FabSwingers.com forum: Someone tells you they are prgnant. How do you react.

By *itSam OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Ok so a friend of yours who texts you pretty much every day stops replying, there is no contact from them for a week and then they let you know by text they have a few problems but they do not want to talk about it. Then a short while later they tell you by text they are pregnant.

Do you A) Give them all the congrats in the world like you would normally do when someone tells you they are pregnant

B) Just check they are actually happy they are pregnant just as you know something was bothering them and they may not be happy about being pregnant and then once you find out they are happy you then kick into CONGRATULATION MODE?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ooo thats a hard one! I think it depends on how close a friend they are. If shes told you and not something like "I cant believe I'm pregnant" then I would congratulate xx

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I'd ask how they felt about it considering the history

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok so a friend of yours who texts you pretty much every day stops replying, there is no contact from them for a week and then they let you know by text they have a few problems but they do not want to talk about it. Then a short while later they tell you by text they are pregnant.

Do you A) Give them all the congrats in the world like you would normally do when someone tells you they are pregnant

I'd say. Are you ok about it?..then go from there. Although in this circumstance I would probable message 'here if you need a chat or anything'. Darcy x

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By *itSam OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Ooo thats a hard one! I think it depends on how close a friend they are. If shes told you and not something like "I cant believe I'm pregnant" then I would congratulate xx"

We only know them through a mutual friend at work, known them a couple of months or so. Like like we are long term friends but we all get on well.

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By *itSam OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Do you A) Give them all the congrats in the world like you would normally do when someone tells you they are pregnant

I'd say. Are you ok about it?..then go from there. Although in this circumstance I would probable message 'here if you need a chat or anything'. Darcy x"

We said "are you happy about it" the reply was, "Why wouldn't we?" Now they are pissed at us that we did not congratulate them straight off.

Ok we were over cautious as someone very close to us found out they were pregnant and we went all happy for them and then found out the child had a problem that would effect them for life (serious problem).

There are times in the past we have congratulated people and found they have been really pissed off being pregnant.

Our intentions were good.

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By *itSam OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Obviously face to face we could have seen face expressions but TEXT is such a pain in the arse as you never know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would definately depend on circumstances. I went for the whole aw congrats really pleased for you . And reply was well I am not keeping it. Some people just dont want children. I live for mine x more awkward when husband had snip .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you A) Give them all the congrats in the world like you would normally do when someone tells you they are pregnant

I'd say. Are you ok about it?..then go from there. Although in this circumstance I would probable message 'here if you need a chat or anything'. Darcy x

We said "are you happy about it" the reply was, "Why wouldn't we?" Now they are pissed at us that we did not congratulate them straight off.

There are times in the past we have congratulated people and found they have been really pissed off being pregnant.

Our intentions were good."

Haha you can never win with pregnancy hormones.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't say anything its no big deal is it people get pregnant all the time.

you wouldn't want to seem nosey by asking her if she was pleased about it.

if she wanted to tell you she would.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would definately depend on circumstances. I went for the whole aw congrats really pleased for you . And reply was well I am not keeping it. Some people just dont want children. I live for mine x more awkward when husband had snip . "

awkward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pick up the phone and talk to them ... We over rely on emotionless messaging where one can't gauge the genuine feeling from the opposing party.

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By *itSam OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Pick up the phone and talk to them ... We over rely on emotionless messaging where one can't gauge the genuine feeling from the opposing party."

They told us by text a short while later. We just replied on text...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We said "are you happy about it" the reply was, "Why wouldn't we?" Now they are pissed at us that we did not congratulate them."

Fuck me, people are high maintenance sometimes...who needs friends who are that much work?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a friend you'd know her circumstances, whether it was a one nighter or if she's with the father, whether they've been trying or not. If you knew they'd been trying then obviously congratulate them. If the circumstances are more complicated just ask how they're feeling, it's simple enough. If they're happy they'll say they're happy, if the circumstances are difficult then that's when you go down the supportive route.

My friend of 27 years (at the time) told me she was pregnant 2 years ago, already had 2 by two different guys, the father of the unborn child is a prick who is 9 years younger than her, they're always splitting up and getting back, been violent towards her, stole money and even electrical items from her home. When she told me she was pregnant I said "you aren't seriously thinking of having it" she said yeah, I just told her she was off her fucking head and let her carry on. Fast forward to now, she has 3 kids by 3 different men the latest child's father has fucked off for good, she's struggling with 3 children, struggling to fit work around them now her maternity leave is over. Won't ever regret not having an abortion cos it's a baby and she's here and is loved, but they weren't the right circumstances to bring another child into the mix.

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By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

buy them a brandy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Someone tells you they are prgnant. How do you react."

I'd say prove it.

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By *itSam OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

They are friends to the point of we meet in the pub. We have been out for a meal with them. We generally do not talk about babies n stuff. The question was mainly down to the fact we were told by text she was pregnant just after a week of no contact and there being some problem she did not want to talk about. First thoughts were.... does she want it and was that the problem.

She said she did want it and we then congratulated.

Her problem appears to be that we did not congratulate first of all. Best to check first then to congratulate rather then congratulate and wish you had checked first.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/03/15 13:37:38]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Best to check first then to congratulate rather then congratulate and wish you had checked first....."

I understand totally!

People not half over think the most simplistic things.

What you're really worried about is if she wants the child?..because by her somewhat mixed reation, you're NOT actually sure IF SHE WANTS THE CHILD.

....see, well, the only person who knows that is her.

And the only way you're going to know that is to ask her straight out if she does in fact want the child?...

To which she's going to think you're really fucking rude and give you even less of an answer than the "mixed answer" you got.

This is called:

"Complex stuff"...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well the problem is hers then not yours. There's nothing wrong with asking how she's feeling after discovering something that is going to change we life forever. Even if someone's been trying it's still overwhelming, you can still never be fully prepared, I think asking how someone feels first is more sincere than just saying congratulations.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know my friends well,if any of them told me they were pregnant I would know how to react and could safely say are you happy/ready/feeling ok about this? I would then probably gush on about how amazing it is to be a parent-if it's their first-or offer help or an ear if it's not. To be honest,my friends would say exactly how they feel when they tell me,even if it was to say God I'm pregnant,I can't cope with this,I'm not keeping it. That's what friendship is for us.

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By *itSam OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

Missing the point here. We do not know her well. It is a new friendship. We are talking seeing them about once a week at a pub for a month or two and meeting once for a meal out. We do not know them that well.

If it was any other of my female friends then yes I would know and also if I was face to face. The fact we do not know them that well, have never spoken about kids before etc....

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

When I told my friend I was pregnant she gave me a hug and said everything will be fine...because I had just told her that the bloke in question had done a linford Christie

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By *itSam OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"When I told my friend I was pregnant she gave me a hug and said everything will be fine...because I had just told her that the bloke in question had done a linford Christie "

Different as your friend knew the situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you A) Give them all the congrats in the world like you would normally do when someone tells you they are pregnant

I'd say. Are you ok about it?..then go from there. Although in this circumstance I would probable message 'here if you need a chat or anything'. Darcy x

We said "are you happy about it" the reply was, "Why wouldn't we?" Now they are pissed at us that we did not congratulate them straight off.

There are times in the past we have congratulated people and found they have been really pissed off being pregnant.

Our intentions were good."

Don't worry about it. If they are so uptight they take offence just ignore it.

Your OP makes sense and makes me think they weren't too happy about it.

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By *itSam OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

OP Here. Yep we were unsure but now realise.... Wrong.... so wrong... Our intentions were good tho. Hopefully they will see that in the long run. New friendship so maybe they do not know us as much as we thought they did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pesonally i ask if doggy was still ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Leave them alone to deal with it but let them know you're there for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pesonally i ask if doggy was still ok

Hahahahahahahaha best answer yet. Darcy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say "wow, how are you feeling about it?" based on their reply you can either congratulate or be there for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry I've just read that they're pissed off with you! Ridiculous lol

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"When I told my friend I was pregnant she gave me a hug and said everything will be fine...because I had just told her that the bloke in question had done a linford Christie

Different as your friend knew the situation."

Just putting my 2 pence in

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

I suppose if you're not close friends, she wouldn't have told you if they hadn't already decided to keep it.

However, surely anyone should be able to understand that it's a delicate situation and everyone reacts differently, so you just wanted to get a better feel for the situation before offering your congratulations or condolences.

This person sounds a bit "uppity" and more hard work than I'd be willing to put in if I'm honest...

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By *itSam OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"When I told my friend I was pregnant she gave me a hug and said everything will be fine...because I had just told her that the bloke in question had done a linford Christie

Different as your friend knew the situation.

Just putting my 2 pence in

Of course. Thanks. It goes to show if you know a situation you know what to say. Wish I knew now lol

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By *itSam OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

That is the thing. Never took offence before...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you A) Give them all the congrats in the world like you would normally do when someone tells you they are pregnant

Then when they feel confident to share with you properly B

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

West Midlands

I would simply say

Is that good or not so good news

And then I'd start Knitting if it's good news

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pesonally i ask if doggy was still ok

Hahahahahahahaha best answer yet. Darcy

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By *allipygousMan
over a year ago

Leicester

Anyone who knows me wouldn't be surprised with my usual response..."Congratulations or commiserations?"

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By *trawberry-popWoman
over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

I'd probably just say "Wow!" and let them take it from there, would probably be a good starting point in terms of finding out how she/they felt about it.

If I knew she'd been trying for a baby I'd of course go in with instant congrats.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Missing the point here. We do not know her well. It is a new friendship. We are talking seeing them about once a week at a pub for a month or two and meeting once for a meal out. We do not know them that well.

If it was any other of my female friends then yes I would know and also if I was face to face. The fact we do not know them that well, have never spoken about kids before etc...."

They thought they knew you well enough to tell you everything. I would have said congratulations and left it at that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Must be honest i wasnt sure how the hell i was feeling initially.. i had lots of congratulations and only one 'and are you happy about it' and it was that comment that made me thing 'shit im having a baby.. yesterday i was care free and today im responsible for another life'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This EXACT same thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Not just the pregnant thing, but the whole build-up the OP described too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This EXACT same thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Not just the pregnant thing, but the whole build-up the OP described too."

Congrats!

Are you happy about it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This EXACT same thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Not just the pregnant thing, but the whole build-up the OP described too.

Congrats!

Are you happy about it?"

It was someone I met from here. We kind of started to like each other, we were talking all day, every day, then after we met, she went quiet. She said she had 'things going on', then eventually after much probing she told me she had known for about a week that she was four-months pregnant with her ex.

I'm happy if she's happy. I'm just keeping a safe distance and being there for her should she need me, but deep down, I know it's not gonna be the same now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you A) Give them all the congrats in the world like you would normally do when someone tells you they are pregnant

I'd say. Are you ok about it?..then go from there. Although in this circumstance I would probable message 'here if you need a chat or anything'. Darcy x"

this is what i would do Sx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This EXACT same thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Not just the pregnant thing, but the whole build-up the OP described too.

Congrats!

Are you happy about it?

I'm happy if she's happy. I'm just keeping a safe distance and being there for her should she need me, but deep down, I know it's not gonna be the same now. "

You never know. I know someone in a similar situation. They've been together for over 10 years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd probably just say "Wow!" and let them take it from there, would probably be a good starting point in terms of finding out how she/they felt about it.

If I knew she'd been trying for a baby I'd of course go in with instant congrats. "

This is how I would play it along with the awkward smile I have when I'm not too sure how things are going to pan out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This EXACT same thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Not just the pregnant thing, but the whole build-up the OP described too.

Congrats!

Are you happy about it?

I'm happy if she's happy. I'm just keeping a safe distance and being there for her should she need me, but deep down, I know it's not gonna be the same now.

You never know. I know someone in a similar situation. They've been together for over 10 years.

I don't have the best luck with women

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This EXACT same thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Not just the pregnant thing, but the whole build-up the OP described too.

Congrats!

Are you happy about it?

I'm happy if she's happy. I'm just keeping a safe distance and being there for her should she need me, but deep down, I know it's not gonna be the same now.

You never know. I know someone in a similar situation. They've been together for over 10 years.

I don't have the best luck with women

It takes two... perhaps they are the ones with the bad luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ask if I'm the father lol

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

We said "are you happy about it" the reply was, "Why wouldn't we?" Now they are pissed at us that we did not congratulate them.

Fuck me, people are high maintenance sometimes...who needs friends who are that much work?"

I was thinking just that.

What utter guilt making self indulgent over inflated gits....

What kind of answer is 'Why wouldn't we be ?' control freaks.

Why didn't they say ....... Yahooooooooooo im pregnant instead of .... im pregnant.

I wouldn't mind. They fucked. Nothing else.

Sod them.

Mind you .... if I get pregnant I want a gift .. a high rafter and a length of rope.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Suggest a coffee and be prepared to congratulate or commiserate as appropriate

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By *icky999Man
over a year ago

warrington

"You've been bare backing? Do you know the risks???? Your putting your life at risk!!! I wont even speak to someone who does that!!! "

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

""You've been bare backing? Do you know the risks???? Your putting your life at risk!!! I wont even speak to someone who does that!!! "

And that was tooooooooo ?????

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By *icky999Man
over a year ago

warrington

""You've been bare backing? Do you know the risks???? Your putting your life at risk!!! I wont even speak to someone who does that!!! "

And that was tooooooooo ????? "

Nobody. That was a collection of the usually replies about barebacking.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

We said "are you happy about it" the reply was, "Why wouldn't we?" Now they are pissed at us that we did not congratulate them.

Fuck me, people are high maintenance sometimes...who needs friends who are that much work?"

Though I also like Puffpuff's 'Wow': swapping one totally ambiguous text for another

OP, I'd just send her a text apologising, and explaining that of course you're happy for her, but you only checked 1st because you recently put your foot in it before, congratulating someone who was unhappy about the news and that made you feel terrible.

That should give her a guilt trip:-

15-all!

Mr ddc

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By *itSam OP Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

ADVERT:

WANTED:

Friends who do not go cuckoo at the first moment someone says something that does not fall into their criteria lol.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Last time someone told me they where expecting a baby I'm still jumping round with joy

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By *eMontresMan
over a year ago

Halesowen

I usually say "are you sure it's yours?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id say they were lying, as Im seedless!

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