FabSwingers.com forum: Partner just wants military sex life

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

From reading other people's threads I realise that my situation isn't everyone's cup of tea and that is fine. I have been with my partner for over 7 years and our sex life has become like a regimented chore. I have made several attempts to spice it up including joining the site as a couple but she found it wasn't for her taste (which is fine). My predicament is though that I have developed a more adventurous outlook on sex and want to selfishly live out some of my fantasies but could never dream of leaving her as everything else in our relationship is perfect. I have tried to push this to the back of my mind but still feel myself being lured back in through my desire to live outside the taboo. Has anyone else had to deal with this before??

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

Yea

I got divorced both times

Lmfao

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yea

I got divorced both times

Lmfao

Hoping that isn't the only solution

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

"Yea

I got divorced both times

Lmfao

Hoping that isn't the only solution

Ask your wife what she thanks about you being on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is she ok with you staying on here?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is she ok with you staying on here?"

No she isn't, and as I said in my original post and on my profile I do appreciate that not everyone would agree with me being on here in my situation. What I would not want to do is go out and meet someone just on a night after a drink to live out my fantasies hence me coming back on here to discuss it

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact"

I agree honesty is the best way. I wouldn't meet any play mate under the illusion of me being single. I've tried approaching the situation with my partner but sex just isn't something she prioritising. Potentially me just being selfish wanting my cake and eating it.

But hey we only get one shot at this

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

I'm fond of saying this

Maybe she is getting sex elsewhere

It's not to be ruled out

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

I'm fond of saying this

Maybe she is getting sex elsewhere

It's not to be ruled out "

Thee is always that which I wouldn't mind

As long as I could join or watch

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

I'm fond of saying this

Maybe she is getting sex elsewhere

It's not to be ruled out

Thee is always that which I wouldn't mind

As long as I could join or watch

She clearly hasn't asked if it's the case lmao xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why were you ok with her coming on here and not trying anything, but when she won't try anything you're not happy?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you tried telling her how you feel ? I can't imagine not being able to openly discuss anything with my husband as our marriage is built upon trust and honesty . I understand that people have different ideas and ideals to marriage than we do though so it depends on the dynamics of your relationship. As a woman I would want my husband to tell me if he was unsatisfied sexually or otherwise so we could try and find a solution. You already said you only get one shot at life. Others may disagree with me but this is my opinion. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

Honesty you say. Yet you arent being honest to your wife/partner

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

Honesty you say. Yet you arent being honest to your wife/partner"

That's what I said xxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

I'm fond of saying this

Maybe she is getting sex elsewhere

It's not to be ruled out

Thee is always that which I wouldn't mind

As long as I could join or watch

She clearly hasn't asked if it's the case lmao xxx "

Hasnt asked or assumed he would delete the profile

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why were you ok with her coming on here and not trying anything, but when she won't try anything you're not happy? "

I wanted her to come on here and try things but I am ok with the fact she never wanted to do anything as she didn't feel it was for her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What the op will find, is that a small minority on here, and I do mean a small minority, will have a hypocritical view, that what the sisterhood do, is not what you should do to the sisterhood

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Have you tried telling her how you feel ? I can't imagine not being able to openly discuss anything with my husband as our marriage is built upon trust and honesty . I understand that people have different ideas and ideals to marriage than we do though so it depends on the dynamics of your relationship. As a woman I would want my husband to tell me if he was unsatisfied sexually or otherwise so we could try and find a solution. You already said you only get one shot at life. Others may disagree with me but this is my opinion. Good luck."

Yes I have tried to discuss on a few occasions and this is why I assume she agreed to join Fab as a couple. Penultimately though she says sex or experimenting isn't something she wants to prioritise.

Ideally I would prefer to explore this together but as it stands this isn't an option and so this is why I'm here behind her back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why were you ok with her coming on here and not trying anything, but when she won't try anything you're not happy?

I wanted her to come on here and try things but I am ok with the fact she never wanted to do anything as she didn't feel it was for her. "

Only asked because you might not actually 'need' to cheat on her.

So you're happy for her to try. Why is that? Figure out why that is and you might be able to sort this out.

Is it your sex lifes boring, or you see her as boring sexually, and just the thought of her thinking about being more sexy is appealing?

I stayed in a relationship for 11 years, and although we had some kinks we also had kids and our sex life went mostly vanilla but we still had, and enjoyed, sex every day. I split up with him for other reasons, nothing to do with our sex life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ideally I would prefer to explore this together but as it stands this isn't an option and so this is why I'm here behind her back.

That explains lots and proves youe partner means little to you if you are willing to cheat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You only get one crack at life, follow what you want to do, I feel people can spend to much time thinking of if's and but's, and never end up doing the things they want. But hey that's just my opinion on it. Hope you figure it out

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You only get one crack at life, follow what you want to do, I feel people can spend to much time thinking of if's and but's, and never end up doing the things they want. But hey that's just my opinion on it. Hope you figure it out"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why were you ok with her coming on here and not trying anything, but when she won't try anything you're not happy?

I wanted her to come on here and try things but I am ok with the fact she never wanted to do anything as she didn't feel it was for her.

Only asked because you might not actually 'need' to cheat on her.

So you're happy for her to try. Why is that? Figure out why that is and you might be able to sort this out.

Is it your sex lifes boring, or you see her as boring sexually, and just the thought of her thinking about being more sexy is appealing?

I'm happy for her to try because the thought of her with another man turns me on. I also know what we have is more than just sex that is why we are together.

But for me I do feel I want to explore more of my naughty side and selfishly want to pursue with other people with or without her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Basically trying and not doing gives the same result as not doing, but obviously psychologically there is a little more going on there because she tried.

This is why i'm saying figure out what's actually going on in your head. I don't think you even need to play out your fantasies, and even if you do there's no rush to get them done. You have other stuff you could (and probably should) be focusing on rather than acting out your fantasies.

Also, you got any worries that are making you think about your fantasies and escaping real life? Work on those too. not being funny women can forgive a liar and a cheat but it's likely to ruin what you once had.

This sites lagging for me btw. Anyone else?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes I have tried to discuss on a few occasions and this is why I assume she agreed to join Fab as a couple. Penultimately though she says sex or experimenting isn't something she wants to prioritise.

Ideally I would prefer to explore this together but as it stands this isn't an option and so this is why I'm here behind her back.

I would suggest that your partner doesn't realise how important this is to you. People do prioritise sex differently within a relationship and clearly it is extremely high on your list, possibly if she knew how far you are prepared to go to achieve your aim she might reassess her priorities or the two of you might negotiate a compromise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm happy for her to try because the thought of her with another man turns me on. I also know what we have is more than just sex that is why we are together.

But for me I do feel I want to explore more of my naughty side and selfishly want to pursue with other people with or without her"

See the thought of it satisfied you, just the thought. This is why i'm confused about why you feel you have to act out on other fantasies?

But like you said, for selfish reasons. I do understand that people have their own wants and needs, suppose it's up to you to weigh up what you're willing to risk based on what you feel you need.

Good luck. Life's hard work sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Basically trying and not doing gives the same result as not doing, but obviously psychologically there is a little more going on there because she tried.

This sites lagging for me btw. Anyone else?"

No the site isn't lagging but I'm on my phone.

Rest assured this isn't something I have just started to think about. I have been on the site for a while just been in active.

And I suppose yes fantasy is a way out of the usual drag of the rat race but isn't that what this site is about .... A potential escape from the norm with like minded people who are looking to push sexual boundaries and desires

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes I have tried to discuss on a few occasions and this is why I assume she agreed to join Fab as a couple. Penultimately though she says sex or experimenting isn't something she wants to prioritise.

Ideally I would prefer to explore this together but as it stands this isn't an option and so this is why I'm here behind her back.

I agree she may not realise this but she is aware of this as we have discussed around the subject but not to the degree of me "going alone"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

I'm fond of saying this

Maybe she is getting sex elsewhere

It's not to be ruled out

Thee is always that which I wouldn't mind

As long as I could join or watch

Really. If your wife was fucking people behind your back you;d be totally cool with that?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes I have tried to discuss on a few occasions and this is why I assume she agreed to join Fab as a couple. Penultimately though she says sex or experimenting isn't something she wants to prioritise.

Ideally I would prefer to explore this together but as it stands this isn't an option and so this is why I'm here behind her back.

I agree she may not realise this but she is aware of this as we have discussed around the subject but not to the degree of me "going alone""

Do you feel able to explain how important it is to you? Sometimes it's only when you realise what someone else is feeling that you are motivated to make changes.

I feel that's it's quite unfair on your partner to be discussing this with us when she might not realise what the consequences of the current situation i.e. you seeking fulfilment elsewhere, are.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No the site isn't lagging but I'm on my phone.

Rest assured this isn't something I have just started to think about. I have been on the site for a while just been in active.

Was lagging for ages for me, nothing else seemed to be.

Yeah i figured you'd thought about it, and you even acted on it with her, just feel a bit sad that you might be risking everything you've got that's all. But it's your life and didn't really want to comment on that too much. People should mostly go with their own feelings and life and if anyone enhances that then fair enough.

I'm not here for the same reasons you are, i'm not looking for kink on here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

I'm fond of saying this

Maybe she is getting sex elsewhere

It's not to be ruled out

Thee is always that which I wouldn't mind

As long as I could join or watch

Really. If your wife was fucking people behind your back you;d be totally cool with that?"

The comment was made in a light hearted way, if she was to go elsewhere for sex I would not mind her being with another guy but I would like to do it as a couple.

Which I have tried to pursue but with no results.

As I say as far as I'm aware my partner is happy with a vanilla sex life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

I'm fond of saying this

Maybe she is getting sex elsewhere

It's not to be ruled out

Thee is always that which I wouldn't mind

As long as I could join or watch

Really. If your wife was fucking people behind your back you;d be totally cool with that?

The comment was made in a light hearted way, if she was to go elsewhere for sex I would not mind her being with another guy but I would like to do it as a couple.

Which I have tried to pursue but with no results.

As I say as far as I'm aware my partner is happy with a vanilla sex life"

So if she decided to play alone and cheat . you would be ok with it?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

I'm fond of saying this

Maybe she is getting sex elsewhere

It's not to be ruled out

Thee is always that which I wouldn't mind

As long as I could join or watch

Really. If your wife was fucking people behind your back you;d be totally cool with that?

The comment was made in a light hearted way, if she was to go elsewhere for sex I would not mind her being with another guy but I would like to do it as a couple.

Which I have tried to pursue but with no results.

As I say as far as I'm aware my partner is happy with a vanilla sex life"

The phrase that really strikes me is "as far as I'm aware".

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

I'm fond of saying this

Maybe she is getting sex elsewhere

It's not to be ruled out

Thee is always that which I wouldn't mind

As long as I could join or watch

Really. If your wife was fucking people behind your back you;d be totally cool with that?

The comment was made in a light hearted way, if she was to go elsewhere for sex I would not mind her being with another guy but I would like to do it as a couple.

Which I have tried to pursue but with no results.

As I say as far as I'm aware my partner is happy with a vanilla sex life

So if she decided to play alone and cheat . you would be ok with it?"

If I never knew about it then I wouldn't need to be ok with it!!

She has cheated in the past and kept it hidden for years and in all honesty before I knew it never affected us. When I did find out we both agreed what was done in the past stays in the past and moved on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Again as I've said we have discussed in detail about fantasies and boundaries and what she has said is she is happy with the way it is.

I can only assume she is telling me the truth hence why I say as far as I'm aware

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Again as I've said we have discussed in detail about fantasies and boundaries and what she has said is she is happy with the way it is.

I can only assume she is telling me the truth hence why I say as far as I'm aware"

No more to be said then. You are prepared to be unhappy with things while she is happy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Again as I've said we have discussed in detail about fantasies and boundaries and what she has said is she is happy with the way it is.

I can only assume she is telling me the truth hence why I say as far as I'm aware

No more to be said then. You are prepared to be unhappy with things while she is happy. "

This is why it has come this far because I am now being selfish and looking to pursue on my own but I am deffo aware that this will not be everyone's cup of tea

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

".....

I agree she may not realise this but she is aware of this as we have discussed around the subject but not to the degree of me "going alone""

Okay OP well the "going alone" conversation is exactly what you owe her as your life partner, instead of cheating. Do not sell her or your marriage short and be a shit and do it behind her back. Because if she finds out - and I can almost guarantee you that this shit always gets found out, you may end up splitting up. And maybe that's okay with you. But if it isn't, then you need to give her respect as your partner and give her the lay of the land so to speak. Tell her that if she is not interested in joining you, you understand that, but this is a serious desire for you and you want to pursue it, and would she be okay with that solution. Give her at least that. She may well say no and threaten to leave and all the rest of it, and from that point on you can decide what you can love with - monogamy, cheating, splitting up, etc., but don't cheat. Trust me: a random roll (pr twelve) in the hay will NOT be worth the look of pain on her face and the misery you will cause her in her heart when she finds out you betrayed your love.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ARGH typos - sorry - hope the above is understood regardless.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

".....

I agree she may not realise this but she is aware of this as we have discussed around the subject but not to the degree of me "going alone"

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

She is obviously very content with your sex life the way it is you need to accept that or move on. To be honest if shes cheated in the past and your now on here looking to cheat to fulfil desires shes not, then Its fairly safe to say your homelife is far from as rosy as you make it out to be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"She is obviously very content with your sex life the way it is you need to accept that or move on. To be honest if shes cheated in the past and your now on here looking to cheat to fulfil desires shes not, then Its fairly safe to say your homelife is far from as rosy as you make it out to be. "

It may not be rosy in other people's views granted but with the exception of sex I feel it's no different than any other persons relationship.

Granted I may only be saying that to re assure myself but only time will tell

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

I'm fond of saying this

Maybe she is getting sex elsewhere

It's not to be ruled out

Thee is always that which I wouldn't mind

As long as I could join or watch

Really. If your wife was fucking people behind your back you;d be totally cool with that?

The comment was made in a light hearted way, if she was to go elsewhere for sex I would not mind her being with another guy but I would like to do it as a couple.

Which I have tried to pursue but with no results.

As I say as far as I'm aware my partner is happy with a vanilla sex life

The phrase that really strikes me is "as far as I'm aware". "

Exactly

Maybe sex in the marriage bored her

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

I'm fond of saying this

Maybe she is getting sex elsewhere

It's not to be ruled out

Thee is always that which I wouldn't mind

As long as I could join or watch

Really. If your wife was fucking people behind your back you;d be totally cool with that?

The comment was made in a light hearted way, if she was to go elsewhere for sex I would not mind her being with another guy but I would like to do it as a couple.

Which I have tried to pursue but with no results.

As I say as far as I'm aware my partner is happy with a vanilla sex life

The phrase that really strikes me is "as far as I'm aware".

Exactly

Maybe sex in the marriage bored her "

Hey I've never been naive enough not to think that. But in my defence I've never had a complaint from previous partners

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman
over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

"There is always the

Pay someone route

That way you get only what you want

I don't judge

Over met loads of married men

But don't like them telling me that all else at home is rosey because it's seldom true

And besides

Any man who lies to his life partner about his whereabouts will ALWAYS lie to his playmates

Fact

But hey we only get one shot at this

I'm fond of saying this

Maybe she is getting sex elsewhere

It's not to be ruled out

Thee is always that which I wouldn't mind

As long as I could join or watch

Really. If your wife was fucking people behind your back you;d be totally cool with that?

The comment was made in a light hearted way, if she was to go elsewhere for sex I would not mind her being with another guy but I would like to do it as a couple.

Which I have tried to pursue but with no results.

As I say as far as I'm aware my partner is happy with a vanilla sex life

The phrase that really strikes me is "as far as I'm aware".

Exactly

Maybe sex in the marriage bored her

Hey I've never been naive enough not to think that. But in my defence I've never had a complaint from previous partners"

That old cliché

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

It may not be rosy in other people's views granted but with the exception of sex I feel it's no different than any other persons relationship.

Granted I may only be saying that to re assure myself but only time will tell"

Have you possibly considered that you could have already hurt her just by suggesting this life style? If shes content with your sex life as it is, the fact you feel its missing something she can fulfil could have severely made her question her abilities to please you in the bedroom and knocked her confidence to the degree that she still sleeps with you because she loves you and wants to connect with you in that way, but in the back of her mind shes always feeling shes not good enough so its become stale and military for that reason.

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By *andomfodCouple
over a year ago

walsall

Maybe the other question is what does your wife want to prioritise? If it's something major or another issue etc, then maybe helping her tackle these issues for a short term would pay off in the long run, when she feels more able to focus on your needs long term?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe the other question is what does your wife want to prioritise? If it's something major or another issue etc, then maybe helping her tackle these issues for a short term would pay off in the long run, when she feels more able to focus on your needs long term?

I totally agree and have been supportive for many years in what else she priorities but unfortunately it will never be put on the back burner in the near future. I have accepted this and wether it be right or wrong this is why I'm on here looking for other encounters.

Without being cliche or big headed my issue has never been to find someone else to pursue in social environments but I felt on here there would be more people who where willing for no strings and no drama..

Maybe I was wrong

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By *urvybrunette91Woman
over a year ago

tidworth

"Is she ok with you staying on here?

I'm sorry to say this, and in no way is it judgemental, but the fact that you are on here, with her feelings strongly against it, would suggest that not every other part of your relationship is perfect...

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

the old saying it's not her it's you springs to mind. Why not discuss the issues with her what you have stated in an open forum. If I was someone's other half Id hate to think that I was being discussed on an swingers forum

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I really think you have to include your partner in any plans. It may be slow, she may never have any interest in swinging but presumably your sex life has been good at some point. If it has, then it will take the 2 of you to work it out, or both to agree on how to progress from where you're at. You've a lot of life left to ensure that it's sexually fulfilling.

We don't know your wife, so can't speak for her and we've only had your side of the deal so far.

I tend to think that you're heading for problems if you continue with deception.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im curious op

Whats military sex?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look it's simple, stay or leave, but if things are that perfect then why would you leave, I think you just want a leg over

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I really think you have to include your partner in any plans. It may be slow, she may never have any interest in swinging but presumably your sex life has been good at some point. If it has, then it will take the 2 of you to work it out, or both to agree on how to progress from where you're at. You've a lot of life left to ensure that it's sexually fulfilling.

We don't know your wife, so can't speak for her and we've only had your side of the deal so far.

I tend to think that you're heading for problems if you continue with deception."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Look it's simple, stay or leave, but if things are that perfect then why would you leave, I think you just want a leg over

I have never stated any different that I am not here to get my leg over.

I presumed that is what you would be here for aswell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Look it's simple, stay or leave, but if things are that perfect then why would you leave, I think you just want a leg over

I have never stated any different that I am not here to get my leg over.

I presumed that is what you would be here for aswell

Swinging isnt just about getting your leg over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My husband got me into this by sitting down and figuring out what I am really into.

I don't even know myself what turns me on really, but over the years he's noticed I am a bit of an attention slut. I like it when other guys check me out. So during sex he started talking about me with other guys watching.

Eventually he suggested going on Fab.

I said I probably would never be happy for him to sleep with another woman but that I would consider being with another guy with him getting photos or video or watching.

We did this and as I've been here a while I'm now coming round to the idea of him being with another woman. I want him to share the fun.

That's the approach that worked for me - offer stuff that I am interested in (as previously I never really cared about sex as I have a lot of other stuff going on).

I get to go out, get glammed up, hair and nails done, lingere shopping. And then have another guy give me attention. Every girls dream!

Try changing your fantasy so it is maybe more appealing to her?

But then again, she's cheated, you want to cheat. Sounds fair enough to me.

To be honest if I was you, I'm not sure why you are with her?

But if she is important to you, you need to spend time talking to her as only she will have the answers. We won't.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My husband got me into this by sitting down and figuring out what I am really into.

Eventually he suggested going on Fab.

I said I probably would never be happy for him to sleep with another woman but that I would consider being with another guy with him getting photos or video or watching.

We did this and as I've been here a while I'm now coming round to the idea of him being with another woman. I want him to share the fun.

That's the approach that worked for me - offer stuff that I am interested in (as previously I never really cared about sex as I have a lot of other stuff going on).

I get to go out, get glammed up, hair and nails done, lingere shopping. And then have another guy give me attention. Every girls dream!

Try changing your fantasy so it is maybe more appealing to her?

But then again, she's cheated, you want to cheat. Sounds fair enough to me.

To be honest if I was you, I'm not sure why you are with her?

But if she is important to you, you need to spend time talking to her as only she will have the answers. We won't."

Thank you, my original post was just asking for advise and thankfully yourself and a select few others have given some top advise.

Granted it is maybe an unorthodox approach by asking for advice on here but i must have missed something with the definition of a forum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Look it's simple, stay or leave, but if things are that perfect then why would you leave, I think you just want a leg over

I have never stated any different that I am not here to get my leg over.

I presumed that is what you would be here for aswell

Swinging isnt just about getting your leg over"

I'm here to meet people, yeah I'm here for sex, but I'm not here to tell all and sundry that I have marriage problems, and if you have any feelings for your wife you would not tell everyone that she has lost intrest in sex, have you thought about why she has lost intrest? Could it be you? If she ever found out that you have publicly stated that she is uninteresting to sleep with, how do you think that would make her feel, either you need to sit down and talk to her about this, get some counciling, or admit that this thread is purely to make everyone feel sorry for the married guy, who wants a little extra on the side, there are married men in her being honest about what they are up to, if that's your thing then that's yiur thing, but the old my wife doesn't understand me but is old

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I have tried to discuss on a few occasions and this is why I assume she agreed to join Fab as a couple. Penultimately though she says sex or experimenting isn't something she wants to prioritise.

Ideally I would prefer to explore this together but as it stands this isn't an option and so this is why I'm here behind her back.

This! But unfortunately some people simply have far higher sex drives than others! My ex thought once a month was more than enough - and I have fem friends who would do without it altogether if they could! I know my unusually high sex drive is not 'normal' - but also know that if I ever do have a relationship - my partner would need to be very highly sexed too! Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What the op will find, is that a small minority on here, and I do mean a small minority, will have a hypocritical view, that what the sisterhood do, is not what you should do to the sisterhood

Uh oh the hounds of hell are gonna be unleashed on you my friend !!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What the op will find, is that a small minority on here, and I do mean a small minority, will have a hypocritical view, that what the sisterhood do, is not what you should do to the sisterhood

Uh oh the hounds of hell are gonna be unleashed on you my friend !!"

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

Yes I have tried to discuss on a few occasions and this is why I assume she agreed to join Fab as a couple. Penultimately though she says sex or experimenting isn't something she wants to prioritise.

Ideally I would prefer to explore this together but as it stands this isn't an option and so this is why I'm here behind her back.

Where's that Gastro pub? LOL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I have tried to discuss on a few occasions and this is why I assume she agreed to join Fab as a couple. Penultimately though she says sex or experimenting isn't something she wants to prioritise.

Ideally I would prefer to explore this together but as it stands this isn't an option and so this is why I'm here behind her back.

Where's that Gastro pub? LOL"

pub where

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By *nleashedCrakenMan
over a year ago

Widnes

Yes I have tried to discuss on a few occasions and this is why I assume she agreed to join Fab as a couple. Penultimately though she says sex or experimenting isn't something she wants to prioritise.

Ideally I would prefer to explore this together but as it stands this isn't an option and so this is why I'm here behind her back.

Where's that Gastro pub? LOL

pub where

I'm sure I could find a nice pub, gastro or otherwise, somewhere in the West Midlands; if you want me to? !

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By *eaningofLifeCouple
over a year ago

York

Going to offer my penn'orth here, hope you don't mind.

I was in a similar situation not too long ago, maybe even as little as four or five months. Things were bad between me and K. Our sex life had stalled, we were constantly at each others' throats.

It had got to the point where I had joined a site (complete waste of money) and almost cheated on K. Almost.

It came to a head, we had a massive fight and I realised what I would lose. I became more attentive to her needs and desires. Even small things like a bunch of flowers showed her how much I need her in my life. And she realised that I had things I needed too. We started to talk a lot more. About our feelings and wants. We became more open with each other.

We turned a corner after that. It was her suggestion to start swinging, and I must say, no word of a lie, it was the best thing we decided to do. We work as a couple in this, and we've never been stronger. The swinging and fantasy fulfilment hasn't fixed our relationship, it's shown us how much we need and trust each other.

We can never go back to how we were at the start, too much has changed, but we'll never go back to how we were 5 months ago.

What I'm saying here, OP, in a long and rambling way is talk to her. Not try to talk. Not mention it in passing. Sit her down, give her a cuppa and talk it through. Thoroughly. As others have said, she may not realise how important your fantasies are to you. She may not want to join in, or even know (and we've met people who have that kind of relationship), but maybe she'll understand and give you leave to explore them. Maybe you'll find out something you didn't know about her, what she wants. Never assume you know what she wants.

If not, you need to think hard about your relationship. It's not a relationship if both of you can't be happy in it.

Sorry for going on, but if you do this behind her back, it'll all end in tears.

If you want to pm me, or K for a female perspective, feel free.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't claim to be an expert - I'm divorced so clearly stuffed things up myself along the way!

A marriage is a partnership built on understanding, love & respect - your sex life together should be part of this (emphasis on the together bit!)

The female psych is what's at play here - put yourself in her shoes - she WILL NOT be happy with either your sex life or the cheating.

This site, swinging generally, is hugely liberating & fun, but as a couple it surely must be about heightening your shared sexual chemistry - that's the central element here CHEMISTRY. I would make an educated guess that if you speak to your wife, if you focus on her feelings of self confidence & sex appeal they might in fact be pretty low - because of YOU - whether you mean to or not - I bet she has interpreted 'my husband wants to swing' not as my husband wants to get our sex life back on track, but as my husband no longer desires me, I'm not enough, look at these other women on this site he wants to fuck etc. This is a natural response for many women, they often attach emotion to sex & we ruthlessly compare ourselves...totally daft but it's what we do! But as a woman, once you realise that letting go of that hang up about pleasure, what's 'normal', that it's ok to be horny all the time just like a guy, that sex appeal is about a state of mind & confidence, then the sex you will have will be mindblowing.

Talk to the mrs, she'll have fantasies trust me...you just need to explore them together. If you carry on like you are the only winners will be the lawyers

B xx

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