FabSwingers.com forum: are you allowed opposite sex friends...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

so a very close girl mate of mine has recently texted me and said her fiance is not wanting her to have any male friends, i think this is the first signs of controlling, any men/women been in this situation?

ironically he cheated on her months back and i told her to give him another chance haha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had male friends that the minute they get a gf I have to back off...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm not "allowed" anything we don't control each other's actions.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can be friends with whoever I want. Most of my husband's friends are women.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wasn't allowed female friends,he didn't even like me talking about male work colleagues. Some people are very insecure and say it's because their partner can't be trusted. Incidentally,he cheated on me,had a full blown affair throughout our relationship.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"so a very close girl mate of mine has recently texted me and said her fiance is not wanting her to have any male friends, i think this is the first signs of controlling, any men/women been in this situation?

ironically he cheated on her months back and i told her to give him another chance haha

I wouldn't be in a relationship/friendship with someone who felt like they had the right to control who I enjoyed spending time with.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I wasn't allowed female friends,he didn't even like me talking about male work colleagues. Some people are very insecure and say it's because their partner can't be trusted. Incidentally,he cheated on me,had a full blown affair throughout our relationship. "

The irony is usually that they're the ones who can't be trusted.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

If someone told me I couldn't have friends of the opposite sex, I'd be telling them to do one!

Most of my friends are male, so I'd have major issues with that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont allow Nette any friends at all, not that i dont trust her 100% its just that im a utter utter Bastard

Gimp

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We can both be friends with whoever we chose.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I dont allow Nette any friends at all, not that i dont trust her 100% its just that im a utter utter Bastard

Gimp"

You might not allow it Mr Gimpus Bastardii but she has them anyway, they're all down in the cellar

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where there's no trust there's no relationship.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont allow Nette any friends at all, not that i dont trust her 100% its just that im a utter utter Bastard

Gimp

You might not allow it Mr Gimpus Bastardii but she has them anyway, they're all down in the cellar

Ooo thanks for the heads up

The Cheque is in the post

Brb off to nail up the Cellar Door and find my Flogger

Bastardii Gimpus

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

It would be a deal breaker for me, and I would never dream of banning a partner from having friends of the opposite sex. That's how I felt before my wife and I opened our marriage.

I think its a sign both if insecurity and of a controlling partner. Who the hell am I (or is anyone) to dictate who another human being can be friends with?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eaningofLifeCouple
over a year ago

York

ironically he cheated on her months back and i told her to give him another chance haha

I wouldn't be in a relationship/friendship with someone who felt like they had the right to control who I enjoyed spending time with."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I dont allow Nette any friends at all, not that i dont trust her 100% its just that im a utter utter Bastard

Gimp

You might not allow it Mr Gimpus Bastardii but she has them anyway, they're all down in the cellar

Ooo thanks for the heads up

The Cheque is in the post

Brb off to nail up the Cellar Door and find my Flogger

Bastardii Gimpus"

I didn't say they were in your cellar.........

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont allow Nette any friends at all, not that i dont trust her 100% its just that im a utter utter Bastard

Gimp

You might not allow it Mr Gimpus Bastardii but she has them anyway, they're all down in the cellar

Ooo thanks for the heads up

The Cheque is in the post

Brb off to nail up the Cellar Door and find my Flogger

Bastardii Gimpus

I didn't say they were in your cellar........."

. Luckily its a post dated Cheque.. But you do owe me the cost of a third class stamp

Tite Gimp

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I,ll be friends with who I want,,,,no one would stop me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

You tell her to get out of that relationship now. That sort of control only gets worse and is almost impossible to leave once entrenched.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Alarm bells ringing loudly tell her to dump the muppet!! Control freak alert!! He will be racked with guilt and paranoid she will do it to him. Not a healthy relationship she should dump him next he will be goin through her phone when she is asleep and stopping her wearing what she wants even goin out! If she wont leave him or dump him she HAS to tell him she will do as she pleases! Bad vibes ive seen it in its very worst form its soooo wrong!!"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The irony is usually that they're the ones who can't be trusted."

Transference of guilt I think it's called. I wouldn't feel threatened by a partner having opposite sex friends,I'm very trusting,maybe too much.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

The classic Transference of Guilt scenario

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"so a very close girl mate of mine has recently texted me and said her fiance is not wanting her to have any male friends"

Text her back and tell her he is a fucking idiot.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

The irony is usually that they're the ones who can't be trusted.

Transference of guilt I think it's called. I wouldn't feel threatened by a partner having opposite sex friends,I'm very trusting,maybe too much."

oops u bet me to it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The irony is usually that they're the ones who can't be trusted."

Yep was just about to say this! usually (not always) the controlling person is the one cheating

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ndym12Man
over a year ago

Ivybridge

Most of my friends are female.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The classic Transference of Guilt scenario"

And his reason for cheating on me was revenge,because he said I was cheating on him,even though he never had any evidence apart from the things he made up in his mind. People like him don't get better,they just find new excuses and become more controlling.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends what you mean by friends

I doubt many people would be fine with their partner going out clubbing with someone of the opposit sex

Though to be honest I doubt anyone will come on here on a couples profile and openly admit their partner chooses who they can be friends with, most will say its fine even if it's not

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends what you mean by friends

I doubt many people would be fine with their partner going out clubbing with someone of the opposit sex

That never used to bother me though.

My ex was an outrageous flirt.

My mates used to say "doesn't that bother you?"

I was like nope.

She was just a massive flirt.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends what you mean by friends

I doubt many people would be fine with their partner going out clubbing with someone of the opposit sex

Though to be honest I doubt anyone will come on here on a couples profile and openly admit their partner chooses who they can be friends with, most will say its fine even if it's not "

I am. My husband has been on holiday with female friends before, I know there is nothing sexual there. To be honest I'd rather he was out clubbing or drinking with a woman than with a big group of laddie blokes.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I doubt many people would be fine with their partner going out clubbing with someone of the opposit sex

I can't think of anyone in my social circle that would have a problem with that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ironically he cheated on her months back and i told her to give him another chance haha

I wouldn't be in a relationship/friendship with someone who felt like they had the right to control who I enjoyed spending time with."

This

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/03/15 16:55:32]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/03/15 16:57:14]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends what you mean by friends

I doubt many people would be fine with their partner going out clubbing with someone of the opposit sex

Though to be honest I doubt anyone will come on here on a couples profile and openly admit their partner chooses who they can be friends with, most will say its fine even if it's not "
you trust your partner no matter what if they cheat thats a diff matter but you got to trust em. Ive had loads cheat on me but thats the end of me caring for em and id never have one of em back (3 actually but sounds a lot! ) if there gonna cheat there gonna cheat and honesty between each other has got to be top of list surely? Controlling a partner isnt trust its possesion!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(third time lucky trying to post this!)

My wife isn't a girlie lady who likes soaps, the bitchie chat and office gossip which some ladies that she works with do.

All her friends in and out of work, give or take, are men.

No problem.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

I doubt many people would be fine with their partner going out clubbing with someone of the opposit sex

I can't think of anyone in my social circle that would have a problem with that."

this lady speaks sense.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aneandpaulCouple
over a year ago

cleveleys

He is very insecure not letting you have male friend,s what i have found out in life with those sort 9 out 10 are groper,s

They want a kiss at Christmas but not ok for her to kiss always feely touchy and keep there hand on you longer than just a touch

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I doubt many people would be fine with their partner going out clubbing with someone of the opposit sex

t."

Mrs P can go seal hunting with whom ever she pleases.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely a friends a friend no matter if male or female.. New bfs/gfs. Should know the person wants to be with them and inbrace their friends no matter the sex of then

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex was an opposite sex fiend

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

My best friend of all time is a woman, and furthermore she is my ex. My wife and her husband have no issues with this because we all trust each other.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

The classic Transference of Guilt scenario

Been there got the t-shirt so completely agree

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My name is billy and I don't have any friends

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My name is billy and I don't have any friends

Shower then...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This will only get worse. He clearly has trust issues. Probably underlying from the fact he cheated and is scared now she'd do the same.

She needs to nip it in the bud right away.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually hold my friends very dearly and if I met a guy who told me I couldn't see my friends he would be gone, simple as, any man who wants me accepts me as I am, and I come with kids, family and friends and I wouldn't turn my back on any of them

But I am quite a hard faced strong minded person it may answer for why I've been single most of my life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I actually hold my friends very dearly and if I met a guy who told me I couldn't see my friends he would be gone, simple as, any man who wants me accepts me as I am, and I come with kids, family and friends and I wouldn't turn my back on any of them

But I am quite a hard faced strong minded person it may answer for why I've been single most of my life

"
aww id offer you a hug but id only whisper things in your ear

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My name is billy and I don't have any friends

Shower then...

"
giggidy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bless the hubby wouldn't have any friends if I banned female ones lol.

If I can trust him enough to swing with I can certainly trust him enough to have friends of the opposite sex

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The irony is usually that they're the ones who can't be trusted."

Agreed! Anyone who told me who I could/couldn't be friends with would be shown the door instantly!! Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Controlling, insecure alarm bells ringing loud and clear, tell your friend to run!

No adult should ever be told who they can and cannot be friends with, it's a simple as that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She needs to stay well clear of him. This guy sounds like trouble. I could never deal with people who are insecure. Annoys the fuck out of me!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not "allowed" anything we don't control each other's actions. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"She needs to stay well clear of him. This guy sounds like trouble. I could never deal with people who are insecure. Annoys the fuck out of me!

Yes, especially if they topple over.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we have both especially as most of my clients are female

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's paranoid. Tell her to get rid.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As she's allowed to fuck other guys I'm pretty cool with the whole having same sex friends thing.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"(third time lucky trying to post this!)

My wife isn't a girlie lady who likes soaps, the bitchie chat and office gossip which some ladies that she works with do.

All her friends in and out of work, give or take, are men.

No problem."

Same here

S x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"so a very close girl mate of mine has recently texted me and said her fiance is not wanting her to have any male friends

Text her back and tell her he is a fucking idiot.

not worth the hassle pal! shame, shes a gorgeous girl, would probably experiment on here if he was not OTT!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Controlling, insecure alarm bells ringing loud and clear, tell your friend to run!

No adult should ever be told who they can and cannot be friends with, it's a simple as that."

im taking a step back now! i will be there for her when he gets caught again!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I regularly go out for a meal with a group of women(friends) from work. I wouldn't have any issue with Anita going out with any of her male friends too.

Friends are friends and friendship requires no permission from anyone. If you trust your partner then why would it be a problem?

Cal

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

no he doesn't like me to, I think that's understandable though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Controlling, insecure alarm bells ringing loud and clear, tell your friend to run!

No adult should ever be told who they can and cannot be friends with, it's a simple as that.

im taking a step back now! i will be there for her when he gets caught again!"

not sure whether to say this, but don't step back because i think this is exactly what he wants.

control freaks often try to dissociate their partner from everyone who loves them so that they can mess with their head more and nobody will know.

worst thing you can do is let someone mentally ill control you, hope she gets rid.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread