FabSwingers.com forum: Bad jokes!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Too many threads full of good jokes, I want to hear the worst ones.

Post them here

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Man walks into a fish shop with a six foot condom and asks for a pound of fillet.

The fishmonger says, bet you a pound you don't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

A man walks into a bar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why is six afraid of seven?

Seven has a knife

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By *uietlyBohemianCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

"Why is six afraid of seven?

Seven has a knife "

Seven is a registered six offender.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?........

To see his flatmate! Boom,tsh!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her."

Had to read it three times

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Too many threads full of good jokes, I want to hear the worst ones.

Post them here

Lenny Henry is on BBC One.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

What do you call a woman who can carry a tray of beer whilst completing a 147 break at snooker?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Some people take a lot longer than that. One of my favourite silly joke though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Some people take a lot longer than that. One of my favourite silly joke though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Some people take a lot longer than that. One of my favourite silly joke though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm up to double figures now.

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fsh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two nuns in the bath. One says, "where's the soap?", the other one says, "yes, it does doesn't it".

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Two nuns in the bath. One says, "where's the soap?", the other one says, "yes, it does doesn't it". "
thats one of my favourites

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How many spanish men does it take to change a light bulb

just juan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two sausage and an egg in a frying pan the egg says its hot in here.

One sausage says to the other fuck me a talking egg

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 smarties in a pub having a drink one says to the other nothing can hurt us we got hard shells on that a locket walks in the smarty dives under the table and hides the other smarty says what you hiding for we got hard shells nothing can hurt us.

The others says fuck that shit he's MENTHOL

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By *allipygousMan
over a year ago

Leicester

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Me too. And it's not a bad joke, it's a brilliant one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Horse walks into a bar. Barmaid says, 'Hello. Why the long face?'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you circumcise a whale?

Send down four skin divers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 Parrots on a perch.

one tirns to the other and says "can you smell fish?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Me too. And it's not a bad joke, it's a brilliant one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's green and spongy?

A green sponge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's Brown and sticky?

Anal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is red / green/ red/ green?

A frog in a blender.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What is brown and comes out of cows backwards?

The Isle of Wight ferry.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What's white and if it falls out of a tree will kill you?

Rupert Rupert the fridge!

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By *olly RogererMan
over a year ago

notts

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Me too. And it's not a bad joke, it's a brilliant one

Read it tons of times and still dont get it!

Whats white and cant climb trees?

A fridge

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By *hyblueEyesMan
over a year ago

Daventry

Want to here a joke about sodium? Na

Want to here the joke about the wall? You won't get over it

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By *NaughtyCouple
over a year ago

St Albans

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Me too. And it's not a bad joke, it's a brilliant one

Read it tons of times and still dont get it!

..."

Had to read it out loud to get it - its brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a lorry full of wigs has been stolen on the m6

the police are combing the area.

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By *ickjones993Man
over a year ago

heathrow

skeleton goes into a bar and says

give us a pint

and a mop

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By *rs and mr sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

Boldon

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Me too. And it's not a bad joke, it's a brilliant one

Read it tons of times and still dont get it!

That's the one-eyed git

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do elephants hide in the jungle?

They paint their balls red and hide in cherry trees

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?

A giraffe eating cherries

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By *ntimatediscretionMan
over a year ago

eaglescliffe

bloke walks into a chip shop with a cod under his arm... says to the woman behind the counter do you do fish cakes, yes she said, so bloke says can you do him one... its his birthday...

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By *lirtyjjWoman
over a year ago

Meath

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Me too. And it's not a bad joke, it's a brilliant one

Read it tons of times and still dont get it!

That's the one-eyed git

OMG still took a minute, even with the answer given

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Me too. And it's not a bad joke, it's a brilliant one

I have literally has to read that over and over but I finally got it!!! lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Me too. And it's not a bad joke, it's a brilliant one

Read it tons of times and still dont get it!

That's the one-eyed git

OMG still took a minute, even with the answer given

It's for bad jokes not blonde ones

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's pink and hard?

A pig with a flick knife!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do women have legs? Have you seen the mess a snail leaves?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Teacher : Now then kids, who invented the 5 day week?

Little Johnny : Please Miss, it was Robinson Crusoe Miss.

Teacher : Why do you think that Johnny?

Little Johnny : Cos he was always buggered by Friday Miss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"2 Parrots on a perch.

one tirns to the other and says "can you smell fish?""

Tuts .......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to a swingers party last night.

I approached one beautiful woman and said, "Fancy a suck on this love?"

She said, "You're new to this aren't you?"

I said, "What makes you say that?"

She said, "You're dressed as Tarzan"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"2 Parrots on a perch.

one tirns to the other and says "can you smell fish?"

Tuts ......."

Nice tuts.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Tut tut

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What noise does a nut makes when it sneezes?

Cashew!..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats black and white and really cool? a fridge in a leather jacket

Whats blue and white ans kinda cool? a fridge in a denim jacket.

Whats wears checked trousers and hangs around in the woods? Rupert the fridge,

Where did Suzy go during the bombings?? ........Everywhere!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Knock knock

Who's there?

Amos

Amos who?

A mosquito

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you confuse an Idiot?

Seven.

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By *rcticFoxxxWoman
over a year ago

Hereabouts

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Me too. And it's not a bad joke, it's a brilliant one

Read it tons of times and still dont get it!

That's the one-eyed git

OMG still took a minute, even with the answer given

It's for bad jokes not blonde ones

I still don't get it?

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

For Sale

French army rifle

Never used, dropped once

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Me too. And it's not a bad joke, it's a brilliant one

Read it tons of times and still dont get it!

...

Had to read it out loud to get it - its brilliant"

Got it now, but also had to read it out loud

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what do you call nine sheep tied to a lamppost in Wales ?

Answer

The leisure Centre

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lion goes into a restaurant, waiter comes over and says what can i get you sir ?

Lion replies " Steak "

Waiter says " certainly sir how wuld you like your steak " ?

Lion replies " Roooooaaaarr "

Told to me by my daughter when she was 7 lol

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By *rcticFoxxxWoman
over a year ago

Hereabouts

"Here's a 10 Pinter I heard years ago, had me chuckling for days. More the mental image then anything.

2 women looking into a Dress shop window.

One say's to the other "That's the one I'd get"

Cyclops came out and battered her.

Had to read it three times

Me too. And it's not a bad joke, it's a brilliant one

Read it tons of times and still dont get it!

...

Had to read it out loud to get it - its brilliant

Got it now, but also had to read it out loud

Somebody please explain this to me? I'm lost

I feel left out because I'm a dumb shit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Read it as "one eyed get" and u will see the joke.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bear walks in a pub and says ". Could I have a. ......,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,........,,,

.......,,,,,,,,,,,,

....pint please.

The barman says. Why the big pause

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A bear walks in a pub and says ". Could I have a. ......,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,........,,,

.......,,,,,,,,,,,,

....pint please.

The barman says. Why the big pause "
or is that long pause. Anyway I've killed the joke

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By *rcticFoxxxWoman
over a year ago

Hereabouts

"Read it as "one eyed get" and u will see the joke."

Ok I get it now xD

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"A bear walks in a pub and says ". Could I have a. ......,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,........,,,

.......,,,,,,,,,,,,

....pint please.

The barman says. Why the big pause or is that long pause. Anyway I've killed the joke

Surely not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A bear walks in a pub and says ". Could I have a. ......,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,........,,,

.......,,,,,,,,,,,,

....pint please.

The barman says. Why the big pause or is that long pause. Anyway I've killed the joke

Surely not?

"
haha fuckoff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did the fish say when he bumped his head?

Dam!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the definition of mixed emotions?

Your mother in law, driving over a cliff in your new Porsche.

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By *r woodyMan
over a year ago

leeds

What do you call a man with a 1 inch penis? Justin

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"A bear walks in a pub and says ". Could I have a. ......,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,........,,,

.......,,,,,,,,,,,,

....pint please.

The barman says. Why the big pause or is that long pause. Anyway I've killed the joke

Surely not?

haha fuckoff

Not even a smirk, look....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A bear walks in a pub and says ". Could I have a. ......,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,........,,,

.......,,,,,,,,,,,,

....pint please.

The barman says. Why the big pause or is that long pause. Anyway I've killed the joke

Surely not?

haha fuckoff

Not even a smirk, look....

"
winds getting up

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"A bear walks in a pub and says ". Could I have a. ......,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,........,,,

.......,,,,,,,,,,,,

....pint please.

The barman says. Why the big pause or is that long pause. Anyway I've killed the joke

Surely not?

haha fuckoff

Not even a smirk, look....

winds getting up

Hold onto them glasses then!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A bear walks in a pub and says ". Could I have a. ......,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,........,,,

.......,,,,,,,,,,,,

....pint please.

The barman says. Why the big pause or is that long pause. Anyway I've killed the joke

Surely not?

haha fuckoff

Not even a smirk, look....

winds getting up

Hold onto them glasses then!!!

"
ok where's that white flag waving emoticon

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"A bear walks in a pub and says ". Could I have a. ......,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,........,,,

.......,,,,,,,,,,,,

....pint please.

The barman says. Why the big pause or is that long pause. Anyway I've killed the joke

Surely not?

haha fuckoff

Not even a smirk, look....

winds getting up

Hold onto them glasses then!!!

ok where's that white flag waving emoticon

Noo, it's your turn to be dom this week, I give up!!

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By *bony in IvoryCouple
over a year ago

Black&White Utopia

What do you call a 18 lesbians piled on top of each other??

A block of Flaps!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What do you call a 18 lesbians piled on top of each other??

A block of Flaps!

Couldn't help laughing at that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

"Morning!" he said.

The other man replies, "No, just having a shit."

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By *randub69Man
over a year ago

city

Did u hear about the paper shop..... It blew away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Fly with no wings ?

A walk.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Boomerang that doesnt come back to you ?

A stick.

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By *randub69Man
over a year ago

city

What u call a three legged donkey. A wonkey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A hunch backed old man hobbles up to an ice cram van.

"Can I have a cornet please" he says faintly.

"Crushed nuts?" the vendor asks.

"No rheumatism".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why have elephants got big ears ?

Noddy won't pay the ransom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did Edward Woodward have three D ,s in his name ?

Because otherwise he d have been Ewar woowar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between Jill Dando and a box of Daz.

Daz passed the the doorstop challenge.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the pervert cross the road?

He had his dick caught in a chicken.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean Beef.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where's an elephants sexual organs?

Answer, his feet, if he steps on you you're fucked!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked"

made me larf u did

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How does a Welshman find sheep in tall grass?

Satisfying!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Read it as "one eyed get" and u will see the joke.

Ok I get it now xD "
giggidy

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By *rcticFoxxxWoman
over a year ago

Hereabouts

"Why did Edward Woodward have three D ,s in his name ?

Because otherwise he d have been Ewar woowar "

There's 4 D's in his name though?

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By *uttyjonnMan
over a year ago

cheshire

Why are Policemen's Balls bigger than Firemen's?

They sell more tickets

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Do you know the pianos on my foot?

You Hun it and I'll play it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why did the pervert cross the road?

He had his dick caught in a chicken."
pmsl.haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why did Edward Woodward have three D ,s in his name ?

Because otherwise he d have been Ewar woowar

There's 4 D's in his name though?

Lol I stand corrected

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"What do you call a woman who can carry a tray of beer whilst completing a 147 break at snooker?"

Still no takers?

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By *olly RogererMan
over a year ago

notts

A brunette, a blonde and a red head are in the 3rd grade, who has the biggest tits?

The blonde because she is 20

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By *bony in IvoryCouple
over a year ago

Black&White Utopia

"What do you call a woman who can carry a tray of beer whilst completing a 147 break at snooker?

Still no takers?"
had to delve into the depths of my brain! 'Beer tricks potter'!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bloke goes to camping shop it was closed due to theft of all airbeds cops think thieves will li lo for a while ?

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"What do you call a woman who can carry a tray of beer whilst completing a 147 break at snooker?

Still no takers? had to delve into the depths of my brain! 'Beer tricks potter'!

Yay

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By *p4hornyfunCouple
over a year ago

bristol

Why don't Winnie the Pooh wear socks and shoes.

Cause hes got bear feet.lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why don't Winnie the Pooh wear socks and shoes.

Cause hes got bear feet.lol"

We'll tell this to the kids (without saying where we heard it, of course)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I ordered 10000 bottles of Tippex yesterday.....I made a massive mistake.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a movie director who makes a film about a Belgian boy detective who's locked away in isolation?

Tintin Quarantino

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By *r. and mis.jayCouple
over a year ago

Lancaster

Hahahaha lol i been dieing off thes jokes

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By *omaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

What's pink and lays on the seabed?

Moby's Dick

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.

WANDA: Hi! Sylvia.

How'd you die?

SYLVIA: I froze to death.

WANDA: How horrible!

SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.

What about you?

WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

SYLVIA: So, what happened?

WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.

I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.

I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing they just waved

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By *rcticFoxxxWoman
over a year ago

Hereabouts

"What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing they just waved"

I laughed way too much at this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, do you know how to drive this thing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call 2 Spanish firemen?

Hose A and Hose B

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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton

"A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

"Morning!" he said.

The other man replies, "No, just having a shit."

LMAO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing they just waved

I laughed way too much at this

Haha I know, even me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mates just died. ? Overdosed on heartburn medicine

Can't believe Gav is gon

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

How do you confuse a wanker?

Purple

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Why did Edward Woodward have three D ,s in his name ?

Because otherwise he d have been Ewar woowar

There's 4 D's in his name though?

Lol I stand corrected

What do you call a man with a wooden head?

Edward

What do you call a man with three wooden heads?

Edward Woodward.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

What is brown and sticky?

A stick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

after years of work, the irish intelligence agency has finally cracked britains highway code.

a prison break has just happened outside strangeways when a concrete mixer ran into prison van. police are on the lookout for three hardened criminals.

a snooker lorry has crashed on the m62. there are cues everywhere and the driver is under a rest.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

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By *exy hot wife 84Couple
over a year ago

Stevenage

"2 fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, do you know how to drive this thing?

"
. lmfao

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By *exy hot wife 84Couple
over a year ago

Stevenage

"How does a Welshman find sheep in tall grass?

Satisfying!"
. lol

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By *omaMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Man walks into a watch repair shop, unzips and lays his penis on the counter.

Female assistant freaks and shouts "Sir, this is a clock shop not a cock shop"!

The man replies calmly,"I know, I just want you to put a pair of hands on that"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two flies playing football in a saucer. After missing an open goal one says to the other. "We better improve. Next week we are playing in the cup!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Monk had tears running down my face for half an hour with your joke about "Morning" haven't laughed that good in ages, thanks for that.

They say you are what you eat..... so obviously I'm a cunt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bad and Sick!!! (Its a two part gag)

Q:How do you get 100 babies into a blender?

A:Turn it on!!!

Q:How do you get them out?

A: Doritos!!!!

Friend in work told me this I looked at him like this for 20 minutes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

don't get it.??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"don't get it.??"

Are you trying to get me to bite lol?

Blended Babies = dip for doritos

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I have never had a Doritos in my life I would of course not get the joke same as a thousand other people who have never had them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A new sheriff goes into town.

First chap comes up to him.

"Welcome to our town. Are you going to get the brown paper kid?"

Sheriff doesn't reply thinks he's being wound up.

Visit the merchant same thing.

"Welcome to our town. Are you going to get the brown paper kid?"

This time he's a little puzzled.

Goes to see the blacksmith same question.

"Welcome to our town. Are you going to get the brown paper kid?"

He still doesn't question him, but this time he's really confused.

Then he goes into the saloon and again.

"Welcome to our town. Are you going to get the brown paper kid?"

He had enough by now.

"Who is this brown paper kid, I've never fucking heard of him?"

The barman replies.

"He wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, carries a brown paper holster and a brown paper gun."

"What's he wanted for?" the sheriff asks."

"Rustling".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An executioner has a problem with his electric chair and needs a electrician urgently, this Irish chap comes along.

"We need the chair ready for midday its very urgent!!" the executioner tells him, anyway he leaves him to it.

He comes back about 11:45 and the chair is all in bits.

"What's going on?" the executioner asks franticly, "We need it now!!!"

"Its lucky you called me, this things things a fucking death trap!!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man lying just inside your front door?

Matt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bloke walks into a sweet shop and asks the shopkeeper.

"a mars bar please"

The shopkeeper replies.

"a normal size mars bar or and extra large mars bar?"

The man replies

" Don't mess me about , I haven't got time for this my house is on fire !"

Its a bit abstract but made me giggle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 19/03/15 22:46:45]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What speaks French,has two thumbs and fucks like a tiger?

Moi!

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By *zeye73Man
over a year ago

Amersham

My engineer called the office this morning saying he's sick and can't come to work.

I asked "how sick are you?" and he said.

"Put it this way, I'm in bed with my sister"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a blind deer?

...No idea?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a dead blind deer?

Still no idea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ivan and billy standing on a bridge, taking a piss. Smiling to his friend Ivan says ,my, the waters Cold. Billy looks up at Ivan and says 'Jesus it's deep too...'

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

What is the best pick up line at a gay bar? May I push your stool in ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/03/15 21:03:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatcha call an Italian with a condom on his foot?

Roberto

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you all for making me laugh x

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