they offer great support.

I'm sure many have been in your situation myself included with 2 family bereavements that left me broken inside first my Mum through illness then my Sister.. Who's death could have been prevented (I'm sure you know what I'm alluding too)

Cherish all the good times you had with your Mum and use those memories to get you through dark days when they cone along, best wishes OP.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Does love not delude a person to think life has meaning?

I doubt it, nature is random. We are left with no alternative but to grieve when we lose those we love.

Love does not conquer death, but it outlives it, it supercedes it. It is not a delusion - rather the ephemeral things of this earth are. I think love IS the meaning of life personally.

Why does love not mimic nature for it happens in animals...

we are left with no alternative, but why? If nature does not grieve it does not make logical sense that it's children does unless nature is sick.

Love does not prepare u for death. I saw my father grieving for his wife of 50 years. His love could not aid him if this same love was causing him grief.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP you might feel like you will never get the "real you" back but it all takes time and don't feel ashamed to talk things over with a bereavement councillor these people are really good and aside from family and friends they offer great support.

Cherish all the good times you had with your Mum and use those memories to get you through dark days when they cone along, best wishes OP."

Sorry for your loss as well.

Thank you for that. But memories are not reality? Can a man look back with a girlfriend he broke up with?are memories not bad in thst case?why are memories good in death?i am puzzled.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing prepares you for death, but it is the natural way of things. Because we grieve does not mean we didn't love, Infact it probably means we loved too much.

Really, you won't find your answer on here or anywhere

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a biological sense, we form emotional attachments in order to function better as a team - whether that team is at work, as a family, etc. Parents have an innate desire to protect their young for obvious reasons, and the young attach to parents as their protector.

That's not something that switches off over time.

We also have attraction and love to bring us together to create new human beings. And to stay together as a parent unit in order to maximise the survival of those offspring.

But that's a very clinical, and probably aspie way of looking at it.

On a spiritual level, life becomes as meaningful as you want it to be.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when we get older sadly death comes more and more into our lives.

death should be celebrated as they had a life

my best friend died august and even now i miss her so much, but i dont dwell

i think of the good times the memories and im time Op that will come

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Does love not delude a person to think life has meaning?

I doubt it, nature is random. We are left with no alternative but to grieve when we lose those we love.

Love does not conquer death, but it outlives it, it supercedes it. It is not a delusion - rather the ephemeral things of this earth are. I think love IS the meaning of life personally.

Why does love not mimic nature for it happens in animals...

we are left with no alternative, but why? If nature does not grieve it does not make logical sense that it's children does unless nature is sick.

Love does not prepare u for death. I saw my father grieving for his wife of 50 years. His love could not aid him if this same love was causing him grief."

He needed support. He himself said it. So love is not great in itself. In death, love needs support for love can not cope with death of love. Love is only programmed to love

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Nothing prepares you for death, but it is the natural way of things. Because we grieve does not mean we didn't love, Infact it probably means we loved too much.

Really, you won't find your answer on here or anywhere"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"In a biological sense, we form emotional attachments in order to function better as a team - whether that team is at work, as a family, etc. Parents have an innate desire to protect their young for obvious reasons, and the young attach to parents as their protector.

That's not something that switches off over time.

We also have attraction and love to bring us together to create new human beings. And to stay together as a parent unit in order to maximise the survival of those offspring.

But that's a very clinical, and probably aspie way of looking at it.

On a spiritual level, life becomes as meaningful as you want it to be. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"when we get older sadly death comes more and more into our lives.

death should be celebrated as they had a life

my best friend died august and even now i miss her so much, but i dont dwell

i think of the good times the memories and im time Op that will come

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Does love not delude a person to think life has meaning?

I doubt it, nature is random. We are left with no alternative but to grieve when we lose those we love.

Love does not conquer death, but it outlives it, it supercedes it. It is not a delusion - rather the ephemeral things of this earth are. I think love IS the meaning of life personally.

Why does love not mimic nature for it happens in animals...

we are left with no alternative, but why? If nature does not grieve it does not make logical sense that it's children does unless nature is sick.

Love does not prepare u for death. I saw my father grieving for his wife of 50 years. His love could not aid him if this same love was causing him grief."

It depends if you mean nature or God. Nature is random chance, not a personality, so it cannot grieve. God they tell us does, though it is hard to accept that I grant you.

No, love does not prepare us for death, if anything it makes it harder to bear. And yet without it life would be totally hollow - so we pay the price. When one love dies there is always hope of another, but to start with we have to grieve.

There's a lot of interesting information/books on grief - talking to grief counsellors and reading to gain understanding of the process can help - I hope you find some reassurance. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It could be worth contacting some Aspergers societies to help process what you are going through, and to find out how to support your father as well.

I think they may know better how to help you than anyone on here.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

Do some animals not have a sense of loss ?

Do some animals not display affection/love ?

It may not be in same way as we do but it is there .

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and it's naturally made you question things .

You question the point of love ..well I'd consider a life with out it very empty . Not only feeling loved ,but even more important the love you to show to others .Otherwise we may as well be cyborgs .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *airy_HettyWoman
over a year ago

Greater London

"It could be worth contacting some Aspergers societies to help process what you are going through, and to find out how to support your father as well.

I think they may know better how to help you than anyone on here."

I agree, I think maybe specific help would be more helpful than what you could get on here. Grief affects us all differently.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *wosWoman
over a year ago

east london

I've worked with the theory that Mike is with me , will always be a part of who I am . Life has to go on , and I will do my utmost to live it for both of us . It will always be harder for those left behind , but the love is still there .

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

BY E. E. CUMMINGS

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Do some animals not have a sense of loss ?

Do some animals not display affection/love ?

It may not be in same way as we do but it is there .

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and it's naturally made you question things .

Yup, lots of animals grieve. In horses for instance I have seen it last for a month of 'depression' for want of a better word, some of them are very stressed by it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does love not delude a person to think life has meaning?

When your loved one dies how are you comforted?

I lost my mum in January and so I am consider ring what ppl value.

Life does have meaning. Love doesn't 'delude'.

I'd like to think that when my time comes people will remember me and the times we shared, grieve, give me a fitting send off - and then go on with their own lives.

Death is a certainty for us all. It can't be avoided.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does love not delude a person to think life has meaning?

I doubt it, nature is random. We are left with no alternative but to grieve when we lose those we love.

Love does not conquer death, but it outlives it, it supercedes it. It is not a delusion - rather the ephemeral things of this earth are. I think love IS the meaning of life personally."

Couldn't agree more

S x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why does love not mimic nature for it happens in animals...

we are left with no alternative, but why? If nature does not grieve it does not make logical sense that it's children does unless nature is sick.

In fact trees of all species interact with each other in a cooperative fashion. With their extensive root networks connecting all the trees in an area, the trees exchange carbon and nitrogen back and forth between each other according to the needs of the plants. There actually is a mechanism through the roots which the trees use to communicate and send messages between each other. Dying trees move their resources into young trees before the older trees collapse. It is important to allow this transfer before we remove what is left of the dead tree.

Nature lets trees form bonds and care for each other. I don't know if they grieve but it seems they at least try to ensure others of their species will survive so it seems they do care in some way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8SORM4dYG8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrG-42uCDj4

Familiarity will make you miss someone. They were a part of your life but now they aren't and you will miss that.

Love is for social creatures, those that don't like to be alone, and that in itself will give your life meaning and ensure you feel nurtured.

Logically it does seem pointless that we should grieve over something that was out of our control and we can do nothing about but we are emotional for a reason, so that we may have empathy for others to understand them, and in turn we will form bonds based on understanding each other, then we will not be alone and create more of ourselves who will also want to be with others and continue the cycle.

I base all the above on my belief that we might not be here for a particular purpose, but that is what we are capable of and it works very well in the right conditions.

Hope you're ok. Deal with this in whatever way you want to. It takes me about 3 months to stop crying all the time when i am grieving, probably not logical but i just go with my feelings and deal with it my way.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread